Hope deferred and now restored

9:31 p.m. Today's project was to get up at 5:45 am., gaining 15 minutes for my day, and participate in the "Faithful Workouts" aerobics show I tivo'ed from the nrb network. I discovered this Christian station featuring Bible studies, family movies, evangelical events and world news last weekend when I saw our former pastor and evangelist Greg Laurie's name on a program.

Now that the Lord has lightened my active care giving duties for Steve, it's time to pursue achievement of my personal goals. There's no logic to the postponement, except that when one is overwhelmed mentally and emotionally with a spouse's serious illness, positive, healthful and beneficial activities and plans get put on a back burner--even if there is time to pursue them. Proverbs 13:12 explains it well:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,  but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

I've had a number of top personal goals (other than growth in Christ, helping my family, my business or ministry). These are for Dana:

1.  Lose weight, get in shape, get my flexibility back and ward off arthritis and stroke
2.  Repair the back yard fences
3.  Rewire the automatic sprinkler system so I don't have to water each station by hand
4.  Pull out the garden for the end of the growing season and start this year's composting
5.  Re-seed or sod the back yard.





Of course, accomplishing Number One will increase my energy and allow me to tackle the garden's weeds and old plant stalks. But numbers two, three and five will require professional help. All in good time...

Three workout sessions have been semi-successfully completed! By 6:30, I'm sweaty, my heart rate is up, and I'm cleaning up the back , watering the front yard, and getting all the water bowls set out for the dogs. I also reminisce about running a mile with my 6th grade students only three-and-a -half years ago, in addition to race walking around the neighborhood. I closed our LA Fitness gym membership when Steve lost his profession, but never have quite found a way to burn the calories and strengthen my muscles the way I did there. The two of us used to walk down and up the Canyon Crest Hill, but that ended with his challenged mobility. And this year, even though Steve was going to bed at 7:00 p.m., it would be unethical and potentially dangerous to leave a dementia victim alone in the house. So I couldn't resume my evening walks like the two of us used to enjoy when Steve could accompany me. I miss those times of agreeable companionship! Amos 3:3:

Can two walk together unless they be agreed?

So now my walking is more like marching, high stepping and running with "Faithful Workouts" in our family room.It's a blessing to exercise to the lively beats of contemporary Christian praise and worship songs. Now if I can only get the steps exactly right and on the beat! All in good time...

Thank You, Lord, that You have seen fit to provide me a way back--to fitness!

Five silent hours

9:20 p.m Today's project was to spend the day with my dad while he checked on the papers in the file cabinets he had my youngest son move to my house and picked up some items at his house in Redlands. We had hoped to visit Steve at the end of the errands, but the day got away from us, so we'll go another time.

While we were at my house, my friend Debi came over to do some straightening up of my files, actually my customer profile cards. What happens is, over five years, I'll pull out the cards of selected customers, depending upon their needs, and then simply fail to return the cards to their proper section of the expandable file. But what to do with the pileup of a few hundred cards, and receipts for multiple sales to many of the women is not simple at all! Debi and I spent some time before I managed to decide that she'd sort them into alphabetical order first, then chronological order by dates of purchase.  I have a beautiful gift already selected, and can't wait to give it to Debi, who recently came out of a hospital stay and now is definitely on the upswing. Gift giving is noted in scripture. Proverbs 17:8:

A present is a precious stone in the eyes of the possessor; wherever he turns, he prospers.

At noon, all of us left. Debi had made good progress in a little over an hour. We said good bye, I checked the dogs' water, let my dad into the Jeep, and returned to set the alarm, and made one final check of my bag: keys, sunglasses, cell phone. Whoops, where was my phone? I went out to the driveway to start the car so the A/C would come on for Daddy, and went back into the house, searching every room where I'd been, downstairs and up, twice. I finally had to get on the way to Redlands, leaving my trusted personal, ministry and business tool, my Samsung Stratosphere smart phone behind.

I was suddenly incommunicado!

