Post-whirlwind blessings

5:05 p.m. Today's project was to see our youngest son Steve and his girlfriend Kathy off to Long Beach to visit with his older brother Kriss, his wife Marisela, and their new son Clark. Additionally, they planned to visit the Long Beach Aquarium.

The house was in pretty good disarray as soon as Steven arrived. He had a huge pile of laundry and a gym clothes, and regular clothes.  Kathy, coming from her parents' house in Bakersfield, had clothes for visiting and gym clothes. They arrived a little after 8 p.m., so it was really stretching to keep Steve awake almost an hour after his regular bedtime. Then the rush was really on! Steven and Kathy had to go out to get special foods for their very specialized healthy diet, so they went downhill to Ralphs grocery while I put Steve to bed. They then blessed  me with the lovely Mother's Day gift shown here!

Speaking of beds, that took some finagling. Our renter has one spare room, and Kathy was assigned to the other extra bedroom. Steven took to the family room couch and somehow ended up in the living room by morning. Steve was up at 5,, but I managed to turn over and grab another half an hour after he got back into bed. As my morning routine went on with devotions and wrapping up my last lesson of this year's church Bible study, I planned which questions to ask my group tomorrow.

At the top of Steven and Kathy's agenda for today after a 100% healthy breakfast was a strenuous workout. The are both personal trainers, in addition to full-time pre-med university courses, the Fresno Pacific soccer team practices and games for her; and full-time work, high school mentoring ministry and bodybuilding for Steven. Next stop for him, after a few more classes, will be chiropractic school.

I'm sure glad it's them and not me--the J.O.B. days are over for me! Having my own Mary Kay business is challenging, but I set the challenges with God's direction--so much more rewarding. (And flexible for visiting kids)!  Once Steve got on his bus, I had prayer with my friend, and Steven and Kathy went to the gym and then on to Long Beach I could get to work booking appointments for the week.  The whirlwind suddenly lifted from my house and moved west! But at least I had 15 hours to enjoy the kids.

My times are in Your hand, Psalm 31:15a reminded me, so I got to work, mindful of my 5-hour time limit before Steve's bus dropped him off at home by 2 or 2:30. I so enjoy talking and texting with old and new girlfriends to bless and encourage one another and just enjoy each other's company. In between series of calls, completing a challenge from my director Laurie, I watered our slope and the planter near our walkway, and made an arrangement with our lawn people to re-seed a small portion of our front yard. Then I informed the kids that I would like a medium-length garden hose for Mother's Day to replace the old dried and kinked one I deal with in the front yard now. "No jewelry or purses," I texted them. "I win those every month!" So that should make for a low-cost shared gift expense for next Sunday. Guess my blood runs green!! Love it! Remember God's first job assignment to Adam, Genesis 2:15:

Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep [cultivate] it.

Enough of that fresh air and sunshine and petting Jada on the patio, and it was back to work, this time on e-notifications for party hostesses for Saturday.  I received a text from my prayer partner that her request from this morning had been answered and was able to text-rejoice with her (and ask her if she had a particular shade of foundation I can borrow in exchange for some eyeshadow samples she needs from me)! A late lunch and more planning calls took up the time until Steve's bus arrived. I got him ready and we left for errands.

At my optometrist's office complex, we got a prime 5-7 minute limit parking spot, so I ran in for my next package of contact lenses, having been blessed with collecting rent money this morning, figuring on $46.  And hallelujah, as I pulled out my $100 bill rent payment, my optician friend told me, "There's no charge! They're trial lenses and they're free!!" Woot Woot! I left the office loudly rejoicing, and the other patients were laughing, too. That money went into the bank, and a 10th of it will be given to the Lord this Sunday. God has been blessing us with wonderful help and savings of our precious resources in the last months and I give Him the glory for being true to His word in Malachi 3:10:

"Bring the tithes into the
  storehouse,
And try me now in this,"
Says the LORD of hosts.
"If I will not open to you the
  windows of heaven
And pour out for you such
  blessing
That there will not be room
  enough to receive it."

