He had had a fun morning with his caregiver, going to the grocery store and over to KFC for a snack, as well as doing some tasks here at home. When I came back from Muffins & Makeovers at our Mary Kay studio, Steve and I put away my facial things and inventory totes, and placed some more of our favorite ornaments on the Christmas tree. These days, I place the ornament in his hand, then lift his hand to the selected branch and we put the ornament on together. Even though he remains expressionless most of the time, I know he feels enjoyment at the sight and feel of each beautiful work of art. How good is "the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy" (I Timothy6:17). In the picture, Steve is holding his formerly favorite ornament, a large spike that reminds us of the tree Christ hung on. Each year, he would place it deep within the branches for the rest of us to find.
A while later, he had a very difficult and discouraging incident which left him in tears, just desolate. I felt down as well, but needed to strengthen myself in the Lord for my husband's sake. An atmosphere of hopelessness could send him on a severe downward spiral; his emotions are already fragile.
It wasn't the time for making additional decisions, either; those can wait upon my private prayer time!
I sat with him on our couch and asked if he wanted to pray. He did, and said to the Lord though tears, "just let me get better, so I can help people again."
That's Steve, so totally Steve, a man whose whole gift and ministry in this life was helping others with any sort of physical, mechanical, building or repair need. And that is what makes him saddest, along with watching other men going to work, and feeling useless since he can't use his gifts for others.
I admit to feeling convicted, because in his position, I would probably be asking for healing, period. Or at the very least, for the ability to walk normally, or to be able to care for myself once again.
If you lost all of your adult capabilities, what would you ask God to restore?
Oh Dana! My heart breaks for you and for Steve. I am praying for complete healing for your sweet husband and miraculous strength for you as you care for him. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteI hope I would have the grace to ask for the Lord's will in the situation--without or with capacities, because this world is not all.
ReplyDeleteI put a video of Joni on Facebook, Dana. She talked about her cancer and reaching out to the Lord. Joni is very inspirational, as are you.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
Stacy and Carol, You both inspire me with your love, faith and endurance in your own serious trials!
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