Today's Project

Color, color,everywhere!

2012-02-11T23:27:00.000-08:00

9:32 p.m. Today's project was to participate in an all-day makeup artistry certification class by Robert Jones, top advisor to Mary Kay, Inc. and creator of several of our products. His list of celebrities whom he makes up with our brand exclusively, is very long and impressive. The 8 hour workshop, held in Long Beach, was highly professional and delivered every single concept and skill promised.

It took some rather tense moments to get the caregiver lined up for Steve yesterday, because our sales director Laurie had just informed us of an half hour earlier meet-up time at the Riverside Plaza. Why was this a big deal? Because I already had Elias scheduled from 6:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., and the agency won't have their people scheduled for more than 12 hours. I now had to be at our carpooling spot at 6:30, so it was late afternoon yesterday when an arrangement was made for the caregiver to arrive at 5:45. In the early evening. I wrote up instructions for all three meals, labeled each element of them and Steve's snack and med schedule, and left a note that my dad would be visiting. Amazingly, I still got to bed early to rest up for my 4:30 alarm. Why so early? I needed to have my usual devotional, coffee and breakfast routine before getting fully made up and dressed professionally, plus packing up the items from the very long supply list required for attendees. After paying $57 for the workshop, I wasn't going to miss one bit of instruction because of sloppiness on my part! As I Corinthians 10:31 says,

Whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.

This is my profession now, and I want to service my customers with a high degree of knowledge and up-to-date skills. That takes instruction and practice, practice, practice! I've been teaching basic glamour makeovers following my customers' skincare classes the last 4 1/2 years, and they've been pleased with their results. But I'm one who always strives to improve in areas of life I profess to care about. I love instruction, whether from the Bible for spiritual, family, and life in general; and additionally, I seek specific educational sources to enhance my professional growth.

One might think, "Makeup? How trivial!" But nothing that makes a woman look and as a result, feel lovely is trivial--after all, God is the One who created beauty and gave us the eyes, brains and hearts to appreciate it, whether in nature, or on human faces! And for me there is the certainty that the Lord gave me when He told me a few months back, "I am in this for you." And He shows it! Get this: my highly motivated new consultant of 5 days' tenure, will be signing up her cousin on Friday! She hasn't even given her first facial yet...hilarious!

So this morning, I popped my eyes open and checked my cellphone, hmmm, 4:25. Well, I might as well get that 5 minute advantage. Ran downstairs and turned on the coffee and the lights, and never did hear my 4;30 alarm go off. Instead, it was dialing a customer's number---yikes, at 4:30, what on earth had I done?Thankfully they didn't pick up! Yet, the snooze went on at 4:35 while I was washing my face. God had graciously awakened me, so I wouldn't sleep past my time, panic, or fret about missing my ride!

So Jesus not only cared enough to make sure I attended this workshop as arranged in every detail, but wouldn't even allow me to jump wildly out of bed late. He knows me so well and loves me so much! If something is important to me, it's important to Him. That is because as His child, I am important to Him, as is every believer. God loves the world and everyone in it, don't get me wrong. But when we acknowledge our need for Him, ask Him to save us from our sins, and are born again and filled with His Holy Spirit, God's entire power and love are unleashed in our behalf in ways we can't even comprehend. Imagine--the Creator of the universe waking me up on time, even early, which suits me just right! I love You, Lord!

Because of God's loving watchcare, Steve was well taken care of and had a nice day; and I learned a tremendous number of useful skills while enjoying Christian fellowship with the gals in our unit. We encouraged one another and cheered each other on. And then Steve and I enjoyed a quiet evening together. Psalm 138:8:

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me.

So glad I don't have to!

Will a man rob God?

2012-02-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

7:14 p.m. Today's project was to settle down from the household duties, appointments, spending time with a friend, even pushing to get my Bible study lesson finished on schedule, to do what I'd committed to the Lord.

When God told me to begin gathering material for a book on our life-shattering experience with Alzheimer's from a Christian perspective, He also gave me a way to devote a few hours a week to writing it. I have been researching my journal entries of the last 5 years and making notes on those that specifically refer to Steve's incremental mental, emotional, spiritual and professional ups and downs as the disease began creeping in. God allowed me to discover Care Connexxus, an adult daycare center where Steve could take a bus back and forth, while enjoying social activities with others and a nutritious hot lunch during his 8:30-2:00 visit. At first he didn't want to go because he thought it was a residential program, but now he looks forward to hopping the bus and tells me, as best he can, some things he does. Steve especially enjoys balloon volleyball!

In those 6 hours, I can dig into my journals in a completely quiet house, giving the notations my complete attention for the morning. On the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas I set the project aside, but have compiled close to two hundred entries, all numbered so I can go back to them in an orderly fashion when it comes time to write. The day Steve goes on the bus is Wednesday, when there's a Bible study at the center, so that has been the day for my writing.

After discussing some costs with my long term care insurance company, and hearing how much less expensive it is for Steve to spend a day at Care Connexxus than to be at home with a caregiver, I decided to exercise some stewardship and add Fridays too. He's been fine and eager to get on the bus as always.

But here's where I got sidetracked the last three weeks! I would think, " Now I have two days available. The day doesn't matter, it's the writing that does, so I can do it on Fridays, too." Well, you know what happens when you put off any commitment--something else inevitably pops up to take that time slot! I'd get home in time to do some of the notations, but I'd be pretty distracted as the day's happenings occupied my mind.

So the very different interpretation of Malachi 3:8's question

Will a man rob God?

that the Holy Spirit spoke to me specifically, has nothing to do with tithes and offerings as the actual context means. (In fact the Lord has been blessing my business and I've loved tithing on my profits each week). I was robbing God of my promised time to meditate and allow Him to format the book He wants written. Scary and convicting!

This afternoon, Steve was settled in the family room watching "TheWaltons" and having his afternoon snack, so I went into my office and made a score of notations before getting his dinner ready. 2008 was a real year of transition from Steve working to his inevitably permanent unemployability. Repeatedly, however, and still to this day, I ask the Lord for healing, for a miracle, just like I did in the journals.

God will make a way for everything He calls me to do, in the time He wants it done. His concern is less a time slot than a heart-slot!

One less pill

2012-02-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

4:01 p.m. Today's project was to take Steve for his 6 month appointment with his neurologist, Dr. Sovory. She has been much more aggressive in seeking answers and treatments for his condition, than her predecessor Dr. Rai. We listen to her very carefully, because she also listens carefully, and then gives very thorough explanations and rationales for her recommendations. She is also a believer, and has even started working on my Galatians Bible study!

An added touch of encouragement from the Lord? The nurse gave me an order for two products, which I was able to fetch from the Jeep and get paid for after Steve's appointment. Always good to carry inventory with you because "you can't sell from an empty wagon!"

Because of the fact that Steve has lost most of his speech, Dr. Sovory said his symptoms are not presenting as Alzheimer's does. (That dementia type is most prominent in the literature and easiest to diagnose). That's an amazing statement, but wouldn't be very comforting to our kids, because it it is still an inherited severe dementia.

One point that I brought out are trouble swallowing pills, so I've cut out the large natural vitamins, even hard to swallow when cut into quarters. At least his Rx meds are all very small. Other new developments are utter confusion on things like knowing where the garage is, or caring for himself personally. She emphasized that even with Aricept and Namenda, no slowing of the disease is possible, but listened when I told her that behaviors are noticeably improved when he takes them. I forgot to mention Steve's troubles with grasping things and cupping his hands, as you do when holding crackers or pills before putting them in your mouth. But I suspect the doctor's answer would have been the same. Her recommendation is the Excelon patch, which has shown good effects, with patients who can still speak saying that it makes their heads feel "clearer." i checked out the FDA's report on it, and there are no side effects to be concerned with. And, it's one less pill to take, because a new patch is adhered to the upper or lower back on clean, dry skin. We'll pray that the "fuzziness" Steve used to mention (when he was able) is diminished!

We surely can see the validity of Job's statement in verse 14:1,

Man that is born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.

Life on this earth is full of trouble, just different troubles for different people! Dr. Sovory told me as we left, "You seem to handle the situation so pleasantly," and I replied, "It's the Lord," which she agreed to, but I truthfully added, "And I'm not always pleasant!" "You're human!" she laughed as we left.

Our day did have some delight in it, because we stopped in at my friend and neighbor Cindy's to see and hold her 5 week-old granddaughter--so dainty, cuddling up to me right away! And at the end of March, our new grandson Clark will be born. Life is wonderful, because God makes it so--despite all of the trials and sorrows we experience.

Christians loook to our eternal home in heaven, but God gives us abundant, joyous lives in the here and now!

The circle of encouragement

2012-02-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

5:05 p.m. Today's project was to enjoy encouragement from sisters in the Lord, from two entirely different apects of my life.

I called one of my mentors early this morning, and she took a great amount of time out of her busy schedule to counsel, inform and strengthen me. She challenged me, too! Her wise words made it clear that there are issues to let go and issues to let lie. The second category calls for prayerful confrontation at a propitious time. The Lord's timing and direction are everything. I love the confidence we can have with the issues of life when we wait upon the Lord. We can say to our Jesus with Spirit-inspired confidence, as the Psalmist did in 119:26 (KJV),

It is time for thee, LORD, to work;
For they have regarded Thy law as void

...and let Him handle the matter by showing us what to do!

My spirits were much lifted, by good, godly words of counsel--not very different than I have used to counsel other women. But the need was mine today. And God met my need.

My morning went very smoothly, with a fun morning makeover class in Redlands. I've grown very fond of driving through San Timiteo Canyon past the horse ranches and orange groves to my home town. Even the long freight train that held me up didn't bother me on this beautiful day, made even more precious by the worship songs I was listening to on KSGN 89.7 FM.

After consuming my pack lunch on the way home, I had time to get to know my new consultant Bianca, since her roommates over at University Village were incredibly late for her party. Dropped off a party packet with another customer, had a little visit, picked up some eggs at Ralphs, and then came home to a rested and happy Steve, who'd spent the first hours of his day at Care Connexxus. At home he'd walked Jada with his caregiver and done some yard work. Our daughter Heidi even popped by before I got back, so that made a nice little surprise for Steve, too. Proverbs 10:22 says,

The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.

That's how I felt this afternoon, especially when two large and heavy boxes were delivered to my front door. One was our baby shower present for Clark, our newest grandson-to-be; and Bianca's New Consultant Kit from Mary Kay--it came in just two days! That box is filled with promise and challenge, fun and hard work--all gifts from the Lord to man(woman)kind. She was so excited that she rushed to my house to open it and practically jumped up and down to see all the contents--a business in a box!!

My second dose of encouragement came in the form of a handwritten note, fast becoming a rarity, according to a report from the US Postal Service. More's the pity--the curtain is coming down on the era of the kind of unique, personal communication that calls for an investment of time. Technology has a prominent place in my life, obviously, but to open a letter is a treat, as it is to write and send one. Happily, my kids, their spouses and significant others still write thank you notes and send letters!

This precious note came from a beautiful young mom who has her share of troubles--constant pain that some days threatens to keep her from lifting and caring for her baby son. Her blog, "Courage Does not Always Roar," is on my blog's reading list, and I check in with Stacy regularly. She wrote that my attitude in our trial with Steve's illness encourages her, and that she prays for me often.

The prayers of others are my secret weapon--a weapon that's a secret to me, ironically-- used in my behalf when I have no idea it's even being wielded. No wonder my days have portions of joy in them! And my prayers and words lift others up too; so do yours, believer. Never think your prayers are not being heard and acted upon by your heavenly Father, because they are!

Encouragement comes full circle!

Opened up for all to see--and pray

2012-02-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

5:51 p.m. Today's project was to facilitate discussion with my Bible study group. The ladies seemed to like dividing into smaller groups, saying it gave everyone a chance to share. As I did last week, I moved from group to group, participating after each one had her chance to answer a question.

One of the questions in James: Mercy Triumphs was to describe an occasion when God turned our bitter waters into sweet. One friend shared the breaking open of a secret grudge she'd held to the strengthening of a friendship; the Lord helped another to realize that the reason for her bitterness was largely exaggerated and self-concocted; another felt that instant confession behooves her when bitterness tempts her to hold a grudge, quoting Jesus' warning in Mark 11:25-26:

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.

When my turn came, I brought up the fact that I had to confess and forsake my heart's severe bitterness publicly. "That's right," Barb cried out, "We just read that teachers come under greater judgment!" (We'd had James 3:1 in our homework this week). I proceeded to tell them, and Michelle remembered, how as the substitute teacher for the large Monday night Bible study session, the topic (obviously planned by the Holy Spirit) was unforgiveness! And the Lord had dealt with me seriously earlier in the week when He had called me to write a letter of forgiveness to the person who put my mother on hospice just as she was beginning to recover from Guillaume-Barre disease, had her removed from Loma Linda Medical Center against my and my sister's wishes, and set her up in her own home to die. Many in the women's ministry had been praying me through this long trial, and were horrified at my mother's death. I held bitter hatred in my heart, no doubt about it. Yet, we know from I John 3:20,

For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.

And God would not leave me in that bitter acid bath! He told me to write the letter, and I obeyed, writing it from my heart. The facts did not change, but the Holy Spirit changed me!

There is something about openness with family, friends, church family, and colleagues that may make others a tad uncomfortable, in the sense of not knowing what to say in response. We've all experienced this. But is it NECESSARY to always have something to say? I do not believe it is. What we need to do is pray. This is what I read in my Spurgeon devotional, based on James 5:16's exhortation to "pray for one another:"

Remember again, that intercessory prayer is exceedingly prevalent. What wonders it has wrought! The Word of God teems with its marvellous deeds. Believer, thou hast a mighty engine in thy hand, use it well, use it constantly, use it with faith, and thou shalt surely be a benefactor to thy brethren.

As the precious handmade quilt above suggests, let us accept Christ's invitation to a deeper life, characterized by confession of sin, openness with our brothers and sisters in the faith, and prayer for one another!

Adding feet to faith

2012-02-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

6:56 p.m. Today's project was to meet a friend and customer at Starbucks in Moreno Valley, enjoy a nice visit, and keep her family's needs in prayer. We did spend some time sharing and anticipating some exciting new developments in her life. I'll be seeing her and her girlfriends on a couple of Saturday mornings for a "Muffins & Makeovers" style skincare and beauty session another unit member and I are starting weekly on February 18th. She was looking very well, considering her long season of recovery from work-related injury and the resultant surgery. God has strengthened and preserved my friend physically and spiritually, praise His name!I wrapped up her products and gave her an audio CD to listen to (" Mary Kay, the Perfect Opportunity") as she was leaving. She's been in business for herself before, so who knows?

I continued sitting at my table making phone calls to customers.I offered a free facial to two young ladies seated near me--one in Army fatigues and one in very stylish civilian dress. I'm mailing a catalog, microdermabrasion sample, and a party packet to new friend Judy before she leaves for an Army training in Texas--she's excited to have a party when she returns in April! and it's the least I can do for a gal who's serving our country.

Then I remembered that I had my mini-notebook computer and mobile "hot spot" with me, so I logged onto the Mary Kay website and gathered some information from my national director. I also checked on the status and progress of my team, and felt extra cheery because a new team member was due at my house to sign her agreement at 1:30 p.m. The Lord is rewarding the effort He's asked me to make, while keeping Steve well cared for and usefully occupied at home. I asked Steve to pray as I left for work this morning--because this is my career, and I'm no longer treating it as a hobby like I did a few years ago. My goals are set before me, and I take my work seriously, and try to conduct my business professionally and consistently. And Steve is proud to be part of the effort with his prayers.

By the time I'd left another customer's house, I'd made $74.50 for 2 hours of effort, consisting of pleasant conversation with women I like to spend time with! What's that--$37.25/hour? And it all went straight into the bank. You see, I needed to earn my share of a family baby shower gift without cracking into the household budget. Again, thank you, Lord, for money to spare!

The Lord showed me that I need to break out of my fear of spending any money to buy a coffee for the ladies I meet with, drive the extra miles to deliver products and pick up payments, even give away a brush set for a new consultant agreement! And I even tithe in cash on my business, no matter how small that 10% is some weeks!

Talk about getting out of my comfort zone: last week, I scheduled a movie date in the middle of the day for Steve and me with another couple for a Monday; and Friday I'm setting aside time to have breakfast with a friend to enjoy her chickens' fresh eggs, without nervously grudging lost phone and appointment time. If she needs product, I always have inventory with me in the Jeep, but if she's still good, we'll have just as great a morning! I need to spend a little, whether time or money, to reap big rewards! Ecclesiastes 11:1 agrees:

Cast your bread upon the waters,
For you will find it after many days.

And Jesus is quoted in Acts 20:35,

It is more blessed to give than to receive.

Let's boldly give to others in behalf of the One with limitless power and provision--what do we have to fear?

Super First Sunday

2012-02-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

3:36 p.m. Today's project was to prepare, eat and enjoy Super Bowl snacks with Steve before and during the game. We'll need to leave our house before the game is over to attend our weekly Home Fellowship Bible study, but we don't mind. For the first time in our marriage, it will just be the two of us here!

Like all other Sundays, we began our morning headed out to the 9:45 service at Calvary Chapel. I somehow reflected on today's date, and uh-oh, it was the first Sunday of the month, Communion Sunday! Why the trepidation over an ordinance of the Church that Christ commanded, and which I have taken part several times a year, and even conducted myself at women's Bible studies, conferences and retreats over the last 32 years? At Jesus' last Passover supper with His disciples, Luke 22:19-20 tells us,

And He took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me."
Likewise, He also took the cup after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is shed for you."

The answer to the "trepidation" question is that passing the trays of communion elements each month is a real test of balance and alacrity on my part. Steve's hands shake so badly when a task is unexpectedly thrust at him that either tray could go flying! (And even though Communion is announced by the pastor, Steve in his dozing state does not hear it, or if he does, would not recognize what John is talking about). Last time, I was holding two tiny grape juice-filled cups and the usher, our friend Jimmy Kamio, had to get the tray off my lap! No harm done, but those were some scary moments. You just don't want to disrupt the work of the Holy Spirit in such a worshipful, serious atmosphere with a major fiasco.

So, as we traveled east along the 60 Freeway, I told Steve, "We need to pray for communion today, " and we did. We both felt reassured that God would take care of the matter, because Psalm 138:8 promises,

The LORD will perfect all that concerns me.

We always sit on the right side of the church, about two-thirds of the way back, arriving early to occupy the aisle seats. The ushers know Steve's situation and that I might have to take him out, so we are able to let late arrivals slip by us instead of scooting over. It is helpful at Communion time as well, so the usher can assist me without disturbing anyone.

Today, I reached over Steve to take the tray of crackers from the next lady over while he was singing with his eyes closed, oblivious. I gave him his piece, got mine and helped him grasp it, something that took a few moments, even though I'd selected a big piece for him to make it easier. While he stared at it querulously, I just kept whispering, "Wait!" so he wouldn't follow a natural impulse and crunch on it. So far, so good, the first part of Communion was a success for Steve.

The real challenge is the grape juice. The beautiful silver tray is pretty heavy when it's full, but again, I smoothly took the tray while Steve's eyes were closed. Concentration on worship would be a luxury for his caretaker! The Lord gave me the quick idea of taking two cups in one hand, and holding the tray with the other. That worked, and the usher came by before Steve would want to hold his own cup despite his severely shaking hands. At just the right moment, I handed him his cup and told him to drink it, a challenge these days since he purses his lips whenever he's drinking anything, not letting in nearly enough liquid. So he began doing this and I whispered, "Just drink it down," because the ceremony was ending and people would be passing the plastic cups down the row. The cups were nicely collected and the service ended with me thanking God for being true to His word, and for allowing Steve to take Communion once again!

I don't know what the future First Sundays hold, but I know Who holds the future!

Send-off!

2012-02-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

7:10 p.m. Today's project was to join a large gathering from our church, Calvary Chapel of Moreno Valley, to bless and send Marc and Bonnie Ortega off to their 50-state cross country missions journey. According to his dad, they expect to be gone for a year. Active in young adult and young married ministries, helping in children's church and wherever needed, good friends to all they meet, they will be sorely missed by all of us. Bonnie is also one of my daughter Heidi's dearest friends.

This will not be Marc's first mission trip. He and his younger brother Robert took a witnessing walk up the coast of California a few years back, depending upon help they received along the way. They ended up in San Jose, working at a church, and were given the above-pictured van by that church. Romans 10:15 begins with this question:

And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written [Nahum 1:15 is quoted here]:
How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, who bring glad tidings of good things?

Pastor Mark opened the fellowship (koinonia) meal with prayer, and we all enjoyed a delicious barbecue and side dishes. I had started preparing my bean and corn dish last night, knowing I'd be out at a breakfast this morning. Everything was delicious, and I was able to enjoy many conversations with both young adults and those with more life experience--I think that's a tactful way to describe my peers!

I remember when Steve and I were first married, he talked about going on a missions trip to help people in primitive places with his mechanical skills.We prayed about it, but that wasn't God's call for us. We had mission fields in our home, community, and workplaces. I was able to go on two short-term mission trips to Wales in 2004 and 2005. Later on, ministry opportunities presented themselves right here in Riverside County which God specifically called us to.

Bonnie's girlfriends had a very unique idea for all of us to participate in--to write a letter, unsigned, with a blessing, advice, or scriptures we might have in mind. Most everyone sat down to prayerfully and meticulously write their message.What a joyful experience, and an honor, to know that your letter will be opened at the exact time that the Lord ordains it to be read, precisely for the circumstances at hand, and the specific people Marc and Bonnie will be meeting that day!

One way we can be part of Marc and Bonnie's missions trip is to pray for them, as their magnetic card asks. I think that Paul's request for prayer in Ephesians 6:18-25 is applicable here, that believers need to be

...praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints--and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel.

We await a glorious praise report next year!

New revelations about the two of us

2012-02-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

8:50 p.m. Today's project was to make a few discoveries about Steve and about myself!

This morning, one of the caregivers who normally helps Steve with his shower and grooming was a no-show. Bad day for that, because Steve had to be ready earlier than usual to catch the bus to Care Connexxus. So amazingly, thank You, Lord, I got him all squared away, with the exception of having him shave himself. (The guys use our MK Men's shave foam and give him a very good razor shave, but the electric shaver was an okay alternative because Steve could do it himself while I got his toast and devotions going). My own devotions were delayed some, but as Steve contentedly waited for the bus to get him, I was able to get caught up. The morning went well, against the odds! As Jonathan said before he and his armor bearer won a skirmish against a large Philistine force in I Samuel 14:6,

For nothing restrains the LORD from saving by many or by few.

Or in my case, caring by calm, trained professionals or by a hurried, clumsy spouse!

I was able to take care of some of my business calls, complete my online bill pays and head off to a desperately needed hair appointment. It began 30 minutes late, and I was worried about not getting home in time for Steve's return on the bus at 2 p.m. Plans to meet friends for a birthday get-together at Mimi's went out the window, but as Irene worked well and speedily, I relaxed and she did, too. There was a lot of funny conversation in the salon, and everybody's good humor was infectious.

A disappointing facial cancellation and smaller than expected 2011 tax report on my royalties from Tate Publishing bothered me more than they should have, because cancellations are not rare; and I've sold quite a few books outright for full price. But the Lord the Spirit showed me something about why less-than-happy developments bother me unreasonably. And it is unreasonable to be deeply bothered by things that are not out of the norm at all.

Appointments cancel. (Reschedule them).
New authors need time to build their readership. (Write the next book).

One facet of my personality is that I expect to excel at everything I do, which is outright impossible, because everything I do, in the home and out of the home, involves other people and their free choices whether or not to "get on board." One thing we learn in Mary Kay is that we can't be another person's motivation. [Come to think of it, a high school counselor advised me of the same thing many years ago when one of my sons was struggling]. In our unit we also are reminded that God will bring the right women to us at the right time--we need only be prayerful and work hard. If God's given us a goal, He'll work with us and for us!

I realized and believe that the overarching issue that presents itself as angst over relatively small matters is Steve's dreadful illness, and the new discoveries about his inabilities that I make every day. When did he become unable to cup his hands normally (so as to take a few small pills), instead of twisted around as if he had severe arthritis? (Which he does not.)When did he become afraid of sitting down--anywhere, any surface, any height? While we were sitting at my book signing table this afternoon, I said, "Let's play 'rock, paper, scissors,' " to pass the time after we ate our meal. Of course I explained the game several times, and he got that, but could not change his hand position from flat to a ball in any kind of time, and could not form the scissors shape at all. Just when did this happen?

When you are gravely worried and in the process of making critical decisions about your spouse, children or parents, you can still experience joy and fun, but it doesn't take much more than a commonplace, tiny incident that has nothing to do with your loved one's illness to taint your peace. Not destroy it, because Jesus promised in John 14:27,

Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.

I pray Philippians 4:7 over all believers who are struggling or sorrowing tonight, that "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

A short season

2012-02-02T23:08:00.000-08:00

9:31 p.m. Today's project was to say goodbye to Jung, our student from Korea. We drove her over to the University of California Riverside this morning as usual, only this time I handled her rolling suitcase, while she carried her tote bags to the student courtyard, where we parted ways with a big hug. I'm going to miss her! Hopefully, in the short season she was with me in our home, an impact was made--of encouragement, and an example of joyful living during a trial. I pray this 30 day period in our home will be something she'll remember when tough times come her way. And we long-time Christians know those times will come!

Since it is highly unlikely we'll meet again in this life, Steve and I are happy to be absolutely guaranteed to see Jung again--one day in heaven at the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9)!

Part of the call on my life from the Lord Jesus is not only to teach women's Bible studies, but to mentor those women, whatever their ages, in living a Spirit-filled and Spirit-led life as a believer. God has also continually shown me to be open to the women He brings into my life in other settings. Women just seem to see something in me and begin to confide their deep hurts, fears, dilemmas and victories, too. It's the Lord sending them! Whether they are my nieces; colleagues at work before I retired; district administrators during my school board tenure; and now in Mary Kay, I prayerfully listen, share, laugh, cry or give scriptural counsel to them, as I do with my own daughters. Since only the Lord is truth, and is the Source of all knowledge and wisdom, I am merely a vessel God has decided to pour His life-giving words through. I, Dana, have nothing of my own that would benefit anyone! Even the daily experiences I recount in small part here were God-ordained and by His hand arranged, before the very foundations of the world were created!

Some seasons of mentoring are many years long, such as with Bonnie who mentored me as a new believer with a teaching gift; and Honey, who prayed with me every day and set an example of outstanding Bible teaching and wifely graciousness to her late husband Joe. Yet, life moved my mentors on, including my late mother and mother-in-law. So God has called me to step up further, to widen my circle of ministry. When He calls, what can my answer be but "Here I am, Lord, send me!" ?

Being a mentor, such as I am to the women on my Mary Kay team, most younger, some in my age range, doesn't mean I know everything, or that I cannot learn from them too. I love to hear my sweet ladies' suggestions and tips on everything from the fastest way to get to our meeting in Redlands to mastering a new eye makeup application. Our Sales Director, who will be heading up a national area one day, is the same age as my oldest son. But she is my go-to person and development trainer as I follow her in my own career path. But the tables get turned around occasionally as we discuss spiritual or life matters. We can listen openly to one another, with respect to each one's greater level of experience. Yesterday morning, Laurie, Cara, and I were in Laurie's kitchen before a meeting, and I had been explaining about the rise and fall of Moreno Valley economically. Cara (age 21 and very successful in our business) said, "Dana, you are such a huge source of information! How do you do it?" I answered quite honestly, "Just keep living!" They were rolling with laughter, but isn't time spent living and learning a huge part of knowledge? There's just no substitute for putting in the time. Honestly, I'm 60 years old--shouldn't I have a pretty good store of information at my disposal by now? Proverbs 16:31 says,

The silver-haired head is a crown of glory,
If it is found in the way of righteousness.

And that's key to being a mentor, leader, or example: to live "in the way of righteousness," not perfection. My 19 year-old new recruit Bianca (who is a Christian) and I were talking about living with serious trials, and I freely admitted to blowing it at times with Steve. But we're both so grateful that we can pray, and that Jesus is always with us. She said, "I 'm so happy I met you!" That blessed me incredibly, and my heart is humbled to know of the responsibility there.

James 3:1 says,

My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.

Though scared somewhat by that admonition, I am encouraged and challenged, too. Bianca, Jung, and the female caretakers who come into our home were not even selected by me--Bianca came up to my display table at the Chico's in-store charity event on January 12th; Jung was assigned by UCR; the Brightstar agency sends their CNAs by availability and perceived compatibility with Steve.

God sent them because He has a work in mind for their lives--and for mine!

Oh, my head!

2012-02-01T22:03:00.000-08:00

4:50 p.m. Today's project was to get rid of the headache that started at 7:30 this morning.

I was very excited to see our tree trimming service arrive spot on time, with their giant truck, crew and wood chipper. Need I mention that jada was wildly excited too, as witnessed by her over-the-top barking through the wrought irn gate? She set up a determined opposition to these intruders in her bailiwick (the front yard), and held her position without wavering, the very picture of protection!

Steve and his caregiver Carlos were sitting on the living room couch waiting for the Special Transportation bus to take him to Care Connexxus, and watching as the tree service got their equipment in place. Carlos and I had both parked our vehicles on the street so the truck could come up the driveway. Jada was disciplined for her racket by me placing her in the crate in the garage with her bedding and water bowl. She didn't quiet down, but at least she was out of the work men's faces and in a place of being ignored.

Absurdly, like a parent to a child in tantrum mode, I popped by head out and scolded, "No one is listening to you!" Whatever, my headache was coming on, and it was only 7:45! Steve's bus came, Iwalked him out, paid the driver, and kissed Steve goodbye. Carlos, with 20 minutes left on his shift, leashed Jada up in the garage, then took her for a walk-run in the opposite direction of our front lawn. Thank you, Lord, for a respite from her racket! Who would think that the steady roar and rumble of a tree chopper and a wood chipper could be described as a relief?! As Roman11:33b says of God, "His ways are past finding out."

