The only safe place

2:27 p.m. Today's project was to help Steve's back to heal and nurse him through a bout with a touchy stomach.

The back ache began on Wednesday, with no known cause. His back just "went out." I helped set him up with alternating hot and cold pads, as our trainer son Steven prescribes, and that brought limited relief. He took Advil every few hours as well. Then Heidi remembered another back pain tip: lie down on your back with pillows under bent knees. Steve spent several hours resting upstairs in that position, actually sound asleep. When he got up, he was still bent over at the middle, so we went back to the heat/cold routine. Friends were joining us in prayer, too. By Thursday, he was walking a bit straighter, but not yet ready to walk his usual 2 1/2 miles up- and downhill with the dogs. Jada had made it out of her apparently-unlocked crate overnight Wednesday, gobbling some candy corn and stale cookies, so the dogs were getting stir-crazy--missing their master and howling for their 3 p.m. walk! So the Lord gave me a good idea.

The Holy Spirit is the Source of all of a believer's good ideas, creativity and plans--I am so grateful every day for His intervention and inspiration! Recall Acts 8:29, where the Spirit directs Philip to witness to an Ethiopian eunuch in the desert of Gaza. Philip came upon this high officer of Queen Candace's court reading the book of Isaiah. "Then the Spirit said to Philip, 'Go near and overtake this chariot.' " Philip obeyed, brought the man to salvation and bapatized him then and there! Then verse 39 tells us that "The Spirit of the Lord caught Philip away, so that the eunuch saw him no more, and he went on his way rejoicing."

The Holy Spirit definitely speaks to believers today, not necessarily with amazingly dramatic results, but so that we might obey God in matters large and small.

The need for Steve to get in some active interaction with the dogs was getting serious, so I took a folding chair out to the patio and placed a clean rolled up area rug for his back, and voila! He could sit and throw Jada and Bailey the ball for at least an hour. They were very excited and he got some fresh air, too. He's back out there again today!

We had another issue come up during the early morning hours today as well. I heard the beep of Steve's C-pap breathing machine turning off, so I rolled over and said, "Turn that back on, please," without even waking up, probably. He said he felt sick, so he removed the mask and went to our bathroom. But he just had a serious pain in his stomach that has tapered off somewhat today, but hasn't caused any "outpourings." I prayed and gave him some Tums along with a light breakfast of cornbread, and some slices of rye toast for lunch, but his appetite is very low. I'm hoping we can attend the Calvary Chapel Christian School's presentation of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" this evening that we've already bought tickets for.

I can't help but think that some of the stomach upset may be connected to his brother's death on Wednesday, which we haven't spent a ton of time talking about, just sporadically as his sister calls, or I show him the Facebook posts of our nephews and other family members.

Just now, I asked him if his stomach pain had to do with Larry's death, and he said, "Yes." I asked him what he was thinking about mostly, and he said, "How many weeks or months do I have left?" Ministering to my husband as best I could, I said, "What happened to Larry is very different from what your situation is with Alzheimer's. And you are four years younger. " I told him that I could relate, because when a friend who was expecting her baby at the same time as Heather was due, had a shocking placenta previa stillbirth at 8-1/2 months, for a while I thought it would happen to me, too. But God showed me He has a different plan for each of us.

I added, "What if you (or I) die in a car accident, or of cancer? It may not even be Alzheimer's that takes your life. We have to trust the Lord."

My prayer is that both of us, and our children, arrive at that place of trust, no matter what tragedies happen to our loved ones.

It's the only safe place.

Goodness abounds

4:30 p.m. Today's project was to sort through the many, but modest, gifts still in their shipping boxes in my office, along with our Christmas cards. Good thing no one comes in here but me! I'm not the best at hiding and disguising things, other than turning around the brand-name labeled boxes from one company so the name doesn't show.

The quantity of gifts goes up with each marriage we celebrate in our family! We've had a bit of a tradition with Heather's in-laws, the Loves, which has resulted in our receiving some gorgeous handmade wooden items, such as the tree topper we now use, and the cutting board and wooden fruit bowl Nick's dad John made for us. I like to give flowering plants, gift baskets or a craft item. This year, we'll include Kriss' in-laws and probably Pavel's parents in fun gifts from SHHH...The Popcorn Factory. Or should marriage be the criteria? I'll be pondering that one. Wouldn't want to be premature...

