Reflections on a 10 year anniversary

1:44 p.m. Today's project was to gratefully attend the church service at Calvary Moreno Valley. I'd had to miss last week, because the pain from my left hip down to my ankle was so severe that I didn't even come downstairs until the afternoon.

After a week of getting out for appointments with modest success, if not without considerable pain and soreness later, I've been planning my return to 2nd service very carefully. I hoarded the last ThermaCare heat pack until today, and placed it just below the hip. I timed my Advil so that it could be taken with the small amount of water in my bottle at 10 a.m., just as worship and greeting ended, and a long spell of sitting for the sermon would begin. We even sat in the back so I could unobtrusively go to the ladies' bathroom lounge area and sit with my left leg up if the pain persisted. Lastly, I put a cut-off piece of knee-hi stocking on my calf, to see if mild compression might help, along with resting my leg on the back of my son-in-law's chair on the hand rung that was there, as well as placing my tote/purse under my leg.

Success, thank You, Jesus! I was able to fully concentrate on our pastor's powerful message from Psalm 11, where David is on the run from Saul, a theme that has occupied most of our Thursday morning study of I Samuel this summer. The title of the sermon was, "What are we trusting in?" Verses 1-5 read:

In the LORD I put my trust;

How can you say to my soul,

"Flee as a bird to your mountain"?

For look! The wicked bend their bow,

They make ready their arrow on the string,

That they may shoot secretly at the upright in heart.

If the foundations are destroyed,

What can the righteous do?

The LORD is in His holy temple,

The LORD's throne is in heaven;

His eyes behold,

His eyelids test the sons of men.

The LORD tests the righteous,

But the wicked and the one who

loves violence His soul hates.

On September 11, 2001, our nation saw many things that we had trusted in, including the almost the complete banishment of God, fall apart, be devastated, and realized that our secure borders were no longer secure. Neither our government, our educational or business institutions, our civil authorities, nor our military forces could halt or do more than react to the calamitous loss of lives, property, power and wealth on that day. As our family witnessed on the Sunday after the attacks, every seat in the huge sanctuary at Harvest, as well as aisles, the foyer and the floor in front of the pulpit, the "sprung building" and the overflow rooms were filled beyond capacity as our people desperately sought God from fear and terror of more attacks, even chemical or biological warfare. Our Satanic enemies, on the other hand, danced in the streets half a world away...

We saw the face of sheer evil "in the name of Allah." What a demonic travesty! A false religion, a false god, resulting in terrorism by the most extreme adherents, expecting to be rewarded with 7 virgins apiece in heaven! Their present condition and eternal fate are taking place as Jesus described in Mark 9:43, in "hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched--"

Yet now, as our nation built itself back from the ashes, our institutions once again functioned, and vengeance was wreaked on terrorists worldwide, a lethargy and spiritual deadness, even an hostility to evangelical Christians and Jesus Himself, has gripped this land, to our sorrow. Businesses large and small are failing. Perversion rules the airwaves and Internet. All mention of God is forbidden in more and more public settings. Christians are told to get lost, stay hidden, or as David put it thousands of years ago, to "flee as a bird to your mountain." Keep your religion inside churches and homes! But we must trust God to "give us more boldness" in witnessing, as the apostles asked of God in Acts 4:29.

In my own personal battle with trust, I find that I can trust God for protection while speaking about Jesus publicly; witnessing is a joy and a thing I do as the Lord prompts me. But in my daily personal trials, facing daily deterioration of my husband's mind, and the losses attendant in that, especially financial ones, as prescriptions and trips to the doctor and neurologist eat away at our modest retirement and disability budget, my trust gets strained, honestly. The shock of having to hire help for tasks Steve did for 29 out of the last 30 years, the danger inherent in his working with tools that he handled his entire lifetime, or my having to do tasks I've not been instructed in are this day's new realities. I burned some of my hair on Thursday, because I was lighting the barbecue, normally Steve's job that he forgot how to do, and neglected to check and find out that the knob was turned to High. Whoosh, up came the flames! Thanks be to God that I wasn't injured at all!