My heart is definitely overflowing!!

Nice little surprise

3:01 p.m. Today's project was to take communion with my husband of 31 years at Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley. Whether communion was served at a home Bible study, like the one where we met and first broke bread together face to face; or Sundays without count for 22 years at Harvest Christian Fellowship; or at men's or women's Bible studies, it's a part of obedience to the Lord Jesus that is not to be missed or taken lightly. The Apostle Paul describes the Lord Jesus' command given during what we refer to as the Last Supper, in I Corinthians 11:23-26.

  The Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, "Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me." In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me."
  For as often as you eat this bread or drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death till He comes.

I have been extremely nervous about first-Sunday communion for the last 4 months, to the point of secretly wishing we could just stay home as Steve's shaking and general physical instability began to make the mere passing of the elements risky. (Notice the silliness of thinking I can hide my "secret" thoughts from God)!  I was very much encouraged by my friend, and also by praying with Steve on the way to church. So I strengthened myself in the Lord and we went into the service.

As the moment for communion came, I had Steve remove his gum and I rolled that in a wrapper, to cut down on confusion when the elements were passed. On came the cracker pieces, and since I have been in the habit, I took two small ones and prepared to pass the tray to the right, past Steve to the gal next to him. BUT: HE ACTUALLY TOOK A PIECE FOR HIMSELF!!! Praise the Lord, he fumblingly did it for himself, took a small piece and held onto it, so focused, so proud of his accomplishment. And I, the gluten-intolerant one, had to surreptitiously eat two pieces.

The cups I did take two of and hold, pouring 80% of his into mine so he could drink his tiny sip in the same period of time as the rest of us drink our fuller cups. He took that sip seriously and in good time with the rest of the congregation.

As much as I would love to give my full concentration to the sermon and the communion service and to what Christ has done for me, I have been called to go through a season of concentration on making it possible to take Steve to a place he loves--church--and make sure he can participate as much as possible. With much prayer being lifted up for us, I have a peace about where we're at right now. I just do. This peace is truly "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding," guarding my heart and mind through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7).

I already have a peace about caring for my husband, but my loving Lord went ahead and made my day with that nice little communion cracker surprise!

EARLY Day 1

7:00 p.m. Today's project was to try the new plan for keeping Steve comfortable and at ease upon awakening, which he has been doing much earlier this week. I changed the morning caregivng hours from 6:30-8:30 to 5:00-8:30, so as to help Steve take care of his needs appropriately.

The plan, which had some sticky points, had to be prayed over and carefully implemented. I had to trust what God said in Psalm 32:8:

I will instruct you and teach you
  in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.

We couldn't take a chance of the dog barking from the garage, or Steve being awakened super early for no good reason. With the caregivers, I discussed a silent arrival, and then their quietly being "stationed" where they could hear his slightest stirring, and then escort him to the bathrooom. Then just like I did yesterday morning at 5:30, Steve would then be helped back into bed until 6:30 or even 7:00 on weekends.

It worked fine! Steve had a good morning and a fun day out to lunch and at the dog park with his caregiver while I hosted customers as usual for "Muffins & Makeovers" in the dining room.

Just like that young bald eagle on watch high above Yellowstone  National Park, a caregiver of a mentally helpless, but physically active loved one must be vigilant, always ready to seek a new approach, technique, or resource for ever-changing needs. Not only are there health issues to stay on top of, but with the stumbling, shaking and staggering a late-stage dementia victim does, there is danger whenever they take a step, a set, get in or out of the car, and even when they lift a cup, plate or bowl. (Doesn't matter if the worry is breaking something or  spilling and making a giant mess, they have to be monitored constantly)! Vigilance and physical intervention such as parents exercise with young children is the order of the day for a dementia caregiver.

God calls all believers to vigilance, and the active component diligence, in many areas of life. A few examples:

You shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, His testimonies, and His statutes which He has commanded you (Deuteronomy 6:17).

