"The lights are never all going to be green."

6:54 p.m. Today's project was to attend "IE Synergy" in Rancho Cucamonga , a Mary Kay Director's meeting that I was privileged to attend, qualifying as a Red Jacket STAR Team Builder. I added two new members on my team in the month of September.

I jokingly told my friend Cindy, "I'm just writing off the entire month of September!" because of the severe sciatica that had my left side in pain from my hip to my ankle. Bed-and couch-ridden much of the time, it was Vicodin by night, Advil and a cane by day. Walking was horrendous, and chiropractor adjustments gave little relief. Gradually Advil PM worked well enough at night, and Bayer Extra strength helped get me through the day. Chiropractor adjustments were making a difference.

What I truly relied upon were the prayers of my Bible study women on Thursday morning as we finished the book of I Samuel. Our hostess Malinda made sure I had a low stool to put my foot up on, and we soldiered on. But it was hard to stay energetic during the day from the broken sleep I was experiencing. Only the Lord kept me going. But I never missed a Mary Kay training except the week I took Steve to a meeting on emergency procedures for caregivers of the disabled. I learned to trust the truth of Psalm 18:28-29 for the physical ability and mental strength to grow my business and encourage my team members and recruits daily:

For by You I can run against a

troop,

By my God I can leap over a wall.

I didn't even realize how hard my life had become in many ways, because I got help from Steve to load and unload my product travel case, and had him join me at facial appointments and at one MK meeting. I was determined to keep my selling appointments to restore my inventory and help support our living expenses. Parties yielded further bookings and that led to modest or even wonderful sales. I wasn't sure I could stand for the better part of three hours at our booth at the Moolala Boutique in Redlands, but God gave me the ability to wear high heels and stand intermittently. Praise Him! Psalm 18:31-34

For who is God, except the LORD?

And who is a rock, except our

God?

It is God who arms me with

strength,

And makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of

deer,

And sets me on my high places.

He teaches my hands to make

war,

So that my arms can bend a bow

of bronze.

The leads I received from working that booth are now giving me facial, party, and makeover appointments! What if I had let fear overcome me?

Just when I thought I'd turned a corner on my left side as the pain diminished, the right side of my lower back became violently painful! The chiropractor and the doctor agreed--from favoring my left side for two three weeks, the right side began to flare up.

But there was no letting up on my momentum, so I wrote out 60 postcards to begin a pre-holiday sale; put together a charitable hand cream donation plan for businesses, and called my preferred customers as I added new ones. Getting back into my Red jacket with 5 team members was my stated goal, and I made the new rank with four. That's more team members than I've ever had before. So look out, ladies, I WILL recruit and help team member #5 start a lucrative skincare and color cosmetics business.

As the month ended, I achieved my Red Jacket goal, and am booking more appointments than ever before at one sitting. Psalm 18:35-36:

You have also given me the shield

of Your salvation;

Your right hand has held me up,

Your gentleness has made me

great.

You enlarged my path under me,

So my feet did not slip.

I'm reviewing and looking back, but really looking forward to a great recruiting month with a $75 starter kit worth $400. My pain is drastically lessened, although I still use a heating pad at bedtime and first thing in the morning; I stand up to type this blog at my kitchen counter, and sit as seldom as possible each day. But life has a lot of road bumps and red lights, as you can surely testify from your own life. I quote a card I received this morning at Synergy, "The lights are never all going to be green." But God is still in the heavens, He cares incredibly deeply and personally for His people, and that gives me comfort and confidence to go forward to meet my goals in every area of life. I'll close with Psalm 18:46:

The LORD lives!

Blessed be my Rock!

Let the God of my salvation be

exalted.

The point of this was?

9:31 p.m. Today's project was to acccompany my son Kriss to Long Beach. Of course, the way my days go, lots had taken place before he arrived at 10:30.

Since we were going to be gone until 2 or 3 p.m. round trip, I had arranged for the caregiver to come over at 9:00, and he was prompt as usual. He and Steve took off to walk the dogs. My other prompt arrival, Candy, a consultant on my Mary Kay team, arrived while I was getting dressed upstairs. She had volunteered to help organize my customers by their birthday month, a tedious task for me as a non-detail, "big picture" type. I'm an "I" personality that we talk about in our business, for "Influential." Candy is an "S"= "Steady" She's a deliberate, organized, efficient, businesslike person who gets things done. I whipped us up some special eggs with sausage, Herdez chunky red salsa, pepper jack cheese, soft-scrambled in butter, while she worked.