When the Alzheimer Association writes of the billions the disease costs our economy, they aren't kidding. When you think of lost wages of both the victim and the caregiver, medical costs of both victim and caregiver (due to stress), disability payments, both State and Social Security disability paid out over an individual's lifetime, doctor and specialist visits, and ever-increasing fuel costs to get to the appointments, it boggles the mind. While the Association's job may be to lobby Congress for more research funding, can we actually put our trust in government? Or science? So far, no cure and or drugs to effectively slow down the disease's progress have come onto the scene.

Should we not rather be praying for God's healing, and for His mercy to help sufferers and their families? And testifying of God's great love and mercy daily, which I get so tempted to forget?

There is a website asking people what public service they intend to accomplish on September 11, 2011. My public volunteer service will be exactly this--attend church, partake in communion, be built up in God's word, encourage other believers and witness to the unsaved! After I see the prophecy video at tonight's service, I will be eager to witness to a person who needs to know Jesus. I will prayerfully look to open a door He may set before me, because as a believer, I will not "flee as a bird to my mountain," fade away, go quietly or hide behind my home's curtains and doors.

That's one thing that is NOT going to happen on this day in 2011!

What we don't realize is there

7:43 p.m. Today's project was to ignore twinges in my leg and pull the old, unproductive tomato vines up and toss them into our green waste dumpster. Since they had produced very poorly even after we conquered the rodent problem, I didn't want their leftover fruit with seeds to contaminate our compost!






Some of the vines had turned an unhealthy pale green color, and many tomatoes had lots of small dark spots on them. These details looked suspicious to me, so out they went. The Lord gave me amazing strength today, considering my half-crippled leg, because those plants had deep heavy roots, with trunks and branches like saplings. But I was rewarded with quite a few treasures uncovered beneath the tomato jungle's canopy.



Steve had some cornstalks to haul out also, because I didn't want the ones that had aphids and what seemed like mildew on them to go into my compost. Some stalks had produced nicely and were just in a normal dry, played-out stage, so they were deemed "compost-worthy."



I found a watermelon about the size of a softball growing from a vine, under some big leaves, after despairing of having any. So now we'll look forward to that yummy fruit along with the two cantaloupe that are getting bigger every day in the next row over. Lots of tall, thick green onions will be standing up straight instead of bowing down tomorrow morning, now that they have open space overhead. I harvested 8 full grown bell peppers, and 3 potatoes, 2 red and one white. Enough tomatillos to make green salsa and a tiny hot yellow pepper to flavor it up were added to my heavy plastic grocery bag, along with a handful of green beans for Sunday dinner.



I also kept any sound, large green tomatoes to wrap in newspaper and put in a dark closet to turn red over the next two weeks. The pleasant surprise of the season were the orange cherry tomatoes that were quite pest-and-insect resistant. Other winners in the tomato category this year were the sweet yellow regular tomatoes, also very hearty.

With my Mary Kay business growing and keeping the household functioning with less independence and initiative on Steve's part this year, I admit that I did not diligently care for my garden on a daily basis like I have the last two years. The winter garden was great, with plenty of carrots, some broccoli, mesclun, spinach, and cilantro. In early spring we had peas, too. Once everything began to grow, I'd gotten the gopher problem licked, and the organic vegetables kept the weeds to a minimum, things seemed to hum right along with regular watering and infrequent extra soil amendment. We didn't have that many bugs, despite my not spraying regularly for most of the season. I think that's because God has renewed the bird population, if their diving down into my plants was any indication. I didn't see a single tomato hornworm. That was a definite reason to rejoice! I didn't mind the bird pecks, because as Psalm 145:16 says of God, "You satisfy the desires of every living thing." (I'm not quite so sanguine about the tomato-and-strawberry-eating rats and ground squirrels we had to lure into our poison bait trap)!

Tomorrow, when I am making my version of Spanish Chicken from the Joy of Cooking, I'll be adding homegrown green peppers, tomatoes, onions and even potatoes that aren't called for, because God has gifted me with them. Even if I was not swamped with tomatoes to the point of canning many pints of segments, sauce and salsa, as in past years, I have harvested many pounds of produce from this garden I've called a failure! And with the warmth and sunlight we will be blessed with for the next two months, more vegetables will be forthcoming. God is faithful, even when I'm not!



As for the food I found under the runaway tomato vines, it's just another exhortation to look below the surface like God does. When considering people and situations, we would all do well to keep I Samuel 16:7 in mind, along with Isaiah 55:9:



For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.