Driving with an 85-year-old who didn't even bring the cell phone I bought him and have been paying for for years, was no help. And how could I tell anyone to call my phone with theirs? Mine was on vibrate as usual. While we waited for a super long freight train to pass in the canyon, I took everything out of my purse one more time--no phone. It was time to wait and see what God had for me this afternoon! And there'd be no point in wondering which of the kids, friends, family, or customers was trying to call me, or what I was missing from the world of Facebook and Gmail. This odd happening was definitely out of my plan! Proverbs 16:33 says,

The lot is cast into the lap, but its every outcome is from the LORD.

So 5 hours of "radio silence" ensued, but interestingly, they brought with them 5 hours of focus. At my dad' house, I did use his landline to call each of my daughters, because they are second and third in line for a phone call if an emergency happens with Steve. My mind was also set at ease because I realized that I could use my computer at home later to notify people of my missing phone, and let them communicate with in other ways.  Taking advantage of what I now saw as a provision from the Lord, I was able to fully concentrate on my dad and his needs. After I dropped Daddy off, I drove to Steve's residence without worrying about anything other than having a nice visit, reading to him from Genesis 2 about the man and woman, and from a devotional with brief, witty passsages that keep his attention.

At home finally, the Lord showed me where the phone was, and also showed me that removing distractions is necessary at times other than early morning devotions. God is able to provide an island of safety, peace, and attentiveness to the voice of the Holy Spirit even in a busy day--an improved day!

God is superabundantly good--may we never forget that.

(And I did find my phone, up on  a windowsill in the master bedroom).

Believer, what seeingly minor, but irritating, circumstance is occuring in your life today that God wants to use to shape your character? Find the way He has for you to flow with it, in the power of the Holy Spirit!

Newsweek May 2012: Longevity Kills Marriages

7:07 p.m. Today's project was to visit with my husband Steve in the memory care section of Raincross at Riverside, a very fine assisted living facility. Dinner was over, so we walked back to his room and I showed him two good memory joggers: an illustrated booklet our 30-year-old son Kriss made in 2nd grade for him called "Give Dad a Hand," where he wrote and drew the ways his dad helped him. The second was a craft foam butterfly Steve had made himself at the daycare he was attending weekdays before moving to Raincross. I placed both in the glassed-in memory box at the hallway entrance to his room. He smiled and made commenting syllables as I went through each page of Kriss' book with him.

Yesterday, we sat in his room and I read to him out of his old leather-covered copy of the Living Bible which he had before we even met. I read Genesis Chapter One to him, and we remarked on each day of creation. Our next section will be about God creating Man, and "a helper comparable for him," Woman. God instituted marriage, for mutual love, intimacy and support for a man and a woman. Genesis 2:21-25:

And the LORD caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:

"This now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of
 Man."

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The finest thing I have ever done, after accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior, was to marry Steve on July 11, 1981. Far from deteriorating with the passing decades, our relationship became more enjoyable and exciting, even thrilling! The awkwardness and relative ignorance of the first year, then the hectic and somewhat disruptive childbearing years-four children born between 1982 and 1988--rapidly faded into the background while we reveled in the increasing fun of each decade. At our 20th year--wow! We said to one another, "Didn't know it could get this good!" At our 25th, we were simply amazed and humbled at what God does for married couples who do things His way. By our 30th anniversary, our times together were just plain unbelievable. No envy of honeymooners for us!

Then, as you know if you follow this blog, Steve was struck with early-onset familial dementia in 2007. This horrific disease has moved so rapidly this year that despite all our our medicinal, organic and caregiving efforts, he now requires 24-hour care. Thanks to the long term care insurance we bought a decade ago, he is able to have the finest of care in beautiful surroundings.

I saw the copy of Newsweek with the anti-marriage blurb in a pile on a hall table as I walked out of Raincross  after our visit. I had to examine it, as much as I could stomach, anyway. The thumbnail teaser for this article about the deleterious effects of longevity on a marriage showed celebrity couples Arnold and Maria Schwarzenegger and Al and Tipper Gore, married 25  and 40 years respectively. Indeed, their marriages ended in disgrace, just as many marriages do, whether the couples are rich or poor, or their marriages are short-or long-lived.