Carlos returned with Jada, I signed off on his shift paper, and Jada was once again consigned, bark and all, to her garage abode. At least I had the opportunity to escape the non-stop barking by taking Jung to school, so after turning down the owner's offer of a ride in the truck's "sky basket," she joined me in the Jeep and we were on our way. I remarked wryly to her that "I always inwardly grumble when the neighbors have some noisy, giant cement truck pouring a patio or a pool, or delivering lumber and taking up part of the street, but I don't mind when it's at my house!" She laughed along with me, because it's universally true--we don't want to be inconvenienced unless it's our own doing! It's Jesus' principle of the "log in my eye" vs. the "speck in my neighbor's eye" from Matthew 7:3-5. "Hypocrite!" is what our Lord cried out, and it's no laughing matter, but a sin that needs confessing.

By 9:00 when I returned, the work was almost wrapped up, and the crew were busy sweeping off our roof and removing every last twig. Ken the owner gave me a photo op of him up in the sky box while his men cleaned up. And a beautiful job they did at a fair price!

I let Jada out, refreshed her water, and left through San Timiteo Canyon for our "Wednesday Morning makeovers in Redlands. My nerves soothed away as I enjoyed a beautiful day and the curving road. I also felt blessed that I added a new and enthusiastic member to my team yesterday, and am inviting more guests to events and booking more parties. It had been a fine week in my business; Steve would be enjoying a good and active day with the weekly Bible study at Care Connexxus; the trees had been cut way back on their way to restored health; and after a hardworking afternoon in the garden, it's ready for planting. And my headache subsided.

God is indeed good, all the time!

Let others help!

2012-01-31T22:36:00.000-08:00

9:30 p.m. Today's project was to follow up on the Lord's direction to me in leading my Bible study group this morning. In the process, I was blessed to see some real leaders emerge!

Since our group is large, and we come awfully close to not answering all three assigned questions, I prayed about a way to make sure each member is heard, while keeping our sharing on topic and on time. The Lord showed me to print up the questions, make three copies, and break the group into three little groups. I handed a half sheet of questions to three ladies who had arrived on time, were good and succinct in their answers each week, and who quickly grasped the process I described.

I placed my chair in the middle of the three so I could move to sit in on each group at every "shift change." I fully took part in answering the questions, but as a participant, not the small group leader! I allowed them to lead and keep their peers on topic.

Since the discussion time lasts 45 minutes before we break for a video teaching, each question would be allotted 15 minutes--easy enough. Then I would say, "time for question 2, etc." Finished or not, each small group would have to move to the next question. The three gals I selected, Barbara, Cindy and Heather, each kept the discussion flowing, and did not allow their momentum to be lost when 2 ladies arrived quite late. My leaders quickly greeted the late ones, and kept on with the discussion, bringing them up to speed efficiently and nicely. Disruption is completely minimized when latecomers are just greeted by two others, not the whole group at once.

The Holy Spirit reminded me of Moses' father-in- law Jethro's advice when visiting the traveling children of Israel. Jethro, priest of Midian, was concerned when he saw Moses judging a never ending stream of people and their issues. He said to Moses, in Exodus 18:21-22:

You shall select from all of the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them to be rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens. And let them judge the people at all times. Then it will be that every great matter they shall bring to you, but every small matter they themselves will judge.So it will be easier for you, for they will bear the burden with you.

Wise advice for anyone in leadership! Select able helpers, because no one is to singlehandedly run a ministry or even a portion of a ministry. No one is indispensable; nor does any one person have all of the spiritual gifts; and leaders are to mentor and raise up others to assist or eventually follow them in the position we have today.

The Lord may not lead me to conduct the group this way every week, but I definitely heard some excellent sharing. And no wandering off on tangents was being allowed, because the group leaders were so conscious of staying within their time frame. The sharing definitely reflected the lesson we had been assigned to learn!

A helper of a different kind drove over behind me from church to our house after Bible study. My friend Cindy came over to have a quick salad lunch and help Steve and me in our garden. She was so inspired by my Heart to Home gardening class at church last winter that she grew outstanding crops for her first year. Being raised on a farm, she is no stranger to physical work, either. So while she turned my compost over into the soil with my shovel, I grabbed my favorite tool, the hoe, and weeded the entire garden. Steve helped ut by hand-weeding and putting our pickings in the green waste dumpster.

It felt so good to be outside working physically! And having a gardening "accountability partner" made me get out there and get seriously to work, not just dabble here and there as I have been doing. (That's why my garden has been behind schedule this year). But no more! The plot is ready for a final raking and planting seeds any time we want to get back out there. Steve really enjoyed himself as well, following directions with a good attitude, and even telling a little joke here and there. And Jada loved some attention and cahsing a ball thrown by a new person.

Cindy even volunteered to watch Steve for me while I quickly showered and dressed up for an appointment in the afternoon. They just watched "Heartland" for 5 minutes, made sure to drink some water, and Steve ate the snack I had given him.

God bless those who love to come alongside others in our meaningful endeavors!! Where would we be without them?

Knowing the way

2012-01-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

8:41 p.m. Today's project was to plan to get together with both old and new friends--some for business, some for fun, and some for time with other couples that Steve and I can enjoy together. I also had time to text-discuss our son's educational direction toward his goal of becoming a chiropractor. Earlier this week, I encouraged his older brother to take the first steps toward getting a secondary level teaching credential.

Psalm 119:9 asks,

How shall a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.

Sometimes I wonder, as a not-young, not-male person, if I shouldn't first start with the question, "how shall I know what my way is?!" If we had no need for guidance with the our daily walk, life choices and aspirations, there would not be so many petitions and prayers for guidance such as David asked of God after lamenting the deaths of King Saul and his son Jonathan in II Samuel 2:1 (NLT):

After this, David asked the LORD, "Should I move back to one of the towns of Judah?"
"Yes," the LORD replied.
Then David asked, "Which town should I go to?"
"To Hebron," the LORD answered.

In Hebron, David was crowned king over the people of Judah. Many battles to the kingship of Israel loomed, but he had taken a huge step toward that destiny!

God guides in a very personal manner, but it seems, never in the same way too often. He clearly told me what my ministry was over 30 years ago; whom to marry; where to attend church. Other times He has allowed ideas to gradually develop, such as the details for a spoken or written Bible study; or has spoken guidance to me through others whose ministry, wisdom, experience and walk are proven and respected and whose counsel I seek. Or another person's life event has opened up an entire new field of vision, such as the way that hearing about my friend Pam's publishing experience led me to pray about getting one of my Bible studies published. And the Lord used the dynamic recorded Christian testimony of our national sales director Kathy Helou to show me that I was to begin my Mary Kay business on my daughter Heather's team in 2007.

Key to hearing from the Lord is remaining by His side every day! We can hold on to Jesus by reading and delving deeply into His word; praying continually throughout the day (and through the night if sleep doesn't come); speaking of Him whenever we encounter another person, especially unbelievers. In other words,

Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (Colossians 4:6)

With your heart and mind absorbed by Jesus, not only will your path be revealed to you--your path will be both clear and clean!

A first

2012-01-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

1:50 p.m. Today's project was to get ready for church, which with the help of our caregiver Elias, went very smoothly. He and Steve even walked Jada on this beautiful sunny day with time to spare.

After their walk, while Steve was watching America's Funniest Videos to fill the minutes before our departure time, Elias and I began talking about our faith. He is from Ethiopia, a strong believer whose two sisters are also here, working as health care professionals. Elias came here legally, patiently awaiting his selection by the Ethiopian government's emigration lottery. His sisters attend Harvest Christian Fellowship. After reading one of Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley's bulletins, he plans to re-arrange his schedule next Sunday and come to our service. We had a very good discussion of the lack of both culture and values he has observed here in the U.S., among various people. Elias has found this astounding, when he considers the opportunities available to all who want to work their hardest in honest, above-board endeavors. I told him how Steve began working while still in high school, and worked so diligently for the next 35 years until Alzheimer's cut him down. (Our children are all hard workers, too).

Steve's and my drive to church was delayed because traffic was directed off of the 60 freeway east to the flyover 215 south, but we made it to our seats just a few minutes late. I was very excited to place my tithe from a successful week of business in the cash envelope, feeling privileged to have a profit to tithe from.

Announcements were made, and I tried not to take much notice of the annual Married Couples' Dinner being held the Sunday before Valentine's Day, because we aren't attending. As I told Pastor Sammy a few weeks ago, we'll no longer take part because Steve cannot eat appropriately in public any more, and it wouldn't be fair for the other couples at our table who sacrificed to have a special date night dinner. Many years, whether through Harvest or our current church, the dinner event would be the only Valentine's dress-up date night Steve and I would have. With more prosperity came fancy restaurant dinners, but we still generally attended our Couples' dinner for an uplifting, Spirit-filled event.

On the way out of the sanctuary, I think someone asked if we were going, and I smilingly said no with a brief comment about it being too difficult this year, and left it at that. It seemed more noticeable today how many people are going out of their way to greet Steve by name, and give me hugs, although ours is a very affectionate fellowship always. Maybe I just needed it more; God knows the needs of our hearts, doesn't He? God is a personal God, wanting to commune with my heart and give me reassurance. I am not afraid to seek His scrutiny as David did in Psalm 26: 2-3a:

Examine me, O LORD, and prove
me;
Try my mind and my heart.
For Your lovingkindness is before
my eyes,
And I have walked in Your truth.

This not not the nitpicking scrutiny of a harsh drill instructor that is a precursor to punishment; but the searching of a loving, interested and powerful Father "who knows what you have need of before you ask," as Jesus said in Matthew 6:8.

As I placed Steve in the Jeep and fastened his seat belt, it was as if the floodgate of sorrow began leaking, causing silent tears to drip. I kept up talking to Steve, who was obliviously staring out the front window as we drove down the freeway, and even ate some nuts. I dabbed away the evidence as we walked into Winco, fastening Steve's hand onto my cart, to get two loaves of the cheapest bread. Why be extravagant? In order to give him a task, I asked him to put one loaf of bread into the opened bag, but he couldn't do it. That was quickly solved by me doing it. I looped his hand into the plastic bag's opening handles, and closed his fingers around it, again, so he could contribute to our effort. We walked to the cart return together, a job he could do with minimal direction three weeks ago. But I did thank the Lord for our handicapped parking spot, because that huge parking lot is always crowded. So Steve is making a very helpful contribution!

By this time next year (as I texted the kids asking for prayer), the Married Couples' Dinner will not even be a blip on the radar screen of our life concerns. It's just that it's a first, and a sad one, for a long Christ-and church-centered marriage. But God is sovereign, my soul and mind tell my heart! God knows what He is doing, and how and when He will do it. "He knows the way that I take, and when He has tried me," Job declared, "I shall come forth as gold" (23:10).

And the "4th quarter" is no time to give up or give out, in either football or marriage. It's time to gather up Holy Spirit strength and determination, to love and give more to my husband, without worrying about an event he wouldn't remember even if we did attend.

First things first.

Just a tiny fly

2012-01-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

4:45 p.m. Today's project was to host a friends baby shower for my darling friend and team member Chelsey. The huge family baby shower would take place in the evening. Steve had taken off with his caregiver for a haircut, movie and lunch out after the two of them walked Jada.

Bless their hearts, Chelsey's mom, grandma, sisters and mother-in-law came early with all of the food, decorations and games, as well as arranging delivery of an extra table and several extra chairs. My part was to provide a clean house, and make the punch, coffee, and iced tea. Of course all the little things that come up, like getting out baskets for the tableware and gift cards; and providing the cake cutter, big serving spoons, and paprika for the devilled eggs, come into the hostess' purview, and I was happy to be of assistance. The family worked very smoothly with me as to placement of the multiple platters of delicious food, the tableware, and in the living room, setting out the game prizes, favors and gift table.

I LOVE to entertain, the more the merrier! I feel, and Steve always did, that if the Lord gave us plenty of room for large gatherings, we should bless family and friends by opening our home.

"Of Him and through Him, and to Him are all things, to God be the glory forever," goes the line from a hymn we sang in Methodist church decades ago, probably a loose interpretation of Hebrews 2:10, which speaks of Jesus bringing many sons to glory ["for whom are all things and by whom are all things"].

And how true that its--we have nothing but what God has given us, and even our own bodies belong to the Lord to use as He commands!

You are not your own, I Corinthians 6:19b says.

The party went wonderfully, with tons of gifts for Chelsey's little boy, hilarious games, and so much fellowship and laughter throughout. Baby Evan's mom was very blessed to read the cards and thank each person warmly.

But there was trouble brewing behind the scenes. I'd asked for a caregiver from 9-1, and it was rapidly approaching 1 p.m. We hadn't gotten to the cake and punch yet, and with a large crowd, that would take time. So I texted the caregiver and asked if he could keep Steve busy until 2 p.m., because the two of them wouldn't even be able to get into the door with such a crowd of ladies, and I was fully involved. He agreed to try, but texted that Steve was getting upset and wanting to go home. (Reminds me of how he ran out of Care Connexxus in a raging panic on his first visit, but now looks forward to it every week). I encouraged him to try his best.

Meanwhile, I spoke quietly to my friend Mae (the expectant mom's mother-in-law) who whispered a little snippet of info to Chelsey's mom. Mae and I started filling the flutes halfway with punch and handing them out to kind of get things moving along. As the last gift card was opened and read, I called out 'Chelsey, ready to cut your cake?" and she came over for her cute photo op with the cake cutter. Her sisters began handing pieces around; other family members and I began wrapping up leftovers and taking them to their cars as "behind the scenes" as we could. When Mae told me that Steve and his caregiver were on the front patio, I went over and kissed Steve, spoke a bit with his caregiver, initialled his paperwork, and went back in to keep things NICELY moving along, collecting plates and drained flutes to place back in their boxes. The family members worked diligently, evidencing true servants' hearts and the joy of being helpful, providing the best possible event for the mother-to-be. There is no way I could have hosted the shower without them--what lovely people!

In Romans 16:1-2, the Apostle Paul commends "Phoebe our sister, who is a servant of the church," saying that others are to assist her, "for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also." May our modern day "Phoebes" be commended as well!

The devil tried to put a "fly in our ointment," but the Lord would have none of it, and made our time of fellowship wrap up smoothly, with no one feeling rushed, and all feeling valued and very much loved. The guests kissed Chelsey and went home, and the rest of us cleaned up. In no time at at all, Steve came in with his spiffy new haircut, the caregiver went on his way, and the family members greeted Steve on their way out.

This afternoon spent with women of God truly was a sweet fragrance to Christ!

Birthdays and babies

2012-01-27T22:53:00.000-08:00

4:34 p.m. Today's project was to prepare for a baby shower I'm hosting for Chelsey, a member of my Mary Kay team, and sweet Christian sister; and also to send a nice gift to my lovely daughter-in-law Marisela for her 25th birthday. Wonderfully, she and my son Kriss are expecting their son in late March. Looks like I'll be in Long Beach quite a bit more often!

Both first-time moms have selected an earth tone, jungle theme for their sons' baby showers and nurseries. So I know the Lord understands if I got a tad mixed-up as to whether I was going to Target for a baby gift for Marisela, or something for her birthday! (I'd already gotten a gift for Chelsey).

Steve and I took advantage of his handicapped sticker to park the Jeep in plain view of the front of the store where the computers are situated. Since we'd come from the beauty salon where I often sell products, and I have a party tonight, there was a lot of inventory in the cargo space). A clerk showed me how to access Target.com and with a few minor setbacks, I sent Marisela's gifts to Long Beach.

Then it was time to find nice cards for both girls, and lo and behold, there was a cute giraffe card! I snapped it up immediately--that's Marisela's favorite jungle critter! So the Lord's direction was evident, even in a relatively minor matter. But is anything we do actually minor in God's eyes? II Chronicles 16:9 says,

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong in behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.

In the last few days, I have noticed that whenever I would decide to do a little something for a person, that the LORD has been speedily covering it with surprising influxes of cash! Today's timely dollars came in the form of a Verizon rebate card for $50, just what I need to fill out the $400 initial deposit for our church's Israel trip due on the first of February! Lots of niggling bills and obligations kept popping up, digging into my savings, but my determination to raise the funds is strong, and God is making it possible, even probable, even certain!!

I will close with another praise report: just came in from a facial and glamour party with $179.90 in earnings, and to tithe to the Lord from my business will be an utter joy!

Despite the late hour and the early wake-up call to get the baby shower together, I will be bouncing around with the joy of the Lord, praying to be a blessing to dear Chelsey and her family, and all of our friends. Ephesians 5:18:

...be filled with the Spirit...

Dads I know

2012-01-26T15:15:00.000-08:00

2:04 p.m. Today's project was to watch the movie "Courageous" with my dad and my husband.

Daddy had asked me to get the DVD, and we've all been excited to watch it--1 hour and 29 minutes of sheer Holy Spirit adrenaline! Very scriptural, from the faith and integrity the fathers learn to practice, to real "good vs. evil" action on the streets and in the hearts of the characters. We all shed some tears.

The three of us had three or more generations come into our minds. Only my dad knows the impact his father had on his successful 84 years, for the most part. I thank my dad regularly my dad for taking care of us throughout my childhood and funding my education,and helping me raise my son after my divorce before I got saved. I owe him plenty. And now, at a time when Steve and I would not have needed any help, except for Alzheimer's rearing its ugly head, he initiates ways to fill in for tasks that Steve can no longer perform to keep up our property. Just today, he made it possible for us to hire a licensed tree trimming contractor to keep our trees from collapsing and our roof with it! Steve and I both thanked him warmly and wordlessly as he headed out for Redlands.

Steve's story is similar, with a dad who instilled churchgoing, hardworking values that made Steve such an excellent provider. As we watched very emotionally stirrring parts of "Courageous," I assured Steve that our kids grew up seeing him pray, hearing him read the scriptures to them, and faithfully attending church with his family and every men's study their whole lives. His influence over the girls has led them to marry godly young men. As for the struggles some of the boys have faced, they are in God's proving ground, while doing their best to support, encourage and lead the good women they love. I'd like to let Sean, a dad of two great teenage sons who know the Lord; and Kriss, an expectant dad, borrow our copy of the movie. And Steven will marry into those responsibilites in good time, God's time! Ecclesiastes 3:11 says,

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

What that verse means to me in the frame of mind I am in with the movie, is that in the lives of families, not even the godliest, most committed, best-intentioned man does right by his family every single day.
Thus, much forgiveness needs to be asked for, given and received, on all sides and between generations. There was much of that willingness to forgive seen in "Courageous," opening doors for things to be done God's way next time. And each of us have seen the difference forgiveness makes in our own lives--whether we have offended or been offended. Forgiveness, as Christ has forgiven us, is a sign of true love, of looking to a brighter future for each of us!

Praise the Lord for scripture-believing people who have answered the call to produce uplifting, challenging, and inspiring movies like "Fireproof" and "Courageous" that will make a difference in this generation and the ones that follow us!

A good experience

2012-01-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

6:34 p.m. Today's project was to take our Korean student to the Co+Op young adult meeting at Sandals church, where our daughter Heather and her husband Nick are in leadership, high school, and young adults respectively.

Jung was feeling a little shy, until she heard that there are other international students who attend. She's already been to two Mary Kay meetings and our Sunday service. Her out of town trips include the Los Angeles Garment District for shopping bargains, Universal Studios, San Diego, and a non-gambling trip to Las Vegas. San Francisco is the destination for her upcoming 3-day weekend. So she's getting a well-rounded American experience. I had her laughing so hard about the funny sights of New Orleans, like the jazz funerals and crazy Bourbon Street. Maybe she will get another chance to travel here and visit some of our other renowned cities.

As a Christian, she's eager to attend a service just for young adults. And I'm interested in seeing the fruit of Nick's prayers and planning this new ministry. I didn't expect to see Heather, because she'll be helping lead the Frontside high school students, especially the girls she mentors.

Hebrews 10:25 says, and I quote it often, that Christians are not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, because we have so much of Christ's love and teaching to share with one another.

Jung was quiet as I introduced her to Nick, and then Megan, Heather's best friend. Cara invited her into the "English" group, where international students mingle with locals to practice their speaking skills. That's where I left her, and went about my way, picking up groceries and supplies for my team member and Christian sister Chelsey's baby shower Saturday. And praise the Lord, my daughter Heidi is coming to take her dad out, maybe for a movie and a walk, or even a haircut to fill the 3-hour time slot! Psalm 127:3 has it right,

Children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.

I have nothing but good to say about our experience with the UCR Homestay program, and will let them know that we would like to continue with one adult guest at a time. Granted, not all of the students will have the sweet, cheerful personality of Jung, or enjoy our relatively quiet lifestyle. Some might struggle with Steve's disability on a personal basis, finding the details awkward. But even some friends and acquaintances we know shy away, and that's understandable. We all cope (or don't cope) with handicaps and disability differently.

In reading the Book of Job the last few weeks, I wonder what I'd do if I had a disability that was outwardly obvious, and as Job described his experience in Chapter 19:13-14, 17-19 (NLT):

My relatives stay far away, and my friends have turned against me.
My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me.
...
My breath is repulsive to my wife.
I am rejected by my own family.
Even young children despise me.
When I stand to speak, they turn their backs on me.
My close friends detest me.
Those I loved have turned against me.

We in the Body of Christ certainly like to think, and sincerely hope, that the handicapped are warmly welcomed--and assisted--in our fellowships.I know that after going through Alzheimer's with Steve, I will not view a person stumbling and needing to be led by the hand in the same way, as a helpless person deserving pity and only the briefest of conversations when we encounter them. I will treat them as Jung treats Steve, as a natural, regular active person in the household--or in the household of Christ on Sunday mornings.

Yes, God knew just the person we needed to stay with us this month , and next week when she leaves, Jung will be missed!

Fear or Favor?

2012-01-24T21:44:00.000-08:00

6:04 p.m. Today's project was to attend women's Bible study, and lead my group of Jesus-loving, expressive ladies. I think that we save up all the many things on our hearts that have consumed us all week to share with our sisters. So it's a wise arrangement to have a time of fellowship from 9:00-9:30 before the session starts!

Today's topic of choice, whether on Facebook with friends and family, a text message from one of my sons, or during our group discussion, seemed to be fear, whether stated or implied. Joblessness, health worries, or even the dread of something happening in future, seemed pervasive today, even stirring up knee-jerk reactions as to why reasonable solutions couldn't.t work--without committing the matter to prayer. Worse than the disruption it causes to our peace of mind and our trust in Jesus, fear is a state of mind that opens one up to relentless attacks from the devil. I Peter 5:8 says it perfectly and absolutely:

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

Our son has been concerned about his student loans--who wouldn't be?!--so the Lord showed me the premier antidote to fear about provision: remember God's care for you in the past. I reminded him of how God fed and housed him during a tough time of joblessness, and even gave him the ability to pay three months' back rent with his barely-acquired job! And the scripture I shared with him was my paraphrase of Luke 12:24, how God feeds the birds, and how much more valuable are YOU than the birds? I pray that exhortation helps him put his current concern into perspective!

Words of wisdom came from another of my sons on his Facebook profile page today, concluding with the thought that no decisions should be made based on fear. I commented to the effect that he was absolutely right, and posted 2 Timothy 1:7,

For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

If we are walking with the Lord, prayerfully seeking His guidance, being a good witness to others whom we come into contact with, and filling our minds with the Bible, we can pass through trials with comfort, courage, and a profound sense of encouragement for the future, because of Emmanuel, Jesus, "God with us."

Believers have the favor of the God of the entire universe upon us!
You know, I often forget the enormity of the trial we are involved in with Steve's Alzheimer's unless it happens to strike me when he cannot perform a commonplace action like opening a car door from the inside or outside. The Lord is just so active in areas of life, business and the ministry of encouraging others that I just do not feel oppressed OR depressed! And I have been led to create a joyful home for my husband, surrounding him with cheerful believers who make him feel useful and valued. And in the process, God is refining my character, too--a sign of God's favor towards me, corrections included!

We must be about our Father's business! And when the devil comes to threaten and beat up on you mentally, attempting to get you off the purposeful path of godliness, speak James 4:7 to yourself and DO IT!

Resist the devil and he will flee from you!

I have goals?

2012-01-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

5:22 p.m. Today's project was to create a goal poster for myself, my life, and my Mary Kay business. I don't think I made one four years ago when I began my business, or it's been long lost and forgotten. Whatever the case, I've been drifting along without a real focus or target, for all of my efforts. And I've had some very good success, am building a team, and have good sales monthly.

But I never could make an absolutely clear statement as to my specific goal. I could state at our Thursday Nights Together a specific goal for the week or a happening I was excited about and looking forward to, no problem, because I'd be so busy cheering on my fellow consultants and being genuinely delighted for them. But making a statement about my ultimate goal, to be a Sales Director, was just plain fuzzy in my mind. and that's no way to conduct one's life, ministry, or career.

How often have we heard sayings such as, "If you aim for nothing, you'll be sure to hit it every time," from pulpits to coaches' pep talks, to sales rallies. I've sold life and group insurance; alarm systems, and Shaklee vitamins, (and sold the public on myself in 3 successful local elections)! All of which are part of our family's lives, even if brand names and causes have changed. Marriage and childbirth derailed my progress in the other endeavors, and that's a high calling that has nothing regrettable about it. But in the fall of 2007,with kids grown and Steve and I working full time, my daughter Heather recruited me as a Mary Kay consultant. After trying the products, I was sold. And the Lord spoke to me so strongly to start my own business that I knew it was Him!

When we have stated that we are believers in Christ, and will worship only the Lord, He will be with us, as He promised the nation of Israel in Deuteronomy 26:17-18:

Today you have proclaimed the LORD to be your God, and that you will walk in His ways and keep His commandments, and His judgments, and that you will obey His voice. Also today the LORD has proclaimed you to be His special people, just as He promised you, that you should keep all His commandments.

And what did Jesus say to those of us in the New Covenant sealed with His blood?

If you love Me, keep My commandments. (John 14:15). God has no problem making Himself clear, and
being part of a strong Christian leader's unit, "Laurie's Legacy," sealed the deal!

Whatever the Lord has called me to do, I've done by the leading and direction of the Holy Spirit to the best of my ability, as unto the Lord. Primarily, that brings to mind most particularly His call to me to teach God's word to His women, back in 1980; and to serve my husband and children as an imperfect human being under attack of the enemy continually, as will happen to those who step forward for Jesus. II Timothy 3:12 confirms:
...all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.

So why the aimlessness with my current business? It is very gratifying to see a woman perk up and feel beautiful, some for the first time ever. The profitability has certainly been welcome for our disability and pension income limits. And I just love skincare and makeup personally, such fun, like playing with colors or dress up (which I also love to do)! There are just no downsides to this career, because I even enjoy calling ladies to book appointments, mostly people I already know. To my mind, booking calls in this business is nothing compared with making 200 "cold calls" out of the phone book every day as a new insurance agent!

After attending a wonderful training session Saturday, I decided to not only increase and document my activity better, but make my goal poster. I included a picture of me laughing insanely, totally abandoned and having fun with a 2 year-old great-niece in a jump house. (Laughing my head off was a lot more frequent and effortless before my husband began losing his brain power and daily functioning to Alzheimer's. But it's not unheard-of even now, praise the Lord)! I added some jewelry, which I used to totally love, and can see building up an interest in again, ditto the designer purse. I don't need or want a new car, but I included the first career car because it represents a high level of achievement. Some vacation scenes and the word "escape" have pretty blatant applicability! I even glued on a gold star marshmallow lollipop that I carefully covered in glue to fight next spring's ants; and since I was working on details for the 2013 Israel trip this morning, I clipped that word out, because I am truly working my business now to afford the trip with my church.

Pictures from my two trips to Wales and England stirred me up to rekindle my dream, or rather, determination, to return and see parts of England and Scotland I didn't visit on our 2003 and 2004 missions trips. Cycling back to current dreams and accomplishments, I glued on a picture of myself when named Queen of Recruiting in one of our unit's newsletters, as well as a clipping about the annual Seminar in Dallas, imagining myself walking on the stage as a new Sales Director! Then a quote from Mary Kay Ash herself:

"I believe each of us needs a reason to get up in the morning. We need something to anticipate...something that truly excites us."

For me, it's my time with the Lord to start each day--reading, journalling, communing with my Jesus. But I'm like any other conscientious Christian in that I want to live this life to the fullest, to work hard, to accomplish whatever God has shown me to do. I just had forgotten that I had personal dreams, so wrapped up was I in the overwhelming responsibilities that have dulled me. My Mary Kay "girl time" has actually been an oasis of fun mixed with challenges, which I do love. Now gratefully, I'm putting a focus on my business that it has deserved all along, and only gotten intermittently.

Since I've opened my big mouth and set my goals, better get going on the first one--two new team members by the end of the month! Now that's good and scary at the same time, but so was raising the first deposit for Israel, and that's already banked.

So let me get back to work!!

You can't out-give God!

2012-01-22T16:27:00.000-08:00

2:55 p.m. Today's project is to take all of the fixings for taco salad--corn & black bean relish, 4 1/2 pounds seasoned meat, shredded cheese, lettuce, chips and salsa--to Home Fellowship Bible study this evening. Before heading to the discount grocer Winco, actually before leaving for church, I checked my various accounts, and found that I had a budget of $11.00! All I had to get was the meat and a small package of cheese to go with what I had in the house, lettuce, a couple of bananas and a can of evaporated milk, and that would actually be do-able at this store.

Pastor John gave an encouraging message about giving and serving today. Thank goodness that I had just tithed on my teentsy Mary Kay profit this week! Having my own business is a joy for me, whether I make a lot of sales, or spend more time booking and recruiting for the next week(s). Rockin' week or slow, 10% gladly goes to the Lord!

And I think that when we ladies take a meal to share, we have a wonderful opportunity to give goods and time to the Lord also. With that in mind, I steered the cart, with Steve holding on and keeping up comfortably, to the hamburger section to get two 3 lb. chubs of 20% fat hamburger. Not too fatty, not too lean and tasteless. Yes, I am a nitpick about all things edible! I was delighted to see the chubs for $3.18! Wow, I knew I was in the right place!

We went through the check stand and found out how much that meat really cost, $18.00! What? (Oh, seems the meat was $3.18 /lb)! This was more than my budget, but I needed to fulfill my meal obligation to our group of approximately 20 people. Well, I had to go through with it, because I wasn't going to find hamburger cheaper anywhere. Sadly, I had to dip into my Israel savings, comforted by the fact that I'll have money coming in on Tuesday to replace it.

