What's my prayer, Lord?

3:33 p.m. Today's project was to take Steve to Healthcare Imaging for a new MRI ordered by his neurologist. The last one he had showed no unusual markings in his brain, so the purpose of today's images would be to track any changes.

We checked in and I filled out the many pages of current information and medical history, because Steve has trouble writing now, coordinating his mind and his eyes with his hands. I was finished fairly quickly and he signed wherever the highlighted blanks indicated. After we sat a while, Steve went in, and I took up the novel I'd been reading. I also worked on setting up my annual mammogram, but was told I needed my doctor's order faxed over, so I'll take that up later in the week.

This morning I journalled to the Lord, "I pray today for Steve's MRI--not sure how or what to pray! Do I want confirmation of the Alzheimer's? Do I want the door opened to other diseases heretofore unconsidered? Do I want us to begin on a trial of unproven drugs and psychological treatments? Rule over my heart, Lord!"

At lunch today, Steve and I talked about this too, before we prayed together. If the brain images come back normal, then what is going on? Is his inherited form of early-onset Alzheimer's just not showing physical evidence yet? Our doctor gave Steve two new meds that are thought to lower inflammation and plaque buildup in the brain, to add to the largely ineffective Aricept and Namenda he already takes. So will we wean him off of those and the new meds, if his brain appears normal? And what would be the point of counseling, which we have tried repeatedly in the past to address Steve's issues, if the counselee doesn't remember even the most sound recommenations upon exiting the office?

Expressing our quandary to my dad today, I said it's like the old saying, "the devil you know vs. the devil you don't know!" Basically, there is no good option explaining Steve's condition. I am just making choices to manage and ease the life difficulties he is experiencing, keeping him love, encouraged, reading the Word, praying, constructively busy and positive about his daily life. Can't think of anything else a wife could be doing! His life and health are ultimately in God's hands alone.

Romans 8:26-28 assures all believers, "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His Purpose."

I rest in You!