In the Bible, Jesus Himself makes it quite clear what the problem is: hardness of hearts. When asked about divorce by His enemies the Pharisees, Jesus quoted Genesis 2:24 (above) and added,

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.

The Pharisees then went on to point out that in the law of Moses (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) a bill of divorce was permitted. (or, they slyly said, "commanded"). Jesus replied,

Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

In Ephesians 5:33, we read God's Christ-centered formula for marriage, which calls for soft hearts and mutual self-sacrifice of our individual  egos, wants, perceived needs and demands, which works every time it's tried :

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

I don't know how long our marriage will last due to Steve's disease, but I am looking forward to our 32nd anniversary next year, and perhaps a few more. Granted, this experience gives a new picture of marriage, but when I vowed along with him that we would be together, absolutely faithfully, "til death do us part," I was all in.

And you and your spouse can defy the lies and anti-marriage screed by determining that you, too, will travel the decades together as man and wife!

Repurposed

4:35 p.m. Today's project was to reorganize the bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs for the Homestay student who will be arriving next Wednesday. I was up until 1 a.m., due to a late afternoon cup of coffee,no doubt! So I began moving clothes, switching desk lamps and nightstands, toiletries, shoes, books, and drawersful of hand towels and  costume jewelry. After a week of airing and germicide spray being fanned through the room and out an open window, I was ready to move back in. Even our super comfy foam pad had aired completely after a week in the garage. I was disappointed at a Mary Kay party cancellation today, but the time saved in travel alone allowed me to spend an entire hour visiting with Steve, and get the four rooms cleared and "repurposed."

When God moves, as He points out to us in Isaiah 43:19a:--"Behold, I do a new thing"--there is no sense sittiing around moping and wishing. It's time to get up and move on with Jesus, into one's new stage of life.  The vegetables above are the last fruit of my 2012 garden. They will be tasty and full of organic nutrients, but don't have the brilliant color or size that their predecessors had last month and the month before.The summer gardening season, at least at my house, is just about at an end. The next stage will be clearing out, chopping and composting the stalks, leaves and roots in preparation for next year.

After 31 years of marriage, the Lord has allowed me to be  alone in Steve's and my home of 24 years. As I told friends Laurie and Cara yesterday, I'm still not sure how I feel about this, even after a week. Evenings are almost like normal, because they find me blogging, with only my dog (now two) inside for company, because Steve used to go to bed thoroughly sleepy by 7:00 p.m. Steve and I would spend time in the early evening after dinner relaxing on the couch. Missing that time made my visit with him last night just before his bedtime very nice as we rocked on the porch swing together.

It's definitely a new season of my life, but the line is somewhat blurry. I'm not a widow, but I have  very limited time with my husband because of the late stage of his dementia. I no longer cook for him or do his laundry, nor do I feed and care for him as I had to do for the last several months, until that night and day care regimen became physically impossible for me to continue. And the cost of 24-hour private home care is exorbitant, and nowhere near as effective in any way as the Raincross dementia program, with individually tailored activities and group socialization. The more physically able residents like Steve can go about and visit others, but the more verbally and mentally capable ones keep the conversation going during meals and take the lead in table games. I find Steve, at any time of the day, well groomed and cheerful. And more important, he doesn't rush for the door when I need to leave. That's the evidence that I need that he's content and adjusting well!

As for me, God fills my days at home with manually watering all of the stations of the sprinkler system in this 100 degree+ weather; dog care and cleanup; all house and yard work; setting out the dumpsters, and keeping the property in order. (I miss Steve's caregivers in that regard, because as their duties as CNAs included housekeeping and yard work as needed, as part of keeping Steve actively occupied). And I'm still paying the bills, maintaining the Jeep and running my business. Helping my very ill father occupies part of each week as well. Certainly, there's no time to sit staring into space!

Regarding this trial, my selection today from Charles Spurgeon's Morning & Evening said very powerfully,

If you give way to fear when you hear of evil tidings, you will be unable to meet the trouble with that calm composure that nerves for duty and sustains under adversity. How can you glorify God if you play the coward? Saints have often sung God's high praises in the fires, but will your doubting and desponding, as if you had none to help you, magnify the Most High? Then take courage, and relying in sure confidence upon the faithfulness of your covenant God, [Jesus said, John 14:28] "let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." 

