A life of my own

9:52 p.m. Today's project was to be of minimal assistance to my son-in-law while he organized and decluttered the garage. Nick would occasionally ask me about a collection of books, or old campaign clippings and literature, and even a huge bubble wand, and I'd say "save" or "toss" or "garage-sale" it.

Most of my time today was taken up with listening to Bible studies on the radio while contacting customers for Mary Kay facial and party bookings. In the midst of this, I shredded some decades-old docs and sorted and cleared out my business' income tax files. In my own little way, I am following the book my blogger friend Carol gave me, The House that Cleans Itself by Mindy Starns Clark. The release of clutter and removal of mountains of paper causes a very restful condition. I then went to see Steve, but found him napping in his room, so I just stood there and prayed for him a while, and drove over to Vons to pick up plenty of butter, whipped cream, eggs and cream cheese for the run-up to Thanksgiving. It's the sides, dessert ingredients and odds ' ends that have me running into  Vons twice in the same day, on the day before the day before Thanksgiving most years. Trying to be a little more savvy this time! Proverbs 14:1 says,

A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands.

So along with my daughter Heidi, I'll build a wonderful Thanksgiving meal--or a full day, really--for all family members who are able to join us. Some years we have over 20 people, but never less than 10. I LOVE IT!

A friend, Charise,  asked me on email the other day how I'm doing, and here's what I wrote her:

"It's been daily seeing Steve that keeps me praying and doing what God wants me to help him with--calming him when he's agitated, walking him around the premises [of Raincross], swinging together on the porch swing they have there, reading him verses--that's what gives me peace.  And, I realized yesterday, the Lord has helped me to form a life of my own, because Steve won't be coming home. It's taken a couple of months, but things are shaping up, and the kids have been a great help with that. I was kind of in limbo at first, but that stage is over and going forward is God's will for me, and all believers, isn't it? He holds the future, I just serve and obey!"

For the first month, I honestly didn't know how I felt, other than it was weird to live alone in a large house, and not buy bread or milk, because I don't consume them! Now, my emotional state is more well-defined. If it weren't for my Mary Kay business with its goals, inspiration, challenges and fun girl time, I would be spending more time alone, more time feeling down and lonely. Another thing that keeps me from self-pity, moping, stagnation and depression is the overwhelming responsibility for every single aspect of this house, the dogs, and for our lives.

Most of all, it is an intimate relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ that keeps me praising and rejoicing, whether at church, Home Fellowship or on my own here at home. Just because my marriage partner has changed, shall I not sing loudly and publicly to Him who changes not? Besides that, He awakens me with a fresh worship song that God puts into me when I arise, undoubtedly having sustained me through the night while I slept. Psalm 32:7 is the realization or God's promises,

You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.

Cover me, hide me, preserve and deliver me, O Lord, I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.