Are we halfway there yet?

5:52 p.m. Today's project was to take Steve to Disneyland before our passes expire on January 7. I don't think we'll renew, because I already have concerns about our walking in crowds together in an orderly way, his ability to stay put when I need to use the restroom, and his decreasing amount of the speech and facial expressions that make companionship "companionable." I think it would be different if our grown kids had passes and we could go every now and again as a group, but they're still young and just beginning to establish the basics of own their lives.

Furthermore, I will quote Ecclesiastes 3:1 , "To everything there is a season." For us, Disneyland was a great investment in time away from home together as a couple. And we did have lots of fun laughing and goofing around, enjoying a kind of "second childhood," since we hadn't been to the Magic Kingdom in over a decade and never had been to California Adventure. But the effort to keep our time stress-free and relaxing is now--stressful. A lot happens with Alzheimer's in a year.

Finances are tight, but if Steve were more invigorated and able to take some amount of initiative, rather than me directing every aspect of the day, I might have considered a cheaper plan with a small monthly payment. But as I write this, I am exhausted. Imagine opening every single conversation, and not by choice; and never being able to switch drivers , no matter how bad traffic is on the 91 freeway after a tiring day, either. At least at home, my husband has tasks and hobbies that he can do independently, and other things we do together, like gardening, errands, pet care, and housework are comfortable routines.

Cramping my style today a bit was my neck having "snapped out" this morning, caused by a tense scene here at home last night. We had enjoyed a good day, with Steve having his caregiver over while I went to Bible study. In the evening, we went to church for his Men's Bible study and my Piecemakers meeting. At home later on, Heidi and I were relaxing in the family room watching a tv program and visiting, having invited Steve to sit down several times to no avail, when I looked up to see Steve with a flashlight, peering into the Christmas tree! We had removed the ornaments earlier in the afternoon, and I'd cautioned him twice about removing the string of lights, because of the tree being so prone to topple. "We are going to take it down Thursday, and you can chop it up outside in time to set out for Friday green waste pickup." He agreed each time and went to find something else to do. To my mind, that meant that the matter was dropped, but was I ever wrong!

My words apparently didn't register, because when Steve didn't answer my question about the flashlight, I went over to see what on earth was going on. I almost screamed, but thankfully, the Lord kept my vocal register down. There on the floor were branches he had been cutting inside the house, piled onto the carpet! And he had some yard clippers in his hand! "When do you ever cut up a tree in the house?!" I demanded to know. "You've always taken the tree outside, and cut it up for collection, every year for 29 years! And who would be doing this kind of thing at night?"

He had a strangely defiant look on his face, like a child who is mad he got caught. "I thought I'd start cutting it up." "In the living room? At night?" He had also untied the tree and knocked loose the board that was propping it up, so it now leaned precariously against the stairs!

When imentioned that I might need to put away the sharp tools, he stood by the door and stated, "If my tools are gone, I'll leave. " "Don't worry," I replied, "Someone will come and bring you home."

He settled down, but I was tense and shaken as he said, "I just have to keep busy, keep moving." As he headed upstairs to bed, I asked for prayer from my faithful Facebook friends without giving details, and then texted four of my kids for prayer, and blessedly received some compassionate but helpful safety advice. Looks like the plan I made with my dad to begin removing dangerous tools from our garage will need to be set in motion as soon as tomorrow when Daddy comes over to help Steve remove and cut up the tree.

"The prudent considers well his steps," Proverbs 14: 15b says. Well, it's time for majorly prudent steps! I need to keep Steve and our home safe, period. This is a responsibility I'm called to by the Lord as the wife of a dsiabled husband, and as the way to honor the vows we said in 1981.

"In sickness and in health."

The abundance of literature and scientific research I have on Steve's disease sets forth three stages: early, middle and late Alzheimer's. I think we are in the middle stage now, and even a very high dose of Aricept (23 mg) isn't helping. Symptoms include, and I am noticing:

Asking the same questions over again
Telling the same story over and over
Talking but words don't make much sense
Fidgeting with things
Walking around the house all the time
Fidgeting and acting nervous late in the day
Becoming easily upset and arguing about regular tasks

This list is taken from Coach Broyles' Playbook for Alzheimer's Caregivers, A Practical Tips Guide. Coach Frank Broyles, Athletic Director of the Arkansas Razorbacks, has put together a thoroughly researched but LOVING guide based on his years of caring for his beautiful wife. He emphasized forming a team of help and sharing in the care of your loved one with AD.

Lord, thank you that I too have a dedicated team of prayer warriors, children, friends, doctors, pastors and believing professional caregivers who are here for me, for Steve, and for our family. May Your will be done! In Jesus' Name, Amen.