He knows

12:12 p.m. Today's project was to join Heidi and Pavel at Prospect Park in Redlands for a wedding expo. The Kimberly Crest Estate is the site the couple has chosen for their wedding next year. Tours of the estate and gardens would be offered, plus many vendors would be giving out samples and brochures to brides, grooms and their families in hopes of being selected for the big day.

Just as I was backing out of the driveway, I noticed that I had a voicemail on my cell, so I parked and listened: Heidi wasn't feeling well, so she and Pavel decided not to go today, and just wait for the next one. Plus, today's weather wasn't very amenable for a stroll around the gorgeous gardens. Steve was out walking the dogs, so I decided to go on over to the local supermarket and "pick up a few things." I'd been kind of down because of an untoward couple of text messages from one of the kids, and had been looking forward to the solitary 30 minute drive to pray and process my thoughts. And an afternoon doing "mother of the bride" things would have been sheer heaven! But we have plenty of time, so we'll attend the next wedding event.

I sat in my car for a while in the store's parking lot, sadly answering another dispiriting text, when I got a phone call. "Good, maybe we can talk like civilized people," I thought, but it was an unknown local number. Hmm. I answered, and it was my daughter Heather, who'd locked herself out of her car, with keys and cell locked inside. The number was Kragen Auto Parts down on Jurupa and Magnolia, where she'd gone to buy a headlamp. She requested that I call her husband Nick to go and bring the other key so she could get home. Happy to be of service in a pretty benign emergency, I called and then texted when Nick didn't pick up.

I felt good out of all proportion to the size of the deed I had done, but God was so kind to send me an opportunity for positive interaction with another of my kids at that exact time! I think about Jesus saying in Matthew 6:8, "Your Heavenly Father knows what things you have need of." Our needs are indeed physical, as the text refers to, but God knew my emotional need, and how best to fulfill it. As it says in Romans 8:26, the Holy Spirit prays when we don't know how to pray! God's Word is so true, so real, and so timely! God solved my unspoken need before I had even formulated a prayer. Interesting that Pastor John had made that comment during his sermon this morning!

Nick must have had his phone on silent, because eventually I just took Heather home myself. We had a good chat and enjoyed each other's company for the drive. I followed her into the house, teasing Nick that I wanted to watch to see if he was going to "catch it!" We all laughed. They took off to Kragen's and I returned home to my husband, praising God for our lives and glad that the Lord added a much-needed "sweetener" to my afternoon.

I checked in on my Heidi, dozing under her covers, and placed a Cadbury caramel egg on her nightstand to enjoy when she feels better. Meanwhile, Steve is doing his half of our couples' study homework.

As we are to imitate Christ, to be "as He is in this world, " [I John 4:17] maybe we can add some "sweetener" to our loved ones' day today!

Similarly unique

4:15 p.m. Today's project was to have my friend come over to dye our faded black clothes back to their original color. If that sounds like Dullsville, well, women gather to cook, sew, clean, shop and diet together, activities that are pretty pedestrian, all of the time. It's not the task, but the sisterly fellowship that matters.

That's how we roll!

Besides the fun of having Susan over, there was a practical aspect I'd considered: why run a full washtub of dye in my machine for the two pairs of pants Heidi and I were dyeing? So I posted an invite to all of my Facebook friends to come over if they'd like to, cranberry muffins thrown in at no charge.

We sat down to talk, to catch up on the past eight years since our family had switched from Harvest to Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley. We have both conquered cancer-- hallelujah--and have been through devastating trials. Between us, we have 9 adult children, but she has more grandkids, waah, waah!! That's one area where I need the Lord to work on my jealousy--other people's more numerous grandkids. "Be content with such things as you have." Hebrews 13:5b. Okay--I need to faithfully give the whole verse from the beginning: "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have." Enough said, Lord! If I want to please You in everything, I need to wait on Your timing for the desires of my heart!!

My favorite memory of Susan took place at the Harvest Women's Bible study one Tuesday morning. Leaders would meet for 30 minutes before the women arrived to pray for one another and the minstry, and to go over any difficult questions in the lesson we'd just completed. That morning I made two mistakes: sitting next to my chum Susan; and wearing slip-on flats. Somehow she managed to knock my shoe off my foot and kick it into the center of the room as 20+ ladies looked on with muffled amusement! Of course, Sue was at her angelic best as I waited for an opportune, unobtrusive time to retrieve my shoe from the midst of the circle. Poor Jan Vance, trying to keep an orderly spiritual tone to her meeting with a couple of clowns in the room!