But still, I felt bad, doomed to miss out on Israel, and wretched, thinking of Proverbs 23:5,

Will you set your eyes on that
which is not?
For riches certainly make
themselves wings;
They fly away like an eagle
toward heaven.

(Not to mention the devil's taunting insults that rained on my head)!

But putting the matter into the here and now, at least I am able to meet my obligation and promise to our Home Fellowship friends. We got home and as of this writing, the spicy meat is simmering away in my huge crock pot, and all of the other ingredients are in containers in the fridge.

Admittedly, I found myself being mopey this afternoon, with the cash register fiasco, a smelly dead rat upstairs which will have to be removed on Monday (caught in one of our rat man's traps in our crawl space), and dwelling in the sin of unbelief, despite the scripture we read this morning, 2 Corinthians 8:1-2:

Moreover, brethren, we make known to you the grace of God bestowed on the churches of Macedonia: that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality. For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability, they were freely willing, imploring us with much urgency that we would receive the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints. And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God.

What a good example for the rest of us, recorded for history and all time and eternity!

For some reason, before sitting down to type this, I checked my Gmail. Lo and behold, the Lord had caused a total stranger to place a $100 order on my Mary Kay personal website today! Her credit card was already entered; I just needed to include a free gift and process it for home delivery. Done and done, 50% profit!

I am so glad that God never slumbers nor sleeps, but is active in our affairs seven days a week!

Believer, never get tired of believing this fact:

YOU CAN'T OUT-GIVE GOD!

What's holding me back?

2012-01-20T17:23:00.000-08:00

4:11 p.m. Today's project was to try out a new Botanical Effects skin care line over at my sales director Laurie's home. Five of us tried the new line for sensitive skin, and even a mask. It was very refreshing!

After the meeting, Laurie and I sat down to pin down my goals and write them down. First, my career goal in Mary Kay is being a sales director. We'd already talked about adding more team members, approaching more women and not "pre-judging" anyone. Who knows who might be looking for a change and would like to have their own business? Or just add income for their family or achieve a dream of their own? I have been seeing myself in that role, but perhaps not with the unfettered enthusiasm I'd like to have. Fear isn't holding me back, or doubt that I can achieve this goal. In fact, a big, scary goal like my earning the money to go to Israel, can be the best incentive imaginable!

She asked what was holding me back, other than a need to increase my activity, which I have been doing and enjoying thoroughly. I answered that's probably uncertainty about Steve's needs in the upcoming year, not knowing whether there will be more I'll be called to do, or if his Alzheimer's will call for full medical care, which I could not do--no regular person could. I hesitate when I think about my age, but my team is quite a bit younger, or close to my age, and doing great most of the time. Two prospective recruits are very enthusiastic, and prayerfully will join me this month. Laurie told me that both she and Cara, a director-in-qualification (both strong believers) have totally envisioned me in the role, and there is no logical reason why my vision should be lagging behind! For as Abraham Lincoln famously quoted Proverbs 28:19,

Where there is no vision, the people perish.

We wrapped up our conversation because I had to go over to my dad's house, but on the way, I tearfully asked myself the same question: "What is holding me back? What is it?"

Then I remembered something I had confessed to another consultant in our group hotel room at Seminar last July: my dread that I won't have anyone to share my success with. Steve won't be able to comprehend what I've accomplished or remember all of the hard work and small prizes and gifts I earned along the way. Physically he might not even be able to go to Dallas with me to see me go onstage to be recognized as a new director. Who would care for him during the rallies and meetings? I know that Steve (at least right now), my children and their spouses are cheering me on, but can any of them even get off work to attend a big award event?

It's just incredibly sad because Steve's worked so hard the last 30 years, supported our famliy, and me in particular, with everything the Lord has called me to do. To my finite mind, he deserves to share in the fruit of our MUTUAL labor. It's tough to maintain an eternal perspective when a new heartbreaking reality hits, isn't it?

My Mary Kay sisters from our unit and around the country will see to it that I'm encouraged, blessed, feted and enjoying every moment of prizes and my new role. Sales directorship will have been the earned result of good old hard work, which I love, whether as a wife and mom, Bible study teacher and ministry leader, even author and political officeholder. We will celebrate wonderfully together as sisters. most of whom are sisters in the Lord.

But at the end of the day, they'll go back to their hotel rooms or suites to their husbands, children or the single girls might even have their parents or siblings with them. Jesus will always be there as the One who loves me more than anyone ever could, but like the little boy who got scared of the dark and was assured that Jesus was there with him, according to the often-told story cried out, "I want someone with skin on!!" I think that most of us do, since God created us to be in relationship--friendship, marriage, family, and the church.

I'm not going to allow the devil to rip off my vision for my family and business with depressing thoughts about an event that hasn't even happened yet. The Lord is greater than my heart, mind and soul! His guidance is what I will seek and adhere to, not my melodramatic musings.

And the vision is here, just needs to be acknowledged, expressed and brought into reality!

Habakkuk 2:2-3 says,

Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an
appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it
will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

Better make my goal poster!

Fix it nowthere's no later

2012-01-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

10:26 a.m. Today's project was to bring our 2005 Jeep Liberty to the dealership where we bought it new in 2005 for a long-overdue basic tune-up service. Since this includes tire rotation for the thrifty coupon price of $17.95, it was pretty imperative that I find a morning when Steve and could take the Jeep in!

Upon arrival, we exited the vehicle, with its key already detached from the ring, taking a leisurely pace for Steve to get out from his seat belt and step down carefully on unsteady feet. Much as I love our caregivers (and my customers), it felt good for just the two of us to get out for a morning. Reminds me of our early years of retirement, always busy, out and about, when he was very capable of everything but remembering details. We had a very pleasant time in the waiting room with our snacks, NO donuts for us! Steve watched TV and I logged on to my lap top on the dealership's wireless network. I always pray for the Lord to send someone for me to witness to, but one couple was having an issue with their RV's replacement motor; another lady didn't speak English, one woman stashed a donut and fed her preschooler one; and another lady was determinedly reading her novel, like some people do on airplanes. I had hoped to get my 4G portable hot spot to work, and it turned on, but didn't have enough "oomph" to let me log on. Onward with the technology learning curve!

Most everything that needed to be done for the Jeep was done, and only a new set of windshield wipers was added to my total. Better to catch the small things, like changing the oil and rotating the tires, before they become big things! We went on to enjoy a little shopping at Super Target for random items, and Steve did well sticking close to me and the shopping cart. Later at home, confusion took over with daily tasks, but he was tired and needed his afternoon doze, instead of wanting to be outside helping around the property. We made the best of it, and did actually get a lot done before picking up Jung from the university.

The small maintenance items checked off today make me think of the maintenance of our Christian walk. Letting a day go by without prayer, reading the Word, praising God's Name, and sharing his love are unimaginable to me. Not because I am super effective in the work of the kingdom, but because I need the closeness for my own growth and "maintaining" that deep joy the Holy Spirit freely pours into a believer. If the joy and stability that Jesus gives me spills over onto someone in listening distance of a blessed conversation with a sister, as happened before tonight's Mary Kay meeting started, so much the better! I (or we) might get a chance to witness to an unsaved person. While it's up to us to open our mouths, it's up to God to bring a receptive person into our sphere of influence, and to give them a listening ear and longing heart for Jesus!

Yesterday's frustrations, today's mixed results, and a hundred like them, have shown me the importance of this Alzheimer's trial to me personally: God is reshaping, reworking, and refining my character! My self-improvement plans are gone in a twinkling; God's relentless refinement will manifest eternal effects, up until I enter the "strait gate" (KJV) into heaven.

You and I need to fix the bad and lazy habits that need fixing before they get out of hand, so we can get consistent and stay consistent in our relationship with Jesus! Because Jesus said, Matthew 7:13-14 (NKJV),

Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

Where do they get days like this?

2012-01-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

5:03 p.m. Today's project was to attend my caregivers' class on emergency procedures at the Riverside County Office of Aging. I was lucky to get there only 30 minutes late the way the early part of my day went! This morning had some real glitches, to say the least:

At one of our banks, the computers were down (and still are as of 20 minutes ago), necessitating a paper receipt for my deposit. At the next bank where I needed to deposit an insurance claim payment for Steve's daycare so I could send Care Connexxus a money order, all of the funds aren't available until tomorrow .
Ralphs in Canyon Crest had no stamps, so I couldn't mail the M.O. anyway; the nearby UPSstore charges extra for stamps. No time for the Post Office, either!
An agency helper told me what turned out to be a rumor about Brightstar's plan of care for Steve, but investigating the matter caused unnecessary disturbance to my heart and mind, wanting always to have the best arrangements possible for Steve. (Which at this point is care at home).

After much prayer and confession for my crabbiness, I finally settled down to taking notes on my journals for my book about our experiences with Steve's Alzheimer's. After a number of notations, I looked up at a wall clock, and it was 11:20 already! The class was slated for 11-12:30. After signing the helper out, I did manage to find a seat in the crowded presentation from the Red Cross, eat the half sandwich that was provided, and stay just long enough to leave at 12:15 with a vehicle emergency kit in hand. I did benefit from the 45 minutes I was there, and received some excellent handouts. At least now I have some numbers to call to get guidance concerning Steve's difficulties getting in and out of our Jeep.

Back at home, I had a Mary Kay facial appointment with a lovely UCR student that ended in plenty of time for me to welcome Steve home on his Special Trans bus at 2 p.m. The young lady not only is interested in becoming a consultant, but is planning to join us for STAR night dessert party, and will be bringing her dorm apartment friends with her a week from Monday for a skincare class. Another customer called me, and let me know she is putting together a party for me a week from Friday!

Steve was dropped off, we relaxed for a while, I put together the enchiladas that will be served shortly, and it was time to go pick up Jung from UCR. With Jung settled up in her room and dinner in a slow oven, I took Steve to get his glasses frame adjusted, about time (!), then gassed up the Jeep and circled on home.

Barring a devastating tragedy, no day is "all stress and no bless" for a child of God. My devotions this morning were inspiring, and I know that God did already respond, or will respond to every prayer I wrote for my business and my personal life, too. Psalm 6:9 confirms my assurance in my God:

The LORD has heard my supplication;
The LORD will receive my prayer.

He answered prayers I didn't even ask Him for, such as providing a parking spot right in front of the entrance to the Office of Aging when I had been running so late; or, as Steve and I entered the medical clinic to get his glasses adjusted, there was my friend Rita with her children. So God gave me the fun of being hugged by her little son David, who always assures me that he's four! I was able to give away some good clothing to the Vietnam Veterans' charity today, also.

Best of all, our son Kriss emailed us real-time ultrasound pictures of Clark Alexander Kruckenberg, due at the end of March. Kriss is already the proud papa, as his amazed description shows: "He's already smiling and sucking his thumb!" Like father, like son. Such a blessing, because Kriss has wanted to be a dad from his youngest years. When he was in elementary school, he declared, "I'm going to be a funny dad!" Psalm 199:90a says,

"Your faithfulness endures to all generations..."

There's no denying the difficulties inherent in caring for a spouse. The paperwork, medical appointments, prescriptions, arranging for care, insurance claims and phone calls pertaining thereto are daunting. His personal care, and taking over both his former chores and the mutual chores we shared make for an exhausting day. No Pollyanna here!

There's also no denying that God has me in this place, as wife of my husband of 30 years, doing whatever He calls me to do, and being whatever He calls me to be--for His glory; for a testimony to the unsaved and for the edification of His church; for an example to other married believers who will one day be caring for their own spouse.

Deterioration and dying are part of this present world system, and believers in deep trials are reminded in I Peter 1:6-7 (NLT),

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Lord, through it all, I trust in You!

You know it when...

2012-01-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

4:53 p.m. Today's project was to lead my discussion group at Bible study today. We've been learning about James, our Savior's half-brother, and with that information we discussed the separation of Jews from Gentiles that preceded the formation of the early Church. (And caused vehement controversy well into the next decades, as I covered in Galatians: An Exploration of Faith & Freedom)! But as Ephesians 2:14a states,

He is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation...

My favorite verse on this subject is the Apostle Paul's declaration in Galatians 3:28:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

In our group discussion of falling into the "comparison trap," we all had examples, even painful ones from childhood, of comparisons that were made between siblings, or ones we make about ourselves and others. I shared my favorite verse on this subject, 2 Corinthians 10:12, which I learned and took to heart as a young women's Bible study teacher:

For we dare not class ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

Foolish indeed, and unscriptural--God has made each of us exactly as He chose to, and will use us and grow us as HE sees fit!

But our most impassioned sharing, in which almost everyone participated, was on the topic of discrimination, whether practiced by 1st century Jews against Gentiles, or the segregation that was the law of the land in many communities in our own country. One group member of Jewish extraction had a cross burned on her front yard by Klan members in El Monte,and was severely beaten up as a six -year-old for her religion. Others shared how they had never seen an African American until later in their lives! Others were despised because they were poor. The glass ceiling against females was notorious. And I pointed out that in Redlands, blacks only began moving into the south side about the time I graduated high school in 1969. (The schools were integrated, of course, and I had many friends in that part of town. But our family couldn't buy a home there). So we had a rich discussion of all the barriers Christ broke down: religious, racial, economic, gender.

Praise God for Jesus Christ and all He means to each of His children, no matter what part of the societal spectrum they came from!

It's funny, the way the enemy had me thinking, "I'm so tired today, not really into it." But the Holy Spirit encouraged me to go forth and serve with all my heart, once I determined that I was going to lead my group no matter what!

As I shared from the Word, and listened to my women sharing, I knew what I knew, and know what I know: Bible teaching and women's ministry is my calling, my love, my life, apart from that with my family. God's word skillfully taught to me for the last 31 years, and my own delving into the Bible for myself has made me the person I am today, and influenced every single endeavor I undertake.

Believer, when your ministry causes you to "rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory," (I Peter1:8) that's when you know you're where you belong!

Spending a good day

2012-01-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

7:27 p.m. Today's project was to spend a good day with Steve.

Bible study and devotions done, breakfast cleaned up, both of us dressed and ready, off we went to my first stop, the Upper Echelon beauty salon. It was a very quiet day, with just my hairdresser Irene and my friend and Mary Kay customer Earlene on duty at the next booth. Irene works just Mondays and Fridays, and Earlene meets her clients most days of the week. Not only is Monday slow in general, but it was the Martin Luther King holiday for schools, banks, the mail and government employees so the other stylists were gone..

But that made for the perfect atmosphere for Steve to take a seat by the front of the salon and look out the windows at the ambulance company's vehicles coming and going and an occasional airplane taking off from March Air Reserve base. The conversation was lively with those of us present. I invited Irene to a special STAR celebration fancy dessert evening our unit is hosting on Thursday, when each consultant can invite up to 5 guests. I haven't gotten any firm "yes"-es yet, so I had been making phone calls most of the morning at home, and later while Irene had me under the dryer to take some of the wetness out of my hair.

Just like he does when we drive around, Steve was content to just stare out at the busy world on the other side of the windows. What is he thinking, I wonder? He used to become upset at times and comment that he felt so useless when we'd be out on errands and everyone but him had "places to go and people to see." He is much less agitated these days, less worried or even conscious of his mounting losses. Not that he'soblivious. He would be hard-pressed to ignore his inability to put on or remove a seat belt, or open or shut his car door. Because he may need to get out of the Jeep in an accident should I become injured and unable to get him out, that's a serious concern. Steve's caregiver and I are planning for him to practice using the seat belt and getting in and out of the car this week. Should work out because it's pretty chilly for walking the dog in the morning as usual, and many times the Jeep is still here. As Proverbs 22:3 (NLT) says,

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.

In God's perfect timing, the Riverside County Office on Aging is offering a special class on emergency procedures for caregivers Wednesday--and I pray they discuss vehicle issues, not just home safety. Whether the presenters cover Steve's issue or not, I'll bring it up!

The rest of the day was all business for me, though Steve went with me from place to place. When I had a facial at the house, Steve followed my suggestion that he go upstairs and take his afternoon nap on our bed rather than just dozing on the family room couch. And later, when I had to run over to Ralphs grocery store to see a gal who is seriously considering Mary Kay, he came along to support me! When my optician Sherri came by with my new set of contact lenses, hallelujah, I offered her an opportunity for free product. Work days are for working, just as Sherri and I were doing!

I loved the expression on Steve's face when I served him his favorite meal--cornbread and chili. We then relaxed for a bit, enjoying the Martin Luther King Day movie about the Birmingham bus boycott that started the civil rights movement in this country. Just think--if integration had not become the law of the land, Steve and I might never have met!

Today was no holiday for most businesses, including mine. But I'll quote hairdresser Earlene, who serves the Lord by serving her customers. When I asked how many days a week she works, she answered, "As many days as my clients need me, I'm here."

Now that's a word for all of us who want the Lord to bless the work of our hands!

Red => White

2012-01-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

7:39 p.m. Today's project was to attend the 9:45 service at our church. Steve was looking especially nice today in a rust-colored silk long sleeved shirt, and I had brought out my yellow "safari" style warm shirt that I had to iron, it's been so long since we had cold weather! But no worries--we get up just as early on Sunday morning as the rest of the week to let the caregiver in, so we enjoy a pretty relaxed morning.

We heard a convicting message from our pastor based on Jesus' words to His disciples not long before His arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:34-35)

In a series exhorting us to behavior worthy of the family of Christ, we looked also at Ephesians 4:31-32:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

I highlighted the "kindness" part, because I find myself sorely lacking in that quality at times when some household fiasco happens that would have been unthinkable before Alzheimer's took away Steve's ability to think and function as a normal adult. (Or even function as well as an Early Stage Alzheimer's victim). Home disasters take a much higher emotional toll on the spouse who is already overwhelmed with 100% of all household responsibilities!

Just last Sunday afternoon, Steve and I were alone at home because our guest Jung was out touring the Los Angeles Garment District. Whether she is home or not, Jung's contract states that she is to have her own private bedroom and bath. So one of our upstairs bathrooms is off-limits, which I had tell Steve repeatedly. But he still keeps trying to use it, when I need him to stay downstairs, and use our guest bathroom when I am downstairs. Around 1 p.m., I had just called Steve downstairs from another attempt to use her bathroom, helped him out in the guest bath, and returned both of us to the family room.

Checking on laundry, I went towards the garage, passing under a light, when I felt something drip on my head, then more and more and more--there was water pouring down through the ceiling!I tore upstairs to find Jung's bathroom sink overflowing, and the floor flooded! Steve had left the hot water faucet on, and apparently plugged the sink. I was thinking, "great--my gas bill next month!" while sopping up the water with the one extra towel I found in the linen closet. I yelled down to him from the banisters, "RUN GET SOME TOWELS FROM THE GARAGE!!"

He slowly walked the opposite direction into the kitchen!

"The GARAGE! Go to the Garage!! The GARAGE!" I kept yelling, and then I ran downstairs past him and got a pile of towels. Steve was practically scared to death, even though I wasn't yelling AT him, but TO him, because I was upstairs and he was down, and the radio was on. Also, I was running through the house, so it was obviously urgent and to him, scary. Once he saw me mopping up water with the towels, he joined in.

I was by no means proud of my behavior, so I confessed my anger--rage?--to the Lord and apologized to Steve after we prayed together. My 3:15 facial appointment arrived and we had a lovely time; and later, our oldest son brought over our grandsons for a visit. So despite my manifesting several of the unchristian behaviors in the Ephesians passage--wrath, anger, clamor--God Himself was faithful. Steve and I also manifested better conduct, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave us both of our sins over three decades ago.

That bathroom is now locked when Jung isn't here!
As I look at the white swatch sewn onto Heidi's wedding gown from mine, I'm reminded to rejoice in what God says to His people in Isaiah 1:18:

Come now, and let us reason
together,"
Says the LORD,
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool."

Mimi's-mi-mi-mi!

2012-01-14T21:12:00.000-08:00

5:44 p.m. Today's project was to meet my girflfriends for breakfast at Mimi's a few miles away on the border of Riverside and Moreno Valley. It had been months since I last joined the group, due to Christmas, my lack of funds, various trips out of town and illnesses, so this was much anticipated. We catch up on ministry, family, prayer needs, current events and one another. Our core group, which is by no means exclusive, is Jill, Sherri, DeAnna, Christine, Vicky, and sometimes Yvonne, Linda M., and most years, me. We got to the point that we could have ordered one another's breakfast!Visiting daughters can join us at any time, of course. On my younger daughter's wedding day in 2008, bride Heather, her older sis Heidi and a number of her bridesmaids joined us at their own fun table. (Train up a child, amen?)

Since Steve's caregiver was on duty until noon and my dad was slated to come visit at 10:00, the 8:30 meet-up time worked. It wasn't easy to get up at 5:30 after coming in late from Long Beach last night and staying up visiting on Facebook, but several cups of coffee, starting with two at home while I did my daily devotions and Bible study, would do the trick! Our Korean houseguest has flown to Las Vegas for the 3-day Martin Luther King holiday weekend, so I've been feeling rather free of responsibility for the weekend, not that she is any trouble at all. Just one less person at breakfast and dinner through Monday night, and no lunch to pack...

The monthly or every 6 week breakfast date has been going on for several years. My daughters were just out of high school on one memorable Saturday when Steve had gone to work out in Rancho Cucamonga, and I was with my pals. Well into my meal, I got the call in our cozy booth at Mimi's that there had been a two-car collision at our corner, a huge silver truck had come through our flimsy wall, taken out two small trees and broken our wooden fence just feet from our house! With the neighbors and police were already there, and the girls were on the porch in their robes, what was I to do? Despite major auto and property damage, apparently no one was hurt. Heidi was over 18 and had already signed the police report as homeowner, so I finished my fabulous crab and avocado omelette, called for my check, paid and took a last sip of my latte --after all, I paid for it--and left for home.

I guess wild hysteria is not my style, at least when nobody's been hurt. I've found that I need to trust that the Lord has just the right personnel, both family and professional, on the scene, and I am not indispensable in every circumstance--or let's face it, the Lord would have had me stay at home that morning. Isaiah 28:16 (KJV) says of a believer's sure foundation and confidence in Christ,

Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD: Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation; he that believeth shall not make haste.

Once I got home, what a mess. Knocked-down tree limbs were everywhere. A policeman was taking pictures on my walkway with his cell phone, the drivers were talking it over on the sidewalk, our insurance guy showed up momentarily, and Steve was still on his way. A neighbor lady I'd never seen was sitting on my porch with her toddler, and our neighbor Emmanuel was there, having been the first one to hear the thunderous crash and wake the girls up after he'd called 911. This was quite a neighborhood event! I wish I still had the picture of our forlorn Golden Retriever Kena staring from the backyard through mangled wood slats. Praise God that none of our patio flagstones went flying from the impact! God was definitely there.

We now have a reinforced brick wall and a brick and cast-iron gate. No more easy-breaking wood in the front facing our dangerous corner, with two collisions in 14 years landing in our front yard. The Lord has kept us safe, and that's what matters to us!

Today's breakfast brought two new friends to the group, new commonalities and even new menu items. But our fellowship is golden and unchanging, because it's from the heart. Not one of us has a life the world would call ideal. Illnesses, disability, grown kid issues, house issues, issues afflicting loved ones and friends. All of us would be there for any one of us in a heartbeat. That's because we have the one true source of strength and hope--the Lord Jesus Christ, His word and His promises. He doesn't promise to remove trials from us, but to walk with us through them, carry us through the depths of tragedy such as we are experiencing with Steve's Alzheimer's, and deliver us in His timing. Deliverance could mean healing, the solution to a vexing problem, or a believer's triumphant entrance into heaven!

And Jesus has even provided us slices of heaven such as we enjoyed today--the fellowship of believers. No wonder Hebrews 10:23-25 says,

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together...

We need one another!

Crouching between two burdens

2012-01-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

1:27 p.m. Today's project was to continue the commitment to hard work that the Lord, through Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotional, assigned me yesterday. I would have written about this last night, but although our network was connected, neither my laptop nor my desktop were receiving the message. I felt rather bad for Jung, our Korean student, because she had an online assignment due, but as for me, the Lord apparently wanted me to get some sleep!

A little background: January 12th had been looming over my perfectly made-up head for two weeks. My Sales Director Laurie and our Director-in-Qualification Cara were headed to a conference in Atlanta for which they qualified, leaving me as one of the leaders to run our Thursday night meeting. I would be training the other consultants on booking appointments from conversations started with ladies we all meet during our daily errands. I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy meeting people from all walks of life, but with Mary Kay, that gift is being used to help my business grow. (And being a retired teacher, I had no valid way to chicken out)! Having to let myself into the house, do the alarm code and get the meeting set up 45 minutes early did add to my angst, though--more things that could go wrong. But I agreed to do it...

As if that weren't plenty to have on my mind, Cara asked if I would take her place at a table advertising Mary Kay products at Chico's women's clothing store at the Riverside Plaza from 1 p.m. until time to leave for our meeting in Redlands. The event was a fundraiser for the Riverside County Wraparound program that keeps families together, I would be gathering leads from ladies hoping to win a basket of hand care products. I would also give squirts of peach-scented handcream, which would be highly welcome in our current dry weather.

Since Cara and I have done a number of lead-gathering events together and worked hard on the Adopt-A-Grandparent program to donate gifts to Care Connexxus adult daycare, I could hardly turn her down. Plus--fresh, qualified leads are the lifeblood of any business, small or multinational!

So I made many preparations for my table, lots of decisions about the right outfit, and notified friends and customers of the Chico's event. I prepared my teaching notes for the meeting, the big day came, and honestly,

I DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANY OF IT!

First thing in the morning, while in this nervewracked state, I read my morning portion of the Spurgeon devotional for January l2, entitled "Ye are Christ's". Here's the section on hard work:

Are you placed where others are sitting down idly, doing nothing? Rise to the work with all your powers; and when the sweat stands upon your brow, and you are tempted to loiter, cry, "No, I cannot stop, for I am Christ's. If I were not purchased by blood, I might be like Issachar, crouching between two burdens; but I am Christ's and cannot loiter."

Issachar was one of the sons of Jacob. His father's deathbed pronouncement in Genesis 49: 14-15 is as follows:

Issachar is a strong donkey, lying down between two burdens; he saw that rest was good, and that the land was pleasant; he bowed his shoulder to bear a burden, and became a band of slaves.

So there you have it--work hard, don't pawn off your assignment on others, lest you become a slave to those who are willing to work hard!

The Lord pulled me together, once again assuring me, "I'm in this for you!" and was with me every step of the way, down to the colors I'd selected to decorate my table with. (They matched the clothing colors being featured at the Chico's store)! In only three hours, enough leads were collected to make my time worthwhile, and I made some new business friends.

Our weekly meeting went very well, with former Sales Director Sunnye doing the corporate gathering and glamour makeover, and most of the consultants attending my training. We learned, laughed, and challenged one another the Mary Kay way. As our founder said herself, "If I have an idea, and you have an idea, when we share them, we each have two ideas!"

The evening wrapped up, Laurie's husband and boys came home, and I made it safely home, with a smile on my face and the satisfaction of two jobs well done.

One day, all of us who have listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit and served the Lord and others in any capacity, whether as parents, ministers or business people, will hear these words from our Savior's own mouth (Matthew 25:21):

Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.

It's shaping up!

2012-01-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

7:47 p.m. Today's project was to dig back into one of my 2006-2008 journals for hints, trail markers, warnings and outright incidents from our past, almost "peeking in" at a Christian couple walking towards the late stage Alzheimer's we now live with in 2012.

The purpose of notating journal entries is that they will form the basis for my next book, which I've titled but am keeping mum about, because a publisher might want to change it anyway, and I'd bow to their editorial wisdom and marketing savvy unless the Lord blatantly showed me otherwise. But because this certain phrase has characterized so much of Steve's and my married life, it will always be the "real" title as far as my heart is concerned!

Today I was working through the latter half of 2008, which did offer some praise reports, like occasional victorious days at Mission Plastics for Steve, his attendance at Men's Retreat, and participation in the Audio-Visual ministry at our church. But extreme forgetfulness, missed deadlines at work, and emotional pain were beginning to cast a dark pall over Steve's daily attempts to continue as a contributing husband, father and employee.

2008's journal also contained the first mention of praying for his late brother Larry's healing from Alzheimer's...

The crusher for 2008 was Steve's September firing from Mission Plastics as maintenance crew leader--the pinnacle of his 35-year career, earnings, reputation and responsibilities. He did go on to lesser jobs in plastics because of his outstanding resume, references and industrywide reputation, but did not last more than a few months at each one. Imagine reading through this gut-wrenching year day by day, not just the facts, but picking up on nuances originating from my heart's observations! The Holy Spirit was my Teacher, Guide and Comforter as I journalled prayer-after-prayer in my husband's, young adult and adolescent kids' and my own behalf. I can only take for a fact that I went out and taught school each morning, and initiated and led the Mom's Morning ministry, because the journal says I did! God was carrying me through. Psalm 121:5-6:

The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your
right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by
day,
Nor the moon by night.

Yet tonight, when it took both a caregiver and me to assist Steve with a very difficult personal issue, I thought back on 2008. Even with the devastating Mission Plastics job loss and beginnings of emotional breakdown, Steve was still working at a series of less-demanding jobs. He was still driving--cars, our RV, and later, even semi's in truck driving school! He was able to go online and post his resume multiple times, search for jobs, call potential employers, and do repairs on the kids' cars and our RV. He participated in A-V ministry, a real work of precision. He could still speak fluently and enjoy conversations with friends. He could work a cellphone...

As hard as that stage was, I would gladly have kept him at that level if I'd known what four more years of this disease would do to my beloved husband! But God's created concept of time does not stand still, or Steve and I would not have enjoyed two wonderful years of retirement together in 2009 and 2010. And the progress each one of us has made in becoming closer to the Lord through this trial would not have happened either. And I wouldn't have learned to maintain my Jeep, run the sprinkler system, use spray gap-filler in a hole in a wall, or truly trust the Lord for each day's strength, courage and enthusiastic anticipation of His fresh work in our lives.

Just as the Lord is gradually giving shape to Steve's and my story of God's grace to us in the face of a fatal disease, He gives me assurance in His word daily that He is with me. I will close with Psalm 121:7-8's faith-building words:

The LORD will preserve you
from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your
going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even
forevermore.