For as the heavens are higher
than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your
ways,

And My thoughts than your
thoughts.

Lord, give us the ability to wait on Your Holy Spirit to show us Jesus Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge!

Whose prayers don't get answered? Pt II: Don't be that guy!

5:05 p.m. Today's project was to examine what God says in scripture about individuals whose prayers He refuses to answer. Our example from Part I yesterday was King Saul in I Samuel 28, who prayed halfheartedly, but then quickly and easily turned to a witch for spiritual guidance. If he had sought godly counsel, repented, and sought the Lord in sincerity, Israel might have had a different fate, resisting and beating back the Philistines. But God, who is fully conversant with the inner counsels of each person's heart, knew Saul would not repent of his disobedience, and had predetermined that Saul and his sons would perish in battle and the Philistines would triumph. "When a wicked man rules, the people groan," Proverbs 29:2 says.

In the prophet Ezekiel's day, false prophets were refuting God's voice through Ezekiel of the coming destruction of Israel and the captivity of her people, saying that "the vision that he sees is for many days from now, and he prophesies for times far off." (Ezekiel 13:27) Evil ruled the land, to the point that even the Temple was defiled with idolatrous abominations. The lies false prophets told, said the LORD in v. 22-23,

have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and you have strengthened the hands of the wicked, so that he does not turn from his wicked way to save his life. Therefore you shall no longer envision futility nor practice divination; for I will deliver My people out of your hand, and you shall know that I am the LORD.

The Lord puts an interesting question to Ezekiel when the elders of Israel came to the prophet to inquire of God:

Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their hearts, and have put before them what causes him to stumble into iniquity, should I let Myself be inquired of at all by them?

Therefore speak to them, and say to them, "Thus says the LORD God: 'Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols, that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols.' "

"Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'Thus says the Lord GOD: "Repent, turn away from your idols and turn your faces away from all your abominations." ' (Ezekiel 14:3-6)

We think, "What idols could we possibly be worshiping that cause us to stumble? We're modern, educated people!" Could we be worshiping achievement, wealth, looks, popularity or education, any of which can cause us to become self-sufficient, no longer looking to God to meet our needs?

If so, we need to humble ourselves before God, confess that we have set up idols in our hearts, repent sincerely, change our ways, and come back fully to the Lord!

And what does God promise to the one who continues in idolatry and iniquity and then comes, nevertheless, to inquire of the Lord? Verse 8:

I will set My face against that man and make him a sign and a proverb, and I will cut him off from the midst of My people. Then you shall know that I am the LORD.

Don't be that guy (or gal)! Repent and come back to the Lord now!

Whose prayers don't get answered? Pt I

4:51 p.m. Today's project was to teach Bible study, I Samuel 28, where King Saul spends his last night on earth consulting a witch to get counsel and direction from the spirit of the dead prophet Samuel. The Philistines were positioned very far into the land of Israel, in Shunem near the Sea of Galilee and ready to start a war. Since Saul had been busy chasing David in the south, the northern area belonging to the tribe of Issachar went undefended.

Saul had tried to pray for guidance from God, but God had turned His back on the murderous, blatantly disobedient king, and would not answer, either by the prophetic Urim and Thumim stones or by dreams. His attempt to ask God for help was so half-hearted (or less tactfully, phony) that I Chronicles 10:14 says, "He did not inquire of the LORD."

James 1:5-8 tells us,

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, for he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

King Saul was definitely unstable, as well as unmerciful, unethical, and ungodly, utterly unfit to rule God's people. And God had nothing to say to him, except what he had been told already: that his kingdom would be torn from him and given to his neighbor, because of his disobedience in not utterly wiping out the Amalekites. (15:22-28)

We discussed this question: is God obliged to answer everyone's prayer? He obviously had nothing to say to Saul, because as the late prophet Samuel told him during the seance, "God has departed from you and has become your enemy" (v. 16).

Does a believer risk God's not hearing or answering our prayers during times when we feel unstable, or act in ungodly ways toward others, or are so devastated by life that our prayers are scanty, feeble or lacking in faith?