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23).

Be sober, be vigilant; for your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (I Peter 5:8).

Give diligence to make your calling and election sure, for if you do these things, you will never stumble (I Peter 1:10).

Therefore, beloved, looking forward to these things [new heaven and a new earth, v.13], be diligent to be found in Him in peace, without spot and blameless (II Peter 3:14).

Vigilance, diligence--as well as perseverance in trial-- are all character traits I have learned to practice afresh and with more urgency in the last year than in all of my prior 31 years of walking with the Lord, studying His word and serving Him. But never have I felt the Lord's moment-by-moment guidance so strongly either...

Jesus be praised! To Him be the glory forever and ever, amen.

Beauty does beautiful things

8:40 p.m. Today's project was to stop over my friend and fellow Bible study leader Helen's home to pick up the home-hospital equipment that she'd offered to give me. Her 43-year-old daughter Heather has late-stage MS, and has had to be moved to a medical facility. heater openly gives the glory to the Lord for her life, and knows that He is allowing it for a reason--she is a strong witness to God's grace!

My visit with Helen was in the midst of my very busy business day, starting with a sale and customer follow-up at the beauty salon, and newly-browned hair to boot! Later, I was set to help a lovely young believer with her skin issues. My business is so gratifying, helping women to feel as beautiful on the outside as God sees them on the inside!

For lunch on the road, I opened up my lunch sack and gobbled some freshly made egg salad ( 4 riced boiled eggs, Lighthouse cilantro dressing, mayo, a couple of tablespoons fresh buttermilk ranch dressing, salt and freshly ground pepper), chased by blueberries and spicy almonds, and pulled into Helen's driveway. On the way, I'd been enjoying Chuck Smith's radio message on the concept of James 4:17:            

To him knows to do good and does it not, to him it is sin.  


Helen "did good" for me in so many ways this afternoon. She enjoyed a quick facial, during which she shared with me about her late husband and her own death and revival experience. A number of years ago, she flat-lined and did spend a moment(earth time) in heaven. She told me, "I felt the greatest peace I'd ever known. And when I'd come back to life, one nurse told me she hoped she hadn't broken my ribs because she was on top of me doing CPR!" Helen hadn't realized she'd flat-lined and had no way of knowing how long she was in the Lord's presence.  Incredible...

Helen very gently drew me out to talk about some of the issues with Steve, and somehow I felt led to share with her the panic I'm already in because of communion that will be served this Sunday (first of every month). Even though the ushers help me as well as they can, waiting  patiently for me to grasp two cups before they take away the drink tray from my lap, I always have a worry of dropping the heavy tray myself, or Steve just jerking out of his sleep and knocking it over. Helen said, when I also expressed worry that Steve doesn't get his hand up to his mouth quickly enough to drink before the cups get collected and the service ends. I love Helen for this that she said: "Dana, who cares? Just toss away the cups later! More people are admiring you for bringing Steve to church instead of institutionalizing him!" I was dumbfounded, and just said, "That's just what we do--go to church! I guess until I can't place him in the car any more or if he refuses to use a wheelchair later on, then he'll have to stay home."

We ended our visit with a trip to her "hospital closet" for bottles of waterless shampoo and body wash for later on, and bless the Lord, medical gloves for the caregivers and me to use! And unbelievable: a large plastic trash bag full of diapers!!! Do you know how much money that saves me? Then, the piece d' resistance: a bedside commode for times when Steve just can't get out of bed easily or walk quickly enough to the bathroom 10 feet away. We'll have to get him to accept that, though. Diaper liners, waterproof bed sheets, mattress protectors--Helen has everything, and was only too happy to give away anything I can use.

Lord, let me use these items for Your glory and for Steve's comfort! And may I even be able to pass them on one day! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Regretful first

12:25 p.m. Today's project was to go to the National Day of Prayer observance at Harvest Christian Fellowship in progress as I write this. For the second year in a row, I decided against attending the evening event at our church because of our availability in the daytime (and the interactive nature of the evening event, which would be very confusing and impossible for Steve).