A little different way of looking at things

2012-01-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

4:13 p.m. Today's project was to attend the new session of Bible study at our church. It was wonderful to get back together with all of my sisters, especially my discussion group members, after a long holiday hiatus! We are starting a series on the book of James, and the year is off to a very exciting start by studying the faith journey of the oldest half-brother of Jesus.

After praying with a sister at the close of our study, I took advantage of the hour I had of further caregiver time to use the $25 gift certificate my daughter Heather had given me for Christmas. I thought I'd get a quick pedicure at the former "Happiness" Nail Salon. I wrote "former," because the salon was dark, locked up, and posted no change of location! I called the phone number on the certificate and on the door, but it had been disconnected. So the money Heather spent not even a month ago is gone, sadly. It's not like young couples have money to throw away these day. Since my feet were in wretched shape, and I'd looked forward to the relaxation, I actually gave myself a nice pedicure at home later with my Mary Kay spa set, but I feel sad that my daughter lost her $25.

It was certainly no surprise to the Lord that the salon owners would be gone. Colossians 2:3 says the Father and Son are the ones "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Times are difficult, and starting a business in a depression like this one is a pretty bold and optimistic endeavor. I've been a customer of two former nail salons that folded, but praise the Lord that one of the owners accepted Christ and a Vietnamese Bible before she and her co-owner went out of my life!

When we give from our hearts, the Lord knows how to make good many times over, just as He does when we tithe to His work. The more faithfully we give (even a small amount like the size of the tithes I give on my profits on a light week!) the greater blessings God has in store for us. As so many pastors and Bible teachers have told us, "You can't out-give God!"

After the Apostle Paul commended the Corinthians for their generosity to less prosperous saints, he wrote in 2 Corinthians 9:6-8,

But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for my daughter the cheerful giver!

Treasure these times! The first decade of marriage

2012-01-09T19:14:00.000-08:00

4:42 p.m. Today's project is to encourage the young married couples and parents of little ones to treasure the early years of your marriage!

What brought this on was the births of two new babies this week, adding joy and blessing to the households of friends of mine. Another wonderful couple has announced a first pregnancy; one couple is celebrating their 2nd anniversary; and my own son Kriss and his wife Marisela are expecting their firstborn, a boy, in March.

Other young families have children who are just now beginning the marvelous adventure of elementary education, either at home, Christian schools, or neighborhood schools. What daily rejoicing God has planned and prepared for the first decade of marriage! Proverbs 5:18 exhorts husbands,

Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your
youth.
As a loving deer and a graceful
doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all
times;
And always be enraptured with
her love.

The virtuous wife of Proverbs 31 is commended as highly as any wife can aspire to in verses11-12 and 28:

The heart of her husband safely
trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
...

Her children rise up and call her
blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises
her.

As for the interaction of a God-fearing husband and wife, Ephesians 5:24-25, 33 says it all:

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her...Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As I consider the first ten years of Steve's and my marriage, it was all about building--building our marital relationship as we got to know one another intimately; building our way of life, our home and our prospects, and most important of all, building our family from one child to five, a birth every or every other year, from 1982-1988, some planned, some unplanned, but each precious baby known and brought to us directly from the Lord how and when HE saw fit.

What fun, exhaustion, commotion, accountability and ministry, raising our young ones to know and love Jesus, and to accept Him as their Savior, which they did in their early elementary years. The kids were loved and encouraged, spanked and kissed, but one thing they were never allowed to do was disrupt Steve's and my "alone time!" No matter what, no matter where, no matter how cheap the lodgings, we would go away for a weekend at least once a year. In more prosperous times, we'd go to a married couples' retreat. Praise the Lord our parents and the kids' aunties were happy and willing to babysit. Some years, I had to leave quarts of my milk behind, but our marriage was and is our priority.

The marriage is the permanent basis of a Christian home; childrearing is a phase that will one day be over. (I know you brand-new parents and parents of tots find that hard to belive in the middle or end of a long --but blessed--day)!

In our first decade, the thrill and excitement of God's way of "living married" made serious trials, struggles and disagreements fade as we learned to trust Jesus together. By praying together and alone, studying the Word for ourselves from men's and womens's studies; reading couples' and family devotionals, we stayed close to the Lord and one another. We both served our church in the ways each of us were called--Steve as an usher, me as a women's ministry teacher and leader. And we never forgot the home Bible study where we first met in 1980. We felt strongly called to honor the Acts 2:42-46 model of close fellowship by continuous home Bible study attendance in those early years, where we found friendship and encouragement from couples who were a few year's more experienced than we were!

We didn't know what our second decade would bring, but with Jesus as the center of our marriage, we knew His will would always be the best for us, and that we were in it for the long haul--" 'til death do us part."

A household of God

2012-01-08T14:28:00.000-08:00

12:15 a.m. Today's project was to attend 1st service at our church, which begins at 7:45 a.m. Since we normally attend the 9:45 service, allowing us to enjoy a leisurely morning, this one-time switch would require getting up at 5:30 and moving at a quick pace!

The reason we had to go early was that our guest Jung had plans with friends at 10 a.m., so that gave her a chance to visit Calvary Chapel with us. We agreed that she would be ready to go at 7:30 when we said goodnight last evening.

I texted our caregiver to see if he could come to help Steve at 6 instead of 6:30, but I knew I'd need to get Steve's vitamins and meds started as soon as I was showered and dressed. Then any shower, shaving and dressing help would be needed and welcome as always. Of all the days to be a couple of moments late, I mentally groused...I had Steve started in his shower when I heard the doorbell ring and Jada barking furiously from the garage. I guess Andrew had arrived a few moments before, but the shower upstairs had drowned out the noise. Well, praise the Lord, because of his help I was able to carry on my devotions and get the kitchen lined up for everyone's breakfast. This morning reminded me of the Proverbs 31 woman with her busy household! (v. 15)

She rises while it is yet night,
and provides food for her
household,
And a portion for her
maidservants.

Thankfully, for this home executive, this pre-dawn routine won't become a daily necessity!

We did have fun while eating breakfast, watching our son Kriss' video of his King Charles cocker spaniel playing Keep Away with a piece of Styrofoam packing material as if it were the most wonderful treasure imaginable. (Kind of the way a two-year-old focuses on the wrapping paper on Christmas morning)!All went smoothly, and we were actually out in the garage just after 7:30!

Steve's caregiver had warned us about the fierce wind that came up this morning on the 60 freeway west down to our house. By the time we left, it was a clear, bright morning, and the blowing was not quite as strong, so the Jeep didn't give me any worry, not being pushed at all by the wind. On arrival at church, I had a choice of parking spots, but didn't want to take a chance of driving further to the handicapped spaces, and then have to drive all the way around the sanctuary if the spots were taken. (O me of little faith!) Steve was walking all right this morning, so the three of us made it to the foyer during the first song. Jung and I were greeted by hugs from the Joy Splashers, gals whose ministry is to hug each and every one of the ladies who enter. Jung was happily surprised. Our women's ministry takes quite seriously the admonitions from the closing of Paul's epistles to the Romans, Corinthians and Thessalonians, and Peter's first letter, to greet other believers with a "holy kiss". (But most of the time it's just a warm, loving hug).

We had a fine message from Pastor John on being a "member of the household of God," as mentioned in Ephesians 2:19:

Now therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God...

Very apt message for our little trio as we heard that there are no ethnic, national, gender or economic differences between believers in Christ--we are united in one Body. I can state with a great probability of accuracy that Jung was the only one in the sanctuary following the sermon in a Korean Bible, but she was as much a part of the congregation as anyone who comes every week.

Each believer listening and learning at our church by the power of the Holy Spirit this morning has an equal standing with Jesus--and that gladdens and refreshes my heart for today, tomorrow, and for all eternity!

Sticking points

2012-01-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

4:02 p.m. Today's project was to enjoy Steve's company in a variety of settings and groupings of people. Quite a change from the hectic pace of business all day yesterday!

The morning's full house started early--7:00 to be exact. Heidi and Pavel were at the door, meeting up with Heather to get Heidi's bridesmaid hairstyle done for a 9:30 a.m. wedding. I could relate, because Steve and I got married at 10 a.m. so we wouldn't have to spend money feeding guests a full meal, just cake, punch and finger sandwiches. Nowadays, it seems most weddings are in the afternoon and a full dinner is expected by the guests. This couple decided to put the money into a Maui honeymoon--good thinking!!

I hadn't expected Pavel, but his presence, always welcome, made sense, because two cars didn't need to travel over here from Redlands. While Heather got started, Pavel grabbed a cup of coffee and his Bible, and I sat down to continue my devotions, but it was a tad hard to focus with all the jollity in the kitchen. Steve and his caregiver Andrew came downstairs so Steve, all showered, shaved and dressed, could eat a bagel while reading his online devotional.

Back and forth, between loaning Pavel a choke chain and two-handled leash for training shepherd puppy Jazzlyn, visiting with the girls, and posting my scripture, it was quite a fun morning in progress as Heather wound and wound Heidi's voluminous ringlets on the barrel of my curling iron. And our guest Jung came down to make her breakfast and join us at the breakfast table also, getting to meet a couple more of my kids.

When we have our children over for whatever reason or amount of time, Steve and I are always blessed. I am reminded of what God says about large families in Psalm 128:3-4:

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine
In the very heart of your house,
Your children like olive plants
All around your table.
Behold, thus shall the man be blessed
Who fears the LORD.

When we finally had the house to ourselves, Steve did some cleaning up in the yard and raked some leaves, while I made arrangements for our oldest son bringing our grandsons over, and for dropping off product and a "Mary Kay is the Perfect Opportunity" CD to a new customer. Later, we went out on our errands.

The sticking points I had in mind when titling this post have to do with difficulties Steve repeatedly has in living daily life, chief of which is connecting his seat belt for the many outings we take when he has to get out of the car. It's hard for me to reach over him to connect it, and when we need to be at church, for instance, every minute counts, even if we are leaving early. So I get out of the car and hook it for him, or sometimes he has it across his chest but can't fathom where the big red slot is to place the belt into. So I try to limit his times in and out of the jeep if possible, If I just have to walk up to an ATM, for instance, he is more than happy to avoid the whole process and sit in the car. Any tips for this "sticking point" are welcome!

Speaking of my ATM card, I lost it this afternoon somewhere between Wells Fargo and the Verizon store where I went to consult about my new Smartphone's keypad not functioning. Beyond irritating, what a hassle. Thankfully when I needed to pay for a prescription of Steve's I had the cash!

Another sticking point I thoroughly considered today is the fact that Steve just starts moving even when I am stopped to put my purse in a shopping cart. He just starts walking in any random direction, and I have to call him back as quietly as I can while making sure he hears me. I pray it's not the "agitation" that many late-stage Alzheimer's victims get into. It's a reminder that no matter how closely you supervise a spouse with dementia, it's really never enough. I need the Lord to help me keep Steve peaceful, safe and productive, whether at home doing useful tasks, or out and about as a good companion.

Psalm 119:147 is the cry of those of us dependent upon our God:

I rise before the dawning of the morning,
And cry for help;
I hope in Your word.

At least we looked sharp!

2012-01-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

9:12 p.m. Today's project was to meet my colleague Cara for some lead-gathering in the Canyon Crest Town Centre. We used her idea of recognizing professional women in honor of Mary Kay Ash, a visionary leader for economic opportunity for women. Our company, turning 50 years old in 2013, has created more female millionaires than any company in the history of the world!

We chose the Towne Centre because I have connections there at banks and other businesses. I dropped off Jung, our Korean student at UC Riverside and then discovered that I'd left my cell phone at home. Good thing I only live 2 minutes away, because I was able to meet Cara in the parking lot of the new Chase bank branch at the time we had agreed upon. We placed Dove chocolate bites in my gilded basket, added some lead cards for women who wanted to enter a drawing for a free facial, and in cute Mary Kay dressy style, we entered the Chase Bank lobby.

The floor manager greeted us warmly, listened as Cara explained our wish to honor the ladies there, and she accepted some chocolates for herself, took a slip to fill out for the free facial drawing, and gave slips and chocolates to the two tellers, who kindly filled out our slips too. It was the perfect time to stop by, because the bank was totally quiet.

Onward we went across the driveway to my bank, Provident, where teller Christine, who grew up with my kids at the Bible study I taught in my home in the 1980's, was out hanging up a banner promoting home mortgages, along with a male realtor. The two of us caught up, I introduced Cara, and we let her fill out a free facial slip and enjoy some chocolate. On the inside, one female teller was on duty, so I let her know about our drawing and treated her to some Dove bites.

As we walked out, Christine told us there were many more women over in the mortgage office around the back. So we approached the ones who weren't busy on the phones, and gathered more lead slips. I never realized where that back door led, so it was cool for this ever-curious person to find out!

We concluded a successful venture that would allow me time to get to my 10:00 hair color appointment on time. Meanwhile, Cara would be heading back over to Starbucks to do some booking calls, and after my hair appointment I had two facials lined up at home. We were off to a good uplifting start to a busy business day. "The hand of the diligent makes rich," Proverbs 10:4 says!

As we walked out of Provident, Cara asked for her car keys, and I told her I didn't have them; she'd tossed them into my giant designer bag, which I'd left along with my car keys and both our cell phones, just before Cara had manually locked her car! Whoops, we were now in a pickle!

We returned to Provident, asked to use a desk phone so Cara could get the number for AAA road emergency service. Now we needed to find someone with a cell phone who'd let us use it. The friendly realtor lent his phone and Cara called. We now, at 9:45, had a 45 minute wait. So much for my 10:00 hair appointment. I prevailed upon the realtor to let me call the salon, which I did several times, getting no answer! Unbelievable for a Friday at a big salon, but this was turning into an unbelievable morning already.

I thought I might as well go over to Senator Emmerson's office, where my daughter Heather works, not too bad a trek unless you're wearing high heels like I was. When I told Heather and her co-worker David what had happened we just had to laugh. It truly takes two people to make a monumental goof-up like Cara and I had achieved. My concept was to get a ride to the hair salon. So Heather and I set out driving around the Towne Centre when I decided I might as well wait with Cara for AAA because I'd need my car, and as Cara pointed out, how would I pay? We cooked up a couple of ideas about her bringing me my purse, and Steve's caregiver taking me to get my Jeep later, but never mind. I'd just have to explain to my stylist why I was late, and see if she could fit me in. On my way back to the locked car, I noticed Dove bar bites on the asphalt--I'd left an identifiers trailing from my basket like Hansel and Gretel!

After the car was unlocked, due to a nifty ballooning device, Cara and I both went our ways to a successful afternoon in our businesses, unfazed by our morning escapade. No matter how foolish we can be, the Lord always goes ahead of us and solves the problem, giving a better result than we think possible. As God told David in I Chronicles 17:8,

I have been with you wherever you have gone, and have cut off all your enemies from before you...

Cara and I caused ourselves some aggravation, but the Lord gave us grace and assistance in dealing with it, and as Mary Kay consultants should, we did look sharp!

Was the half-hour wasted?

2012-01-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

2:10 p.m. Today's project was to hop up at 5:30 again, in order to get our student guest over to the University of California Riverside by 8 a.m. If that sounds like too much time, it had to include being showered, dressed, with devotions done, breakfast eaten, her lunch packed). Steve was in the best of hands for the morning by 6:30 with Carlos, so no need to break his routine.

The difference between this morning and yesterday was that I had had a good night's sleep, after lots of fun with my kids and son-in-law catching a brown recluse spider, "Baby" Steven's idea of course. Always up for an adventure, that one is! We also enjoyed the dogs' much-improved manners during their play date. Steven's girlfriend Kathy was with us also. We all took Jung out to dinner and then to see the lights at the Mission Inn downtown. Kathy and Steven drove back up to Fresno.

The morning went very well, with my devotional for 2012, Spurgeon's Morning and Evening; reading Esther Chapter 2; writing in my Mary Kay prayer journal and my "everything about my life" prayer journal; and posting Psalm 12:6 on Facebook:

The words of the LORD are pure words
Like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
Purified seven times.

I got Jung's lunch packed, adding an extra persimmon cookie since she really liked them, and got my second batch of mushroom culture soaking overnight.

Around 7:30 she came down and said, "I only have to be there 9:00, 8:00 is for new people today." I replied, "Oh, okay!" and she went back upstairs to finish getting ready. Sheesh! Looks like I didn't "read the fine print!" Or would I have figured out the schedule even if I had???

So the question is, was that extra half-hour a waste of time? I went to bed at 9:30 for once, so I had 8 hours of sleep at least. And today has been another productive day business-wise, with a new facial booking and a party in the offing; some gardening, getting the new workbook for next week's Women's Study start-up while enjoying a pleasant drive to church with Steve on this lovely day. I picked up a package of products from my younger daughter and purchased ten books from Tate Publishing for my next book signing February 11th. We are having a peaceful and enjoyable day, I'm not even tired, and Jung and I are both looking forward to taking her to our fun Mary Kay meeting tonight.

My opinion is that nothing is wasted in God's economy, whether our oversights and poor decisions, or genetic defects and tragedies we could not have prevented. How are we to learn the great mercy, miraculous keeping power, and love of our Jesus if nothing bad ever happens, or we have flawless judgment and make no mistakes? How would we hear the whispered guidance of the Holy Spirit if we had no need of it?

Why did Jesus have to go to the cross if we humans were doing so great at knowing and doing His will?

For believers who love and serve Christ to the best of our flawed ability, who pray to see His purposes accomplished through us in any way He chooses, anywhere in the world, Romans 8:26-28 rings so true, no matter how many times we hear it:

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings that cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Thank You, Lord!!

Broadsided!

2012-01-04T15:37:00.000-08:00

1:57 p.m. Today's project was to get up at 5:30, which was ludicrous at the outset, because I'd gone to bed late finishing up my blog post and texting plans for today with my daughter .Normally I get up at 6, the care giver arrives at 6:30, and the day goes on from there. The next two days, our student Jung needs to be at UCR at 8 a.m., so I needed the extra 1/2 hour for my devotions and shower. Or so I thought.

Steve had a restless night, so sleep was sporadic. But I got up at 5:45 with a sour stomach and dreadfully tired. Got the coffee pot going, emptied quite a bit of the dishwasher's contents, and set up Steve's breakfast. I also got a couple of eggs cracked into a bowl so that Jung could have fried eggs or scrambled.

Then, wham! I was throwing up quarts of liquid and food--my own cooking, no less--and feverishly cleaning it up while watching the clock. Once I managed to get seated, I read Spurgeon's devotional, the January 4th morning offering with the theme of growth: to grow in grace, love, humility and nearness to Christ. I quickly freshened up a did some basic facial and foundation, and read my Bible. I was in the last chapter of Nehemiah, where he carries his reforms to the people, to which they made a covenant, and Nehemiah even "contended with them, and cursed them, struck some of them and pulled out their hair" of men who had married idolatrous wives! (Nehemiah 13:25)

As I was upstairs in bed, dozing for several hours, I heard what sounded like Jehovah Witnesses at the door. How I LONGED to get up out of that bed and confront them and their lying doctrine! But, that was impossible. Even more pleasing to my ears, however, was hearing Steven contending with them briefly, definitely holding his own, fighting the Lord's battle against "deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons" (I Timothy 4:1). One of my goals as a Christian parent is to have trained my children so thoroughly in biblical doctrine that they can overcome these "Traveling Bands of Liars," (Galatians: An Exploration of Faith & Freedom, Chapter 19).

Now recovering, I am grateful for some real rest, which I had denied myself--actually denied to myself that I needed. The body will have its due nutrients and healthy habits, one way or the other, or become seriously ill, not just sick for 5 hours. Let me being heeding that wisdom!

Spiritually, we need to feed and tend our relationship with the Lord daily, hour by hour, choice by choice. What a blessing that we have the Word written, teachers and pastors to give us deeper meaning and practical application, and Christian friends to keep us accountable.

Let's not get broadsided!

Wild Tuesday

2012-01-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

9:31 p.m. Today's project was to welcome our visiting Korean student to our home. But our day had been in full swing long before the 12:15 pick-up time.

I'd asked Steve's morning caregiver to stay through lunch so I could go put gas in the car, collect a Firming Eye Cream from another consultant, get a few more Namenda pills, and pick up some last minute groceries. The whole errand run made sense except for the fact that I stopped and bought gas at three separate gas stations looking for the lowest price. I get the first stop because I was on empty, and the 2nd one hoping to qualify for a Ralphs bonus point discount at Shell. But I think the third stop wasn't all that necessary because the price wasn't any lower. But I do have a full tank of gas...

We got Steve changed into a better outfit for receiving company, I put his lunch together and made my salad, which I ate while setting up the dining room table for a facial later. Then, a nap!!

The Lord was so good, "giving His beloved rest!" (Psalm 127:2b). When I picked up Jung, she had just one rolling bag, and we got to conversing immediately. In order to find out if she was a believer, I asked her if there were any celebrations this time of year in Korea, and she mentioned, "Not many, you know, Christmas celebrations." "Oh, " I rejoined, "Did you go?" She said, "Yes, at church, I'm a Christian." I said, "Oh, that's wonderful! We were really praying you would be!"

We then talked about my children and she was very fascinated with Steven's bodybuilding. At home, I introduced her to Steve and his caregiver, who left shortly after. Jung had a brief tour of her room, where I'd placed a bowl of fruit and some gifts--a soft teddy holding a nicely wrapped Mary Kay cologne. I showed her her bathroom. She asked if she would be the only one staying upstairs, in a kind of anxious way, but I showed her the master bedroom that Steve and I occupy. Jung then proceeded to nap for about 3 hours.

And what a three hours it was! Neil out tech guru called and was feeling better, so he came over to get the desktop computer to recognize the wireless hotspot, and with my logo, he worked doggedly to make it happen. God has a special place in His heart for skilled craftsment, commending them in Exodus 31, as Moses was given directions for building the Tabernacle.We are all called to be diligent in using our gifts. As Neil was working away on this computer, I was making booking phone calls and setting and re-setting appointments--that's my business to do diligently. And God blesses and will bless the person who puts his or her hands to the work God has gifted them for!

That is one way that Steve's Alzheimer's has been so sad. He always loved to be fixing and helping solve problems, and was brilliant at it, always eager to be of assistance at work, home, and church. Or on the street with total strangers--he just loved to help others. So this aftenoon was tough for him. I'd get up every now and then to get him a snack, change a channel, or start him out on a small task, but overall, he just was sitting on the couch while everybody else's busy world was circling around him and eventually passing him by. I sat down on the couch with Steve for a few minutes several times, and he did eventually doze off.

Neil had solved the problem after much labor, while a prospective customer was beginning her facial in the living room. Jung got up momentarily and then went back into her room, probably so exhausted from her 10-hour flight.

Dinner was good, despite the fact that I'd forgotten to buy rice of all things! We enjoyed nice conversation about her family and ours. Jung was very tactfully not noticing Steve's difficulties eating. When the evening caregiver came, she and Steve went out to the patio to introduce Jung to Jada while I cleaned up the kitchen. Then Jung and I went over to Radio Shack for a wall converter plug-in, and to our local organic market. When Steve was given the choice to have popcorn at home, or go to the store, popcorn won!!

Now that our son Steve and his girlfriend Kathy have arrived safely from Fresno, I can go to bed, and greet the Lord with excitement for the new day! How great are You, Lord!

Out it goes!

2012-01-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

6:43 p.m. Today's project was to haul the Christmas tree out of the living room. Last night I was casting about in my mind for a way for Steve and me to do it, but with my sore joints from putting away heavy boxes of ornaments and decorations, and remembering last year's confusion when Steve and my dad did it, that idea was a non-starter.

Despite my impatient attitude yesterday, the God the Holy Spirit graciously gave me the plan: have Steve's caregiver help with removing the tree! Aren't you always amazed at the way the Lord Jesus stoops down from momentous and universal events to help one of his children with a momentary household problem? How Jesus loves us! Hebrews 7:25 says of the salvation and watchful care we enjoy in Him,

Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for us.

Not only has Christ saved me, but He continually presents my "case" (my need for forgiveness ) to my Heavenly Father, the Judge of all the earth! when I ask forgiveness in Jesus' name, I come by way of, and with the perfect righteousness of the shed blood of Christ, and find forgiveness and grace at the foot of God's throne!

Jesus' compassion for sinners, His empathy with us because He walked this earth as a human being, gives us the courage to come to the Father for mercy, and for every need. Hebrews 4:14-16 tells of our privilege as believers who have confessed Him as our Savior:

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Strength was what I needed this morning, and God provided the necessary help to slide the tree out of the house on the sheets I had laid down, with no mess at all, other than some pine needles that Steve was able to vacuum up later. All that remains is for the tree to be dragged or rolled down the driveway for the green waste pickup on Friday morning.

Out went the Christmas tree and the year 2011 with it!

The living room will look a little empty for a while, but family, friends, and our Korean student house guest will soon occupy any available space. It reminds me of our hearts and minds when we become born again by asking Jesus into our hearts. In 1980 I remember thinking, "Since there's no more social drinking, smoking cigarettes and immoral living, what's going to take their place and keep me from getting bored? If I don't associate with the old badly behaved people, will I make new friends?"

Within a month, I made friends at Calvary Chapel Riverside (now Harvest) who are still friends today, by attending a home Bible study. My son Sean had new friends too, the kids of my new friends. We made friends at Sunday School, too. The teachers of Sean's four year old class I still count as friends. And I met my husband Steve at that same Home Bible study. Bonnie, the gal whom I helped in kindergarten Sunday School, made my wedding dress and was my matron of honor. She mentored me through the women's Bible study in the early 1980's, and the Lord made good on His calling when I began teaching the study on Tuesday mornings. Making scores of godly friends as a couple and gaining dear sisters to raise my babies with, gave me no time to think about being the "lonely only" Christian. And worried about being bored? What was I thinking? Worshiping, praying, learning the Bible and fellowshipping with like minded people left not a single bit of space in my overactive mind for boredom.

The Christian life is the most thrilling and rewarding life imaginable! As pastor and evangelist Greg Laurie often says, "Trading in your old life for the Christian life is like trading in a rusty roller skate for a Lear Jet!"

So don't hesitate to rid yourself of everything that keeps you from focusing on Jesus. You cannot imagine the peace, security, joy and excitement that will be yours as the Lord reveals to you His plans for your life. Sad and difficult things will happen to you, as they do to everyone who lives on the earth. The difference is that the Lord holds you and loves you through each incident, and gives you rich learning and depth of faith when you allow Him to take the lead. Proverbs 4:18 describes the life progress of the one who trusts in and lives in a way that pleases the Lord:

The path of the just is like the shining sun,
That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.

And that perfect day, when we see our Lord face to face, is coming. With that day in mind, determine to

Live for Jesus now, and live with Jesus forever!

Out with the old!

2012-01-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

4:44 p.m. Today's project was to remove all of the ornaments and lights off of the Christmas Tree. We'd enjoyed a lightly-attended church service where Pastor taught on Exodus 33, where Moses had asked to see God's glory, but was rewarded by seeing his holy, merciful and gracious character. The very sight left his face glowing to the point that his countenance was too bright for talking to the people! (Exodus 34:29-35) But the message was to desire more of God Himself, not only His benefits. We ended the service with communion, where I required assistance from usher and friend Jimmy Kamio to remove the plate of cups, because I had both Steve's and my cups in my hands. His hands are shaking so much these days!

After church, we fellowshiped with daughter Heidi and her husband Pavel, and also traded devotionals:   Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest from me, for Charles Spurgeon's Morning & Evening from them.We made a deal last year, when both son Steven and I raved about Chambers). I am not sure whether I've read Spurgeon's but I know Heidi is in for a powerful year of devotions! I read My Utmost for two years in a row every 4 or 5 years, and then look for something else to add to my morning quiet time.

After some fun visiting with young friends in front of the sanctuary, all of whom are planning ministry trips this year, Steve and I went to Winco for a few items in preparation for our Korean student who arrives Tuesday. At first, I was trying to pre-think of what I should buy for her breakfast and lunch, but thought the better of it: why not give her an American grocery shopping experience and let her pick a few things. For dinner she'll just have to eat whatever I cook, again, for the American home experience. I'm praying that all that happens in our home will be a a good witness to her. 2 Timothy 4:2 tells those of us in a leadership position,

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and teaching.

And I pray our language barrier won't be too severe!

Once I finished making Steve's lunch, it was time to get to business with the tree. He kept grabbing the ornaments instead of removing the hangers from the branches, so I went ahead with that project and had him spend time in the backyard, on small tasks so I could get the ornaments off and into their small boxes, as well as the lights. But in the meantime, Steve was putting paper and cardboard in the regular trash and vice versa, risking a warning note from the City sanitation workers for our mistake. They have private vendors who earn a living recycling the paper and plastic items, so we do try to be compliant citizens, a la Romans 13:1,  that tells us to respect civil authorities.

Despite constant interruptions to help Steve complete his various activities, all of the ornaments are off of the tree! Now, I'm thinking of asking my dad to come over tomorrow to drag the tree out; but he just might be a bit hesitant after the confused mess that happened, albeit with a much larger tree, when he came over to help Steve take the tree out last year. (see "A few hours off", posted January 7, 2011). Maybe I'll wait until a caregiver comes over tomorrow night to help us haul it outside. This student visitor is causing me to meet faster deadlines for returning the house to its regular state than I've been able to keep in decades! 2012 is already looking good, very promising.

Yet, 2012 is going to present some challenges: one exciting example is boosting my Mary Kay income to finance a trip to Israel with our church in 2013. I'm not going to let "being realistic" stand in the way of accomplishing the vision the Lord has given me!

As I talked to my dad this evening, I know that 2012 is going to be rough for him with his prostate cancer manifesting new symptoms; and my own back, neck shoulders and joints are feeling their age with arthritis and heavy work around the property that was at least shared with Steve until a few weeks ago.

We have a lot of variables this year in our lives. 2012 will be a year when I must take my stand and see what the Lord ordains to occur. Habakkuk 2:1-3 inspires me for the upcoming year.

I will stand my watch
And set myself on the rampart,
And watch to see what He will
   say to me,
And what I will answer when I
   am corrected.

Then the LORD answered me and
    said,
"Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an
appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it
will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

"Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his
faith."

God is going to do magnificent things in 2012, and I plan to hitch my faith to His magnificence!