Kriss arrived in his new Toyota Cruiser F5, came in and visited with his dad. I did a litlle last minute personal prep and off we went. I really looked forward to this outing after the harrowing episode we had at the adult daycare center yesterday. Plus, just to go to a big city is refreshing to this suburbanite, because it reminds me of my years in Westwood as a UCLA Bruin. Plus, the ocean-blown air there is always cool and clean. Thank you, Lord for Your creation! Psalm 147:15-18 reminds us of the way He commands all of nature:

He sends out His command to the

earth;

His word runs very swiftly.

He gives snow like wool;

He scatters the frost like ashes;

He casts out His hail like

morsels;

Who can stand before His cold?

He sends out His word and melts

them;

He causes His wind to blow, and

the waters flow.

Kriss and I went about our errand without really getting anything accomplished, unfortunately, but the timing of all of human endeavors is the Lord's. We can't let one day's frustration taint a process that needs to play itself out. Believers would do well to remember that, whether in personal or business goals. Ecclesiastes 3:9-11a not only points out the frustration of men's efforts, but the timing, which God controls:

What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Few magnificent achievements happen overnight! Even the recently deceased Steve Jobs, Apple founder and "the Edison of our time," creator of the personal computer, was let go from the corporation he founded, Apple! The a few years later he came back with a greater invention than ever before: the MacIntosh computer!

What did our long day accomplish? Kriss and I had wonderful mother-son fellowship, and are delighted with his wife Marisela's progress in her pregnancy--they heard the baby's heartbeat at an early morning doctor appointment today! His managerial position with Starbucks is going well

as is Marisela's job. Even their King Charles spaniel Penny Lane is filled out and gorgeous now, and much calmer than in the past. The temporal details that tend to have us tied in knots will work out--as God wills.

Reflecting on our time, conversation and hopes for the future, I find myself looking again to the passage in Ecclesiastes from the Lord's perspective, v. 11:

He has made all things beautiful in His time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

While we work things out here, may we continue to long for eternity and our true home!

That didn't work out so well

2:22 p.m. Today's project was for Steve to go for a "trial day" at an adult daycare center. The center is highly recommended by people I know whose Alzheimer's-affected loved ones attend, and after Steve realized that nobody lives there, and he wasn't being sent to a rest home, he agreed to give it a try for a few hours. This has been a matter of prayer for me and for others, and encouragement from them, too, to provide solitary, quiet, concentrated time once a week, for me to get started on the book God has placed on my heart and is gently but persistently urging me to begin. And even more convicting is what Jesus said in John 15:14:

You are my friends if you do whatsoever I command you.

That word doesn't only refer to tasks that are easy, convenient, or agreeable to all concerned. I have found myself hesitating, and that is a form of disobedience!

I woke Steve up before six o'clock, so we could arrive by 8:45. Staff had already scheduled him for his intake day, so we needed to be there on time. The two of us had our devotions. Soon it was time to wake up our grandsons, with a courtesy 15-minute warning, so they could make their 7:15 deadline. The plan at the center was for Steve to join the group activity, and for me to spend about 45 minutes with a staff member filling out detailed paperwork. Then I would leave with the boys, making some stops at local businesses to raise support for donations of wrapped hand cream gifts for the participants in the daycare program's Christmas party. The three of us would then go to the nearby mall and have some lunch. Steve, meanwhile, would have a number of activities and a lasagna lunch with all the trimmings. We'd be back at 1 p.m. to pick him up. The normal schedule is 8:30 a.m. -2:00 p.m.

As Steve and I talked with the nurse-manager, she noted that he looked a little apprehensive. He agreed, but I kissed him and he went off in his usual manner with her to join the group. I went to an office and completed the paperwork. (The boys had decided to stay in the Jeep and play on their smart phones. Since they are high schoolers, I figured it wouldn't be child abuse if the vehicle was unlocked and the windows were down as far as possible with rain coming down)!

At the end of the paperwork, I made a fatal error, either suggesting, or agreeing to the staff member's suggestion, that I take a peek at how Steve was doing. Instead of having me look through a window from behind unnoticed by him, she walked me right into a hallway where he was sitting in the front row of a large group listening to the news and weather report being shared by one of several aides. Steve looked up, and I thought, came toward me as if he thought it was time to go. I said, "You're not going yet."

