A fresh start

4:41 p.m. Today's project was to welcome this day with joy, anticipation and fresh belief in God's word to me regarding my business: "I am in this for you." That has not been very easy to believe, though the Holy Spirit brought that good word to remembrance as many times a day as necessary to help me stay on task, focused and eager to reach out to friends new and old, in a two-week period characterized by illness, cancellations, and relatively low sales!

Yet, each day, I have gotten out of bed at 6 a.m. (6:45 on Sundays), absorbed my uplifting Spurgeon morning devotional, read and pondered my Bible portions for the day, prayed three times a week with my prayer partner, written in two journals (one for my Mary Kay business and one for personal concerns) and posted scriptures on Facebook. If devotional consistency were all it takes to achieve fabulous success in all areas of a Christian's life, who knows what a visibly wealthy, healthy life I'd be living, along with my family!

But we don't get up to meet with God to enrich ourselves, although we pray for a successful day in whatever form God wants "success" to take. Christians need to eat and pay their obligations like anyone else; we also desire to give back to others in our community as well as make charitable donations. So money must be earned, pure and simple. Preferably, one's business is God's choice for us, and in keeping with the heart and personality He created for each of us as individuals. That's how I feel about my business, which provides such enjoyable fellowship with friends; encouragement for ladies who've never taken care of their skin, that they can learn; and offers a stellar business opportunity to any woman who wishes to take advantage of it. But after a weekend that saw last-minute cancellations, a large knife slice into my thumb, and hours of time spent with computer techs getting online backup going, I was just about to become a "doubting Thomas"-- so totally unlike me!

Sunday morning, I read the Purpose-Driven Connection devotional that I pull up for Steve because it's very brief and uplifting, (or convicting, depending on one's walk that day)! This selection was entitled, "Get Ready for the Impossible." I normally don't read his online devotional because I have my own, but of course this caught my eye--and was I ever ready to pay attention!

Rick Warren quotes James 1:18a (NIV):

He chose to give us birth through the word of truth... He then goes on to write,

  God wants to use His Word to give you a fresh start in life.
  Without God's Word,  we could never be saved. We wouldn't be headed for Heaven. We wouldn't know about Jesus' death on the cross. We wouldn't know about God's purpose for our lives.
  Without the Bible, we can't know God.
  God wants to give you all of that--but it starts with his Word. Through the Bible, God recreates our life. When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, God uses the Bible to give me a fresh start, a do-over. The Bible calls it being "born again."  In James 1:18, the Bible says, "He chose to give us birth through the word of truth."
  The Bible is often compared to a seed. Once the Bible takes root in your heart, it begins to sprout and grow and bear fruit. As God's Word does that, God changes your life for the better.
  Jesus says this in John 6:63 about His Word: 'The words I have spoken to you--they are full of the Spirit and life'(NIV). God's Word isn't just words on a page. It's spirit and life. It's spiritual power. His Word can transform society and transform history.It can change your life.
  D. L. Moody, a famous Chicago pastor from 100 years ago, said, 'The Bible was not given to increase our knowledge; the Bible was given to change our lives."

Then Pastor Warren asks two compelling questions:

"How do you need your life changed?" ( A return to my normal uplifted, enthusiastic, contagious spirit) "What part of your life do you feel powerless to change?" (Steve's late-stage Alzheimer's)

He concludes:

"The Bible says the Word of God can change things that you cannot change on your own. Make God's Word a regular part of your life, and get ready for the impossible!"

And wouldn't you know it, the Word of God did change my heart, mind, and the trajectory of my day! I read Psalm 20:4-5 today:

May the LORD grant you according to
  your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose.

We will rejoice in your salvation,
And in the name of our God we
  will set up our banners!
May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.

I did indeed "set up my banner," posting that sentence in two places where I will constantly see it. The day went forward, with a very successful appointment with our tax advisor, a lovely afternoon meeting a friend's skincare needs, doing well by doing good; and am seeing gratifying results from my team; and have more appointments lined up and in progress!