The key for me is that God knows our hearts. Even the most faith-filled Christian can experience a time of weakness and fear, but still love the Lord Jesus with all their heart. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed that we can't even think of what to pray. But Romans 8:26-27 assures us,

...the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

God is a God of justice and judgment, and unlike us, has no trouble whatsoever making a distinction between the unrepentant, habitual sinner who has chosen to reject Him, and His own dear child who is in pain and anguish from heavy trials, and needs to be carried in His arms for a time. "The Lord knows those who are His," I Timothy 2:19 declares.

Do you belong to Jesus? You can, this very minute! Confess your sin, ask Him to forgive you, and ask Jesus into your heart to be your Savior and Lord! Of the many privileges of a child of God, such as eternal life in heaven, having a loving Father who hears and answers prayer is one of the most thrilling!

Tomorrow: Whose prayers don't get answered? Pt II: Don't be that guy!

Rejoicing with Jada and Bailey

7:36 a.m. Today's project, the very first one, was to let the dogs out for the day.

Normally, this would be Steve's job at 6:30 or 7:00, but I've been sleeping on the living room couch the last two nights to avoid the stairs first thing in the morning. After I get some medicinal relief from my sciatica and finish my devotions, I head upstairs to get ready for my day. Since I'm not far from the garage door, I'm the first to hear Bailey's short, sharp bark at 6:30. I grab my cane and toddle out to open the crates and the back door.

The way our yellow labs yelp excitedly and practically leap out of their crates and tear out to the backyard is a funny sight to hear and behold. Much as they love affection, I can't get a pat in edgewise. It occurred to me yesterday that we humans (school age and above, anyway) only leap out of bed with vigor if there is something very important planned for the day, whether serious or entertaining. But these two girls run to the very same flat green lawn and plain patio they've called home for almost five years with unflagging zeal, racing to see who gets there first.

Granted, Jada and Bailey need a morning pit stop. But they also bark with just as much vigor to come in at exactly 9 p.m. to get locked into their crates. Their competition to see who can get into her crate and onto her bed first makes for some comic relief for the end of the day. They do expect some head rubs and soothing good night wishes after they get in, turn around on their mats and settle in face forward. Then the doors are closed until the next day's cycle begins at 6:30. Their pure acceptance, joy in living, and enjoyment of each moment must be why we keep, feed, house, care for and pick up after our dogs.

The Lord gave me a convicting spiritual lesson from the girls' daily routines that really struck me. Our dogs aren't looking for a better yard one day, nicer crates, or a new walking route with Steve. They enjoy what is, as it is, and find the fun in their daily, (I'd call humdrum) routine. Jada and Bailey love meeting new friends to throw their beat-up ball to them, and an occasional doggie treat, but in 5 years, I've never seen them mope if there's nothing novel in their day. They are happy to follow their "pop" Steve around in the backyard as he tends to his chores; they wait patiently to retrieve the ball he throws to them so they can race one another for the nasty, chewed-up old thing. They are relaxed while staying alert to protect our property, but never anxious. As smart as they are, they can sense changes in Steve, but they greet him with even more loyalty and devotion, and play with him at his new, slower pace. "It's all right, Pop," they seem to communicate to him with their calming companionship.

They trust. That's why they can rejoice in the life that God has given them, as He has given to every living creature. I know that I find myself slipping in and out of trusting mode, although my Jesus has never let me down! I confess that I do not make time to be "in the moment" very often, and become consumed with planning and structuring as many aspects of my life as humanly possible. As people, of course we have goals and dreams that animals don't. But God has given all of His creatures today to live in and enjoy.

The apostle Paul wrote to the church he founded at Philippi from prison in Rome, where he had been sentenced for telling the world about Jesus Christ. He knew severe hardship and trials, and knew what his readers needed to realize: That believers can "live above the present circumstances, rising above adversity not just by surviving, but by thriving in the way of the Lord" (Chuck Smith).

From this epistle of joy, I will take Chapter 3 verse 1 and Chapter 4 verse 4 to heart and mind, thanking the Lord for every detail He is working out in my life!

Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

A sisterhood emerges from the fire

5:34 p.m. Today's project was to lead a Mary Kay pedicure and facial spa party at the home of Mary Lou, a member of our pilot Alzheimer's/dementia caregivers' class given at the Riverside County Office of Aging. There were 4 gals enjoying the even complexion mask while they soaked their feet in the mint-eucalyptus scented pedicure bowls. Wish I could have joined them, but I had to conduct the class so they would get the most out of it. (Besides, I try to give myself a foot treatment once a week during the summer). We started with a Satin Hands treatment and ended with a delicious lunch.