Now in our fifties, Susan and I have had parallel growth in our Christian walks, having studied the Word of God diligently, on our own and corporately, and know what our ministry callings are. She is a counselor, coming alongside the needy and hurting, even having completed chaplaincy training; I am a teacher and writer of Bible studies and devotional articles. (Those ministries can overlap, however, depending on the need of the person God brings our way).

Romans 12: 6-8 in the New Living Translation puts it thus: "In His grace, God has given us different gifts for doing things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously.If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly."

I am grateful and praise God for the wisdom, growth, and graciousness Susan exemplifies under very trying circumstances. There is a treasure trove of life lessons she shared in just being herself, telling her story. Susan visited today not to refresh my clothes, but to refresh my spirit!

Just a pinch of Honey

3:01 p.m. Today's project was to welcome my dad over to visit with Steve and me, and hopefully to help Steve get the battteries put back into our RV correctly. Daddy brought us a nice surprise, lemon juice squeezed from his own tree's generous crop and frozen into large ice cubes. I believe he said that each cube would make a quart of lemonade come summer. Can't wait for either summer or its tastes! I was born in August, so summer is my favorite season, as long as air conditioning is available in Riverside, anyway.

I have so many amazing senior citizens in my life, chief of course, my 82 year old father, Oliver. He drives over from Redlands on sunny days, and is the one behind the wheel when he and Steve go get lunch or need to pick up building or mechanical supplies. It's such a good time of companionship for Steve, as well as assistance when he becomes confused or unsure, from a very experienced older man. And the fact that Daddy is a father figure makes it less threatening for Steve to follow instructions and accept corrections during a fix-it session. My dad takes a very logical approach to problem solving, as do I, but the difference is, that he actually knows what he's talking about!!

Since I retired, I have entered into a whole new world of weekday fellowship at morning Bible study, along with lunch and game dates, whenever Steve's needs and medical appointments permit. Every one of my friends has had her share of trials, especially the widows, but their joy is contagious. Always a kind, funny or gracious word, even if that good word is sometimes dampened by tears. Proverbs 25 :11 reminds us, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

My thoughts today particularly came to rest on an old friend, anointed Bible teacher Claire "Honey" Simons, long retired and widowed in Washington State, a real mentor and close buddy when she was here in Riverside and we both were active in women's ministry at Harvest. We met at a prayer meeting held at a mutual friend's home and quickly became as inseparable as a mother of little ones and an incredibly active great-grandma could be! One time, we were laughing so hard at the Tyler Mall that we were hopping around in a circle, completely insane!! Whichever of my babies I had in a stroller with me was looking on in unheard-of stunned silence--yes, mommy can have fun, too!

In addition to praying together by phone almost every morning, we would get together to cook healthy, delicious food from scratch a few times a month at one another's homes. I still use her granola receipe, treating individual ones of my kids to entire batches for their special occasions.

I'll probably enter Honey's granola recipe on the "Just a Pinch" recipe website, which features thousands of recipes of every sort imaginable from around the country. I actually won the above blue ribbon for Honey's "French Market Soup" that I have been serving on either Christmas Eve or New Year's Day for decades, giving her full credit as I entered the winter soup contest. Sent her a printout of the website's recognition and a photo of the batch that the website editor had made, thanking her for one of her many contributions to my life.

Back and forth we would consult on the Bible studies we wrote at the time: hers for the regular speaking rotation on Tuesday mornings, and mine for the home study I taught, occasional Tuesday treaching, and for retreat topical messages. An understanding set of "peer's ears" was invaluable to the creative process, confirming the Word of God to our hearts.

But Honey also taught me about being a godly wife, which is not based on having a perfect husband! Her Joe was many years unsaved, because she became a believer after their marriage. But what a great guy he was all of the time we knew him before he passed on to be with the Lord! He and Steve had both worked at Southern Plastic Mold in Anaheim at different times, and regaled one another with stories of the injection molding industry and their mutual colleagues over the years. She was head of the prayer team for my 1992 election to the School Board in Riverside, too--could not have thought of anyone better, or more faithful!

Because Honey's mom had succumbed to Alzheimer's, she has offered me notes of encouragement; as a cancer survivor, she bolstered me up a few years ago. How precious this sister is! But so far away!! Maybe Steve and I should make a plan to go up north this summer...