Yesterday morning's selection from Spurgeon helped me make a turnaround for the day: It says,

No man can be illustrious before the Lord unless his conflicts be many. If then, yours be a much-tried path, rejoice in it, because you will the better show forth the all-sufficient grace of God. As for His failing you, never dream of it--hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end.

I have decided to trust in the Lord my God!

Focus, focus!

6:21 p.m. Today's project was to tackle some household tasks--like using "Clean Caf" to cleanse the Gevalia coffeemaker, and install Carbonite online backup on our desktop computer. I also needed to fry a pound of sausage for future use, pick grapefruit, get next week's medications lined up for Steve and vitamins for me, water the backyard and garden, all, hopefully, while supervising Steve and before I'd be leaving to visit a Mary Kay team member, her husband and new baby boy. I'd used some of my long morning to just about complete my last lesson in the James Bible study, too. On the business front, I did contact some friends and customers to book appointments for next week. Then the plan was to head west to do a party with a customer and her family at 5 p.m.

Happily, the caregiver arrived at noon as assigned, and off I went after setting out Steve's lunch components. I was very much in need of free time, even if errands were involved, like exchanging a bag of our grapefruit for our in-laws' excess oranges; depositing a check from my sister for her liquid foundation; and whiling away some time at my favorite grocery store, Vons (Safeway elsewhere in the country).

Since I had a no-worry grocery experience going on, I took my time, and spotted an opportunity to get a free dozen eggs, just by downloading the app for Vons on my smartphone. Done, and after picking up a frozen treat or two, I got my eggs free at checkoout, along with a free loaf of bread,  and the loan of a spoon from the deli to eat my slice of lemon meringue pie with. I'd parked the Jeep in a nice shady parking spot, so my meandering was time well spent--the pie slice had thawed! Life's miniscule victories...

So focused was I on my appointments for the day, now down to the one evening party, that when the hostess cancelled last minute, it really stung, although this happens now and again to every sales professional. Sometimes I wonder about the way we focus so strongly on one matter, like a business appointment or a financial need, and don't see what God is focusing on, and can be blinded to all the marvelous things He is accomplishing behind the scenes or even right in front of our faces! We pray so hard for help in one area, like healing for a loved one, money for a dire need, a backslider's return--the huge things--that the Lord's ever-present caring, loving, constant beneficial acts in our behalf would go unnoticed if we did not take the time to ponder the events of each day. Psalm 34:8-10 exhorts us,

Oh, taste and see that the LORD
  is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in
  Him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints!
There is no want to those who
  fear Him.

The young lions lack and suffer
  hunger;
But those who seek the LORD
  shall not lack any good thing.

About thirty years ago, I began a prayer request/praise report notebook in which I add requests during the day, and jot down my praises each night. If you will do this, you'll soon realize that God does multiple good things for you daily, on multiple fronts and for multiple reasons known only to Himself. Yes, He blesses and provides for  the deepest concerns of our hearts, often "exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).  But Jesus is and does so much more than our finite minds can grasp!

The ultimate mind-boggling facet of God's goodness is that out of all of the universe, He called believers like you and me to be His showpieces, and our salvation to be a matter, according to I Peter 1:12, "that the angels desire to look into."

Can you grasp that? I can't!

And since I cannot fully grasp God's character, mind or eternal being, I think I will accept gratefully all He does and allows in my life, trusting that my best and highest good is all that He will ever choose for me.

Lord, let me focus on Your will and way this day!  

   

Patch it

7:02 p.m. Today's project was to start Steve on the Exelon patch, a trans-dermal delivery system for Alzheimer's disease victims. Our caregiver donned his gloves and stuck the patch on his upper back between the shoulder blades, with the adhesive medicated side down.

I spent some time yesterday consulting with "T" the pharmacist at our local CVS, before picking up the package. It looks like this patch will kill two birds with one stone [that saying reminds me of the biblical slingshot]! It will deliver the medication Rivastigmine on a 24-hour release basis, and eliminate what has become an increasingly difficult part of Steve's morning: swallowing pills!

