A year of lasts

8:35 a.m. Today's project was to wake Steve up at 5:15 to get dressed for the Calvary Chapel Men's Breakfast; help him get out of our bedroom door in dawn's semi-darkness, and make sure he was able to get out of the front door when his friend Howard came to pick him up at 6:15. I know that the men will all make sure Steve is taken care of in a tactful, non-judgmental manner, because I've seen their godly solicitousness at Men's Bible study on Tuesday nights. Yet...will Steve's Alzheimer's even allow him to handle food in public in another year?

I think this will be a year of "lasts" for many activities we are now hanging onto.

Each time I work extra hard to build up the excitement for an event or activity that Steve won't remember by the next day, I think, "Should I even bother?" If that sounds mean, just think about what you hear from couples married more than five years: reminiscences. We used to reminisce, too. "Remember when you hopped up and down after eating Dijon mustard for the first time when we were newlyweds?" is one memory I used to tease Steve about, because it was rolling-on-the-floor funny. (Now, of course, he eats very spicy food without batting an eye).

These days, he doesn't even remember the house he bought when he first came to Riverside, the first home we lived in, unless I show him old album pictures. When we drive through the area off of Indiana and Tyler, he no longer says, "I wonder who lives in our old house?" or gives the area any acknowledgement at all when I ask, "Remember Vallejo Street?"And he can no longer identify the kids' individual childhood pictures in albums. He shows real appreciation and makes appropriate comments, but the goofy pictures aren't as funny when frustration threatens to overwhelm you! And I've had to learn to hold back the tears when he points to a picture of one of our kids and says, "now who's that?" Or when Heidi I were discussing the girls' birthday party dinner plans and he said, "What's the occasion?"

It's like his the memory portion of his brain has been wiped out concerning anything that took place before the prior hour. Just now, Steve came in from walking the dogs--how long will I be able to allow him to go out with them alone?--and I asked about the bath he'd given them while I was at a baby shower. The following is a very typical dialogue, of which I am generally the initiator now:

How did bath time go?

What bath time?

Didn't you give the dogs a bath?

Oh yeah! Fine, They liked it.

Yes, they love water!

Steve does a detailed, wonderful job of all that he undertakes, but more often the tools are left out on the driveway, doors are left unlocked, or internal doors are unnecessarily bolted. Sadly, the last job his late father was fired from because of Alzheimer's was as a school janitor, for leaving important security doors unlocked, and locking other doors that needed to stay open.

I don't know what path his disease will take, but what I do know is that God is greater than any gene or inherited disease--He created our minds! And He knows how every matter we are bothered by today, will end, and how He will be glorified and ourselves blessed. So I refuse to panic; I just desire to make wise choices and apply prudent safety precautions.

Steve's mid-stage Alzheimer's forgetfulness isn't necessarily limiting, because I or one of the kids, or friends drive him where he needs to go. I accompany him and help with conversation gaps at social events, and remind him of knife, fork and napkin usage, and when to be ready for transitions between activities. Since buffets can be tricky, as at Home Fellowship, I fill both of our plates and bring them back to the table. He's experiencing more physical awkwardness, plus severe difficulty in making choices. No one would object or show any impatience, but I want to be considerate of 25 other brothers and sisters lined up to "get it while it's hot!" It's the polite way to take care of Steve's meal. How long does he have before he cannot handle food carefully? I'm not sure we'll be able to attend a Home Fellowship group next year. Only the Lord knows, and what Micah 4:2 says is true:

He will teach us His ways,

And we shall walk in His paths.

Praise the Lord that Steve is able to enjoy Sunday morning worship service, especially the songs that glorify God and give hope in trials. I turn his Bible pages to the key passage so he can read along and leave it open there, because flipping to other verses Pastor John mentions would just add frustration for him and break his train of thought. I turn in my Bible and show him the words so he can follow along. And I hear from the pastor of Mens' study that even though Steve can no longer write to do his homework, he is attentive and enjoys the fellowship. Isn't that what matters?

For now, I can run errands for an hour or so, and Steve is fine at home; for longer periods a caregiver is scheduled twice a week. Is this the last year before he'll need constant supervision for safety? I'm already uncomfortable about the ladies' retreat that both Heidi and I are attending in June. Prayerfully, the other kids can come over to stay for the weekend, maybe one night each. Better get on that now!

I am very grateful that Heidi's upcoming wedding is the last our family will host--the youngest of our five is male, praise the Lord. We're praying the Lord gets Steve through his walk down the aisle with our daughter without incident. Mom won't be able to run interference for him that day! My God is able, I have no doubt, to get Steve down that aisle safely and smoothly. "He (Jesus) is able to save to the uttermost all who come to God through Him (Hebrews 7:25)," so orchestrating a 1 minute walk is infinitesimally small in comparison! Trusting in Jesus is the only way to get through the issues-- large and small--of this life.

"A prudent wife is from the LORD," Proverbs 19:14 says. Lord, let me be the prudent, loving wife that my husband needs!