2011 Wrap-up

2011-12-31T22:29:00.000-08:00

7:14 p.m. Today's project was to begin wrapping up 2011 in a variety of ways. Even though our tree still looks beautiful, I resigned myself to at least taking our most memorable ornaments off the tree and placing them in their individual boxes. While supervising Steve's raking out front, I made a quick call to our neighbor of 23years, Joanne, to see if the City had given a date for Christmas tree pick-up, since we don't take the newspaper any more. She has an artificial tree, so she hadn't paid attention, but did offer that we could just put it out on the next garbage day. She wanted to get caught up on Steve's condition, and I advised that if she and husband Craig might want to visit with Steve while he can still smile and talk a bit (although he won't remember them. ) Hopefully they will come by soon. Joanne was in our brand-new Moms in Touch prayer group that met at my house that started when Taft Elementary opened in 1990. We saw many changes of heart and outright miracles as we lived the truth of Jesus' words in Matthew 18:20:

For where two or more are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.

As for my business, December 31 of any year means the dreaded Inventory Count. Since my thrird year, I've put my count on our website in a "dummy" order that doesn't get sent in, even though I still made the initial count with paper and pencil. Today, I took my laptop and the portable wi-fi hotspot to my office, and input the whole inventory online. Still need to tote up my demo items, charitable donations and personal use, but the biggest job is finished, praise the Lord!

2011 is also closing out our "private" lives here at home. Our Korean student from University of California Riverside is arriving at the school around 12 p.m. on Tuesday the 3rd. So even though we've painted, polished and prepped the spare bedroom and bath, I had a lot of personal things to remove from the bathroom, along with my journal and notes from the roll top desk. The bedspread and pillows just got rewashed as well. On the morning of the 3rd-nothing like cutting it close!-- a veteran Homestay "mom," Kathy, is coming over for a facial and last-minute hints and tips that only an experienced hostess would know. And I will be increasing the morning caregiver hours to last until 9:00, so I can drive our student to UCR and back from the 8:30 a.m. weekday drop-off without worrying about Steve and his caregiver getting back from their walk with Jada on time.The Lord is setting all we need in place. Jehovah Jireh, our Provider!

2011 was devastating for Steve, and utterly heartbreaking for me. Despite being on very high doses of Alzheimer meds, powerful behavioral and anti-seizure pills, as well as natural supplements, he has just plummeted month by month. Our family has witnessed his slipping from very forgetful but actively engaged, to confused, off-balance and physically compromised. Steve no longer knows where the garage or the dog food barrel is; cannot open a door, even the slider, without assistance; has trouble eating, dressing and caring for himself; and rarely speaks. He also needs constant supervision, and extensive help at bedtime as well.

When our foreign student leaves in February, a new program of care will begin. Brightstar Agency will begin providing that constant supervision here at home. Details to come!

All was not tragic this year, however. My book, Galatians: an Exploration of Faith & Freedom, was published, the culmination of almost 25 years of Spirit-led teaching and writing on Paul's doctrinal declaration. Our daughter Heidi married a wonderful Christian man, Pavel, beginning a lifetime of love and shared ministry. Oldest son Sean is affiiated with and serving at the VA in Loma Linda, and his boys are excelling in high school. On my birthday, son Kriss and his wife Marisela surprised me with news of a baby on the way! Our son-in-law Nick finished his Masters' Degree at Cal Poly Pomona, and both Heather's ministry to high school girls and her photography are taking great leaps forward. Steven with his girlfriend Kathy, continue in prayer and evangelism, and he continues ministering to high schoolers in Fresno and ranks high at each of his bodybuilding competitions. And my Mary Kay business is building with a team of Christian sisters to lead, encourage, and be encouraged by.

It wouldn't be December 31st if I didn't confess my sins to the Lord in my journal today, and if I didn't feel a need for a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit! The former politician in me would like to say, "mistakes were made," but sin must be called what it is! Bad attitudes, lack of compassion, selfish motives, Gods sees it all. He not only sees, but stands ready to forgive. His indwelling Holy Spirit makes the difference between convicting us of sin to repentance and restoration, and the devil condemning us and driving us away from the Lord Jesus in perpetual shame!

Believer, confess your sins to our Jesus, and be forgiven. Unbeliever, confess your sins to the Lord Jesus, ask Him to save you, and begin 2012 as an entirely new man or woman, from the inside out!

I'll close this year of posts with a quote from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest for December 31st:

As we go forth into the coming year, let it not be in the haste of impetuous, unremembering delight, nor with the flight of impulsive thoughtlessness, but with the patient power of knowing that the God of Israel will go before us. Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ.

Leave the irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.

An encouraging word, fitly spoken

2011-12-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

7:32 p.m. Today's project was to see a word from the Lord carried out through my Mary Kay sales director Laurie.

We had just wrapped up a fun meeting when I was headed out the door with both arms loaded down. She said, "Okay, Dana go get your hair done tomorrow and sell some product!" I retorted, "Hey, do I look like I need to go? Which I do!" We said goodnight and off I went. The funny part was that I hadn't even remembered that I had an appointment; I was just focused on getting back home through the Canyon, and whether I should deposit a customer's check last night or in the morning. Knowing that Steve was having his Thursday night popcorn with his hilarious caregiver, Cassandra, kept my mind at ease and able to do my job. Thank you, God, for believers who serve the ones Jesus called "the least of these," (Matthew 25:40) the mentally and physically disabled, the hurting!

Having decided not to risk walking up to a night deposit slot in a dimly-lit parking lot, I went straight home, enjoying worship songs on the radio, and assisted with the caregiver's night time duties. Thinking Laurie might be prescient about my sales prospects for the morning, I left my inventory and gifts in the Jeep instead of hauling them all in. If her words were going to be as "apples of gold in pictures of silver," as Proverbs 25:11 puts it, I wanted to be ready.

The Lord showed me to publicize the new lip glosses with samples, catalogs, and products to sell as I walked in for my 11:00 appointment. My 25% off Inventory Reduction Sale sweetened the deals, as sales tend to do. This "Look, everybody!" approach is not unusual for me, because the beauticians and their clients are my customers already. But they love to see the new products, especially makeup, so I show or demonstrate them by applying them under the hair dryer where I sit for a few minutes each time. Today was a good success--I sold products to three cash customers! But the day wasn't finished yet.

My sweet friend and team member Debbie called to let me now that she'd placed a nice-sized order, which helps me financially as a Star Team Builder (Red Jacket). The company pays us commissions on our recruits' production, though not one penny is taken from their own profits. Sheer genius! I especially saw God's grace in Debbie's perseverance, because she lost her mom, a godly, active 74 year old, just before Christmas. They know she's in a better place, but it isn't a better place here for those left behind. Debbie said, "It's like a black cloud was hanging over Christmas" with the memorial on the 22nd. I encouraged and loved her as best I could, and I know she will continue on with the Lord, and memories of her mom will just be all sweet as time passes. We can all receive Proverbs 10:22 in anticipation of the day when we all reunite in heaven:

The blessing of the LORD makes one rich,
And He adds no sorrow with it.

The blessings continued on. A very dear customer, my daughter's mother-in-law Kathleen, came over to try the new gel facial mask and visit. (All of the precise designations make our relationship sound so formal, but we have become good friends over the three years of our kids' marriage). She enjoyed a nice discount also, and I appreciated her taking time out of one of her last Christmas vacation days to have a facial.

Soon after, a mother-daughter team of Mary Kay consultants, Heather and Tara, dropped by, delivering two products on loan from our sales director, enabling me to complete deliveries already paid for. It turns out that they live in our general part of town and travel the same route through San Timiteo Canyon to Redlands, so the question was, "Why aren't we carpooling to our Thursday meeting?"

Yes, a good word was spoken over me for today, and a good business day it was! But more than that, I saw how God gave Steve and me a good afternoon together, relationships with friends were strengthened, and the finances He provided gave me the confidence to go buy my husband's meds without hesitation.

Thank you, Lord, for sending this new and exciting stream of benefits into our home. Isaiah 43:19 puts it best:

Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the
wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

For want of a charge

2011-12-29T23:42:00.000-08:00

9:06 p.m. Today's project was to schedule facials with two ladies I met this week, who both happily gave me their numbers. Neither of them answered the phone or returned my call today. They may call me back tomorrow, or if not, I may call in a few more days. There was definitely time to check my email and fill the afternoon with others who might have responded to my Inventory Reduction Sale (IRS) message. But I had a problem.

Earlier in the morning, I had attempted to post Psalm 10:13-14, the next verses in my bi-annual Facebook journey through that inspiring book of the Bible. I pretty much post the next verse that comes along, trusting that there will be personal significance for any of several hundred readers who may happen upon it on a given day. People have told me that they look forward to my daily scripture, just like I anticipate other friends' posting of verses or inspirational quotes. Psalm 10 is "A Song of Confidence in God's Triumph over Evil." And vv. 13-14 say,

Why do the wicked renounce
   God?
He has said in his heart,
"You will not require an account."

But You have see, for You
   observe trouble and grief,
To repay it by Your hand.
The helpless commits himself to
   You;
You are the helper of the
   fatherless.

The only problem was, that I could not get my notebook computer to connect to our Verizon 4G network, even though the network was on. (The outdated technology of our desktop made any attempt on that machine ludicrous; my son-in-law had been trying everything for days, and our business systems administrator friend was in agreement with that assessment). So, there the matter stood, even though the notebook is only a couple of years old and had been connecting perfectly well for weeks. I completed the rest of my devotions happily, enjoying the Bible, a selection from the devotional My Utmost for His Highest, and journalling my prayers to the Lord. More calm now, I was resigned to the fact that sometimes we just cannot accomplish all we set out to do!

What to do? The local Verizon store rep told me to bring in the mi-fi hotspot and he'd check it out. After praying, and realizing the Lord had other plans, I logged out and shut off all components. Since Steve and I were both ready for the day, it seemed that using the Winco gift card I received from our oldest son was as good a way as any to spend a morning "disconnected" from the outside world. I laughed a bit at myself, wondering how we ever got by before the invention of the World Wide Web and the Personal Computer!

At least I my rickety cell phone was still working!

While we were in line, our tech expert called to see how the computers were doing since I installed a wireless network adapter. (Not good). He mentioned that he had returned a brand new, top of the line, newest generation $400 Android X phone himself for non-performance! Is nobody safe these days?! Common consumers like me haven't got a chance, if there's a piece of high tech equipment Neal couldn't get to work! Good grief!

Back at home, I put away the perishables, and turned both computers and the mi-fi hotspot back on. The 4G network flashed green pretty quickly. One thing I noticed when the notebook came on that it was unable to really complete the action because the orange low battery was flashing. I made sure it was plugged back in to the outlet charger and got Steve situated.

Then it occured to me--that might have been why it wouldn't connect to the network! It didn't have enough battery power. And sure enough, after several minutes, I hit the "Internet Explorer" icon on the desktop, and it connected right away! Something...So...Simple.

Quickly logging on to Facebook, I posted my scripture, wished a few friends Happy Birthday, complimented an engaged friend's bridesmaids' dresses, viewed my profile page for any comments, and then checked my gmail email account, where I found that some ladies had responded to my ad!

Funny how a simple habit like keeping the laptop's battery charged can be so easily overlooked and become the source of aggravation! I'm reminded of a medieval nursery rhyme that begins, "For want of a nail," and escalates from a nail missing in a horse's shoe to the loss of the shoe, the horse, the rider, and the battle. And so it is with our walk with the Lord.

A believer might begin sleeping through morning devotions, drop out of Bible study, or neglect their small group home fellowship, then start skipping church, and then before they know what has happened, they just aren't walking with the Lord any more. They may or may not pick back up the bad practices they gave up through the conviction of the Holy Spirit when they got saved, because the devil manipulates each backslider differently. But without regular time in God's Word, fellowship with His people, listening to instructive, inspirational, convicting sermons, and having a regular prayer time, temptations are a lot easier to fall into.

Even Jesus, God the Son, attended synagogue regularly, and found prayer to the Father to be an absolute necessity! Luke 6:12 records Jesus' action before choosing the twelve disciples:

Now it came to pass in those days that He went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.

Believer, you may not get up tomorrow with plans to rob a bank, poison the municipal water system, or shoot up heroin, but when you choose to neglect the worship and honor due to God, you will find yourself totally drained of the purpose, joy, direction and peace that could be yours from the abiding Presence of the Holy Spirit. That's because you will have been "disconnected" from the one true power source: Jesus Christ!

So stay plugged in and powered up!

Do you love Him?

2011-12-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

5:16 p.m. Today's project was to sit down to my weekly journal research for my book on a Christian response to the trial we have been experiencing since we met almost 32 years ago: Steve's long- term debilitating fear and anxiety, and now Alzheimer's. I noted 70 separate incidents and prayers for healing just today, in the 2007-2008 journal (my fourth journal so far) and I'm not even halfway through the volume. I don't even try to imagine how this will all come together as a book. But God knows what He intends to include, so I'll do my part each week, and He will do His, right now in the preparation and later in the writing.

Of that I am sure!

As a Christian, I have the hope, the expectation, of being with Jesus in heaven one day. I also have an expectation that God will always do what He has promised to do in my life in the here and now. Hebrews 10:23 says,

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

I admit that I was a bit "wavery" this morning at 6:35, when I brought Steve downstairs for his meds and vitamins, and his caregiver hadn't arrived yet. The minutes went by, Steve ate his banana, and there was no help for me: I had to get him showered and dressed, something I hadn't done previously, because of course he took care of his own needs until this year, and we've had a male caregiver with him each morning now that he needs the help.

I would have just had him wash up at the sink but for the fact that he was due to catch his bus at 7:45 to go to Care Connexxus, his adult daycare center. So he had to be clean, clean shaven, and dressed in the nice clothes I had (thank you, Lord) set out for him last night. It's tough for an untrained person to help an adult in and out of their clothes, especially if they are stiff, disoriented, and can't help you by bending their elbows and knees appropriately. He also had no concept of the necessity of moving somewhat quickly this morning because of the scheduled pickup time.

By the grace of God , we got it done, with minimal arthritic twinges in my fingers from helping pull on snug socks! I had him finish his breakfast and brush his teeth, but left shaving for last, figuring that if the bus came early, the essentials would be covered. Steve then sat on the front couch by the window, waiting for his bus while I finished my devotions. He looks forward to boarding it now. He jumped up yelling "It's here!" and ran to the door, with me grabbing $2 in coins for his ride, unlocking the door as the bus honked.

I kissed him goodbye, turned back to finish my devotions, have breakfast and dress for the day. What a hectic morning! But my notations went smoothly and very productively upstairs at the roll top desk.

Funny that the chaos should occur on a day dedicated to the Lord, isn't it? It seems pretty obvious to me that the devil had a hand in making my caregiver forget to come here, oversleep, or whatever happened to him. I Peter 5:8 says that "the devil, like a roaring lion, goes about seeking whom he may devour;" Ephesians 6:11 tells us to "stand against the wiles of the devil;" II Corinthians 2:11 tells us that "we are not ignorant of Satan's devices." He'll use any trick to knock me off balance, distract me from my purpose, or even doubt that it's God's will for me to write this book! Well, sorry, devil, but I choose to believe God!

When God gives us an assignment, whether far-reaching or immediate, personal or public, a command to act upon, or a regeneration of heart and mind, we need to obey. It doesn't "make sense" to remove 4-5 hours of a work day for quiet study and reflection on the development of Steve's disease and the effect it's had on our lives, but that is what God told me to do, and cleared a way for me to have that time by Steve spending a day at daycare. It doesn't "make sense" for multiplied millions of Christians worldwide to get up at least an hour earlier than necessary for their day's duties at work or home (or both) to read the Bible, pray, journal their reflections on the verses they've read, or fill in portions of a Bible study lesson. But we do, out of love and obedience to our Lord Jesus, who said in John 14:15,

If you love Me, keep My commandments.

Some commandments are universal, such as to love and care for one another, pray in Jesus' name, study the Bible and witness of our salvation to others. Other commandments are for you and you alone.

Do both!

Timing: a God-thing

2011-12-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

6:44 p.m. Today's project was to arrive at Starbucks in Riverside's Canyon Crest Towne Centre by 10:00 a.m. and book appointments until 1 p.m. when Steve's caregiver's shift ended. Since I live just up the hill from the coffee shop, I'd have almost three hours to book.

I was utterly groggy and exhausted when I got up at 6 a.m., but have no sleeping-in option, because I let the caregiver in at 6:30. That gives me 1/2 hour to shower and prep before Steve gets up. That is his only unsupervised time slot all day.It was very late when I finished my post last night, due to the troubles Steve had experienced after consuming so much sugar. Of course I had a lot of cleanup to do with the large crowd we had, but that is to be expected. After 23+ years of exercising the gift of hospitality (Romans 12:13; I Corinthians 12:28b, Titus 1:8) in this house, the Lord has helped me to set my systems in place.

Another aspect I was dealing with was a virtual "hangover" from taking Alka Seltzer Night Time Cold medicine. I probably should have added 2 more hours of sleep with the fizzy tablets. It was a "perfect storm" of weariness!

So, I had my devotions as always, about 2 1/2 mugs of coffee, and set up Steve's breakfast while the caregiver did his morning grooming. Seeing that Steve was ready for the day, had his breakfast, and was headed out with his caregiver and Jada, I just went back upstairs and slept until 9:20.Obviously, I wasn't going to be at Starbucks at 10! Even though I just had to dress and put on my Mary Kay face, I still hadn't eaten my scrambled eggs or brushed my teeth. I noticed a message on my cell from CVS pharmacy about one of Steve's prescriptions; I hadn't packed my inventory, my wrapped gift baskets or binder with customer info into the Jeep. But the Lord knew I needed the rest.

When I arrived at the coffee shop with my Christmas gift cards, I was happy to see that I could get a seat inside, in the cozy corner that I favor if it's not occupied. With my salted caramel frappucino in hand, and a hold on the "2nd one free," I began making my calls with mixed success. But the Lord's encouragement was mixed in as I spent a few moments visiting with the parents of one of Kriss' best friends from elementary school. a little later, I smiled at one middle-aged lady and let her know that a seat next to me was open. I was thinking, "Maybe she'll want a facial!" But she started talking to me right away, and mentioned renting her guest house to UCR (University of California Riverside) students...hmm. I mentioned the UCR Homestay program that we are going to participate in next month, and it turns out that she's been involved for six years.

What made our visit and the quick way we hit it off so wonderful is that she's a Christian! And that's what makes the timing of my arrival a total GOD THING!!

We fret so much about the exact time we need to be somewhere, the exact time we need God to deliver us from a trial, or the deadline we set for God to bless us. Then we determine that if deliverance, blessing, or resolution doesn't happen on a date certain, life as we know it will never be the same. I've caught myself, and you have too, feeling utterly sad about my bleak prospects. Then, the Lord unfailingly shows me in His Word yet another example of His mighty saving and keeping power from the foundation of the earth!

Yet somehow, He can't take care of me this month? while the situation may not be, the "poor me" act is laughable for a believer who has seen the Lord deliverance again and again.

David was in a very bad spot in I Samuel 30, when he and his men returned from fighting to find that their encampment in Ziklag burned and all of their wives and children kidnapped. His men were about to stone him in rage and grief. One of the most instructive verses in the Bible (v.6) then says,

But David encouraged himself in the LORD His God.

He consulted the Lord, was told to pursue the Amalekites, he and his men did so, and recovered all who were lost. The Lord was more glorified by that tremendous deliverance than on a day when all was going smoothly.and the same goes for us. We want to glide smoothly along in life, despite the knowledge that life just doesn't go that way for very often. But the Lord has better things for us that we can think of, ever more glorious deliverances from trials and unexpected blessings galore!

I'll be calling my new acquaintance for advice before and during our Korean student's visit, and she may even become a customer. But the Lord had brought a new friend into my life.

In HIS timing!

Find that hidden place

2011-12-26T23:18:00.000-08:00

8:37 p.m. Today's project was to prepare our home for the third Christmas celebration we've hosted this week. After Christmas Eve service, we enjoyed the company of our daughters and their husbands, and Heather's in-laws the Loves. Steven had been home all day, in from Fresno at 4 a.m., but wasn't feeling very well. I'm not remembering whether he ate with us, but went upstairs to lie down when we had dessert and games. Then he abruptly ended our party by calling "mom" from upstairs to help him during an attack of violent illness. Since I had to put Steve to bed at the same time, I unceremoniously yelled down my request that everyone there clean up! My daughters and our guests helped, bless their hearts, so I could focus on my two Steve(n)s. I was up so late with Steven that I posted my Christmas message on this blog on Christmas Day!

Christmas day itself was fantastic, and I was super blessed to have all five kids and their spouses with us.,. Today's gathering of Steve's family (and my dad) was just plain fun, with tons of dips, treats and munchies for the large crowd. We had every stage, from grandparents to two-tear-olds, veteran marrieds to our newest bride -to-be, Kendra, engaged to our nephew David.

Steve enjoyed the visiting, had no problem with the noisiness of the little ones, and only spilled a little food. His sister Linda and her husband Mike took him out for a brief walk, before our riotous "White Elephant" game. I think my hastily-assembled bag of hospital supplies was the most obnoxious gift, but the plush singing reindeer was a close second (See above).

Proverbs 17:22 says,

A merry heart does good like medicine. We had a huge dose of guffaws tonight!

I wish I could say that Steve's evening continued to go well. Instead of limiting himself to one dessert choice, (his sister's cheesecake) as we'd agreed upon earlier, he took advantage of my moments away as hostess, or even when I got up to get more food for the two of us, to nosh on several kinds of cookies and sweets,. It's difficult now to tell him that he shouldn't have any more than a limited portion, especially with company present.

Steve has always had low blood sugar issues, so he disciplined himself to eat sugar free ice cream and I moved to baking with low-sugar alternatives. The whole family embarked on a healthly diet via Shaklee products and wholesome nutrition. But now, with Steve unable to self-monitor on any segment of his life, he depends upon me, and I am quite consistent in limiting his sugar intake. But in a social situation, Steve just sees a sweet and can't project into the next hour to remember how sugar will soon affect him. And I'd even made sure he'd had a couple of tamales and other sources of protein first!

Tonight, Steve staggered and stumbled as we walked out to the dumpsters to empty garbage. Instead of continuing the cleanup of the downstairs floor, I had to walk out wth him and physically turn his body in the direction of the correct dumpster: paper recycle, green yard waste, or brown regular garbage. It's very tiring in the late hours when I'm finally able to get to my duties, after I've first put him to bed. So the consequences of sugar fall quite heavily on me. He actually made an angry comment this evening! And if Steve had walked out on the sidewalk, he could have been arrested for public drunkenness, his walking was so uncoordinated, his limited speech slurred, and his eyes so unfocused..

So I suggested that he sit down and pray for help to the Lord who has, is and will be granting healing to those who ask, seek and knock.He nodded off, and then I led him upstairs to bed. (Luke 11:8-9)

I am not sure how to handle social eating with Steve, other than to avoid it, but that's not healthy for me or him emotionally, to become isolated from family and peers. If I can ask for help I do, like at Home Fellowship where the hostess Brenda puts desserts on the far back table in deference to my need to select perhaps one small cookie for Steve rather than leave desserts within his reach.

Believe me, I will be asking, seeking and knocking on heaven's door for strategies and techniques to employ that I might be prepared. A favorite Proverb( 27:12) says,

A prudent man foresees the evil and hides himself; the simple pass on and are punished.

Lord, please show me where to find that hidden place of wisdom and safety for my husband and me! In Jesus' name, amen!

Ants!

2011-12-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

9:31 p.m. Today's project was to host a lovely Christmas gathering that began at 8:45 with the arrival of our son Kriss and Marisela, and developing baby Clark. The caregiver had just left and Steve and I were pretty much ready, just getting some table settings done and wrapping up my devotional time.

All five of our kids and their spouses came, and we all had a wonderful time eating Marisela's delicious gourmet French toast, downing lots of hot cider and Kriss' perfectly brewed coffee. We had three kinds of bread: pumpkin from Nick's mom Kathleen; cranberry from Heidi, and cinnamon coffee cake made by our son Sean. Gifts were then exchanged. The more novel ones included a personalized ceramic pig for Clark, who also got children's books and a gyrating food bowl--non-spill, it says! Steve was very happy with his "Not of This World" t-shirt and new jeans. My dad loved his devotional books, the girls were pleased with their handmade necklaces, the Amazon and Starbucks gift cards were plentiful. I received a mushroom garden from Steven, which I can't wait to start cultivating and eating from!!

We had seven kinds of homemade cookies, too! A roast beef dinner was enjoyed by several of us, followed by--more cookies! Steven, who had been sick all night, was able to join us and definitely livened up the conversation. Heidi and Pavel returned from his parents' house with a huge bag of pomegranates. We all visited for another hour, and they left, as did Nick & Heather. I was helping Marisela pack up their gifts and goodies
when she mentioned, "Be careful with the pomegranates. They have ants all over them."

Did that ever get my attention!

Do you remember the cavern scene in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1981) where Harrison Ford yells out "Snakes! Why does it have to be snakes?!" Seems there was a phobia going on there. Well, I feel just as fanatically disgusted and revolted by ants! Give me one long snake or a big spider any day over a trail of ants!

So I asked her to take the bag out to the garage, and we went on with our goodbyes, including sending Steven on his way back to Fresno. Hoping for the best, I went to the dining room table to do some clearing up when I saw them--tiny grayish-black ants, not a lot, but enough to put me into a smashing and brushing away mode. I got the Basic-G organic germicide that kills them on contact without poisoning the dining room table cloth. Steve vacuumed for me, and I felt like we were on top of the situation. Heidi got a text asking if she knew about the pomegranate-loving ants. She replied that sometimes they do have ants. I wrote, "You know how I am about ants, lol!"

The Lord just showed me not to ruin a fabulous Christmas Day, and to make a joke out of the ant invasion. Steve and I enjoyed such a great day with all of our kids. Even Jada enjoyed the treats from her stocking and being played with. Irritating though they are to me, ants just aren't worth letting go of the blessedness God had seen fit to give to us. We had lots of opportunity to share the gospel and testify of Jesus in a very natural, relaxed, sugary atmosphere. The Lord was in this place! Steve and I witnessed our children giving and receiving thoughtful creative gifts to their parents and siblings.

Life has lots of "ants," doesn't it? And the devil loves to blow tiny incidents or details up to the point where all of the Holy Spirit's work and witness are forgotten. What are your ants? A house that isn't perfectly clean? Low on cash? Kids acting up? I can testify that all of these conditions are temporary, as a mother of five grown children and a grandmother of two and a half. But God's richest blessings are kept in store for, and meted out to, His precious children throughout the world. Just like earthly, sinful parents do. Jesus pointed out this out with an incisive question in Matthew 7:11:

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

It's finally here!

2011-12-25T00:21:00.000-08:00

12:10 a.m. Today's project is to wish all of you a Merry Christmas, and full of the knowledge of how much Jesus Christ loves you, so much that He came to die on the cross for your sins. Please ask God to forgive your sins, and ask Jesus into your heart today, that you may be with Him one day in heaven, and live the most wonderful life imaginable now as His born again child.

You won't be living on easy street, but you will have His loving guidance, wisdom, care and hope within you, and one day walk on streets of gold!

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Caring connexxus

2011-12-23T22:33:00.000-08:00

7:48 p.m. Today's project was to gather the wrapped Mary Kay gifts our Legacy unit had prepared, and meet colleague Cara at Care Connexxus. That's the adult daycare program Steve attends on Wednesdays so I can research and write my next book on the way Alzheimer's has affected our lives from a Christian perspective. It was such a blessing when Laurie, our sales director, made this a unit-wide Christmas project, with Cara in the lead, to donate Mint Bliss foot cream to the participants!

Our day at home started off roughly, with a snafu at Special Trans, but the bus did come to pick Steve up and take him to the center by 8:45. That gave me time to get all dressed up for the Christmas party that would start when "Santa" arrived at 10:00. Cara and I were there around 9:30, and had a very pleasant visit with Rita, the Activities Director. Later as we talked, she asked to look at a copy of my book, Galatians: An Exploration of Faith & Freedom, which she may use for her new devotional starting in January. I suppose we made good use of our time, because Santa was quite late! But in the large assembly room, the aides and attendees were singing Christmas carols quite vigorously, so all was well. Psalm 150:6 says,

Let all that has breath praise the LORD.

And that includes disabled adults!

I gave the gifts to Rita to go ahead and place under the Christmas tree as she thought best, and sat on a couch in the small sitting room after Cara had to get back home. A friend called me and related the most amazing story: a nephew of hers came out of a 50-day coma due to the vehement, tearful intercessory prayers of a total stranger who heard through about him through a network of text messages! God told her to pray like she'd never prayed before, and in obedience, she fell to her knees and began. Later, she felt compelled to travel to meet the young man, and offer living proof that many, many people cared about him. He now knows that suicide is not the answer--Jesus' love is! As Jesus was born and lived in flesh and blood to save us from our sins, He puts His love into flesh and blood people to share with the hurting and lost.

I went to the couch where my husband was sitting and joined him as the party started. He was relating to and enjoying the event, and miling and speaking to friends. The wheelchair-bound people were brought up first for a picture with Santa and to receive their gifts from the center and from us; then the ambulatory lined up. I was proud and happy to be at Steve's side as he hesitantly (at first) shook hands with the Santa, and then sat down for a picture to be taken. I took a few pictures myself, and Rita mentioned that I'd brought some gifts, just quietly to Santa. Steve and I then left so he could spend the rest of the day with me.

The amazing events--call them a God thing or a miracle--continued, as we pulled up into our driveway. There, lo and behold, was our old neighbor Helen Luckinbill, puliing into our driveway at the same time! She bought her home when we bought ours 23+ years ago! Now 81, she was out and about to do some Christmas shopping. So I invited her in to have some tea and persimmon cookies, catch up with each other's lives, and of course, see my gift collection of perfumes, all wrapped beautifully by a friend. Helen proceeded to buy almost $90 worth of gifts, a godsend in a lean, lean week!

Steve had gone upstairs to nap, but Helen and I had the best time, and she went on her way rejoicing, and I was certainly delighted as well!We'll get together at her home in San Jacinto after the first of January.