The pharmacist told me to begin tapering off Steve's Aricept and Namenda--glory to God, because these name-brand drugs are very expensive! Steve cannot take all three medications at once. Aricept and Namenda are no longer efficacious for Steve in late stage, because they are only known to effect behavioral changes in mild-to-moderate patients. And since the drug contained in the Excelon patch is also best known for benefitting mild-to-moderate stage sufferers, it's a straight-across trade.

But the choking and pills stuck in Steve's mouth (because he struggles with swallowing the steady flow of water necessary for swallowing) will be eliminated, and that's a big praise! I love the way God doesn't hesitate to try different methods and different approaches, even wildly contradictory new directions for His people and His terrain, as Isaiah 43:18-21 shows:

Do not remember the former
  things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the
  wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

The beast of the field will honor
  Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the
  wilderness
  and rivers in the desert,
  To give drink to My people, My
  chosen.

This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise.

Just think--God is willing to completely change the course of nature and world history to come to the rescue of His people and establish a new, righteous order! As Oswald Chambers put it, God will tax the entire universe and the last grain of sand in behalf of just one of His saints! That is why believers can praise His name even in the valleys of loss and suffering, because "You are with me" (Psalm 23:4).

Even though I have no illusions of improvement for Steve, I am at least glad he suffered no side effects or skin irritation. He didn't even remember having the patch put on. Even though voicing a complaint would show more mental engagement in his own physical condition and life in general, I am relieved that he went about his day with calm enjoyment (and a few typical cat naps).

The Exelon patch is a provision from the Lord, not meant to stir up high expectations, but to stir up my vision of His daily presence in the large and small things; I can watch in amazement as God  "makes a road in the wilderness."

Craft challenge

6:25 p.m. Today's project was to get Steve ready for his day at adult daycare. The day started off a little askew, because I had gotten up at 4 a.m., and done quite a bit of cooking ahead. I'd made up my Nicoise-style tuna salad for this week's lunches and my scrambled eggs with salsa, bacon, and cheese; emptied the dishwasher and made a chronoligical to-do list for today. Then Psalm 19:12 was my daily verse to post on Facebook:

Who can understand his errors?
Cleanse me from secret faults.

Good prayer for all of us!!

Thankfully, the Lord allowed me to fall asleep once again from 5:15 to 6:00 when my cellphone alarm went off. As usual, I did my 30 minute routine, but heard the dog barking and peeked out to see Steve on the landing, and the doorbell buzzing because it had been pushed at an angle. (I'd had the exhaust fan going in the bathroom while I dressed to get rid of the steam). I hustled downstairs to let the caregiver in, and the dog out.

The caregiver came back downstairs with  Steve to take his meds and eat his banana. Mention was made that today he'd be catching the bus to Care Connexxus, and the newish caregiver asked, not knowing Steve's awkward beginning with the center,"What do they do over there?" I answered subtly, "all kinds of activities."

Steve's demeanor suddenly changed, he wouldn't even give me the usual kiss good morning, and on the way to go get his shower he stammered out, "I don't want to go to that that...place!" Now Steve has been eagerly awaiting his bus ride twice a week for months now, but something just triggered the unusual response. I was certainly praying, and the caregiver apologized silently for his innocent mistake. I told Steve that there wouldn't be anyone home today; and to the caregiver I said, "just go on smoothly with the routine."So he led Steve upstairs. There could have been a bigger ruckus if prayer hadn't gone up to the Lord at that instant!

Upon his return to the kitchen, cleaned up, dressed nicely and shaved, Steve was a different person. Smiling and laughing, and giving me a kiss as he sat for his online devotional "The Purpose-Driven Connection," and the gentleman got Steve's coffee and started his toast. If I didn't have the Lord, how would I cope with any vestige of calm in the face of such irrationality in my husband? Jesus' promises give me such comfort and confidence! Hear Psalm 32: 6-7:

For this cause everyone who is
  godly shall pray to You
In a time when You may be
  found;
Surely in a flood of great waters
They shall not come near him.

