Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Not a widow yet

9:41 p.m. Today's project is to openly mention something that's been seriously hurting me this Christmas season 2012.

In the last week, I've received 5 Christmas cards. One was addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. Steve Kruckenberg" (the proper greeting); one was addressed to "The Kruckenberg Family, " also correct.  The other three were addressed to "Ms Dana Kruckenberg," (unacceptable to this married woman!);  "Mrs. Dana Kruckenberg," (somewhat better); and "Dana Kruckenberg," (sounds like a single woman, also unacceptable, but probably in keeping with the informality of this generation).

I sign my return cards, "Steve and Dana Kruckenberg."

In God's eyes, and in mine, Steve and I will be married until one of us goes to be with the Lord, and is there any guarantee he'll die first? I'm four years older than he is. And not one of us is given a guarantee of  another day.

Think of it this way: a husband is in a hospital or a rehab facility for an extended period of time. He doesn't live at home, and may never return there. Does anyone act as if the spouse still at home is a widow? Of course not. And even though one person is left to make all of the decisions, like I am, people would still address her in person or in writing as "Mrs."

Why is it that some are rushing my husband's life to its finality in their minds? His body is strong and healthy, and despite one setback this week, he's eating and sleeping well. Steve is not dead yet!

I'm just asking for some consideration in this dificult time of transition from an active marriage relationship to a marriage where we can no longer spend the day together or have conversations.

But we are still married!


  1. Absolutely! We have a commitment and are married! Yet I find that people do not know how to deal with our husbands' Alzheimer's. It's almost as if Alzheimer's has the stigma that divorce had in some circles. The stress is enough for us and maybe we have to educate people that we are still a couple. I keep learning from your journey.

    Speaking of stress, Dana, go over to my blog, girlfriend. I was in the hospital for the second time recently! I am blogging almost as much as you do these days, but glad to see you don't feel driven to blog every day.

    Hugs and prayers,

    1. Hi Carol, I will see what's been going on. And posting on this blog is a work of the Holy Spirit--if He calls me once again to post daily, I will--there's no other choice but to obey Him! Praying you will recover completely, especially for Christmas!
      Much love,