Honey's loving, bubbly personality and infectious passion for the Word of God have shaped me as a wife, mother, grandmother and Bible teacher. Truly, Proverbs 31: 20 can be applied to her:

"Many daughters have done well [Honey], but you excel them all."

Amidst the confusion

1:28 p.m. Today's project was to wrap up another morning of errands (including another bank run) with nice deli sandwiches from Vons, hot meatball for me, a layered turkey and fixin's for Steve. I called him ahead to let him know I was bringing lunch, so he could come in from working on the RV's batteries, wash his hands and be ready. He wouldn't need to make his usual sandwich, either. It has been taking longer and longer for Steve to transition from activity to activity lately, so I give him plenty of advance notice.

When I arrived 5 or 6 minutes later, Steve was nowhere to be found, front or backyard, and my loud voice calling him got no response! I ran upstairs and found him all dressed up to go out, which would not be happening until his optometrist appointment 2 - 1/2 hours later(and which I had not mentioned at all).

The sandwiches had been forgotten. I put the few other groceries away, prayed for the food, and asked Steve what was going on, with worry and frustration in my voice. [I am praying and working on being more mellow during these events!] He had no clue as to his changing clothes--the 3rd clothing change of the day by 12:00--and he thought I called to tell him to get ready to go out, instead of getting ready to eat.

There doesn't appear to me at this time to be a more effective way to convey information to Steve than in the calm, clear, factual tones I use. God knows the best way to reach Steve in the stage his mind is in, since He knows all of our thoughts before we even think them (Psalm 139), no matter how convoluted a person's brainwaves may be! I will be waiting on the voice of the Lord to correct and redirect me in this area, as He does for my actions too many times a day to count, praise His Name! Glad God never runs out of patience!!

I have read of a concern with communicating with a person with Alzheimer's: interaction will become more limited, and less conversational. Because of the bad wiring of the recipient of information (the Alzheimer's person), and the potential feeling of pointlessness on the speaker's part, the Alzheimer's person gets too discouraged to try. It's just easier, sadly, for both parties, to stop the frustrating struggle...that happens all too often.

Right now, Steve is holding fairly good surface-level social conversations wherever we go, and he receives plenty of encouragement. [At a much more advanced stage, four years ahead, on the other hand, Steve's brother rarely speaks]. It's the needful and important conversation at home, critical for both of our safety and well being, that is tougher for Steve to process, because assent and action are required, if, for instance, we need to get ready to go somewhere, or eat a meal. And that is where I come in, as Steve's life partner and helper. Love and the Lord's guidance are sorely needed every moment! How I need God to keep me faithful and able!!

A very important thought came up yesterday as Patty and I talked about our family's current state of affairs, and that was regarding MY safety! I hadn't begun praying about this until I cut my finger on glass a week and a half ago. Steve became flustered looking for the place we keep the bandaids, not following which cabinet I was pointing to. When he finally found them, he fumbled about and couldn't open the wrapping! I was bleeding pretty freely...praise God my oldest son Sean came in at that moment and speedily put the bandaid on tightly, stopping the bleeding!

I'm generally healthy, but any one of us can fall, have a stroke or heart attack, or even faint. Patty asked, "What if Steve doesn't even think to call 911?" We agreed that I need one of those Freedom Alert systems to hang around my neck, because I would have no help at home at all, plus a panicked person to reassure if I'm even conscious to do so. On the other hand, I know CPR and emergency procedures from my teacher training, so Steve would have some chance of being helped if the emergency happened to him.

I did consider that God could keep me from having an emergency, or send someone in the nick of time if I did; my God is "able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we could ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20) However, God is also able to give warnings to the wise, and and when warned, the prudent take action. Proverbs 22:3 says, "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished."

The only place I plan to hide myself is in the loving arms of my all-knowing, infinitely caring Father , because as Colossians 3:3 expresses it, "my life is hidden with Christ in God."

Rise and shine!

2:57 p.m. Today's project was to keep my appointment with my tax preparer, lovely sister in the Lord Patty Kamio, at 1:00 p.m. As I scanned my pile of documents, I thought, "I'm as ready as I'm going to be!"