 A lot has happened to us in the last year that had a bearing on my decision not to attend. Last year, we parked toward the rear of the Harvest parking lot and walked quite well into the sanctuary, and Steve remembered and greeted a few old friends. He was able to know where we were and what was happening, to talk, and pray along. My thought had been to pick up Steve early from his daycare center, and then drive the short distance up to the church. The long walk through the parking lot, while painfully manageable, might be avoided by scoring a handicapped spot, a major accomplishment at a church whose memberships measures in the multiple thousands. That goal would call for Steve missing the lunch served every day at Care Connexxus, because we'd need to arrive an hour early. Steve has gotten into such a positive routine now at the center, that an early pick-up would cause confusion and possibly resistance...so that idea was not looking productive. We'd probably lose any time I thought to gain by the slowness of check-out procedures, and his very stumbling walking pace. Attending by myself this evening might work, if I can get back from my Redlands meeting on time. Steve's care is already in place for the night.

 As I journalled this morning, I realized that I could join the millions praying on the East Coast praying at the same time. Our nation is in dire conditiuon, with sin rampant and approved of in the media; biblical family structures mocked; and governmental oppression that threatens to shatter our constitutional rights. Christians are painted as villains and enemies instead of guardians of our religious freedoms, especially in the manner in which we raise our children. National Day of Prayer is a blessed remembrance of what God told King Solomon in II Chronicles 7:14: "If my people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Lord, please heal this broken, fallen-down land!

Clarkstown

9:47 p.m. Today's project was to visit my son Kriss and his wife Marisela, but mainly my grandbaby Clark. I'd brought a team member back from our Wednesday Morning Makeover meeting in Redlands, taken a teensy nap, enjoyed a quick lunch of homemade Spicy Sausage/Mozzarella/Marinara soup, swigged some flavored iced coffee, and I was on my way to Long Beach.

 The three of us rocked, walked and held our precious little boy in the apartment, got him all dressed up, and took him for a walk. The homes on Ocean Boulevard are stunning beachfront properties, and the street where Kriss lives has mansions divided into cozy apartments. The area to me is a cross between Downtown Riverside and Westwood Village, for a pleasing combination of historical houses and gorgeous newer mansions. The invigorating walk was followed by naps, nursing and changing for Clark, and a lovely dinner made by the new mom.

 Satisfied that the traffic had died down, I left at 7:00 for home, and made it in a little over an hour while listening to K Wave 107.9 FM Bible studies on the radio. Pastor Ray Bentley was teaching on Jesus' acceptance of hospitality and lodging from His friends Martha, Mary and Lazarus during the feast at Jerusalem. Jesus and His disciples could have slept out on the Mount of Olives but He graciously allowed others to bless and provide for Him, God Himself. John 12:1-2 recounts, "Then six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was who had been dead, whom He raised from the dead. There they made Him a supper; and Martha served, but Lazarus was one of those who sat at the table with Him."

Pastor Ray's point was that there are times when we must drop our self-sufficiency and let others bless and uplift us. Kriss and I did run out to Vons to pick up a few supplies for the meal, but it was Marisela, like Jesus' friend Martha, who singlehandedly prepared a delicious three course meal for us all while Clark dozed in my arms. The contribution of others may not always be that of physical sustenance, but might be "a word fitly spoken" at the right time, which Proverbs 25:11 says, "is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Like the comfort I received yesterday from my friend, sometimes few words are required. But we all have soemthing to give to others--and we all have something to receive from others, too!

Parts A,B & C

9:22 p.m. Today's project was to lead my discussion group at Bible study at church. I'd lost some time earlier in the morning, because of strange ups and downs that had me tearing up in happiness, and then the opposite emotion, devastation, all in the same short hour.