You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from
  trouble;
You shall surround me with
   songs of deliverance.        Selah

Steve finished his breakfast, got ready very cheerfully, and paced by the front door awaiting the bus.I barely caught him and kissed him goodbye as he and his caregiver rushed down the driveway!  The bus came on time, happily, so I was then able to eat my breakfast, get my teeth brushed and makeup started, and pray with Cara. A busy and profitable day followed, including a heart-to-heart with one of my customers whom I've gotten to know very well. I love the business I'm in--such a ministry of personal caring!

I arrived back home around 1 p.m., and grabbed my tuna salad--delish, made with tarragon, peas, mayo, boiled egg and cilantro dressing, with a tad tablespoon of homemade pickle juice, and then headed upstairs to jot entries for my book on Steve's Alzheimer's.

When I greeted Steve and helped him off of the bus, he had an orange folded item in his hand, which he held out to me as we checked the mailbox. Pictured above, it was the craft project he'd done today at the center. When I told him I'd display the cut piece of craft foam with his initial and some sports and music decos, Steve said with a chuckle, "It was a challenge, but I did it!"

No matter what Steve's intellectual level or manual ability, I know as a wife to praise and build up my husband's efforts--that's a universal principle from scripture (Ephesians 5:33, I Peter 3:1-5). As far as what to say and do at any given time, especially when the enemy wants to hammer me over the head with Steve's confusion, I can look to Jesus' promise in Psalm 32:8:

I will instruct you and teach you
  in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.

I love You, all-wise and incomparably merciful Lord!



.

Tiring out

10:05 p.m. Today's project was to visit my dad for our quarterly review of his trust, and the order in which I, as his successor trustee, need to perform a list of his estate's post-mortem actions, like getting his death certificate certified by San Bernardino County and paying bills. I think he holds these sessions because he knows that with all I have going on--Steve's care and care arrangements, running our household, the family, women's ministry leadership, my Mary Kay business--I am probably not retaining a large percentage of the detailed duties I'll need to carry out. None of the above ministries can be put on "auto pilot," nor should they be. Others assist, participate and lend their God given talents, but the accountability and decision making is given to the leader, by God's calling and design. The Apostle Paul exhorted Archippus in Colossians 4:17,

Take heed to the ministry which you have received from the Lord, that you may fulfill it.

At least retirement allows me to schedule my days and be flexible with my time, making it possible for me to visit with Daddy. So we took a tour of desks and documents, property lines and policies, and finally sat down at the kitchen table where I finished up some notes. On the way in from the garage, I asked Daddy how he was feeling, and he said in an disgusted voice, "I feel fine, but I'm just so tired all the time! I start to work on something for 5 or 10 minutes, and then I have to sit down!" I replied, "Daddy, you've worked hard all your life. At 84, if you need to sit down, just do it. You've earned it!" He did disclose that a radiologist had found a cyst on his kidney, but his primary care physician hasn't yet called him about it.  He mentioned that some calcium deposits were found also. Apparently he'd had quite a few in previous years, but just cut back on excess calcium in his diet. I'll urge him again to make an appointment soon with his primary doctor to get the results of that CAT scan, and I'll go with him..

The idea occurs to me to ask him if he'd like to come live with us, because we certainly have the space, but you could bowl me over with a feather if he ever agreed to that! So I call him regularly, he drives over here or I visit there, and will now do so more often. If he doesn't answer the phone, I call back until he does. My sister and her kids have been over to visit from San Diego more frequently, and our nephew from Los Angeles goes over on his own. Heidi and Pavel live right down the street and call him regularly. I wish Steven lived closer, and Kriss, too. We'll have to make sure to take Daddy to see his great-grandson Clark when he arrives at the end of next month.

As for getting tired, that is a natural stage, I believe, even for those who maintain a busy schedule well into their 90's, like Billy Graham. (Just not as busy  or physically strenuous as it was in earlier decades). The tiredness is not necessarily mental, because Daddy is very on top of details and deadlines. Perhaps it becomes emotional, kind of a drained mood that creeps in.