As I sit on my living room loveseat with my legs up on the piano bench Steve so nicely moved for me, with a heating pad behind my lower back, I thank the Lord that He gave me the strength to not cancel the party. I actually needed to continue staying off my feet, using the cane, and keeping my sciatica leg elevated today like I've been doing since Friday. But our group needed the fellowship and they all definitely deserved the pampering! I sold a couple of products, and have booked follow-up appointments with them individually, but the best part was all of the sharing and encouragement we gave one another!

Willie Mae told us how her husband will insist, "I'll write the check" at church, but then quietly hand the checkbook back to her, saying, "You do it." I comforted her with, "At least he is asserting himself as the head of the family, as he always did before; it's when they just passively go through each day when it's tragic." Our loved ones all appear to be at a similar stage in the disease, even though Steve is 30 years younger than their parents or in one gal's case, her husband. So we can talk quite a bit about deteriorating abilities and manners at the dinner table, for instance, and what that means for future socializing as a couple or family.

Dressing and undressing, and changing out of dirty clothes has become a challenge for the men now. Resistance to changing a favorite shirt, no comprehension of clothes getting stale or stained, and confusion in dressing, reversing front and back are mid-stage attributes. Michele has her husband go upstairs and supervise his dad at bedtime to make sure he changes into pajamas. Steve and I have agreed to rid his closet of t-shirts that have designs on them, because he consistently puts them on backwards and becomes very stressed-out about it. We are keeping special event memento shirts, like the "Ben Born Again" outreach shirt from the 70's, folded and put away.

How blessed it is to be with women who totally understand what I'm going through, and I understand their issues. But we've all tried to do it on our own before enlisting professional help. MaryLou's dad is now at Encore Village and enjoying it; Willie May's husband goes to Care Connexxus adult daycare 3 days a week; Michele has a private respite home where she can drop her father-in-law off for a weekend or a week when she and hr husband travel; Diana and I have in-home are for our dementia victims.

But each one of us knows to enjoy them now for as long as possible, have fun and make an enjoyable life together while they are physically capable and know who we are!

Sometimes I marvel at how a newspaper article that I may not have even caught has impacted my life. The Lord had prepared my heart by making it clear to my mind that I needed help! That help came as written and verbal presentations from professionals, and mutual emotional support from fellow caregivers. On paper, everything looked good-I had help coming in that was paid for with long term care insurance funds; all legal forms had the i's dotted and the t's crossed. So why was I dabbing my eyes almost continually during classes?

It was me, the person, who was on the verge of breaking down, and I didn't even know it. God knew it, though, because He knows each person better than they know themselves. Listen to these beloved verses, Psalm 139:1-4:

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.

You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thoughts afar off.

You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me sweet sisters to walk through the fire of affliction with!

Thank you that I am not alone.

And thank you that I could give them a relaxed pampering session--it's the least I could do!

Gentle spirit

11:15 p.m. Today's project was to enjoy a nice Labor Day lunch with our daughter Heather and our son-in-law Nick. Steve and I did the best we could to get ready considering my gimpy leg and his mental struggles, but the table was set, the corn had hit the boiling water and the spicy potato wedges were in the oven by the time the front door was unlocked by the kids.

We were delighted that Nick was able to open the gas valve on the barbeque grill, a job that had nagged at Steve all week and caused frustration for both of us. Nick then proved to be the perfect grill master, with our hamburger patties uniformly tasty, but with some more done than others--perfect for every taste! From the home front, the corncobs were small but delicious, as were the homemade and grown green tomatillo salsa and my "secret" barbeque sauce.

Later, I was told by the caregiver that stayed with Steve while I went down to Long Beach for an evening with my son Kriss and Marisela, that Steve is such a gentle spirit, and told her, "the Lord is the one who keeps me going."

Believer, we each have a testimony, even those like Steve whom the world would officially but tactfully set aside because they just can't keep up with life now. In trusting Christ, Steve has grasped the most important piece of knowledge ever made available to mankind: "Jesus Saves."

Hear I Corinthians 1:27, 29:

God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise...that no flesh should glory in his presence.

Be glorified O Lord, in our lives today!