Tears of joy came on as I thought about my daughter and her husband and their quiet, happy life in Redlands with their two doggies, embarking on the hunt for a house to buy in my hometown. How pleasant to be able to walk halfway across a beautiful part of town filled with Victorian homes in safety, simply to get dinner at the Olive Market, a local restaurant and caterer. Home is a real sanctuary from the demands of profession and the intensity of their joint ministry. How glorious it is the see God's perfect match for your child in tastes and temperament! God rewards those who serve Him in single contentment, and wait on His timing for the greatest blessing life here on earth holds. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD,"  Proverbs 18:22 says. (or a good husband, I would add)! Marriage is the highest and most blessed gift God has given to His children, aside from our salvation, that can be enjoyed on this earth!

Yet, what had me in tears are the spectres that hang over their heads: his impending blindness and the inherited early-onset dementia that plagues our family. There is no telling which, if any of our children will get Alzheimer's, and there may be a cure before they reach middle age. Just, in 1980 when I met Steve and his family, no one even knew that his father Lorenz' dementia was genetic. It was thought that old aluminum pans used on the farm were at fault. Lorenz died in 1984 at age 69, when Heidi was 6 months old. But there was no real assurance that Steve's and his older sister Linda's forgetfulness would become any more serious with time. He went on to enjoy a brilliant and lucrative career in the plastics industry, and we raised our family in the Lord, through good and tough times that any family will face. But we always had the promises that were first spoken to Israel from Isaiah 43:1b-3a:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed
  you;
I have called you by your name;
  You are Mine.
When you pass through the
  waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall
  not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire,
  you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your
  Savior"

Imagine the family's shock and devastation when Steve's older brother Larry began having memory problems! That sad news caused us to make financial preparations in case Steve became afflicted. Larry died at age 58! By now, the handwriting was on the wall: the Kruckenbergs are all at risk.

The counsel I give to my children is fairly simple:"Live your life to the fullest! Get your education and find a profession you love, in which you can serve God and others. You have no time to waste--don't fritter away your life!"  And they are each and every one industrious, involved in helping others, always seeking to better themselves and others, reading, studying, making good use of their time, (I think they may have had a teacher for a mom)!

Thinking about my children gave me Part A of the morning's breakdown. Then a song called "Held" came into my mind from hearing it last night on our local Chriatian station. The chorus roughly says this:

"This is what it means to be held, and to know how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive... " At first, I comfortably said to myself, thinking of my relationship with the Lord, my family, ministries, friends and my thriving Mary Kay business, "I'm not just surviving, I'm (mostly) thriving."  But then in my mind I heard again the part about "when the sacred is torn from your life," and thought, "Lord, what is more sacred than marriage?!" and allowed myself to really grasp the devastation of what has happened to us in just the last 6 months. That was morning breakdown Part B,

I struggle to make myself see the real Steve within a shell of a man who can no longer independently eat, walk, talk, stand, grasp items of any size, sit down, dress, open or close a door, hold a glass, or care for himself. At times, as we are walking (or I'm nudging him along, is more like it), I snap out of the slow and careful routine of our times together and suddenly ask the Lord, "Is this my husband?" 

Is this my husband?

My discussion group was fully attended today. Our sharing, conviction, teaching one another, was rich, and so energizing for me. We had a marvelous morning, capped off by a challenging video. I then went over to my friend Debbie's for a visit before Steve's bus would arrive back at home. Her husband and ASteve are friends and enjoyed their mutual interest in vintage cars and sandwiches at Jason's Deli. The two of us laughed, ranted and shared many topics of conversation, and were in high spirits until time for me to leave. Then came the inevitable question, after I mentioned some of the troubles Steve is having:  "How are YOU doing, Dana?" (there's no squirming out of answering because my girlfriends wait for an answer!) It was Breakdown Part C, but I felt so loved and cared for as I just cried along with her, while she held me tight and prayed for me in the tenderest way imaginable.  It was the Lord Jesus with blonde hair and a lavender sweater...a tear-stained lavender sweater.

"This is what it means to be held..."