I have no idea how Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after will flow together, all taking place here in our home, but God is in the path-smoothing, way-making business as He showed me today. So I'll close with the ending of Psalm 150:6:

PRAISE THE LORD!

Faithfully floured

2011-12-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

9:10 p.m. Today's project was to make three more varieties of cookies that my family looks forward to each year: cut-out sugar cookies, strawberry jam-filled bars, and persimmon cookies. The sugar cookies now await icing and decorating, the jam cookies are finished and so are the persimmon. Whether I can make a second batch of mint meringues and a pan of fudge await the verdict of time, pure and simple. The countdown to Christmas Eve's after church meal and Christmas' midday dinner is now truly ticking!

This morning, Steve and I picked up a few last dinner items, like potatoes, beef gravy, extra butter and margarine (for some of the 1960's vintage cookie recipes when margarine was in vogue). I've placed the kielbasa and chicken thighs for my French Market Soup in the fridge to thaw for Christmas Eve, as well as the beef roast for Christmas day. Now I just need to remember to get the beans soaking overnight on Friday!

Steve went with me to our organic market Sprouts, and then to Ralphs, but it's becoming more difficult to keep him with me in grocery store aisles. Additionally, since he doesn't appear "handicapped," shoppers in a rush see no reason to give him time and space to move over in the aisle, unless they pick up on my voice guiding him with phrases like, "Come on, Steve," "Stay with me," "Let's move over this way," or "Why don't you hold onto the cart." People give space and extra time for him to move out of the way most times, but they are very preoccupied right now, and we had a few bumps today. Once other shoppers get a glimpse of his vacant, uninvolved, anxious stare they'll grasp the situation, smile and move out of our way encouragingly. God bless the considerate shoppers in our neighborhood--they make my expeditions with my husband easier to enjoy! I especially appreciate running into friends like Kathy at CVS last night, who hadn't seen Steve for several months, since her son and mine moved apart after college graduation. I know that the change in Steve had to be a shock, but she made greeted him, made eye contact, and her friend was pleasant when Steve tried but failed to shake his hand.

I appreciate the calm, helpful but non-pitying attitude the people we associate with, at church for the most part, or in the neighborhood, take towards Steve and me when we meet up with them. I know that they are grieved for us both, but they never fail to be encouraging.

And boy, do I need encouragement, and though he can't actively express gratitude, Steve does, too.
One way I encouraged Steve today, while having some concentrated time to work on my cookies, was to have him go get some $.49 tacos at Del Taco with his caregiver. The Lord made that a refreshing time for me to build a nice salad for my own meal before moving to the next recipe. While we need to encourage others, we need encouragement ourselves!

In Deuteronomy 3:28, when God told Moses to turn the leadership of the people over to Joshua, He said,

Command Joshua, and encourage him and strengthen him, for he shall go over before this people, and shall cause them to inherit the land which you shall see.

My Sales Director Laurie encouraged me greatly this evening before our meeting, by telling me, "You're going to run tonight's skincare class." "Why?" I laughingly asked. "Because you're a Red Jacket!" Since I came expecting to be part of our gift-wrapping project, that was quite a surprise. "Do you feel like you're being thrown to the wolves?" she chuckled. "Yep, but I'll do it." There were just two guests that other consultants had brought, and the class went fine. It was odd to give a class without closing each guest with a sale. But that's what sales directors do at every Success Meeting--lead classes for any and every guest of all the consultants. I know that the Lord was leading--He's shown me that it's time to step up! I taught the consultants a couple of weeks ago on time management, and it was well received. I was nervous both times at first--imagine being Joshua!-- but God's given me the knowledge and experience, and it's time to use them.

My day of baking was not only productive, but calming and energizing as well. God was allowing me to do an activity in which I feel quite confident first, in order to prepare me for a task that might have made me panic. But always remember I Thessalonians 5:24, those of you believers who desire to serve the Lord, whether called to do so at home or in public:

Faithful is He who calls you, who also will do it.

Bakers three

2011-12-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

3:46 p.m. Today's Project was to welcome my two married daughters to my kitchen to make two of our family favorite cookies: Lemon Squares and Chocolate Layer Cookies. The Mint-chocolate chip meringues are finished, and the sugar cookie dough has been chilling in the fridge since I made it yesterday. We bake from scratch, even picking two lemons off our tree in the backyard.

The girls and I had another fun reason to visit--letting Heidi bring her dogs Sammy the Whippet mix and Jazzlyn the BIG baby German Shepherd for a play date with Jada. On Wednesdays, her "Pop" (Steve) goes to adult daycare, so Jada's a little bit at loose ends for most of the day. So out of town visitors were perfect for her.

Also, Jazzlyn tries to boss Sammy around by her sheer bulk, so she needed to encounter a very alpha female dog on new territory. It was barky and tense at first, and Jada had to nip Jazzlyn, but the three of them ran around, got acquainted and had fun. Sammy, the retiring type, came in to relax, shunning without the ruckus. Our family just loves dogs, inside, outside, large or small. God's creatures add so much love, loyalty and fun to life! We and in turn must treat them with kindness and consistent discipline. Proverbs 12:10 says,

A righteous man has regard for the life of his animal,
But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.

In an agrarian society, animals were a substantial financial investment, and key to family survival, in the same role as farm animals still serve today all over the world. We may not keep chickens ourselves--though I've thought about it--but we all eat eggs! Praise the Lord for those whose husbandry keeps us fed!

Heidi and Heather mixed, layered and put their cookie bars into the oven. I served them a thank- you lunch of macaroni salad with minced turkey Kielbasa, while I savored the delicious tuna salad I'd made yesterday. Then we sat down to watch the Christmas movie "Elf." (Or they stayed seated the entire time, while I popped up and down as usual!) Fun "girl time" this afternoon.

Later on, after they went on their way, I finished the final layers on both desserts: powdered sugar on the lemon squares; mint frosting and a thick dark chocolate glaze on the layer cookies. I'm currently deciding when I should cut out and bake my sugar cookies. So much depends on Steve's routine, needs and schedule, so the Lord will show me when to fit it in. At least I only make 4 dozen of them these days instead of the 8 dozen I would make when all the kids were home. We'd have so many, that as neighbors, the kids' friends and others dropped by, I'd have them grab a knife, a toothpick or frosting gun and decorate one to take home!

I'm reminded that there is a saying that goes, "The past is prologue." Ecclesiastes 1:9 says,

That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done.
And there is nothing new under the sun.

As a mom of two godly grown daughters, I certainly pray that they will carry our many traditions, especially believing in and following Christ, into their homes and beyond. Their children will be the richer for it!

Wrapping as the Lord leads

2011-12-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

3:54 Today's project was to begin wrapping up the Mary Kay Mint Bliss foot lotion our unit is giving to each participant at Care Connexxus, the adult daycare where Steve spends each Wednesday. This is our Christmas charitable project, and I am super proud of our Sales Director Laurie for inspiring us all to meet our goal of 80 wrapped gifts. Cara has also been a blessing, heading up the effort by keeping us stirred up as well as keeping a record of our progress in selling the lotion to customers, whose retail purchase buys two wholesale gifts. (Consultants buy at half price).

Cara came over this morning to get us started wrapping with cellophane, gift shred, tinsel and netting. Frankly, I needed someone to make up a couple so I could "get it." I love to cook, bake, cross stitch, and decorate anything that isn't moving, but the gift wrapping gene just wasn't given to me by the Lord!You know who used to do the best wrapping each year for birthdays and Christmas? Steve! Being so precise, his packages were just amazing. Same with our wallpapering projects. No one could match tiny flowers along a seam like my guy! We were such a great team for these things--the Lord would give me a vision for the entire concept, and he would engineer the details. As Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states,

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward
for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his
companion.
But woe to him who is alone
when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.

And I definitely "fall down" on gift wrapping!

The two of us, she a "Director in Qualification,' and I, a "Star Team Builder," discussed our goals, and I have the same one as she: Sales Director. The only thing about my situation is not that Steve is seriously disabled, because people have succeeded in every field of endeavor there is with serious issues at home. I just do not know if in the next year I will have less time to do my business, if Steve needs much more hands-on attention and even medical involvement; or if for the same reason, I could more time because I may not be able to have much effective impact if he doesn't recognize me, or the family, or his home, and if he needs 24-hour skilled nursing care. So while I pray and wait to see what god would have me do for my husband, I might as well do the work which is currently providing cash for Steve's medications and household expenditures, plus providing uplifting Christian fellowship and fine benefits to customers.

If you think that my description of Steve's potentially poor condition is an exaggeration, there is certainly precedent in his family. Towards the end of his life, Steve's dad Lorenz demanded of his oldest daughter, "Who's this old woman?!" while glaring at his wife of 40 years...This disease is completely individual, so I do not know how Steve's condition will progress, or what kinds of things or people he won't recognize by this time next year, or even by next spring. We, and that includes researchers, just do not know. Nevertheless, in our home we live to serve God and others as we always have, but in surprising new venues. "Not my will, but thine be done!"

One thing each Christ follower does know in a life of unknowns, is that God graces us with gifts, talents and provisions to bless others with. Project leader Cara and other consultants will be present to watch the participants open their gifts at the center's Christmas party on the 23rd. I'll be there too, in somewhat of a dual role. Steve will get a surprise when I arrive! And most of all, the two of us will be looking back on a year when we lived with Alzheimer's and even found ways to thrive and reach out to others.

Our God is awesome!

Preach the word by any means

2011-12-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

6:18 p.m. Today's project was to get my beautiful Christmas e-cards sent out to all of my family and friends whose email addresses I have. We went all out last year with traditional folding cards, like we've had custom made for our entire marriage, but with a twist. The big difference is that last year's card was meant to be a prayer keepsake, because the picture of Steve and me on the cover will most likely be the last formal portrait he'll sit for. (The photo on this blog is from the same series that our photographer daughter Heather made for us).

Constant care and supervision is needed now for Steve. There are also many interruptions caused by his new inability to go in and out of doors, voice his needs, or perform basic tasks like feeding the dog or putting an apple core into the kitchen compost container independently. So ordering cards, as well as addressing, stuffing and licking envelopes was out of the question this year--way too time-consuming, and not inexpensive. Since I've been sending out Christmas cards since I was old enough to help my mom in the late 50's, this was a hard decision to make. I just love Christmas cards, both the ones we've had printed for us, and the ones we receive. Cut-outs from my favorites each year make gift tags for the next year.

To a believer in Christ, Christmas cards with an uncompromising, unapologetic gospel message and Bible verse serve a much higher purpose than simply sending greetings to those we wish we could see more often. Christmas is the perfect time to remind one and all of the birth, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. That is why, during my 13 years in elected office, our card list grew into the hundreds--it was a God-given opportunity to send biblical cards out to colleagues, school district employees, associates and allies who didn't know Christ as their Savior! Eventually, I saw souls converted and hearts turned to the Lord. I pray our family's steadfast witness was a part of those individuals' salvation.

The message Christians are called to preach is summed up beautifully in I Timothy 3:16:

God was manifested in the flesh;
Justified in the Spirit;
Seen by angels;
Preached among the Gentiles;
Believed on in the world;
Received up in glory.

This year, the medium differs, but the message does not! I selected two cards that I alternated among my multiple lists of 25 recipients that Dayspring allows members to send a card to at one time. One shows a blue-toned manger scene, and asks, "How do you gift wrap perfect love?" The other, which I love, is in gold and plays "What Child is This?" (my favorite carol). It says "Jesus" on the cover, and then list His attributes over a background of glistening gifts, and ends with "He is every good gift from God's heart to ours."

Maybe I'll go back to sending "real" Christmas cards another year; I hope so. May I keep in mind that the only reason to send cards at all, in any format, is to make Christ known to one and all!

The right swap

2011-12-18T23:16:00.000-08:00

8:34 p.m. Today's project was to take Steve to the last Home Fellowship for 2011. We also brought my macaroni salad and our white elephant gifts which I could no longer identify. I'd wrapped them last Monday, after all. That's a lifetime of Christmas wrapping paper and packages ago!

Lord, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)

The Lord knows how to cancel appointments and put others in their place, that's for sure. After church, Steve and I planned to grab something to eat and then drive to a new client's home for a foundation color match. But she called with a family emergency out of town. Meanwhile, daughter Heidi and her husband Pavel needed to come over and work on my computer after teaching Sunday School. So Steve and I went to Winco, stocked up on groceries, and were home in plenty of time to have lunch and spruce the place up a bit. (Isn't it amazing how at some point, your children become guests in their childhood home?!)

The three of us had a nice long visit--I say three because Steve took a nice long nap on the family room couch in the meantime. But having him rested is best for Home Fellowship night. I also managed to "pass on" a few extra ornaments our current Christmas tree isn't big enough to support. I'll see the other kids this week, so I'll keep it up, chipping away at the pile. "Here a little, there a little..." as Isaiah 28:10 puts it.

Steve had a very shaky time after his nap, so I doubled up on his multivitamin, and made sure he took his Namenda and his anti-spasm medication. I recently mentioned to the caregiver that I want Steve to put his own medication in his mouth and hold the water cup to swallow the pills with. And as far as he can manage, he needs to dress himself. There's nothing to be gained by treating him like a huge infant, causing him to lose all independence and confidence in his own abilities. Again, Steve needs a lot of help, just not 100% help--yet. Even though his confusion is very severe, causing him to stand in front of the patio glass door with a bowl of food for Jada instead of opening the slider and handing it to her, for instance, and being baffled by putting on his seat belt, he tries very hard to help at home.

As for Home Fellowship, I want him to continue to attend for as long as possible, since he loves to be in fellowship with other believers, even if he doesn't speak.The picture below shows one of the funnier moments of our White Elephant game, with the lucky recipient of a partially eaten sandwich in total shock! Steve also did well in selecting his gift, with my help, and quietly smiled, laughed along and enjoyed all of the wisecracks and as many of the absurd comments that he could comprehend.

Because tonight was a potluck, I knew I needed to fill Steve's plate with the simplest foods, a roll, meat in bite-sized pieces, and avoid the more sugary desserts. Yet, Steve spilled lots of macaroni salad on the floor beneath him, and has begun putting his fingers in his food--controlling his utensils is just too hard. The hostess and I quickly swept it up, in a very low -key manner. But how long can he keep this up before a real mess occurs? I want to be considerate of the other members of the fellowship.

Or maybe I should leave other people to God! I found out tonight that the couple shown with the pitiful White Elephant gift prays for Steve and me at 5:30 every morning as they leave for work. Amazing, unbelievable, but nothing is impossible with God! He has arranged by the power of His Holy Spirit to have Steve and me covered in prayer before we even awake each morning!

I spend so much time, as people tend to do, praying for what I think I need, while God is providing one of His finest gifts--intercessors!

That's one swap I'm overjoyed to make--His plans for mine!

Ethan, nurtured and admonished

2011-12-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

4:03 p.m. Today's project was to use my 50% off coupon at Berean Christian Store in Riverside. Steve was here with his caregiver, mowing lawns and walking the dog. When I left, they were playing Wii bowling!

I needed to find gifts for my dad, Steve, and one son-in-law. But after my daughter told me he didn't want anything, I figured that the very modest gift I got him, plus one more item all the guys in the family are getting, I'd make my dollars stretch for Daddy and Steve.

First, it took me quite a while to search the recent bestsellers for one I haven't bought for them already. Then I popped over to the Bible study group resources, where I saw three copies of my book Galatians: An Exploration of Faith & Freedom, on the shelf among books by very famous authors! I can't remember how many copies the manager purchased during my book signing, but am glad to know that it's selling.

My choices were a daily devotional for my dad, along with a book, for my first trip to the checkout counter with sale items. Then I went to use my "50% off any apparel" coupon to find an inspiring NOTW ("Not of This World") t-shirt for Steve, full of scriptural artwork. As I took my place in line, I heard a young dad behind me calling his little boy, "Ethan, come over here," and then "Ethan, leave that alone, and come over here," a little more firmly, but in a calm assured manner that was totally commendable, and fully expectant of obedience. "Ethan" sounded and looked to be about three, and did come over by his dad. Naturally, the little guy began taking nearby low-hanging items off of their hanging tabs, and was showing them to his dad.

"Make sure you hang those back up."
"I just want to show you, Dad."
"I can see it from here while you hang it up."
"Okay."

Then in a conversation that assured me that this little boy was being raised to know Jesus, Ethan pointed to what must have been a picture of Calvary, and said,

"Is that Jesus on the cross?"
"Yes it is."
"Is He ready to come down now?" [Now that was kind of tricky; that could have called for a complicated answer for the little guy. I was dying to hear what the dad would say!]
"Yes, He is."
"Oh. Who are the other crosses for?"
"Two other guys."
"Why aren't they still there?" [Another interesting answer called for: how do you explain that they're not the focus of the painting; or, that they'd already died and been taken down, to a three year old? No one says that parenting is easy!]
"They're just gone now." [I was now waiting for 10 follow-up questions, having raised five 3 year-olds of my own!]
"Oh." [Ethan just knew that Dad had the right answer!]
"Now you make sure that you put that back the same way it was."
"Okay."

Unbeknownst to him, what a blessing this young dad was to me, demonstrating that there are excellent parents in this generation who are being obedient to Christ, relying on the Holy Spirit to guide them in raising their children. There was no self-consciousness on the dad's part, no worry about which disciplinary step to take next, no fanfare, yelling, or letting his son get out of control in the store. The father simply expected his son to obey him!

What a picture of God the Son obeying God the Father to complete the plan of salvation by going to the Cross! Hebrews 5:8 explains of Jesus,

...though He was a Son, He learned obedience by the things that He suffered.

There is no doubt at all that the son and father behind me loved one another, and that Ethan was being nurtured by his parents in a godly home. But, as the dad demonstrated, the other part of parenting is firm, consistent discipline with actual consequences that are clear to the child. So the parent admonishes, or seriously warns, the child who is tempted to do wrong. Today's scenario at Berean was the perfect example of Ephesians 6:4:

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

God goes before you

2011-12-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

5:05 p.m. Today's project was for Steve and me to attend my colleague and friend Cara Murray's graduation from California Baptist University. Because of the large audience of family, friends and well-wishers, the ceremony was held at the huge Harvest Christian Fellowship sanctuary a few blocks away. Cara graduated magna cum laude in English, no small feat while seriously working her Mary Kay career!

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for CBU, because that is where I got my teaching credential, Master's Degree in Education, and my Preliminary Administrative credential. Four wonderful years of hectically running from my Pedley Elementary School teaching assignment, to grad classes a few days a week, except on the 1st and 3rd Mondays, because those were my School Board meetings. Good thing my kids were in middle school, high school and college by then, and my oldest was married with two sons. I love Cal Baptist because it has never left its core purpose: The Great Commission, Jesus' words in Matthew 28:18-20a:

And Jesus came and spoke to them saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things I have commanded you..."

CBU has poured itself as an academic community of highest accreditation into the furtherance of the gospel as its graduates begin their professional lives in their communities. Having received my Bachelor's degree at the University of Redlands, another religiously-founded school iin the Inland Empire, I see a difference between the two schools: one school's commitment to Christ as their reason for being, with mandatory chapel weekly, Bible classes, and missions assignments for their students; and another, U of R, that is an excellent private liberal arts school with solid alumnae support. When I attended U of R for my senior year, 1977-78, I wasn't even a Christian, so it was fine by me!

The keynote speaker, Dr. Montia Setzler, senior pastor at Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church, chose Joshua 1 as his text. He particularly focused on the struggles the graduates may face in the current economic situation. But he reminded them that God helped them overcome serious challenges their entire academic career, and He will be with them as they launch into independent adulthood.

At the time of Moses' death, God encouraged Joshua as the new captain and leader of the Lord's forces, in verse 9:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

For us believers of the new covenant in Christ's blood shed on the cross, the promise is the same as was given to Joshua. Jesus concluded His commands to the disciples in Matthew 28:20b with the finest promise a human being could ever receive:

... lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

An empty cup

2011-12-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

3:16 p.m. Today's project was to head over to Starbucks, get a peppermint mocha frappucino--yes, even this cold morning--and show my basket of pretty wrapped gifts to staff and patrons alike. Then I headed out to the patio to make booking phone calls. Today's emphasis would be on referrals from contented customers I have serviced in the last month.

I was bouyed by the news on Nightline that "Mary Kay Cosmetics is Responsible for Bringing America Back," with $2.5 billion in wholesale billings in 2010, in the depths of this terrible recession. "Powder, Polish, and Pink Cadillacs" was reporter Terry Moran's byline. Wow! I am honored to be a small part of this wonderful organization!

I took my drink and my elegant gold gift basket to a sunny table and began my calls. But suddenly the sky darkened and a chill hit. Even I had to grab my things and head inside, and I don't usually get cold. Once I stepped inside, I saw a table almost in a corner, with big red easy chairs on either side. But I hesitated to sit, because there was an actual coffee mug with a spoon in it, along with dregs of coffee dried on the inside.

"No, just go ahead and sit down," a white-haired gentleman told me. "No one's sitting there. That's the oldest trick in the book, leave a cup to keep anyone from sitting down!" I laughed and said, "Must be some character, like on the Cosby show where a man sits in their coffee shop each day loudly demanding that each patron read Conrad's Heart of Darkenss!" We agreed that that book is pretty serious, heavy reading, and went on to other subjects, including Romania where my son-in-law's parents hail from, the national debt, the wild success of the Mary Kay business, his retirement from Silicon Valley, the state of public education as a career, his uncle the assistant museum curator, retirement, Steve's Alzheimer's and the latest research.

It was kind of funny that neither of us understand the point of Twitter! Of my five kids, only the two who were the most popular and outgoing in high school, Kriss and Heather, twitter. The rest of us are content with Facebook. The man I was talking to did recommend "The Social Network," the film documenting the beginning of Facebook. 11:55 came, I had to go home to relieve Steve's caregiver, and we said goodbye. I threw in several mentions of the Lord, missions trips and ministry throughout our conversation, but I didn't get the impression that he was a believer. Prayerfully, some seeds were planted. I just constantly practice what the Apostle Paul exhorted Timothy--be ready in and out of season!

Reflecting on that empty coffee cup, I have to think about the most beneficial way to fill that cup. The worldly person will tend to fill it with education, achievement, a professional career, travel, extensive reading, good conversation--nothing wrong with any of those; in fact, I can relate to most of those items, whether before I was saved, or after. But there was always something missing before January 6, 1980, the day I got saved. There were times when there was no comfort to be had, no true enjoyment of events I would have taken my little son Sean to. But present with me always was that nagging guilty conscience, an awareness of my sin, but no effective way to deal with it. I was like Paul's description of himself in Romans 7:18-20:

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

We are all born sinners, but develop just enough of a conscience to know right from wrong, in the midst of doing wrong anyway! The sin nature of man has complete control over each of us, unless the Holy Spirit woos us to repent of our sins, ask Jesus Christ to forgive us, and submit our lives to Jesus, for the free gift of eternal salvation.

We all have a choice. Romans 6:16 asks,

Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves as slaves to obey, you are that one's slave to obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?

And Romans 6:23 wraps it up:

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What will fill your cup? life or death?

'Tis the season!

2011-12-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

7:39 p.m. Today's project was to scour through old journals and make my notations for my book on Steve's and my experience with Alzheimer's. Caregiver Carlos helped Steve onto the Special Trans bus, and he left for his day away. So I was able to dedicate the time Steve was at Care Connexxus to that very task.

I started a tad late because of helping the alarm company technician get his authorizing paperwork signed so he could change our alarm system from analog to digital. After I went on the Verizon 4G digital network, even for my land line, the company didn't receive the alarm testing siren when we tried it last week. So there was no time to waste, especially during this high-crime season. Additionally, I negotiated a lower monthly rate by renewing our contract! I then made a beeline for the spare bedroom upstairs, because the area where I normally sit would be inaccessible for the next several hours.

Having planned this out ahead of time, I asked the morning caregiver to carry a kitchen table chair upstairs for me, so I was ready to "read and write" at the roll top desk by 9:30. That room, where Heidi lived most of her life, is pretty pleasant with its two corner windows. In January we will be hosting a 33 year-old woman from Korea attending the University of California Riverside English Language School. She should enjoy the roominess and quiet, with Silver Dollar Eucalyptus branches hovering over the red tile roof outside her window from one corner and a view of the local hills from the other.

The Lord knows why He matched her with us, so I have a peace about her visit. Program officials are thoroughly aware of Steve's condition, and it's fine, because the student would have no responsibility for him at all--that's my role. And if I have to go out, his caregivers do a great job!

In the country "profile" I received from the Homestay officials, it was stated that "50% of Koreans are Christians." So we might be meeting a sister in the Lord! And what a blast that will be, as Psalm 133:1 says,

Behold how good and how pleasant it is for the brethren to dwell together in unity!

And if she is a Buddhist, as are the other 50% of Koreans, she'll certainly be hearing the gospel in our home. The program wants the students to have an authentic American family experience, so we are allowed to take our student to church, just like any other family activity. I'll be committed to witnessing to her both in our home and out, because we are exhorted in II Timothy 4:2,

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season.

Who knows? Perhaps 'tis the season for this young woman to be saved!

Finally succumbing to the Christmas season pressure, I decided to start wrapping the six White Elephant Exchange gifts Steve and I will need for three occasions coming up. Each year, I think that this will be a snap--just find White Elephants from past years, re-wrap, and be done. But no, I received a number of oddities this year given in all seriousness, with useful purposes--for someone else, or maybe after I bought the same item for myself. The gifts were wrapped in a variety of papers, so that Steve's and mine wouldn't be immediately recognizable. The reason? Once a recipient has opened a truly pointless or obnoxiously tacky gift, I don't want them to be warned off by another gift covered by the same paper!

I then moved on to gifts for my kids' in-laws, which I wrapped very carefully and signed cards for. Those might be the only cards I give out this year, for economic reasons. The plan at this point is to send Dayspring Christian e-cards to our whole list, excepting my dad and his siblings, whose email addresses we don't have. Besides, our entire list received our portrait card last year, which I hope they have used as a reminder to pray for us, which was the point of having it made. That's why I enjoy the photo cards families send out--I can lift them up for the Lord to meet their needs this year each time I pass our card gallery wall.

At 2:05, Steve's Special Trans bus pulled up, and he disembarked, with both of us saying goodbye to the other riders. And what made my day was this: the bus driver, presumably a City employee, said cheerily, "You two have a Merry Christmas!"

No shortcut

2011-12-13T19:29:00.000-08:00

3:47 p.m. Today's project was to finish putting ornaments on the Christmas tree. During this ongoing job, I gave a facial to Steve's caregiver after they walked the dog, did laundry, wrapped a present, made business phone calls, and separated out ornaments my newly-married daughter might like for their first tree, a 7.5 footer. Come to think of it, our son Kriss and his wife got their first tree this year also, so I should make them the same offer! Heather reclaimed some of her handmade baubles and a wall hanging about three years ago when she and Nick were still newlyweds in their apartment.

Some of these jobs, like trimming the tree and wrapping presents, served double duty--need, and clearing space on my entry way floor and in my Mary Kay office. Those storage boxes are pretty huge, and with Steve's occasional balance issues, boxes on the floor are downright hazardous!

I also needed (and still need) to find a missing saucer from the Widows' Might dinner last night. By the time I arrived to pick up and transport my tableware, the ladies had rinsed and stacked the plates and gathered up the utensils. But it wasn't until I got home that I noticed one saucer missing. So this morning I've called the church, they've searched and come up empty; called, texted or emailed others who helped serve at the dinner, and not much progress has been made. But if God can uncover the location of one table hostess' tiny diamond earring, He can help us locate my Nikko "Happy Holidays" Christmas tree saucer!

As we give our lives to the Lord, trust His word, wait on Him, and practice due diligence in awe and reverence, Psalm 19:7-8 reminds us,

The law of the LORD is perfect,
   converting the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is
   sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the LORD are
   right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is
pure enlightening the eyes...

After making diligent search of my house and Jeep, and making diligent inquiries at church, I decided not to fret--the saucer will turn up! (Or I'll have eleven instead of twelve).

We had a pleasant interruption this afternoon, a call from Steve's optometrist's office that his glasses had arrived. Excellent development, because sharpening any one of his senses can only help with balance, perception and cognition. We happily went to the medical complex, he was fitted with the very basic bifocals, and we left five minutes later, praise the Lord.

We drove across Day Street to Winco discount mega-grocer, and picked up some items for the week of Christmas, and basics, like eggs and chicken, I guess that's backwards. ("Which came first?") Then I asked Steve, who was carefully picking his way down the aisle, "If you could have any treat in the store, what would you pick?" He smiled, but couldn't think of anything, and also looked hesitant to voice an opinion. Then we saw them--corndogs! Nothing like these batter-dipped treats to bring back memories of the National Orange Show, county fairs, Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm! In my humble opinion, the Orange Show in San Bernardino had the biggest and best corndogs anywhere, no contest! In the 60's , they also had the scariest rides. A shame it went away in the 80's, because only my oldest son may even remember going with me and his grandparents, or with Steve and me.

Just like the Orange Show in its heyday of Hollywood movie stars and big name rock bands headlining the evening shows, this world and all of its system of operation is also coming to an end. The devil has run the show, with evil temptations to sin intended to destroy each human life before we can come to accept Christ as our Savior. When satan offered Jesus the kingdoms of the world if he would bow down to him, Jesus didn't argue the devil's ownership of the world. Adam's sin turned it over to him! Hear Luke 4:4:5-8:

Then the devil, taking Him up on a high mountain, showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said to Him, " All this authority I will give You, and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish. Therefore, if You will worship before me, all will be Yours."

And Jesus answered and said to him, "Get behind Me, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the LORD Your God, and Him only shall you serve.' "

Jesus knew there would be no avoiding the Cross, no shortcut to saving those who would come to believe in Him and be cleansed by His blood shed for all mankind. Jesus came to die for you and for me.

Will you renounce this world system and step into Jesus' kingdom for eternity by asking Him to come into your heart? The time for a decision is NOW.

Widowed but wed

2011-12-12T17:36:00.000-08:00

5:03 p.m. Today's project was to set up my table for our annual "Widows' Might" Christmas dinner. This elegant but cozy dinner for 21 will be starting soon in our church's sanctuary. I normally would stay to serve my table, but with a cold today, I didn't want to make the ladies sick. I'll return to clean up when the event closes.