The description of a person's last days in Chapter 12 of Ecclesiastes ends that book beautifully, particularly verses 1, and 6-7:

Remember now your Creator
  in the days of your youth,
Before the difficult days come,
and the years draw near when
  you say,
"I have no pleasure in them."
...

Remember your Creator before
  the silver cord is loosed,
Or the golden bowl is broken,
Or the pitcher shattered at the
  fountain,
Or the wheel broken at the well.

Then the dust will return to the
  earth as it was,
And the spirit will return to God
  who gave it.

As I headed out the front door, my sinking heart was uplifted-- there was no more Jehovah Witness literature! Stacked very neatly in his reading corner by the window were a Bible I'd given Daddy years ago, and the two daily devotionals that were among his Christmas gifts from us. In the last few months, he'd asked us to get him the Christian movie Courageous, and before that, Billy Graham's latest book Nearing Home.

Daddy could last another decade, and I pray he will! But now I have a peace that his spirit "will return to God who gave it!"

Southern vision

4:13 p.m. Today's project was to "find a way--make a way--the Lord's way" through the end of this month. February always seems to be a stretching month, between the optimistic first month of a new year and our tax refunds arriving in March!

I can't help but think of the Lord's faithfulness through all generations (Psalm 89:1) or we wouldn't be here, would we? Whose family history doesn't include struggle, disaster, tragedy and injustice, the result of sin in this world, and man's utter selfishness, greed and desire for domination in personal and public life? Yet, the Lord gave our ancestors the perseverance to survive hard, menial work, because they had a vision of more successful generations to come, people they would never meet.

Last night after our daughters, son and their spouses left Heidi and Heather's birthday dinner party, I watched "The Help," the acclaimed movie about the daily experiences of Negro maids in the 1960's in Mississippi, the most segregated  state in the Union.  The effect of Jim Crow laws was far-reaching: armies of women entrusted with cooking a white family's meals, cleaning their homes and raising their children almost singlehandedly were not even allowed to use the families' bathrooms! One particularly cruel scene depicted a maid about to head home at the onset of a tornado, sent to the outhouse because it was "just a little rain." For the temerity to use an inside toilet, she was fired. Another maid, proud of her sons' acceptance into college, was falsely accused of stealing and arrested. When one maid's son was grievously injured on a logging job, his white overseer had his body dumped into a truck, and then left at a hospital to die. How many cases like this actually happened in the south before segregation was outlawed?

Some scenes were humorous in an ironic way, but I had more serious reflections, since both my parents were from the segregated south: my mom from North Carolina, my dad from Mississippi. They came of age, educated and successful, a decade before the Civil Rights era even began, because black society had its own successful institutions, primarily the churches. My father's family, later living in St. Louis, Missouri, became successful in the military and in business. My mother's grandfather was a Methodist minister who knew both Hebrew and Greek; my grandmother, a graduate of a black teaching college, taught in Greensboro. My mother attended Howard University, the famous black institution in Washington, D.C. before meeting and marrying a dashing young airman, Oliver Gray.

The slaves of only a two generations back from my grandparents worked hard to make their vision for future generations come to pass--and in many cases those visions did materialize. I think also of the faith of these Americans, much as I recall Hebrews 11, the Hall of Faith, speaking of those who sojourned in a strange land, while looking for their heavenly home. Hebrews 11:1 reminds us,

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

As for those freed slaves who toiled in the segregated post-Civil War South, they believed that their offspring would become educated and successful, because they knew what God's deliverance meant: emancipation through God's instrument Abraham Lincoln, and ultimately, salvation in Jesus Christ!

My grandmother, Pearl Waugh Jordan, now a retired widow, did housekeeping for a white friend, Mrs. Strong, once a week, to supplement her income. She was supporting my emotionally disturbed Aunt Clarice who had never married. As a child in Redlands, California,  I remember one of "Nana's" letters that included a picture of "Tuffy" Strong, the family's poodle. When we visited my grandmother, we had gifts awaiting us from her employer. In fact, Mrs. Strong was the one who informed my mother that Nana was seriously ill. My mother went to Greensboro for a month to care for her mother and make final arrangements after her decease, as well as arrange with the family lawyer for Clarice's nursing home placement. As adults, my sister and I received checks for our share of the sale of Nana's home.

