New revelations about the two of us

8:50 p.m. Today's project was to make a few discoveries about Steve and about myself!

This morning, one of the caregivers who normally helps Steve with his shower and grooming was a no-show. Bad day for that, because Steve had to be ready earlier than usual to catch the bus to Care Connexxus. So amazingly, thank You, Lord, I got him all squared away, with the exception of having him shave himself. (The guys use our MK Men's shave foam and give him a very good razor shave, but the electric shaver was an okay alternative because Steve could do it himself while I got his toast and devotions going). My own devotions were delayed some, but as Steve contentedly waited for the bus to get him, I was able to get caught up. The morning went well, against the odds! As Jonathan said before he and his armor bearer won a skirmish against a large Philistine force in I Samuel 14:6,

For nothing restrains the LORD from saving by many or by few.

Or in my case, caring by calm, trained professionals or by a hurried, clumsy spouse!

I was able to take care of some of my business calls, complete my online bill pays and head off to a desperately needed hair appointment. It began 30 minutes late, and I was worried about not getting home in time for Steve's return on the bus at 2 p.m. Plans to meet friends for a birthday get-together at Mimi's went out the window, but as Irene worked well and speedily, I relaxed and she did, too. There was a lot of funny conversation in the salon, and everybody's good humor was infectious.

A disappointing facial cancellation and smaller than expected 2011 tax report on my royalties from Tate Publishing bothered me more than they should have, because cancellations are not rare; and I've sold quite a few books outright for full price. But the Lord the Spirit showed me something about why less-than-happy developments bother me unreasonably. And it is unreasonable to be deeply bothered by things that are not out of the norm at all.

Appointments cancel. (Reschedule them).
New authors need time to build their readership. (Write the next book).

One facet of my personality is that I expect to excel at everything I do, which is outright impossible, because everything I do, in the home and out of the home, involves other people and their free choices whether or not to "get on board." One thing we learn in Mary Kay is that we can't be another person's motivation. [Come to think of it, a high school counselor advised me of the same thing many years ago when one of my sons was struggling]. In our unit we also are reminded that God will bring the right women to us at the right time--we need only be prayerful and work hard. If God's given us a goal, He'll work with us and for us!

I realized and believe that the overarching issue that presents itself as angst over relatively small matters is Steve's dreadful illness, and the new discoveries about his inabilities that I make every day. When did he become unable to cup his hands normally (so as to take a few small pills), instead of twisted around as if he had severe arthritis? (Which he does not.)When did he become afraid of sitting down--anywhere, any surface, any height? While we were sitting at my book signing table this afternoon, I said, "Let's play 'rock, paper, scissors,' " to pass the time after we ate our meal. Of course I explained the game several times, and he got that, but could not change his hand position from flat to a ball in any kind of time, and could not form the scissors shape at all. Just when did this happen?

When you are gravely worried and in the process of making critical decisions about your spouse, children or parents, you can still experience joy and fun, but it doesn't take much more than a commonplace, tiny incident that has nothing to do with your loved one's illness to taint your peace. Not destroy it, because Jesus promised in John 14:27,

Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. 

I pray Philippians 4:7 over all believers who are struggling or sorrowing tonight, that "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."