Steve suddenly yelled out,"I'M NOT STAYING HERE!" and came running down the hallway in a panic and rage! The staff member and I were utterly shocked, because had gone into the living room area very willingly, and he'd been seated calmly with everyone else and attentive. He ran up to me and said in a voice shaking, stuttering and out of control, "It's so dark in there! And they all keep staring at me!" Keeping myself calm, I led him to sit down with me on the couch, hoping to restore some measure of reason to the moment, and he weepingly said, "Am I that bad off?" (He assumed that no one there was as well-off as he is because some of them were in wheelchairs. The stroke victims probably have more comprehension than he does, but are physically compromised, so he took it to mean that they were "out of it"). I said, addressing his first remark, "It's dark because it's a rainy day. and the people were looking at you because you're new. Or maybe, because you can walk all right and look fine, they thought you were there to help them." He jumped up and acted like he was trying to stomp out, but that would be impossible, because the staff has to punch in a code to exit. So he calmed down a little bit. I said, "Let's pray," and he did pray that he would be compliant and get along with everyone there, and I prayed for him, too. But he was still struggling. He finally refused to stay.

The manager asked me to come into her office, along with other staff, while Steve waited on the other side of the glass. He stood there calmly waiting. She let me know that with me there, with a soft spot, Steve knew that I would give in to his demand to leave. I honestly told them that I had specifically asked not to be taken to a location where Steve could see me, and it was an error for me to be seen. The manager said that there is a whole group of people like him, whom he could do activities with and get to know. She said that since he didn't stay the entire time, he would have another trial day at no charge. But I need to just say goodbye and leave decisively.

So we will try again, with all of us more prepared next time. As I spoke with him privately at home about his behavior at the center, he was shocked--he doesn't even remember being there! I need to keep in mind that no matter how frightening, novel, or difficult the situation, his memory of events is nonexistent. Something he sees may trigger a problem, and he might have a poor reaction once again, but Steve tends to be very cooperative for others, being concerned with their opinion. And instead of wandering around the house once his chores are finished, he would enjoy a Bible study, exercise, games, and a creative activity on the Wednesdays he attends.

The Lord may have another answer, such as having a caregiver take him there, or take him out on a several-hour outing once a week, or a friend may even volunteer to spend time with him as Bob and Howard did earlier this year so I could write Galatians. Until then, I'll pray and use my best judgment as to a once-weekly environment that is safe, active, and encouraging for my husband in our time of need.

Knowing that this disease is not going away, and that Steve's deterioration is speeding up, I need to trust in God alone to see us through, and to provide the people and services we need to come alongside. I have no grandiose illusions of handling the un-handleable by myself! Just a few minutes ago, his neurologist's nurse called to say that his EEG shows "the minor brain damage consistent with his current diagnosis." So the physical evidence is there for what we know experientially and through family history. We'll hear more on October 20th, Steve's next appointment. I will turn to the scripture that has comforted believers through the centuries, Philippians 4:19:

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

And another exhortation of encouragement from I Thessalonians 5:16-18, NLT:

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Thank you, Lord!

I'm out here, Lord!

10:15 a.m. Today's project is to prepare a devotional for the first class of our Fall 2011 session of Heart to Home. This ministry, which the Lord honored me with bringing to Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley six years ago, utilizes skilled instructors to show women how to bless their families with the home arts, including cooking, crafting, gardening, decorating, hospitality, and practical classes like tonight's offering, "Making your own Laundry Soap."

This blog provides topics and devotionals for each class, which I offer after opening in prayer. The emphasis that the Lord has shown me is that this is a spiritual ministry as well as a practical one, and the Word of God must always have the preeminence. To that end, I have been praying about tonight's message. God told me to wait until this morning, and now I know why!

My devotional reading for today was I Kings 19, where the prophet Elijah was running for his life into the wilderness in fear of Jezebel's death threats. King Ahab's Baal-worshiping queen was not to be trifled with, her wickedness and vengefulness well-known. And since Elijah had just publicly slaughtered 450 prophets of Baal, Jezebel sent this message to Elijah, NLT:

May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.

I happen to face a nerve-wracking situation this morning, although no one has sworn to kill me other than the devil who would love to kill every born again Christian on the face of the earth!

I would digress here to ask for prayer for an Iranian pastor facing execution for refusing to renounce his faith. Since the evil rulership needs a death penalty-worthy excuse to kill him, they are currently bringing the trumped-up political accusation of "Zionist" against Pastor Youcef Nardarkhani. Please pray for him, and for the Amercian Center for Law & Justice's European affiliate taking the case!

No, I am not being hunted down physically, but a do need to make a timely deposit to cover a withdrawal. It's fascinating that information on this need should strike as we begin a blessed new series of HtH classes tonight; I am taking my grandsons to High school Bible study; and just after God gave me this chapter to write on! Of course I am tempted to make a beeline to the bank RIGHT NOW to deal with this, in an enemy-caused panic, rather than obey the Lord and write His word to me today. I pray this is a word to you, precious sisters and brothers, as well.