But first, a few hurdles to get over. My alarm went off at 4 a.m., giving me just enough time to do my skincare--always a must!!--get dressed, brush my teeth and head down to the sleep lab to pick up Steve. As I pulled out of my driveway onto Canyon Crest, I noticed no other cars; when I looked over at the 60 freeway, the traffic was very light. This is to be expected for such an early hour, one would think, except that there always used to be an early morning rush hour before the Inland Empire's construction industry was decimated, practically eliminated, in the last year! As I thought of so many other men without work in the the attendant businesses that support the building industry and their hurting families, I prayed sorrowfully, wondering how they are going to make it, with no prospects for a turnaround in the economy in sight. I pray that multitudes will turn to faith in Christ, and that those who have means will give generously through their fellowships' food pantries. "He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord," Proverbs 19:17 says. Lord, give me a heart for the hurting!!

With virtually no traffic on the roads, I got to the building at 14th and Brockton in less than 15 minutes, and waited by the big glass doors, with the bright red eye of the alarm staring at me from the lobby. Okay, okay, I give up my plans to break in! Steve came out with his small suitcase, and off we went to go back to bed until after 8 o'clock. Thank you, Lord, for rest and rejuvenation!

After our morning routine, I left to transfer some money into our college son's account, some loan funds from Fresno Pacific University, a task that wouldn't normally be any cause for concern. Problem was, that it had to be cash in order to post immediately. With visions of carjacking, kidnaping or worse in my head, paranoia that some suspicious-looking customer saw cash being counted out and would stalk me, while trying to subtly look behind me to see if I was being followed--you'd think I was a Brink's driver--I made it from one financial institution to the other in one piece, mission accomplished! Don't you wish you had a dollar for every minute wasted with doomsday scenarios of crime and mayhem in our heads? (Could this be some of the crazy "self-talk" we are studying at church?) If God can tilt the axis of the earth a tiny bit due to the Chilean earthquake, He can get me from one bank to another!!

Just as the earth is delicately upheld by the word of His power (Hebrews 1:3), so He is able to balance our lives as we turn all things over to Him, and speak His Word to one another, exhorting other believers to listen to the Holy Spirit and trust God for our needs. Such was my second annual meeting with Patty to prepare our tax return. It was better to leave Steve at home mowing lawns, than have to repeat things he has trouble hearing or censor our conversation over the changes in our financial circumstances--which are many. In other words, if I needed wise practical counsel, I could feel free to speak with Patty in confidence.

This is the first year I have done our taxes alone since we were married. Added to all of the care and guidance I now provide to Steve, I have had times of feeling overwhelmed. That's why it is the latest we've ever begun the filing process. At one point, I expressed dismay and embarassment at my low Mary Kay sales, and Patty said, "You have nothing to apologize for. Look at all you have on you now!" That was so comforting--something I need from time to time.

Most times, I dwell on the good things Steve and I have together, like steady disability and pension income at a time when other unemployed adults have nothing to fall back on. We are physically healthy and active, able to travel, and have 5 healthy children and two grandkids, plus wonderful in-laws from two generations. May God be praised! He truly has done all things well, and will do so forever.

"He has made all things beautiful in His time," Ecclesiastes 3:11 says. "Also, He has put eternity in [our] hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

Let me be a part of Your plan, Lord, Your perfect plan!

Sleep tight!

4:05 p.m. Today's project is to get Steve down to Dr. Rai's neurology office by 9:00 p.m. for a sleep study. Last week, the doctor confirmed my observations--Steve stops breathing during the night while asleep! There would be a loud racket, well beyond snoring, and then abrupt silence...when I'd poke him, he'd jerk and start breathing again. That sounded like sleep apnea to Dr. Rai, and a home screening was fairly conclusive. He stops breathing every 3 minutes!

I had hoped to avoid the C-Pap machine that his older brother and advanced Alzheimer patient Larry uses nightly, because they are purported to make a lot of noise. But the newer versions, the doctor told us, are quieter, just sounding like a fan circulating air. These is a minor detail; mainly, I'm grateful for a fairly sound diagnosis. "Our light affliction," II Corinthians 4:17 assures us, "which is just for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." In our case, getting used to a new sound at night is a small price to pay for saving Steve's life!

We've heard the commercials on the radio: "Hate your C-PAP?" "Can't stand the noise?" "Hate sleeping with a mask over your face all night?" "Do you hate it so much that you refuse to use it, putting yourself at risk for a dangerous condition?" put on by the sleep centers, so often that we're convinced that it's a terrible device! (I actually have a friend who's never taken hers out of the box, despite the condition she has!!)