The journal God uses

9:33 p.m. Today's project was to enjoy an extensive, intensive training by video from Sean Key, Vice President for Sales Force Development for Mary Kay. It was a privilege to be there, because the meeting was for directors; team leaders like myself had to qualify with new team members to be invited. Adding to the fun was the ride in my director's pink Cadillac from Mimi's in San Bernardino to the training center in Rancho Cucamonga! Hard work does pay off, as Proverbs 22:29 says:

Do you see a man who excels in his work?
He will stand before kings;
He will not stand before unknown men.

I was inspired also by many women who are prayerfully and actively building successful businesses and changing the lives of hundreds of women with the business opportunity they offer them.

Praying and building--sounds like the Nehemiah 4 principle!

Of course I took two hours' worth of notes, just about finishing off the available lines in my "Mary Kay Journey" journal #2. Each morning, I journal my praises, questions, plans, and needs for my business to the Lord. (My other journal, filling notebooks and journals continuously since 1987, is for personal, family, societal and ministry needs and praises). I do have a new journal I received recently, ready to take up where the current one leaves off.

There's just a little problem: it was given to me by someone who treated me with extreme abusiveness not much later. Wouldn't that journal start off my day with a very unpleasant memory and bad taste in my mouth? As I look at it on my desk, I keep wondering why I didn't immediately throw it away (besides saving the money of buying another one)! I truly had to ask myself, "What would Jesus do?"

My answer came--or rather, was confirmed--this morning as I drove to the designated carpool meeting place. I was listening on the radio to Pastor Greg Laurie on location in Jerusalem, speaking from Calvary where Jesus was crucified. After describing the sheer brutality of crucifixion, he quoted Jesus' prayer from the cross for His enemies in Luke 23:34:

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Greg said, and I paraphrase, "If Jesus could pray for those who were putting Him to death, is there someone who has done you wrong, that you should be praying for and asking God to forgive?"

Well, there was the answer, stated plainly by my former pastor. Looks like I'll be using that journal and praying for this individual to come to the Lord--that's priority #1 for any person living today who hasn't been born again yet; or for any individual who once knew the Lord and walked away from Him, thinking that they could work up a better plan for their lives. It didn't happen, so I'll pray for them to return to the Lord, Who will not run out of time, nor will He hesitate in bringing them to Himself!

Father, forgive them.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Mercies flow!

2:58 p.m. Today's project was to visit with Steve before and during his lunchtime. I visit daily, and vary the times so I can see how he's enjoying the many activities as well as the quiet times when the memory care residents listen to music or catch the local news after they help set up their tables for lunch. Steve particularly enjoys this "Helping Hands" activity. It brings to mind his tearful comment last year when he was still able to talk, that "Everyone else is working but me. All I want to do is help people."  Now he is being made to feel useful. Even though he would have a broom or rake placed in his hands, by the caregivers here at home, he mainly stood next to them while they did tasks and talked with him. Praise God from whom all mercies flow!

Already today, I felt a lightness of heart despite the major trials I've been allowed to go through and the responsibilities the Lord has apportioned to me. My visit with my dad yesterday afternoon was positive, and even this early morning's phone call with his hospice case manager to discuss some options for keeping my dad safe was serious but encouraging. Praise God! I also took a quick minute to text one of my customers who hosts foreign students to ask her the name of her contact at University of California Riverside. I very much enjoyed our Korean guest from UCR last January, and with an empty house now, could use both the company and the income. Other major prayer swas to receive our Wyoming rental check early, and to generate additional product sales.

As I walked out to put Daddy's Secure Horizons bill payment in the mail box, I grabbed a half sheet of paper rubber banded to the doorknob. "Another lawn, tree trimming or cleaning service," I dismissively thought. Then I looked at it. Whoa! It was nothing of the kind. It was an answer to prayer. The first lines of the flyer said,

Open your heart and home to one

or two International Foreign

Exchange students.