Elijah was depressed, "sitting under a solitary broom tree," praying to for God to take his life, just after a magnificent work of God that began a serious revival of the nation to turn from worthless idols to God (I Kings 18:39).Thousands of years later, we see the same kind of mischief afoot! A new believer is suddenly hit with ruinous trials after accepting Christ; one who has blessed others at a ministry event is struck ill or experiences a physical or financial setback. Yet, God is not surprised or ambivalent toward us! He who "declares the end from the beginning" ( Isaiah 46:10) stands ready and more than able to see us through, to make a publicly visible reality the truth that we are "more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (Romans 8:37).

Tonight, as the ladies learn to stretch their household budgets and be wiser stewards of what God has granted us, my prayer is that all believers be built up in our faith, courageously obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and go forward with joy and confidence in the midst of trials, pains, and even true persecution and suffering. May we, like the Iranian pastor, be strong representatives of Jesus Christ!

In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Early call

3:25 p.m. Today's project was to enjoy our grandsons' company and perhaps take them on an outing after my visit to the chiropractor. Being teenagers, the boys were asleep for quite a while after we got up at 7:30. The dogs went out, Steve had taken his meds, eaten his daily banana, was showering and I had begun my devotions, when the doorbell rang--loudly.

I thought it was my shipment of products, which wasn't likely since I'd placed the order just on Friday. I peeked out the front window, and didn't see a package. Not in any condition to go to the door in my sundress-looking nightgown, I climbed halfway up my stairs and looked out and down through the crescent class above the door and saw the top of the head of a caregiver!! I yelled, "just a minute," Tyrone's familiar voice said "OK," and I ran up to our room to slip on a shirt. Yikes! What could I have been doing, requesting a caregiver for a Monday morning when my only plan had been to take Steve with me to the chiropractor, 40 minutes round trip?

It was time to think fast, and faithful as He always is, the Lord popped an idea into my head: Steve and Tyrone could walk the dogs! So I had Steve put on the appropriate jeans and shoes, and let Tyrone in. I made Steve a piece of toast, they got the leashes and off they went. Later, the men and our grandson Adrian put in a couple hours in the garden tearing out the tomatillo plants that took over the north end of the garden, just like the Jolly Green Giant green bean vine had taken over the south end. Meanwhile, the normal Monday routine of organizing finances, my Alzheimer's walking team, returning calls and emails went right on. Our younger grandson came down, ate his cereal and made enough egg salad to last him a few days. Since we had harvested dozens of tomatillos, I made up 2 quarts of green salsa, with homegrown onions and chile peppers in it. Yum!

The caregiver got in a decent amount of hours, which I felt he should, whether it was mine or the agency's mistake, and lunch plans proceeded. I did receive a package--a brand new Freedom Alert pendant 911 calling system. The one I purchased last year just up and quit last week. Steve and I put the new one together, and I'm wearing the pendant now. While up in our room, I received a call from a customer requesting prayer for her granddaughter, who is facing major surgery on a tumor in her leg. The dear lady made sure to let me know I could drop off her blush on the porch when it came in. I have such sweet customers, so many of them trusting Christ as I do!

As I went through the financials, I determined that I'd better book some new facials and parties, and I got a Facebook message from a friend who did just that! Steve and I will be meeting her at six to give her her hostess packet and gift for the 14th! Thank you, Lord.

The boys were hoping to spend some time with Heather and Nick, and just about an hour ago, heather contacted them about taking them out to dinner. After a weekend with their other auntie, Heidi, they will get to continue the family fun.

Rescheduling appointments, making new ones, and quickly adjusting to Steve's need for direction and assistance are what today was about. But what has really struck me is God's providential rescheduling for each of our needs. And one need I'd given up on was provided as well--no need for the chiropractor today--because my back is so much better!! Psalm 5:11-12 says,

Let all those rejoice who put their

trust in You;

Let them ever shout for joy,

because You defend them;

Let those who love Your name

Be joyful in You.

For You, O LORD, will bless the

righteous;

With favor You will surround him as

with a shield.

Is the season finally over?

8:09 p.m. Today's project was to take our grandsons Adrian, 15 and Xavier, 14 out to the garden to earn some extra finances for their 4 day stay with us.

Three years ago, Adrian and Xavier, along with their great-grandpa Oliver, grandpa Steve and me, spread the original soil and dug irrigation ditches for our first garden in 25 years!! I'd gardened at our house over on Vallejo Street in the west end of town, but since toddler Heidi went behind me pulling out seedlings I planted, I figured that with 3 children, consisting of two preschoolers and homeschooler Sean (the boys' dad), Bible study writing and teaching, my plate was a little full!