Quite an effective scare tactic by those businesses, who purport to "cure" snoring with their own methods. The ads have a certain appeal to those of us who like as little medical involvement as possible, who take homeopathic cold treatments and handfuls of natural supplements, do organic gardening, canning and cooking from scratch to promote good health. Using elements of God's creation as close to their original state as possible is beneficial, and produces great energy, mood, and sense of well being! And you never know how many illnesses and conditions one has avoided by using those practices. In Genesis 1:31, the goodness and sufficiency of creation is made clear: "Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good."

God has also created man's intelligence, diligence, desire to learn and the spirit of inquiry that have enabled myriad scientific and medical breakthroughs, and we should prayerfully avail ourselves of good recommendations and professional expertise. However, I take after my very healthy dad, 82, who is from Missouri, the "Show me State!" We do tons of research of our own, seek varying sources (since all have their biases) and then Steve and I make our own decisions on medical procedures. If we feel so led, we respectfully decline unproven or undesirable procedures, and are able to back up our position. We are our own advocates, in other words.

6 and 1/2 years ago, a miniscule cancer (1 mm) was removed. After I had undergone radiation and final blood tests came out completely clear of all cancer, I decided against both chemotherapy and the medication Arimidex. Neither my oncologist nor my general practitioner was pleased, but that was my prayerful decision, and I'm not one to shirk responsibility for my decisions. At this point, I am able to qualify for life insurance at standard rates! Neither you nor I have any guarantee of living even one day more; God holds our future.

For tonight, Steve will have to take his pillows, the "hygiene items" listed on the instruction sheet--must be a towel and washcloth and soap, I'm guessing, maybe a toothbrush and toothpaste--and his sleepwear, and go to bed hooked up with all manner of wires. I would love to see the film of his night! Maybe I'll ask... hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained! After all, doesn't Proverbs 28:1 say, "the righteous are as bold as a lion"?! All Dr. Rai and the sleep lab tech can do is say "No!"

I'm laughing now, but it won't be so funny when I have to go to pick Steve up at 5 a.m. tomorrow!! Looks like I'm the one who had better "sleep tight."

What does my picture say?

9:17 a.m. Today's project for the morning was to spend some time in prayer on my knees before my Heavenly Father, which I am privileged to do in the living room, on a padded bench covered with the quilt my very patient friends helped me make.

Since Saturday, there is a huge new addition to the bench, a giant framed birthday card Pavel and all of us family and friends contributed to. Over the last month, Pavel had us all take pictures of ourselves posing with an item that starts with a letter of the alphabet, ending up spelling "Happy Birthday Heidi, we love you!" Heidi was to figure out the Rebus-style puzzle.

Before I shut my eyes to pray, I noticed the instruction note to Heidi, particularly the last line: "What does the picture say?" I was thunderstruck! As the Holy Spirit opened my eyes, I began to ponder,

WHAT DOES MY PICTURE SAY?

First, as an evangelical Christian, I always think of my testimony in front of the world, as Paul reminded a church leader in Titus 2:6-8, that believers should "be sober-minded, in all things showing yourselves to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you." How critical these words are, because a dishonest or misbehaving Christian causes those looking for excuses not to accept Jesus Christ to have all the ammunition they need to dismiss our faith! I pray not to be a distraction from my Lord!!

Jesus quoted Leviticus 19:18 when he said in Matthew 22:37-38, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.This is the first and great commandment." Do I love the Lord with all my heart? Or does Dana sit on the throne at times? I pray to love and know Him more every day, and try to listen to His voice before I make my voice heard and my presence seen. I have to confess and repent many times daily that I have let my priorities and allegiances get out of order--again!! How sweet is the forgiveness He grants to his children when we repent!

Jesus goes on in v. 39 to present the second greatest commandment: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Ouch! That is very hard, if not impossible, I will be the first to confess--not by my will or in my own strength!! God is so perfect, easy to love, the source of all good and beauty and righteousness in this world and the next. But my neighbor sure isn't!! And neither am I! At times, my neighbor--spouse, family member, friend, acquaintance, elected official--is nothing more than a source of contention and irritation, almost as bad as yours truly!!

(Christians are forgiven, not perfect, hallelujah!!)

I've said more than once during a Bible study, "I'm surprised God lets me out in public the way I act some days!!" It's only by God's grace that we can get up from our regrets and embarassment and go forward to live for Him another day, to "fight the good fight," to share His love with others to whom we may have to apologize first!

Let's all take a realistic snapshot of ourselves, humbly before God, praying that our picture may speak a thousand words of goodness, faithfulness, diligence, and above all, love!