 

Share our culture with others; learn

about theirs.

 

Contact and income information followed. Unbelievable, truly. I had just been journalling about my needs on all fronts, especially paying the first month's move-in fee to Raincross this week, with no evidence of money to cover that in any of my accounts...yet today, by 8 a.m., not even having had the chance to get Cara's and my Wednesday prayers going, God's mercy was flowing, giving me hope, a realistic, viable source of both income and interaction! (I enjoy the darling dogs, but their conversation is limited)! Jesus knows I'm a people person who especially enjoys young people!

 

Psalm 6:9 says, and He has proved it over and over again,

 

The LORD has heard my supplication;

The Lord will receive my prayer.

I quickly contacted the Homestay program, they received my Word document application, and after I returned from having lunch with Steve, two  administrators came to inspect the house and the room a student would stay in. I was also offered the oppportunity to do some paid English tutoring if my student decides to have it, beyond their daily classes. Hoping there is a student waiting to move in--and come to know the Lord while they are here!

About 3 p.m., I got the mail, and there was an exceptionally pretty envelope from Cara, and this is what the notecard read:

This is a prayer for you, Dana: :)

God, thank You that you have not given Dana a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Blessed be You ,the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort that You have comforted us with! Do NOT let Dana be dismayed, for You are her God. Strengthen her. Yes, You will uphold her with Your righteous right hand! Amen! Cara

Of course, I burst into tears of happiness at receiving that prayer, knowing that God put it on my friend's heart to write and send it. As I looked back on our prayer time this morning, and telling her about the Homestay notice, she asked, "was this an answer to prayer?" And indeed it was. Then I looked at the postmark--September 11th, so she had written this prayer just before God answered on several issues!

My own faith may get a little quivery in a fiery trial, but it's God's steady flow of mercy that gives me the support of godly, praying friends who will stand in and stand up for me, and me for them when their trial comes. Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV):

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;


 





Here's Jazzlyn!

5:36 p.m. Today's project is to keep two very lively dogs corralled, separated when necessary, and not be a nuisance to me or the neighbors!

My original plan for the day was an 11:00 appointment with a nurse evaluator for our long term care insurance company, which would take place at Raincross, where she could spend a  few minutes with Steve, see how he is adjusting, and then she and I would complete the eval packet. But first, the Lord gave me a great facial appointment at 9:30 with a customer whose company I really enjoy, for her birthday. He also showed me His grace as I traveled across town and back on an empty gas tank, and earned a comfortable sale for doing it. I am reminded of the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7, whose sons were about to be sold into slavery to pay off a creditor. In answer to the prophet Elisha's question, she replied that she only had one jar of oil in her house. Elisha told her to gather all the pots she could, and begin pouring the oil into them. She had enough oil to pay off her creditor and for her family to live on. God's in the miracle business!

Steve was very happy to see me today, and easily and calmly sat with the nurse and me in his room. He still could barely identify a watch and a pen, but when I walked him to lunch so the nurse and I could complete the many personal questions out of earshot, his attitude was upbeat, not stressed or agitated at being questioned. That's a miracle, too.

After playing "flashlight tag and chase" with Jada and Jazzlyn in the backyard, and getting pretty good obedience even from the puppy, I find myself forgiving their fence-busting ways of yesterday and today. At least Jada climbed back into our yard over the fence.  Jazzlyn doesn't know she could probably get over the fence too, and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible. Maybe that 3-hour timeout in their crates got their attention. Not that they wouldn't be sleeping for at least that long during the day anyway! Now that Jazzlyn is learning to understand my "unh -unh" sound and back away from what ever she's not supposed to be doing, lessening her jumping,and is learning from Jada to be a watchdog, I think I'm enjoying them both. Don't you just love God's creatures?

Proverbs 12:10a says,

A righteous man regards the life of his animal...

We'll get the fence replaced soon, and I expect lots of laughs from this pair, like Jazzlyn's big puppy feet tripping on a piece of paper, and Jada's bossing.

The girls are in their crates for the night, and I can get a little rest, too.

Thank you, Lord!