Hebrews 11:13-14, 16 says of the saints of old,

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured  of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland...But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country.Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.

And now it's our turn, saints of God!

Showers of blessings

8:19 Today's project was to have my devotions as usual, see Steve off on the Special Transportation bus to his adult daycare, and perhaps set up our Muffins and Makeovers party for Saturday morning. Then two appointments would follow, with care giving help for him. The day started off oddly, at 5:20 with me wide awake. I say "oddly", because I'd stayed up reading one of my Amish Inspirational novels until midnight --my bad!

So I prayed and did go back to sleep until 6:00, got the coffee started, and read my daily portion from Spurgeon's Morning &  Evening. Ezekiel 34:6 was the verse quoted:

I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing.

As any believer would, I rejoiced in that verse in a rather lean week, especially the "saturating showers of grace" that Spurgeon writes of.

  Then it is plenteous grace. "I will send them showers." It does not say, "I will send them drops," but "showers." So it is with grace. If God gives a blessing, He usually gives it in such a measure that there is not room enough to receive it. Plenteous grace! Ah! we want plenteous grace to keep us humble, to make us prayerful, to make us holy; plenteous grace to make us zealous, to preserve us through this life, and at last to land us in heaven. ...
  Again, it is seasonable grace."I will cause the shower to come down in his season." What is thy season this morning? Is it the season of drought? Then that is the season for showers. Is it the season of great heaviness and black clouds? Then that is the season for showers.

I thought, those both could describe my season. Drought, as I  counted out coins for bus fare--they take one dollar bills only, and they don't give change for a five.  Dark clouds could represent the effects of Steve's late-stage Alzheimer's, even though I encourage myself in the Lord through the scriptures, prayer and fellowship all day long. Nevertheless, there's no wishing this disease away.

Showers of blessing would be most welcome!

15 minutes later, I came down dressed nicely for my day, let Jada out, and awaited the 6:30 arrival of the caregiver who would shower, shave and dress Steve for his day at Care Connexxus.  I heard Steve moving around upstairs, and then noticed it was 6:40. On a day when he has to be ready for the bus' 7:45 pick-up, this was not good. I called the agency while heading up to our bedroom. The owner who was on call promised to look into it, but meanwhile, I had rather a difficulty on my hands. The two of us did make it back down, Steve took his meds and ate his banana, I laid hands on him and we joined in prayer for strength for me and ability for him to get ready today. No caregiver showed up, but Steve was fed, spiffed up and ready by 7:45, praise the Lord.

Problem was, I hadn't been able to get into my scriptures yet, nor do any journalling. My prayer partner and I were also delayed in starting. [Satan had done a fair job of trouble making for the morning, that's for sure. He doesn't care to see Christians agreeing in prayer, reading the Bible and writing as worship to God!] But I felt consoled as I remembered Jesus' example of healing the man who came into the temple with a withered hand on the Sabbath, much to the Pharisees' deadly disapproval (Matthew 12:9-15). Human need comes first!

The "best" was yet to come. About 8:15, while Steve and I were on the driveway waiting for the bus, baggie of coins in hand, I called the bus service. Steve wasn't on the roster for today! WHAT? I've been scheduling Wednesdays and Fridays for at least a month, now that he enjoys going. Since no changes could be made, I quickly got next week lined up while on the phone with them. Steve and I did a few outside tasks before he continued in the backyard with Jada and I had my devotions inside. I also got the chance to pray with Cara for each other's day and needs. Despite all the obstacles the devil had thrown at me, I encouraged her with Ezekiel's "showers of blessings" that we should both expect today, and did eventually experience, per our text updates this evening!

As I reflect back on my day that was filled with Christian fellowship--the two caregivers and both customers I interacted with are active, strong believers-- I can't complain! For God proved His word (Deuteronomy 33:25) true once again:

As your days, so shall your strength be.