The leaders of our Piecemakers quilting, crocheting and general crafting and hospitality ministry, Jill and Vicky, also plan and design this event. Our widows meet twice a month on Sunday afternoons. I love the scripture that the name of the group came from, Luke 21: 1-4:

And He (Jesus) looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the (Temple's) treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said, "Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had."

These two lepta, Greek coins, were the tiniest of copper coins. What great faith this widow had! She had learned to lean on, trust in, and rely on her God! The Bible has many stories of God's especially tender care of widows, because without a husband to work and support her, this was a very difficult circumstance to be in, especially if a widow had no children to take her in. In Deuteronomy 10:17-18, God describes Himself as

God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe. He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow...

When widows Ruth and Naomi returned from Moab to Judah, the landowner where Ruth gleaned grain for her mother-in-law ordered the reapers to drop extra grain on the ground for her (Ruth 2:16). And Elijah, commanded by God to go to "Zarephath which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there. See, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you (I Kings 17:9). The widow, a Gentile, was preparing her and her son's last meal, but in faith, fed the prophhet first. God rewarded her by miraculously providing oil and flour for the entire time of the regional drought, 3 years. Later, Elijah brought her dead son back to life!

In Luke 7:11, Jesus raised the son of a widow in the city of Nain from the dead during his funeral procession. And the feeding and provision for widows was one of the first administrative decisions made by the apostles in the early church, Acts 6:1. Yet widows had a responsibility to behave in a godly manner in order to receive assistance, I Timothy 5:3:

Honor widows who are really widows...Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.

Does this remind you of Anna, the elderly widow and prophetess mentioned in Luke 2:36-38, who had the honor of testifying over the baby Jesus at the time of His temple dedication?

...she gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all who were looking for redemption in Jerusalem.

There isn't a married woman alive, no matter her age, who doesn't wonder what will become of her should she lose her husband. Military action, car accident, or death after a long illness can place any one of us in this position. Prayerfully, if we have been faithful and godly (not perfect!) wives, we will be blessed when that time comes with comforting memories of working and building a family together, serving in ministry together, and enjoying life as one flesh. I suppose the thought comes to me more often now, with my husband the victim of the rapidly progressing, incurable disease of Alzheimer's. But I am not panicked, obsessed or living in dread. I certainly pray to have my husband with me for as long as possible, with the two of us communicating and in relationship for as much of that time as God wills it so.

And I pray for a miraculous healing every day!

Isaiah 54:5 says to a barren and widowed nation,

For your Maker is your husband,
The LORD of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy
One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.

Should the Lord Jesus delay His coming, and I become a widow, not only am I a bride of Christ, but I will have a wonderful, inspirational group of sisters waiting to envelop me in their sweet arms of fellowship!

In bitty pieces

2011-12-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

4:01 p.m. Today's project was to get my daughters' and daughters- in-laws' opinions on what my sons and sons-in law want for Christmas. Was all that punctuated right? Goodness! Somehow, you don't think of these things when birthing child after child!

Since we'd all agreed that it is going to be "that kind" of a Christmas season, ie., very low budget on gifts, the replies came back very appropriately. As for us, I asked for a manicure and pedicure, a seafoam green bathroom rug set from KMart--the Martha Stewart line comes in a fantastic array of colors--and a new pair of dark blue Wrangler or Lee jeans for their dad. The Levi 501's he loves to wear to church are now pretty stressful for him to deal with.

Even my high school age grandsons asked for modest gifts, characteristic of their kind and understanding hearts, I just love them to death! The older one, Adrian, has a birthday on the 21st, so I'll be keeping him in mind for an earlier gift. Since my sister, nor Steve's siblings and we never did exchange gifts after starting our families, that has been a definite stress-buster. Meaningful cards have always been the only expectation, and I love posting the greetings on my card wall. Our kids and spouses all do a secret gift exchange, and it's fun to see them unwrap their stuff, really clever, funny, and just right for each person.

There's only my dad left of the grandparents, so the yearly challenge to find Daddy a gift he won't surreptitiously return to me a few weeks later is on!

It always amazes me that one birth of one man in history, Jesus Christ, has originated a season of gift-giving and celebration over 2,000 years in Western civilization, and now, because of worldwide evangelism, He is beloved and celebrated on all of the continents of the earth! In the USA, commercial pressure has many people I know either frenziedly completing their gift list, or paralyzed with worry over their limited ability to do so. Either way, I hear more women saying, "I just can't do anything until after the holidays," whether they can or not. Television commercials have created such a sense of urgency that discomfort has replaced delight in gathering together at church, fellowships, or at home with our families for meals and traditional activities that aren't necesarily expensive. I think the gift of time is what many family members would enjoy this time of year. It's a great thrill when my kids text me an invite to an activity with them, or respond positively to a request for help decorating. And now as adults, they get together as married couples, a reflection of the closeness our family has experienced, by the grace of God!

In years past, the girls and I would take the malls by storm, fill up our gift lists, and bake non-stop. Baking is still a goal and a plan for the last half of the month, as is a Christmas breakfast and dinner. Christmas Eve service will be the opening of our celebration, with supper potluck preceeding our White Elephant gift exchange.

As the year comes to an end, I admit that traditional Christmas activities and preparations are very meaningful to me, absolutely, and I pray that my children will adopt some of them while adding traditions from their in-laws as well. But now, with issues of aging and particularly Steve's dementia coming into play, I tend to be in the mode of Psalm 16:5-9, trusting God for my life today, and for my eternal life more firmly than ever:

O LORD, You are the portion of
my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I have set the LORD always before
me;
Because He is at my right hand I
shall not be moved.

Therefore, my heart is glad, and
my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.

Enjoy the treats and events of the season, the people and the pageantry. But rest in hope, and as Romans 15:13 says, be filled with all joy and peace in believing!

...So I can help people again

2011-12-10T17:47:00.000-08:00

4:32 p.m. Today's project was to restore joy and calm to my husband Steve, now in late stage Alzheimer's. We'll be going out tonight to view Christmas lights downtown at Riverside's Mission Inn, then settle in to watch the Christian movie, "The Grace Card."

He had had a fun morning with his caregiver, going to the grocery store and over to KFC for a snack, as well as doing some tasks here at home. When I came back from Muffins & Makeovers at our Mary Kay studio, Steve and I put away my facial things and inventory totes, and placed some more of our favorite ornaments on the Christmas tree. These days, I place the ornament in his hand, then lift his hand to the selected branch and we put the ornament on together. Even though he remains expressionless most of the time, I know he feels enjoyment at the sight and feel of each beautiful work of art. How good is "the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy" (I Timothy6:17). In the picture, Steve is holding his formerly favorite ornament, a large spike that reminds us of the tree Christ hung on. Each year, he would place it deep within the branches for the rest of us to find.

A while later, he had a very difficult and discouraging incident which left him in tears, just desolate. I felt down as well, but needed to strengthen myself in the Lord for my husband's sake. An atmosphere of hopelessness could send him on a severe downward spiral; his emotions are already fragile.

It wasn't the time for making additional decisions, either; those can wait upon my private prayer time!

I sat with him on our couch and asked if he wanted to pray. He did, and said to the Lord though tears, "just let me get better, so I can help people again."

That's Steve, so totally Steve, a man whose whole gift and ministry in this life was helping others with any sort of physical, mechanical, building or repair need. And that is what makes him saddest, along with watching other men going to work, and feeling useless since he can't use his gifts for others.

I admit to feeling convicted, because in his position, I would probably be asking for healing, period. Or at the very least, for the ability to walk normally, or to be able to care for myself once again.

If you lost all of your adult capabilities, what would you ask God to restore?

New annual tradition

2011-12-09T23:22:00.000-08:00

10:23 p.m. Today's project was to attend a gala pre-performance reception for "The Nutcracker" at the Fox Theater in Riverside, and then enjoy the nice seats for the ballet. When my daughter Heather invited me, I leapt at the chance, because I hadn't been in the theater since it was renovated with City support and financing from patrons of the arts. Thanks are due to her boss, State Senator Bill Emmerson, whose schedule conflict allowed us to have the tickets. Since dressing up in "after-five" attire, and being among hundreds of people milling around in tight party-style buffet spaces would be frustrating for Steve, and could even lead to a fall, I scheduled his regular caregiver to arrive when our daughter did.

It had been an interesting afternoon. I'd driven home in record time from a boutique in Mission Viejo, a wealthy community in South Orange County where I'd been invited to show my Mary Kay gift and cosmetic line. Within a mile from my house, white smoke started spewing from under the Jeep's hood! I called our mechanic as I was stopped at our corner. He agreed to check it out on his way home. Psalm 57:1 summarizes my state of mind at 3:15:

Be merciful to me, O God, be
merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings
I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have
passed by.

Not only did the Lord allow me to get home, but our trustworthy, believing friend was available and willing to come and check out the situation!! God is so good! So I spent some time with Steve hanging a few ornaments on the tree, and changed into "cocktail" attire, a nice black dress I didn't think I'd still fit into, and awaited our mechanic's verdict. When he looked under the hood, the answer was simple: the lid to the coolant tank had popped off, and fluid had been hitting the hot underside of the closed hood, thus the smoke! He figured, and I confessed, to not screwing the cap on straight, or all the way, the last time I added fluid a few days ago.

I told him that I am officially not allowed to be near any mechanical equipment, whether a sewing machine or a car, but things being what they are, I have to service my car now. I gave him a nice MK Men's gift set for a Christmas appreciation. He's been faithfully helping us all year.

Heather picked me up, we posed for a few pictures in our swanky black dresses, and headed off to the theater. I reflected that in times past as an elected official and member of charitable and civic groups, I attended many public events looking to see who I could see and talk to, because their re-election or mine would be around the next corner, or my Junior League committee was involved. The Lord allowed me to serve the city and school district faithfully for almost 20 years and gave me a stellar witness, reputation, and "favor with all the people" (as with the Church in Acts 2:47b). But tonight, as I watched my daughter move smoothly through the crowd, introducing herself as representing the Senator, and me as her mom, she knew (or knew more currently) more people there than I did! I did receive greetings from a judge and his wife, and some key patrons of the theater, but there was no purpose in mind for me other than to be gracious and enjoy the evening.

To my delight and motherly pride, I got the answer as to who inherited the civic, social and political gene of my five kids. It is, hands down, "mini-me," my Heather. Lovely and poised, very impressive, but most of all, a godly young woman!

The two of us, Heather a former flutist and ballet dancer, and this violinist and singer, thoroughly enjoyed the ballet. Tchaikovsky is her favorite composer, but we both like "Sleeping Beauty" best of his ballets. The Riverside Ballet Arts company (where Heather trained) did a very good job, from the children to the principal dancers. And the reception hors d' oevres were tasty as well!

We returned in good time after a brisk walk in the cool air of busy downtown, blessed by a special mother-daughter event!

Love bears, believes, hopes and endures all things

2011-12-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

2:07 p.m. Today's project was to visit with my dad in Redlands, pick up a card table at my sales director's house for a boutique I'm doing in Mission Viejo tomorrow, and then pamper a customer with a microdermabrasion appointment in Redlands also. I left Steve busily enjoying himself in our garden with a very pleasant,and capable caregiver, watering seeds, pulling weeds and filling in a gopher hole.

After picking up the table, I swung over to Daddy's house and he drove me to different important locations I'd need to deal with as Trustee of his trust. I had forgotten that I wasn't to be in my Jeep, so we had to stop at a gas station for a free cup of water from the soda fountain, but at least I didn't pay $2.50 for bottled water!

We drove past my old elementary school that is a continuation school now. The restaurant-lounge a classmate of mine once owned is now a motel on old Highway 99, with a new Social Security office nearby. Back at my dad's house, we talked about the time management class I was asked to teach tonight at our Mary Kay Success meeting, as well as Steve's progress and some issues of safety I'm working on now. For example, he needs to stay with me, not lag behind or take a different route in a big parking lot like Winco, because, as I explained to him, he looks like an everyday normal adult, so drivers will assume he is looking both ways and sees them coming and will exercise due caution (unlike the way they would stop their car for a child or an elderly stooped-over person). I try to have him hold onto the shopping cart, but sometimes he lets go, and while I am looking forward, he'll cross behind me and not be where I saw him the few seconds before...please pray for our outings!

While at Daddy's kitchen table, I got a cancellation for the noon appointment, and rescheduled her. Then I did connect with a new potential customer I met and booked for last week. No firm appointment, so I'll call her back and others as well. Cancellations are expected in any business, but they are still disappointing in any business--no sales if you don't sit down with a prospect or customer!

But nothing this morning compared with crushing information I received a bit later out of the blue, just as my dad's and my fun visit was wrapping up.

I can take temporary business reversals in stride, but what about a personal disappointment? It may be made up for later, but to a I Corinthians 13:7, trusting person, the hurt goes right to Steve's and my hearts.

Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The Lord showed me to be even more grateful for the going-out-of their-way kindnesses of our church friends who love us so dearly. And within the hour, He gave me visible confirmation! I almost returned home on the 10 freeway, but the Lord had me drive through San Timiteo Canyon and into Moreno Valley via Redlands Boulevard instead.

As I drove on Redlands Blvd, and would have taken the 60 west on-ramp, the Holy Spirit popped a thought into my head: "Call Ron and Gretchen." I had left a jacket in her car when we went to volunteer in the Operation Christmas Child warehouse last week. Their home is off of the street I was on. Ron picked up the phone, gave me their gate code, and said that he'd meet me there.

He exited his SUV with a large bag, and as I thanked him, he said, "That other is a gift from Gretchen." And there it was, a mesh back support for driving! My thanks was profuse and sincere, and my heart deeply touched, especially today. I had admired hers last week, thinking nothing about it since.

But God did, didn't He? Psalm 27:10 (NLT) says that there is only one Person to count on, the mover of human hearts to reflect His kind character by their actions.

Even if my father and mother
abandon me,
the LORD will hold me close.

Variety makes for one great day

2011-12-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

7:16 p.m. Today's project was to hunker down and continue gathering data from my 2007 journal to the Lord. I am writing a book about Steve's and my experiences with Alzheimer's and have been tracing the thread of mental and emotional disturbances through journals starting in 2006. Since I journal seven days a week, by the time I get to 2011's prayers and reflections, that's a lot of notes! Thankfully, every single day does not include a reference to Steve's impending disease, or I'd really have a long road ahead. I may even go back to 1987, when I began a 3-holed notebook of college-ruled paper, listing prayer requests and praise reports, to find clues as to when problems with his memory began to affect Steve's career, his walk with the Lord, ministry, and our entire family. That is, if my printing is not too minuscule for me to read!

If this project seems overwhelming, it is! But the Lord directed me to begin, to dedicate Wednesdays to it while Steve is at adult daycare. And so I do.

When captains of the military forces came to Jeremiah the prophet to petition the Lord through him, they declared in Jeremiah 42:6,

Whether it is pleasing or displeasing, we will obey the voice of the LORD our God to whom we send you, that it may be well with us when we obey the voice of the LORD our God.

Today in the new covenant established by Jesus Christ's sacrificial death on the cross, we no longer are required to ask a priest or prophet what God has to say, because the Holy Spirit speaks God's will to believers in accordance with His Word, the Bible. We certainly may listen to other Spirit-filled believers whom God gives a word to, and ask for confirming prayer, but there is not a shadow of doubt that it is God's voice when He gives direction!

God made this effort possible by putting it on our hearts to purchase the long term care insurance that meets Steve's needs at home, and covers Care Connexxus, too. As I learned while writing Galatians:An Exploration of Faith & Freedom, you cannot concentrate or intensely focus on details when anyone is in the house. (At least not anyone who needs and deserves your attention)!

My writing hours were a bit limited today, because I had to pick Steve up instead of having the bus drop him off. Genworth Insurance had paid me directly, and yesterday I had a money order made out for last month's daycare. I also wanted to return a pair of sweatpants they had loaned Steve last week. (He had spilled coffee on himself).

In between, I gave our caregiver an armload of Mary Kay materials in Spanish, and delivered some foundation to a lovely young mom from church. On her Christmas tree, I spotted a couple of crafts from our Moms' Mornings ministry I led for a few years. She blessed me with some words of timely encouragement and reminded me of the Titus 2:3 role we older women play to the younger women in the church. It was with a lightened step and heart that I picked up Steve, even earlier than required. The two of us then made a product delivery, and prepared for a little date!

My daughter Heather invited us to a Christmas open house given by her boss, State Senator Bill Emmerson, in the nearby Canyon Crest Towne Centre. Steve and I arrived early, so the event would not be crowded, and so he could sit down if needed. Even though we'd received his handicapped parking placard today, we found a space right in front of the building. Our brief stay included introductions, some hors d'ouevres and desserts, and then we went on our way. Steve did all right with his balance even on the stairs, albeit walked very slowly. We wrapped up our outing by picking up my cute pair of strappy heels from Canyon Crest Shoe Repair, looking better than new.

We returned to a festively lit-up house inside and out, and settled in for a nice evening together.

Obedience, blessing, companionship, socializing and business success made for God-ordained variety in my day--my cup runneth over!

Family aid

2011-12-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

11:23 p.m. Today's project was to decorate our stair banisters with huge pieces of green garland, and then add lights to them up and down the stairs. I'm not sure how many more years I can keep this up, but since today is all we have (a quote I heard recently), the English Christmas village is already set up and ready to light this evening; "the stockings are hung by the chimney with care;" and I'll be serving hot chocolate and popcorn to my husband and daughter Heather tonight as we work to the tune of a favorite Christmas CD.

Today Steve and I went to his primary care doctor to discuss his emotional issues, especially his depression. It's not surprising that he would be depressed, because he expressed his heart to our pastor a few weeks ago, "Everybody is working except me." And just today, I came upon him three separate times sitting with his head bowed down in his hands. The first time I thought that he was praying, but that wasn't it. I asked him what was wrong, since he'd just been doing a light husehold errand, taking an empty box upstairs. He just shook his head. Like the second and third episodes, he had stopped in the middle of a task, probably overwhelmed by the fact that he couldn't remember what to do. I pray and encourage Steve, stay as practical and upbeat as I can, and help him get back on task. Action is a great antidote to fear, especially when a person lives in dread of what will happen to him or her next. With no remembrance of God's deliverances over his 56 years of life, Steve feels doomed. He also doesn't remember the good times we have, or the reassurances he has from me every day. Only the negatives seem to stick...

With the trials of this life and the constant onslaught of the devil against those who actively serve, lead and minister in the Body of Christ, we count on the Lord's deliverance, believe the promises in His Word are true, and comfort ourselves with His mighty works in the past. In a meditation subtitled "The Consoling Memory of God's Redemptive Works," Asaph wrote in Psalm 77:5-6, 10-12,

I have considered the days of old,
The years of ancient times.
I call to remembrance my song in
the night;
I meditate within my heart,
And my spirit makes diligent search.
...
And I said, "This is my anguish;
But I will remember the years of
the right hand of the Most
High."
I will remember the works of the
LORD;
Surely I will remember Your
wonders of old.
I will meditate on all Your
work,
And talk of Your deeds.
Your way, O God, is in the
sanctuary;
Who is so great a God as our God?

Whether it is God's people remembering in chorus the past deliverances of the Lord, or God sending our daughters to help us the past few days, the Lord Jesus is mindful, engaged, and loving to His children at all times. I wish that Steve could recall God's answers to prayer, but he can't, so I do what I can to stir up his confidence in God. I have the privilege of recounting God's work in my behalf, and so do you!

What a waste! or Why God made specialists

2011-12-05T22:00:00.000-08:00

7:04 p.m. Today's project was to take Steve to a pulmonary specialist, Dr. Duke, at the Riverside Medical Clinic. The doctor asked that we bring Steve's entire C-pap machine so he could examine the equipment as well as the patient.

I'd spent a lovely morning visiting with my friend at her beautiful home, where she enjoyed a virtual makeover on my personal Mary Kay website, and using the exact color samples recommended by the professionals. It's very gratifying to see a woman's face light up at her reflection, having gone from beautiful to beautiful-er!

At home, I signed the caregiver's hours and enjoyed spending time with Steve putting the lights on our Christmas tree. After grabbing a quick lunch, I decorated a Christmas stocking for our newest family member Pavel, Heidi's husband, with puff paint and some fun decos that fit his hobbies. (That's what I do for all the kids' spouses). We'll be short one stocking, however, with the late Bailey's sad departure. Well, Jada's totally cute stocking will make up for it, and be a good reminder of her lost friend. I suddenly looked up, and it was 2:45! At that time of the afternoon, there wasn't much hope of getting to the doctor's by 3. But I just made sure Steve was ready to get into the car, had his seatbelt fastended, and we went down the streets in pretty slow traffic.

We found a good parking spot, and walked in, arms loaded--his with his C-pap machine, and me trusting the Lord with my business, carrying a gilded basket with wrapped fragrance and body care gifts to show, share and maybe sell. The registration girls oohed a bit, and I left my card. It's a foot in the door--may the Lord bring my basket and me to their remembrance when they need last-minute gifts! "Remember me, O my God, for good," Nehemiah 13:31 says.

Dr. Duke was very thorough--two hours' worth--as he asked many questions and examined the records that were faxed over from the office of neurologist Dr. Rai, the original prescriber. I had a chance to do some educating on early-onset Alzheimer's, and we went through every aspect of my anecdotal observations as well as the science and what it means. One Aha! moment came when the specialist said that if a person stops breathing several times an hour, 5 times like the original sleep study showed Steve was doing, up to 8, it's perfectly normal, or within a normal range. I felt worlds better about having let Steve go to bed without the C-pap the last few weeks after he broke a part of the mask. And actually, he's been sleeping pretty quietly, praise the Lord!

The sleep disruptions, called arousals, can include snoring and gasping episodes. Dr. Duke suggested some low tech ideas, like a wedge pillow that keeps the snorer sleeping upright to allow more space for the air flow, or, a dental device that positions the mouth correctly. Here's what he said, and I quote: "Stopping snoring with a C-pap is like using a sledgehammer on a fly." I finally asked him, "And if we do nothing at all?" He answered, "Your husband will be fine. And with what you have coming up to deal with, [such as the severe night terrors, even hallucinations, that my dementia caregiver friends' parents experience]this will be the least of your worries."

"What a waste, " I'm tempted to say, the years of irritation and stress before Steve got into bed each night, especially in the last few months when understanding the placement of the mask, the reason for it, and the need to treat the assembly as an expensive piece of equipment is now beyond his comprehension.

Yet I know that in God's economy, there is no waste. Dr. Rai's initiative in ordering the sleep study showed me that he had some genuine concern for Steve. Up to that point, I'd had not much good to say about his non-existent bedside manner! So the confrontations of the past were gone, and we ended up speaking and behaving collegially in pursuit of Steve's best interest--or what we thought was in his best interest. I was a better witness for the Lord, as well as an ardent advocate for my husband. And God accomplished a better goal--the presentation of the correct image of Christ to an unsaved man.

As He is, so are we in this world, I John 4:17 says.

There are many strenuous and aggravating situations that a believer will confront before we exit this scene, and tough as it is sometimes, we must mind our witness before the unsaved. We represent the Lord Christ--let's do it well, and as Steve and I did today by the grace and mercy of God, we'll reap a reward of help and healing.

Tree time

2011-12-04T22:21:00.000-08:00

7:37 p.m. Today's project was to bring home our Christmas tree. Last week our daughter and her husband offered to help us out, because after last year's very difficult time for Steve, we need help with every step of the process. This year, I wanted to enjoy the fragrant pine, in every aspect, from choosing it at the tree farm, having it cut, shaken and netted, driving it home, even-ing up the bottom with a saw, and setting it up in the "perfect" position in its stand.

Last year, although Steve struggled with dealing with the tree at home, he was very active in selecting the tree, walking briskly around the tree farm, having his usual strong opinions and criteria for the tree that's just exactly the one for us. A friend came over to set up the 13 footer, and our daughter was home to assist her dad with putting on lights. Once the tree began leaning, another friend came over to prop it up, and we proceeded through the season. The saddest development, however, came as the time approached to take the tree to the curb. One night, while Heidi and I were in the family room watching a program, Steve surreptitiously got a saw and leaving the living room dark except for the tree's lights, began sawing off branches in the livng room! Appalling, heartbreaking and shocking, but instructive. I realized my husband would soon be needing constant supervision, and now in 2011, he does, whether provided by me, a family member, or, as the need has dramatically increased, we use Certified Nurse Assistants from a caregiver agency.

Last Sunday, Steve had trouble keeping up with me on the graded dirt road up to the reserve tree section, despite his 12" advantage in stride. He just has to think carefully about placing each foot in front of the other, and in between the rows of trees, he definitely had to concentrate to avoid "hazards" like irrigation tubes. Fast forward to today, when the two of us went to choose, pay for and reserve our tree, he was very slow walking on the road, and then would deliberately walk over a loose pile of wooden boards, or a piled tangle of black plastic tubing when there were clear pathways right in front of him. I say "deliberately" in a very fluid sense, because he has very little control now over his body's choices at times. I also think that the correction a normal brain would give to the legs and feet to "go the other way," "skip over that," or "stay on the path".just isn't happening now. I'm reflecting on what Solomon wrote about the way misfortune comes upon a man in Ecclesiastes 9:12:

For man does not know his time:
Like fish taken in a cruel net,
Like birds caught in a snare,
So the sons of men are snared in
an evil time,
When it falls suddenly upon them.

The curse of sin has been rampant throughout the earth since Adam sinned; physical and mental disease is one facet of that curse. While some illnesses can be traced to one's sin--cirrhosis of the liver, lung cancer, deadly overdose--both good and bad people contract diseases. There's no behavior on the part of the Kruckenbergs that caused their generational Alzheimer's. Disease is part of the curse on mankind. As Jesus said of the Father in Matthew 5:45,

He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and unjust.

Looking forward, how will I manage this Christmas season? I've never put lights on a tree, certainly not by myself. I have decorated our giant trees in the past, and set up the lighted stair garland and mantel display. So I will be meeting my first challenge, the tree lights, with Jesus' help. I am convinced that if God allows sorrow and tragedy into our lives, He will take care of the details of each day's victory! Romans 8:35, 37 says,

Yet in all these things (tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword) we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

And I'll be careful to give Him the glory, in Jesus' name.

Seasonal start

2011-12-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

11:37 p.m. Today's project was to prepare for and set a Christmas-themed table for eight at our church for the annual Ladies' Christmas Supper, our women's ministry's way to start the season off right, by honoring Christ.

I will elaborate eventually, but since I have a Mary Kay Breakfast, a party, and a boutique tomorrow, I'll catch up this post later!

Lord bless and good night!

The witness of Steve's life Part II

2011-12-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

12:02 p.m. Today's project was to get up at 6 a.m., take a quick shower before Steve woke up, and let out the dog by 6:18 so she wouldn't be barking from the nearby garage when the caregiver rang the doorbell at 6:30.

I was very tired, my own fault for staying up until 10:20 last night watching an episode of Law & Order, trying to "wind down" after helping Steve get into bed. Kind of like I would sit up late with my youngest baby Steven in 1988, nursing him long after the rest of the family had retired, so I'd watch the Tonight Show or Arsenio Hall until we'd both get sleepy.

It would be a long but rewarding day, with a double facial and later, our Mary Kay meeting. In the morning, I planned to take Steve and go grocery shopping. Uninspired is a good word for me at 6 a.m. today--counting on my devotional time to focus on the Lord and not my physical condition.

I had put the dishes away when the doorbell rang. Steve's caregiver came in very shaky and somewhat upset, and asked if he could talk with me for a minute before getting Steve up. We had both been witnessing to him and he did go to church last month. The caregiver asked me if I believed in ghosts, and I explained that there are evil spirits about, but that believers in Jesus need not fear them. He recounted a frightening "appearance" he'd seen at 4 a.m., and said I was the only one he thought of to call, but it was too early. So after telling him of the strength and power of Jesus in all who believe, I asked him if he would like to ask Jesus into his heart, right then and there.

He said, "Yes, please!" so I prayed and then had him repeat the sinner's prayer after me. Hallelujah!

Romans 10:13:

"Whoever calls upon the name of the LORD shall be saved."

I then told him that Jesus has absolute and ultimate power over the whole universe, and now God the Holy Spirit was living inside of him; for that reason he no longer has anything to fear. Christians cannot be demon possessed, even though the devil can bother and disturb us.

He was so much calmer, joyful, and was beginning to allow his fears to subside. That's the power of the Holy Spirit at work--instantly as soon as we receive Christ as Savior. We'll see him at church on Sunday! After the service I'll take him down the aisle to the new convert counselors whose ministry it is to follow up with baby Christians.

If Steve had not needed the early morning care, which includes assisting me in setting up his online devotionals, we would not have been able to be used by God to make an impact for Him. Steve was very excited when I told him of the conversion. The witness of his life and struggle with Alzheimer's continues to grow!

Remembering that Jesus told the formerly demon-possessed man, Mark 5:19, "to go home to your friends and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had compassion on you," I told the caregiver on his way out, "Now go tell someone about Jesus!"

A lesson-filled journey

2011-11-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

6:15 p.m. Today's project was to prepare a home style dinner for our oldest son Sean. I call it "home style" because it's pretty much what I made the kids and Steve for dinner at least twice a month-- spaghetti and meatballs. In lean times there would be a bit of crumbled sausage or a couple of slices of pepperoni, or no meat at all. The key is to saute the fresh veggies, pressed garlic and meat in virgin olive oil, add plenty of herbs and seasonings, and a good tot of dark red Burgundy to a large pot of sauce. The tomato portion was 1 small can Contadina tomato paste, 1 16 oz can tomato halves, and two large cans Del Monte tomato sauce. I just love the different textures of paste, large chunks of tomato, and smooth sauce! I could eat a whole can of tomato paste, so sweet and delicious. My pasta had to be Buitoni or Creamettes. The sauce cooked for the better part of two days. If I felt particularly into it, I'd finish it off in the oven for an additional few hours.

All this before the Food Network! The Joy of Cooking was and is my encyclopedia.I had lessons from an excellent Italian home cook, and worked at a huge Italian restaurant, La Barbera's in Santa Monica, when I was in college. The flavors just became ingrained in me.

