Great news, too many options

5:24 p.m. Today's project was to take my 82 year old dad to an appointment with his surgeon in Redlands where he resides. Daddy had undergone surgery to remove a cancerous tumor during the summer, and today he was to recieve the news as to whether the cancer had metastasized--spread--to any neighboring tissues or organs, from the report of his CTscan.

Over the last two weeks he and I had had a major controversy over my presence at the appointment. When Daddy first called me about his cancerous tumor, we were both shaken and agreed that any drastic operation would be ruled out, and he appreciated my insights as a cancer survivor. We agreed in prayer and planned to stay in touch before he made any decision.

The surprising comments began with, "You know, Dana, you don't have to go on the appointment with me." What?! Of course that idea went out the window quickly. Then he shifted to, "Well, if you want to sit in the waiting room, that's okay. I'm going to make my own decision." Who said he wasn't? I replied, "Of course the decision is yours. But you plan to go into the doctor like an abandoned senior citizen who has no one to care enough about them when they might be about to receive bad, shocking news?" Hemming and hawing followed, but variations of this argument went on.

I was really grieved, because my dad and I are close, and I absolutely encourage his independence and appropriate privacy. He does really well--keeping up on his reading, driving himself everywhere, staying very well on top of his business affairs, and very fit.

On Sunday evening, I asked for prayer from our Home Fellowship friends for the doctor appointment. Additionally, I got reassurance when dear Suzanne said, "At our office, the doctor insists that a family member accompany the patient if the matter is serious, such as surgery. Dana, you just go in!" Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." I left very encouraged and emboldened. I had already written an introductory note for the doctor and his staff, just in case Daddy remained stubborn, but was going forward in the Lord's strength to do the right thing.

I brought sub sandwiches for dinner later, was upbeat, and didn't bring up anything about the appointment. We had a good time to visit. His taking the opportunity to give me additional instructions about his living trust was not that much to my liking, since it betrayed his worry about the impending news. But I remained matter-of-fact and drove him to his appointment. We went up to the counter, I gave the receptionist my note and some sample handcreams, and the two of us sat talking and flipping through magazines, including one on modern military officers.(Daddy was in the Air Force my whole childhood).

When the door opened and "Oliver Gray" was called, Daddy gestured,"you first," and we went in! I was elated! Thank you, Lord!

The surgeon had great news: "The cancer has not spread. BUT, it could, and we have to do something." The choices include a massive surgery, or two types of less invasive surgery. We got a copy of the information, and had a lot of discussion in the car on the way back. "What about my quality of life?" was one thing Daddy brought up. He'd had to miss our son's wedding back in late September after a minor exploratory procedure. He said, "Every time they do something, you lose a little more, the repurcussions, the side effects. There's no free lunch." Would the operation add life expectancy? He's already exceeded his! He added, "I've got energy, feel great, do whatever I want, and am not in any pain--will I feel any better?" The two of us mulled over the radiology report as we ate our subs, and he'll come over soon to look up some of the more esoteric terms on WebMD.

I can say that above all, the report is good, and that's an answer to many prayers. But Daddy and I strengthened our relationship, are working together, and my dad knows I'm there for him, respecting any decision he might make. He'll take a prudent course, I am certain, including getting a second opinion.

We also agreed on what is most important: Christians don't make decisions based on "what might happen." That's up to God.