The gardens got more productive as we composted and built up the soil, yielding plenty of tomatoes to can, cucumbers to pickle, cantaloupe, enough salad greens and carrots to keep our home fellowship supplied, and many bags of green beans, chopped green peppers, broccoli, chiles and peas for the freezer. And our corn improved as well, right along with the soil. We even had "volunteer" red potatoes.

This year, gophers attacked our winter crops, and took some weeks to get under control with "Gopher Purge" plants that are like a natural poison to them. A ground squirrel then moved in on the tomatoes, and rats after that! Things went from bad to worse, and I found myself just grieved, asking the Lord if all of the time, money and effort Steve and I had invested were for nought in 2011. I was pleased that the ladies I'd taught in my Heart to Home gardening classes were having great success with their gardens, even bringing me produce at Thursday morning Bible study! I was reluctantly made to see that my teaching ministry was offering spiritual satisfaction and more edible benefits to others than accomplishing my own personal goals! (I ask that you not suggest the old bromide "Those who can, do--those who can't, teach")! Romans 12:6-7 says,

Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching...

Tonight, as the boys and I tore out the Jolly Green Giant, a green bean plant over six feet tall, that bent over to attach to three different poles, then grabbed onto the fence in its last few weeks of life, we had to put some muscle into it. The boys learned that beans contain huge amounts of nitrogen, just perfect for composting in our bin. And Xavier, our arachnid expert, said, "There goes a brown recluse!" as it scampered away. But I stomped it. That's why you wear closed-toed, flat-bottomed shoes in the garden. We actually found some long green beans, enough for a meal. Tomorrow, we'll pull out some tomatillo plants, pick their fruit, and make some green salsa with the tiny hot peppers and scallions that are still growing well. The waning sun is still hot enough for our melons and Belll peppers, so we'll let them play out their season.

Next year in the garden begins in the next month, with the working in of our compost and some commercial planting mix for good measure. Life is more complicated now with Steve's comprehension lessening, but I think he'll still be up for all of the weeding, digging and raking called for in soil prep. There are new kids on the block, the sentinel Gopher purge plants that I hope to make perennials. I'm certainly not going to plow them under, since they did such a great job repulsing our nemesis, the gopher.

It doesn't seem that the Lord is telling me to call it quits, but to take more concern with pest and vector control. I think the bait trap in the garden is working against the rats, but they tend to show up later on to eat the veggies and strawberries, not chew vines or greens. I'm glad the insect problem was lessened, which I attribute to the reappearance of birds, hallelujah! And if I am to be honest with myself, and want a successful, producing garden, I need to be out there every day like I was in past seasons.

This frustrating garden season was sad, but encouraging in many ways as well. The few tomatoes I salvaged were delicious, and so were the small amounts of other vegetables that resisted disease and predators. I truly appreciate the exhortation in Ephesians 4:28b,

Let him labor, working with his hands what is good, to have something to give to give to him who has need.

In 2011-12, unless Jesus calls the church up to heaven, I will be working my soil and planting my garden once again!

Fly me to the moon!

3:37 p.m. Today's project was for Steve and me to stand up and sway to the rhythm of a timeless classic song, "Fly Me to the Moon," by Tony Bennett. My daughter-in-law Marisela posted it last week in honor of her and Kriss' 2 year wedding anniversary. Now they are expectant parents, and we are so excited for them! I always identify this blog with their marriage, because the first post appeared during "Wedding Week," the run-up to their big day in 2009.

On the morning after Kriss and Marisela's beautiful wedding, I wrote,

There wasn't a dry eye in the congregation as Kriss and Marisela read the vows they had written for one another. Their vows reflected not only their own personalities, but the effect they have already had on one another, and their growth in willingness to compromise and submit to one another, a key factor in a lifelong, joyful marriage.

Ephesians 5:20-21 says that believers should be "giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord."

Not only do I pray obedience to God's word for my own married children and other much-loved young couples, I pray for Steve and myself, and other "seasoned" married couples, that we will submit to God first, foremost, and always.

Another reason to dance on a day when back pain has moved around to the band of nerves in the front, and doing anything is a chore, is to stand up for a timeless principle, the creation of God's most important human institution: marriage. No ache, pain or atrophy of the brain can obliterate the love between a man and his wife.

The Bible's great love poem, the Song of Solomon, says in 8:7,

Many waters cannot quench love,

Nor can the floods drown it.

If a man would give for love

All the wealth of his house,

It would be utterly despised.

Money cannot purchase lifelong love, and even death cannot end such a love, because one day widowed, bereaved believers will see one another again in heaven, just as healthy and whole as they were on their wedding day, never to be parted again!