It struck me as so funny when one of my sons told me that he never really liked spaghetti, so I replied "that's what families of 7 eat!!" But no one ever turned down my garlic bread that went with it! (Like getting the kids to eat a hearty soup by making it the price of admission to get the cornbread, rolls, or biscuits)!

The births of each of my children had different and dramatic effects on my life, but birthing my firstborn was a game-changer. Up to that point, I'd lived a pretty indulged life: raised in beautiful Redlands; three years in a sorority at UCLA, as well as being a member of honor societies and clubs; worked various part-time jobs for extra spending money; and then about 3 years before Sean was born, moved to Colorado for the country hippie lifestyle. Married by now, I became a new mom at 24.

This was 1975. No sonograms were given unless the doctor suspected a problem; and I don't know whether ultrasounds had even been invented. Of course, home births and midwives were all the rage in our cabin and tee pee crowd, but were very much frowned upon by the establishment. (I opted for regular doctor visits and natural childbirth in the noisy, bare bones, green-everywhere Delta County hospital. Let's not get too crazy)! I did make it all the way to the end, when I finally accepted a Demerol shot. With your first labor, you don't know how bad it may get before it's over! No painkillers with any of the others, though. Why chance endangering the baby?

One thing I learned that followed me with every subsequent birth, was that I was Rh negative, so I had to get a nasty rhogam shot after Sean was born, for protection, they said, for the next pregnancy. Is that theory still in practice today? At 60, I'm out of the loop!

Now I was responsible for another person, physically responsible, not just at a job, or tutoring struggling peers. But the magical, God-thing about carrying a baby for 9 months is that you love that little one already before you ever see them! You have nurtured their every moment with your own food consumption, and cleaned up all of your bad habits so he will be healthy. And when you feed your firstborn from your own breast--it's hard to believe it's happening. The bond is so intense, unlike anything else on this earth! It's a bond God created and recognizes as totally unique. The Lord shows how infinitely He remembers, knows and loves His children by comparing His love to a mother's love. That is a signal honor, in my eyes! In response to Zion's claim that God has forsaken and forgotten them, He answers in Isaiah 49:15-16a,

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands."

From Sean's tiny blood-tipped ear I spotted when I first held him, to his ever-growing walk with the Lord throughout childhood, the teen years, as a young adult and now as a father himself, I know God has a special work for him to do in His name! And that work is already conceived, planned out and prepared and at work even now. For me, the ultimate lesson, the reward of a prayerful mother's journey is found, for each child, in I Corinthians 2:9:

Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of
man
The things which God has
prepared for those who love
Him.

.

Dead to the world, alive in Chirst

2011-11-29T23:20:00.000-08:00

10:28 p.m. Today's project was to prepare a devotional for the Heart to Home "Origami Ornament" class tonight at Calvary Moreno Valley. The Lord has placed on my heart that before each class, we need to have a word from scripture, because this is a ministry of the church. While the classes are open to all women, the focus must remain on the Lord. Saints and seekers welcome!

Normally, I will scroll through recent blogposts for appropriate messages, because they are just the right length for a 2 minute devotional. At times, I've written my post with that evening's class in mind. After a few forays into the Internet this morning, I realized that the At&T network was dead; thus, no visiting the blog. Time to do it the old fashioned way--type it up fresh on Microsoft Word and print it! (Actually, that's not even old fashioned! For my verse-by-verse Bible studies each summer, I make my notes on a legal pad, and then teach from longhand writing in a wireless notebook).

We had finished devotions and breakfast, and since I'd scheduled Steve's caregiver to stay most of the day so I could get more done, both for ministry and business, they went out to walk the dog. I wrote the title, "Where is your hope placed?" quoting Psalm 39:7:

And now, LORD, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.

I went on to draw a contrast between the Alzheimer's Association and their hope for a cure for the incurable and belief in science as the answer; vs. Operation Christmas Child, where the entire origin, focus and purpose is lead children and families to Jesus Christ, to give hope in the One who never fails, who is the ultimate Healer, the only Answer for sin, sickness and sorrow in this world.

Human beings are certainly gifted to study, apply intellect and inventiveness to improve living conditions. And we all are commanded to help the poor in any way we can with the means God grants us. But we must remember, that our hope is in Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith!

He may well reward the researchers' efforts with a cure for Alzheimer's for the next generation. Our family, however, is not waiting until that point to love and obey Christ, and serve Him by ministering to others. We are doing what God designed us to do: living!

Answer this question, if you will:

Are you truly alive in Christ, or just marking off days on this earth?

Boxing day

2011-11-28T23:31:00.000-08:00

9:44 p.m. Today's project was to travel to Irvine in Orange County with my friend Gretchen Williams. Since she is a year-round volunteer with Operation Christmas Child, she was able to secure a date for us to participate in sorting and packing shoe boxes for impoverished children around the world. The shoe boxes contain toys, candy, clothing, shoes, games, scripture materials, Bible stories, small books, puzzles, school supplies, anything you can imagine coming from a loving family here Stateside, to the child God has already selected to receive the box. Many boxes contain pictures of the sending family and darling, Christ-filled letters from one or more of their kids. Today's boxes are headed for Indonesia.

I remember when Operation Christmas Child began. Franklin Graham (son of evangelist Billy Graham), president of Samaritan's Purse, an international helps ministry, came to Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside to dedicate the hundreds of piled-up, colorful boxes on the stage of the huge sanctuary. At least one of our now-grown and mostly-married children wasn't even born yet. But as soon as they were able to make their own selections as preschoolers on our annual trip to the nearby Kmart, they wanted to pack their own boxes. My parents always filled up a box or two, and my dad still makes up a box some years, or just comes to our house with the small shipping donation and his selections for the age of child he wants to send to. As our children have grown up, they and their significant others packed boxes too. Despite all of the special food, gifts, ministry, business and public Christmas celebrations we take for granted here even in difficult times, we don't forget children in war-torn countries whose only gift ever will be their shoebox.

Ecclesiastes 11:1-2 says,

Cast your bread upon the
waters,
For you will find it after many
days.
Give a serving to seven, and also
to eight,
For you do not know what evil
will be on the earth.

And these children have seen their share of the evil of this world!

When the two of us arrived, we stopped to unload some packed boxes from the Moreno Valley Chik-Fil-A, a Christian fast-food restaurant that has come alongside OCC nationwide. Then we checked in at the front desk and watched an instruction video on the sorting and packing process.we both determined to be inspectors, if the Lord would have it that so, because neither of us can lift much or do well at the twisting and pulling inherent with taking the strong packing tape and winding it around the filled boxes. and then packing 14 to 16 packed boxes into a huge one would just be too much lifting and stooping. As for God's decision on our jobs, Psalm 103:14 says, "He knows our frame; He knows that we are dust." Just substitute Dana and Gretchen in that verse, and you'll know why God mercifully gave us both inspector jobs!

I just loved checking the boxes' contents, dropping into the "inappropriate" pail chocolate candy that would melt, lotions, gels and any other liquids that could come open and ruin several boxes. We all regretted the necessity of removing bottles of bubble soap, because kids all around the world love blowing bubbles. But OCC's discards will be donated to local needy families. There is to be no waste in God's economy!

Every hour a pastor or ministry director would stop all activity in the huge warehouse to call us all to prayer. We were working this Boxing Day (unlike our English friends' holiday), and working hard for six hours, but it was an honor to play a tiny role in this undertaking, and time just flew by.

Corporate prayer at our work stations put everything we did in perspective: Operation Christmas Child is truly GOD'S work!

REALLY fresh air

2011-11-27T22:40:00.000-08:00

8:01 p.m. Today's project was to visit our favorite Christmas Tree Farm, Sandhaven Pines, and do some preliminary perusing of the trees in our newly-lowered size range.

Steve and I had enjoyed a wonderful church service this morning, where our pastor invited the congregation to receive a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit, giving us power to witness, as Jesus commanded the disciples when He appeared to them after His resurrection, Acts 1:4,5,8:

And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, "which," He said, "you have heard from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now."
...
"But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

We were challenged to tell someone about Jesus today. I love to mention the Lord to people I meet, and testify of Him when I spend enough time for a conversation. Why would I keep the Secret to a victorious, overcoming life of peace from someone who needs to know Him so badly? (And that's every unsaved person)! I did manage to thank the Lord for untangling some confusion as to my pump number at our gas station stop when talking to the clerk, and she got a big smile on her face. But since I now pump the gasoline for the Jeep even if Steve's there, I had to get back to my car. I also didn't want Steve to have to sit out in the car very long--it got very sunny today!

After lunch and changing clothes--always an issue of great confusion now--we drove off in the brilliant sunshine to the tree farm, 7 miles away. Because I was planning to give the checkout lady a hand cream sample and the flyer about our Mary Kay "Adopt a Grandparent" Christmas fundraiser, business mileage needed to be documented.

I noticed a large sign reminding everyone to breathe the trees in as we walk through the hilly pine "forests," because trees do take in carbon dioxide and give off oxygen. Respiration, I believe? Made me want to teach a classroom of children a bit of earth science like I used to!

Up on the top of the hill at the end of our climb to the "Reservation" area from the lower "Choose & Cut" section, we reveled in the cool breeze and the panoramic view of Mead Valley, Woodcrest and some of the Orangecrest area of Riverside. Then very slowly, with me helping Steve over the uneven ground on the road up and even more awkwardly, between the trees and over the watering tubes that didn't always lie flat on the ground, we inspected the sizes and prices. Lowering the height of our next tree will lower our bill by $10 at least! We'll have Heidi and Pavel to help us next Sunday afternoon, so I decided we'd just head for the choose and cut, get lots of opinions--in other words, like in years past with all of the kids along--and buy the chosen tree on the spot. The more opinions we get each year on our tree selection, the less complaints later about its shape and appearance! Thank you, Lord, for our enjoyment and safety walking up- and downhill, and for a wise plan for our Christmas tree cutting!

Later, at Home Fellowship, we spoke about the qualifications of an elder in the church, (Titus 2:1-2). The Holy Spirit's presence was evident "where two or three are gathered" (Matthew 18:20). Steve was alert and even trying to follow along! We were reminded of the three stages of Christian life:

Justification--salvation in Christ, "just as if I'd never sinned."
Sanctification--working out in this life what Christ has worked in.
Glorification--when we go to be with the Lord at death, or in the Rapture.

Not one of these stages in a believer's life can take place without the fresh breeze of the Holy Spirit! He leads us to conviction and repentance to get saved; guides us with wisdom through the ups and downs and uneven places in this life; and He trains and prepares us for heaven.

Steve and I enjoyed our hilltop experience today, but so much more awaits us as we look towards heaven! The disciples saw Jesus go back up into heaven from Mount Olivet, Acts 1:9-11:

Now when He had spoken these things, while they watched, He was taken up, and a cloud received Him out of their sight. And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as He went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel, who also said, "Men of Galilee, why you stand gazing up into heaven? This same Jesus, who was taken from you into heaven, will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven."

Therein lies our blessed hope. Now that's a breath of fresh air!

Very anticipated transition

2011-11-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

4:01 p.m. Today's project was to move from fall/Thanksgiving mode to Christmas season in my mind and in my home decorating. It might take my heart another day or so to catch up, since Thanksgiving seemed to come early this year. An outing to the Hillhaven Pines tree farm tomorrow after church ought to do the trick!

As I put away my pumpkins, wooden leaves, turkeys and fall door hangings, and found my Advent calendar on the top shelf of the "holiday linen closet," I thought about our kids fighting over whose turn it was to open a door and reveal the tiny ornament behind it. Looking at our oldest Nativity set, I thought about my preschoolers snatching the Baby Jesus out of the manger to put in bed with them at night. Sweet, sweet memories! I took out a few seasonal pillows, my hand-carved wooden Merry Christmas letters for the coffee table, and put a red rug and decorated wastebasket in the guest bathroom, stopping just shy of putting up the unbelievably bright shower curtain. It is a little early!

Steve spent the afternoon sweeping and raking leaves, after a few false starts, such as bringing the wrong dumpster for the job, then taking it back to get the green waste receptacle, and then returning with the one he started out with. It's getting harder and harder to get him to listen and follow even the simplest directions. But after a few moments he got on track, raked, and put the leaves in the green waste dumpster. That enabled me to have some time to pull tote bins out of the hall closet and get started. A job he thoroughly enjoyed last year and took pride in now causes him to hang his head and look depressed. The strain on his mind is just so great, it seems, for him to do anything but sit down and eat his meals.

Am I ready to give up all expectations that Steve can perform any helpful activities? As it is, the morning caregiver is the one who actually walks our dog, and just allows Steve to hold the leash for a minute or two. I or his caregiver help him dress each day. (Not easy for a smaller person to dress a much larger one; could use prayer for my back). Steve now is utterly confused when scooping food out of the barrel for Jada, and then goes to the back patio door where she sits waiting at 5 p.m., in full view because the blinds aren't closed all the way, and sets it down on the floor in front of her without opening the slider. Good thing Jada is a patient soul! She just looks to me to tell Steve to open the slider and feed her. Come to think of it, she's been a lot more affectionate with me lately, seeking a pat on the head every time I go by her, whereas when Steve was actively engaging with her and Bailey, they barely acknowledged me--they only looked to him. And now Jada looks to me, "As the eyes of a maid [look] to the hand of her mistress," Psalm 123:2a puts it. Guess I am the pack leader at home now!

Tonight, I asked Steve to go to the garage and get the dog's food, but when I looked around the corner, he was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands. So, I asked him again, explaining that my reason was that it is good for us both to help out at home. I led him out to the garage, and pointed to the barrel on the opposite end. He walked over there, and I knew I had time to take a quick break, pardon me. Upon my return, I saw that he had taken the lid off the barrel, so far so good, but the upturned lid is where he'd put the first scoop of dog food. I helped him get three scoops into the dish, walked him to the patio door, and directed him to open it and put the food down on the patio.

Things are definitely different this year. Last year was difficult enough for me when I aroused Steve's anger by asking for assistance with boxes in the downstairs hall closet. He apologized and we went on to decorate our home nicely. We had some uproar when Heidi and I tried to help Steve put the lights on the tree. But we got the project completed, not as meticulously as Steve normally placed the lights for 29 years previously, but our 13 footer was gorgeous. (Then it started to lean, but that was covered in Today's Project's post "Pine-scented koinonia" on December 3, 2010! )

Post-Christmas there was a shocking incident, when Steve started sawing branches off the tree while it was still standing in our living room. We don't have saws on the premises any longer, needless to say. And the 2011 tree won't be over 7 feet high, so I can maneuver it with minimal help from Steve. Our son-in-law Pavel said he'd be happy to help when we go to pick it up, like our Kriss did in 2009, and our friend Bob did with the "leaning tree" last year. So I may not have to do much.

Steve is quieter now, generally, but does get into fits occasionally, like today, tossing over the green dumpster when he couldn't remember where it went. Praise the Lord that it just landed on the lawn instead of sailing over the front hedge and into the path of one of the hundreds of cars that stop at our corner! Looks like I'll need more assistance here at home, because no one person can handle erratic and unpredictable actions of their loved one. Steve could have run into the street, worst case scenario, even though I was standing right there. I pray the day won't come when I'll have to press my alert button, but I will certainly do it if necessary, and accede to whichever authorities arrive. I checked Steve's remaining insurance benefits in a letter that came today, and it shows that I've been very sparing in using our long term care policy, thinking I'm being what the Bible calls a "wise steward" (Luke 12:42).I've been trying to be careful with our funds, but that may actually be unwise in this case.

While being careful is prudent, excessive caution is lack of trust in what God has so generously provided! Philippians 4:6 (KJV) tells me and you not to be anxious:

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

I think I'll do that!

Pumpkin crunch

2011-11-25T17:11:00.000-08:00

2:41 p.m. Today's project was to preside over my online "Pink Friday" sale, instead of driving in madhouse traffic and fighting the crowds to shop the bargains as my daughters and I have done in years past. I could have done both, since I had our morning caregiver here, but I'll look into it next year, or maybe go online tonight to see what's left!

When Steve's breakfast was finished, the caregiver took him and Jada for a walk. I made my elaborate soft-scrambled eggs with Velveeta cheese, salsa, spinach, ham, green peppers and onion from my garden, and 6 eggs. That's how I'm able to enjoy hot breakfasts for about four days, just cutting off and microwaving each day's portion. Normally I use grated block cheese, like Jack or cheddar, but Velveeta was quick for today. So tasty, especially accompanied by this season's Coffee Mate peppermint mocha creamer in my coffee, while listening to a top Mary Kay sales director's motivational message on speakerphone. Proverbs, like chapter 10:4, "The hand of the diligent maketh rich," are always on my mind. They keep me motivated to continue learning and be challenged to grow my business!

But something was calling to me, hmmm, what could it be? Oh yes, a couple of large servings of Pumpkin Crunch that are in a 9 x 13" glass pan in the fridge! I ate so many desserts yesterday--Rice Krispy treats with cranberries and white chocolate, fab pumpkin dip with apple slices and whole wheat pretzels, apple pie, and organic pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce and candied yams with dinner--that it was like "the hair of the dog" kind of thing at breakfast!

So I chunked off some good servings and just relieved the fun day yesterday, the family and fellowship, and of course, the food!! The kids came back from the movies ravenous again, and nearly picked my turkey clean, and then were about to eat all the desserts, but I sagely and silently put the Pumpkin Crunch away while I cleaned up the last touches in the kitchen. Then...

Sorry, I'm back from my break to taste and see if the Crunch is still okay...

As you might guess, my normal low-carb lifestyle is on vacation for another day or two, while we polish off the leftovers at dinner: stuffing, my daughter-in-law's fresh green bean casserole, yummy dark meat, gravy, mashed potatoes and whole wheat rolls. Cranberry jelly will top things off.

I certainly could not indulge myself like this at any other time of the year, or I'd gain some serious pounds. Probably would experience some headaches and digestive upsets, too. God has "given us richly all things to enjoy," (I Timothy 6:17), but not all at once nor in excess quantities that might compromise our health.

With that in mind, may you and yours enjoy a Pumpkin Crunch today, or next month, or next Thanksgiving!!

Pumpkin Crunch

I 16 oz. can solid pack pumpkin

1 12 oz. can evaporated milk

3 eggs

1 1/2 cups sugar

4 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

1/2 tsp salt

1 package yellow cake mix

1 cup chopped pecans

1 cup butter, melted

Whipped cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of 13 x 9 x 2" pan. Combine pumpkin, milk, eggs, sugar, pumpkin pie spice and salt in large bowl and pour into pan. Sprinkle dry cake mix evenly over pumpkin mixture. Top with pecans. Drizzle with melted butter. Bake 350 degrees 50-55 minutes or until golden. Cool completely on rack. Serve with whipped cream or ice cream if desired. Refrigerate leftovers.

Thankful today

2011-11-25T01:11:00.000-08:00

10:50 p.m. Today's project was to welcome my family members to our Thanksgiving dinner.Some came early and came back later, my dad came over by 10:30 a.m., and enjoyed a pretty full afternoon, even as he left by 3:30; we met our youngest son Steven's girlfriend Kathy, who drove down from Bakersfield; and Steve stayed relatively level, even though he needed a lot of help with dressing.

The morning started oddly, because my cell phone was on silent mode, so when it went off at 6 a.m., I never heard it. But the Lord opened my eyes at 6:41, because He knew I needed the rest. When I checked in on Steve, he was just awakening, so we got his supplements into him, and then he went back to bed while I showered and put on a t-shirt from a Wales mission trip and my Heather's old dance practice sweat pants from King High School.

The day was on!

I helped Steve dress, got his devotions started, and then took the turkey out of the refrigerator, rinsed and patted it dry. Then I sat down to my devotions, with sporadic interruptions from Steve, but we prayed together prior to his eating various portions of his breakfast.Meanwhile, our bodybuilder son Steven made his huge breakfast, helped me put the stuffed turkey into the Reynolds cooking bag, and went to the gym with a friend.

The things I had feared--not cooking the turkey long enough, dinner too late for my dad to return home in the daylight, Kathy not making it on time--were totally allayed by the Lord. Not one part of our meal was out of place, and everyone arrived safely. We had a great dinner!

Later, Heidi and Pavel came over and shared in the plenteous desserts, along with Nick and Heather and his sister Amy. Then the kids all went to see the new "Muppet Movie" while Steve rested from the noise that had him burying his head in his hands, and I cleaned up, hand washing the crystal and china. This was our annual tradition with one exception: Steve is no longer able to help, but God has given me "power, love, and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7) and plenty of energy at age 60.

We did have some different touches this year--no gold plated tableware, because Steve and Heidi are the ones who always knew how to return the items to their correct slots, not to mention their help with the extra hand washing. Now he can't do it, and she wasn't home. With a small group, I had enough regular daily silverware to cover, thank you, Lord. I used an old, delicate tablecloth with the matching napkins, instead of the large ones that take a lot of folding. And I planned for Steve to sit between my dad and me for help as needed.

The fact that God is with me in these small details of one annual holiday, as well as with the huge trials I experience, I realize that even with the tragedy of losing my husband to Alzheimer's, I have much to be thankful for: healthy children and grandsons; everyone employed; a new grand baby on the way; the ability to buy the drugs Steve's needs for now; a home to live in; care for Steve when I can't do it; ministry; and my business.

Only the Lord could put all of these life-portions together, and only God can make my life work in ways that glorify Him!

Double good

2011-11-23T23:54:00.000-08:00

7:57 p.m. Today's project was to spend time with both of my married daughters, Heidi Ilie and Heather Love. They both very smoothly managed to knock seven letters off their last name by marrying!! And as their mother, I'll quote Proverbs 18:22 to my sons-in-law, that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing." And my good girls became good women, before I knew it!

I cannot deny that this Thanksgiving will be difficult for me, now that my older daughter Heidi, my right-hand helper since girlhood, has married and moved about 20 minutes away to Redlands. She actuallly made a complete Thanksgiving dinner by herself with Mom standing by a few years back. When I cook, she could be counted on to help set the table, peel or mash potatoes and make at least one pie. Tomorrow, she and husband Pavel will be at his family's big family get together--like we usually have here. My Heather has been eating dinner with her in-laws early, and she and Nick pop over for dessert and nibbles of our dinner that we're still enjoying. My dad is always present, and some years my sister's family comes from San Diego. Happily, my son and his wife from Long Beach will be here, and our son from Fresno is on the way as I write this. His girlfriend is coming from Bakersfield for dinner. So what's the problem?

The problem is fear! The fear this year is having no help with lifting the stuffed turkey, and missing the general hands-on help that Steve always provided. The lawns would be immaculate, the high chandeliers sparkling. So I've needed to make do. This week, I had the house cleaned, Nick hung a picture for me, Pavel put the extra leaf in the dining room table and helped Steve with the dog and other tasks while Heidi and I shopped for her apple pie. Adult daycare made it possible for me to complete several financial errands and do some business as well earlier in the day.

Why do I feel a bit down? We've had years when only immediate family was at the table--but that was eight people, with Daddy. And my mom was there every year before she passed in 2006.

It's fear!

The fear for next year is that Steve may either be at home bedridden and basically absent from the family mentally, and I will be a virtual widow. I am already trying to get the girls to think of how to handle the holidays in 2012. As I talked it over with Heather (who kindly brought us Subway, keeping our Night-Before-Thanksgiving tradition), she is confident that the Lord will show us all what we need to do, now that everyone but Steven has in-laws whom they--and we--love very much.

Speaking of our youngest, he has been home for an hour now, and just as lively, Spirit-filled and joyful as ever. Steve had already gone to bed, so Heather, Steven and I enjoyed a good conversation about health foods, Alzheimer supplements. Honestly, I have always been blessed by the health and vigor of these two youngest kids, the ones whose gestation was enhanced by Shaklee Vitalea, a pure food alfalfa multivitamin supplement that I took instead of prenatal vitamins. So when Steven showed me an alfalfa supplement from Lassens, the organic market he works for, I happily made plans to start taking it. And the Lord is so good--I ran out of Vitalea just this week for lack of finances! The energy and staying power I have been known for I can credit to God introducing me to organic gardening, these vitamins and consuming natural foods if at all possible. And how uplifting to share His gifts with my son who is in the health and fitness business. Ministry leadership issues and scripture were woven throughout Heather's, Steven's and my wide-ranging conversation as well.

Now with an entirely different outlook, I can face tomorrow's questions and non-issues with a happy frame of mind, and enjoy the Thanksgiving God has ordained for me in 2011!

Get-a-Grip Tuesday

2011-11-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

3:55 p.m. Today's project was to stay home for the day and work within the realization that we are two days away from Thanksgiving. For us cooks, bakers, hostesses and homemakers, our countdown has already begun! Time to "get a grip!"

My normal day includes facial appointments and parties, but this week has been quite exceptional. My clientele, for the most part, are grocery shopping or preparing to shop at the last minute for the meal they'll be cooking, or they are getting ready to travel to a family's house for their Thanksgiving meal and getting a side dish or dessert planned. It's not easy to book appointments when women are so distracted, even though I do have facials on my books for next week. Seemed like an ideal day to stay home and bake whole wheat-pecan dinner rolls, and freeze them for Thanksgiving.

I did conduct some business, however, sending out a massive email for the Pink Friday sale I'm having. I know that my customers will be shopping, so they might as well do some of their shopping with me!

This morning, I was particularly tired, especially with Steve getting up just as I was about to get in the shower, and needing some care before he returned to bed. So after I got Steve's breakfast and online devotional ready, I told the caregiver that I'd be lying down in the next room while he handled the morning routine. By the time I came downstairs at 8:15, the guys were returning from a short walk with Jada, Steve was in good spirits, and he'd even held Jada's leash a few times. To think that Steve handled both strong-willed, vigorous labs singlehandedly on 2.5 miles of fast walking every day until a few months ago! I just have to call upon the Lord for the "peace that passes understanding" (Philippians 4:7), whenever I'm tempted to dwell too long on Steve's former healthy condition.

After my devotions were finished, we both began our tasks, edging the back patio for Steve, and roll making for me. I'm always leery of expecting success on my first batch of Thanksgiving yeast rolls, because I'm so out of practice that I end up having to make more than one. Last year I concocted 4 batches, if you can imagine. Even with help from one of my grandsons, only one batch turned out well enough to serve the large extended family group, and others were frozen for Steve, who loves any kind of bread. Now I can only imagine having enough time to bake without constantly checking on Steve's safety and frame of mind. But the Lord was abundantly gracious to me today. In between breaks for snacks, lunch and changing of Steve's tasks, I was able to do each step of my baking! And in the middle of refining and adding to my customer email list, and the rolls going into the oven, we sat down together and watched a modern version of The Velveteen Rabbit until he fell asleep, which happens several times a day. So I slipped back over to the computer to complete my business.

The rolls came out crunchy and tasty, so I cooled and froze them. Maybe tomorrow I'll make another kind, or a quick bread, or just buy some Brown 'n Serve for those who want softer rolls. Our group will be small, since both daughters are having Thanksgiving with their in-laws, who are local and we love very much. They'll come over for dessert and movies. Next year, I have a feeling I'll be needing much more support to get through the holidays. This looks to be the last Thanksgiving Steve will be able to sit at a dinner table and handle his eating utensils. I think I'll place him between youngest son Steven and myself for quiet assistance.

Similar arrangements have been made for this evening, when Steve's friend Bob will be picking him up for the Men's Bible study potluck and keeping him under his wing for the evening. I cannot be everywhere, and that's the way it should be. God wants to use and bless others in Steve's life, and our church friends are more than eager to help. But even their help is God-ordained!

Psalm 46:1 says, and I need to rest on this beloved verse, no matter what happens today, no matter what is going to happen tomorrow:

God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

Leadership, like life, is hard

2011-11-21T16:14:00.000-08:00

2:11 p.m. Today's project was to quickly get my major Thanksgiving dinner ingredients from Vons, before meeting with my team member Chelsey to find new leads for our Mary Kay businesses. It's pretty daunting for even the most outgoing of people --like me-- to walk up to strangers and engage them in a fun, positive conversation, in order to offer them a free facial and makeover. But whether we are chatting with women in a grocery store line and offering product samples or asking for help with an opinion survey or scavenger hunt, it's a necessary part of any sales business to meet people.

Eventually, business owners will have enlisted all of their family and friends, so a professional knows it's time to branch out! Think of the big, successful businesses you know. I'll guarantee, as a former insurance agent who sold group and life policies to small corporations, that they had to knock on doors, sell items from their trucks or ideas from the living rooms of the friends they just met. But they persisted, and are reaping rewards today. Again and again, the Bible speaks of diligence in our work.

The master in Jesus' story of the coins given to three servants, amply rewards the one who invested, took risks, and acquired the greatest return. In Matthew 25:21, Jesus quotes the master's commendation to his most accomplished servant:

"Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord."

Leadership isn't just over other people at work. A mother is a leader to her children, a husband leads the entire household. And we need to take leadership and mastery over our selfishness, fear and resentment and self-pity through prayer and the help of God the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:26-27 tells us that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we don't even know what the problem is or how to pray about it!

I heard a message this morning about leadership being a process. The speaker pictured three points of a triangle: your potential, your process, and eventually, your promise fulfilled. (I would word it that the third step is the achievement of a big goal). Her example was Moses. His 3 stages each lasted 40 years: from the palace of Pharaoh, to his life in Midian, tending his father-in-law's flocks; to leading God's people through many bitter trials to the Promised Land. She pointed out that for believers, each person's plan and process is God-ordained and individually designed by Him!

It is so encouraging to realize how much God loves me, that He has no intention of taking me through the same trials as everyone else in a similar position. And what I may be experiencing as a hard trial now is not just for my benefit, but for the good of others I don't even know are aware of me. So, while no one goes through trials perfectly without some whining and discouragement, we do want to make progress in our attitude and fortitude as we go through. Remember, Jesus is at the beginning, alongside as we progress, and ahead of us as we prayerfully come out of our trials as stronger, more beautifully seasoned believers than we entered in! Job 23:10 says,

When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

So I had to face my fears and walk up to a couple of young gals at Starbucks as an example to my consultant; there really was no getting out of it! Not if I want to be a leader others will follow. Amazingly, they agred to having facials next Wednesday! After we walked in separate directions, my consultant also picked up a couple of leads, so we agreed that she had gotten past "terrified" to "still terrified, but pleased with her results."

Hopefully, we'll try it again, and I believe she'll be training another consultant before we know it!