Second day of the rest of my life

9:04 p.m. Today's project was to start the second day of the rest of my life.

In the last post (October 3) I likened the cleared-out garden to the end of one life cycle, as it were, and the "groundwork" for new life in the upcoming year.  The soil not only rests from active work, but will slowly form the organic nutrient foundation for next year's growth. Tough as it was to put it into writing, 31 years of normal married life cycle are now over, not to return. Now I will be looking, studying, questioning and listening to see what this "new thing" (Isaiah 43:19) is that God has for me!

Last night after the guests and many consultants at our Mary Kay meeting had gone home, five of us listened to our national director Kathy Helou's monthly "Power Up" call. Since she is a very committed born again believer, the name of the call reminds us to look up at all times.At least that's how my mind interprets it! Throughout the call, Kathy intertwines teaching, exhortation, kudos, new product and company program updates, and the "I-story" [testimony] of each new sales director.

I noticed that, even if their progress to the goal of having a beginning unit membership of 24 women was very different individually, the same theme flowed through all of the excited new directors' stories of success. They all had had to make a fresh new start, even in a new city, while building their business. Whether they moved back to the city of their childhood, or followed her husband's career across the country, these women found a blank slate that had to be filled in quickly with activities that would support their goal.

Starting over is hard, even though I'm still running the same house, driving the same Jeep, paying the same bills, attending the same church and participating in the same ministries and community charitable groups, and tutor the same AP student in Spanish as I did when Steve was still at home. On the change side,  I do have a second dog for my Jada to train--a rambunctious German Shepherd puppy--daily visits to Steve; a new foreign student boarder; and have begun a televised aerobics class. There are lots of things for me to get busy with, especially as my Mary Kay team grows.Since I came out of the womb with a to-do list, I continue to be constructively occupied, seeking new challenges--not casting about for something to interest me for this second phase of my life.

But now that I have the Lord and Him only to help me decide what to do and how to fill my waking hours, I think that this new phase is one of total responsibility and complete accountability for all decisions made in this family of two. And yes, Steve and I are still a family of two, though worlds apart in communication, awareness, physical and mental ability.  There is no longer any discussion, problem solving or planning with my life partner, my peer. Input from the kids, friends, and ministry or career colleagues and mentors is welcome and heeded. But they aren't part of the "one flesh" of their dad and me, any more than I am in their marriages. And that's how God designed it.

What I miss is seeing the Lord work in my husband's heart and mind to bring fresh, ingenious, prayed-over solutions to the irritating household problems any couple faces.  Yet, the Lord is the source of all wisdom, no matter how large or small the issue: Proverbs 2:6-8:

For the LORD gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge
 and understanding;
He stores up sound wisdom for
 the upright;
He is a shield to those who walk
  uprightly

As a seemingly independent woman and seemingly sole decision maker, I cry out to my Jesus, Psalm 86:11,

Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your
 name.