Of course the kids, their spouses and significant others are on the gift list, as is my dad, my former daughter-in-law and and Sean's boys, our grandsons. Blessedly, I expect the list to grow as our younger four kids begin to "be fruitful and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28). I love God's plan for marriage and family, especially the grandkids part!

"Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged," Proverbs 17:6 says, NLT, and I can attest to that, and definitely am looking forward to attesting some more!

We had two pleasant surprises today. This morning, my dad popped over with a condolence card for my sister-in-law Michaele for Larry's passing, and brought Steve a Deluxe McDonald's breakfast. Problem was, Steve had finished a huge bowl of oatmeal and a bagel not 30 minutes before. He wasn't hungry, but ate an English muffin. We promised my dad that Steve would have the scrambled eggs and sausage sandwich for lunch, which he did. That big breakfast proved to be the gift that kept on giving, because Steve ate the pancakes and syrup after he came in from time in the backyard with the dogs.

Finished wrapping my gifts, placed them under the tree, ate my salad, and was taking a quick nap when our son-in-law Nick called, offering to bring over Marie Callendar's soup and cornbread. Not one to turn down any freebie, I texted him to come right over. We had a nice visit, caught up on the latest, and Steve and I will enjoy a nice minestrone with excellent cornbread...Marie Callendar's is the best. And from a long-time cornbread maker, that's no small praise!

I'm reminded that part of the celebration of the Jews' deliverance in the book of Esther, commemorated to this day as the Feast of Purim, was the "giving gifts of food to each other and presents to the poor" (Esther 9:22).

I think that's a good practice for us Christians as well!

Good morning, Lord!

3:12 p.m. Today's project was to reflect on Jesus' words in John 11:25:

I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

My brother-in-law Larry died this morning at 3:49 a.m., in the presence of his wife Michaele and son David. I opened Michaele's text message when we woke up. I was unsure of how the news would affect Steve, so after he and I talked about Larry's pain and suffering ending, and his entrance into heaven, I went downstairs while he showered and wept a little bit privately.

There is no doubt that Larry, like the lame man whom Peter healed at the temple in Acts 3:8, is "walking, and leaping, and praising God," along with his mom, dad, and all of the Kruckenbergs and Spoors who put their trust in Jesus Christ before they left this life!

Those of us left behind, however, will miss him terribly. Larry was a kind and loving man, the brother I never had, actually. I realized this week, that that was what made him doubly precious to me. Additionally, only God Himself knows how many family members and friends he helped in any way he could. And his love and care for his mom and dad in their failing years was inspirational.

Our son Kriss called to check on how his dad is doing, and Heidi asked me the same while Steve was outside raking leaves. Kind friends on Facebook are concerned as well, and I don't blame them. I admit that, even knowing the Lord, the stark finality of Larry's death might cause me to be momentarily frightened--or deeply depressed--about my own life if I were Steve. But I am blessed to say that Steve is not going down that road. He is quietly staying occupied, grateful that he is doing as well as he is. And he is doing very well!

That's the power of faith in Christ--He gives us what we need when we need it!

Memorial arrangements are well underway, even prepared ahead of time because of Larry's rapidly deteriorating condition. I am sure that eulogies from family and friends will be many.

God will be glorified, as He has already been glorified, in the death of one of His choice saints!

Defeated at my own kitchen table!

3:53 p.m. Today's project was to welcome my dad over for his weekly Tuesday morning visit with Steve. Normally I'm at Bible study, so they enjoy a McDonald's Deluxe breakfast together (pancakes, sausage, scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuit and jelly, no lie!) After an emotionally strenuous day visiting his dying brother and then lightening up things for Steve at Disneyland, it was time for a day at home. That meant cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, couponing, sending a few out-of-state Christmas cards and watering the few plants I've started in the winter garden.

Daddy came over, but Steve had already eaten a big bowl of oatmeal and an onion bagel, so the two of them visited while I got dressed upstairs for the day. Steve did his backyard cleanup as usual, and my dad read the paper. When Steve came in through the sliding glass door, he was feeling funny, like he might get sick, so he went upstairs to lie down. This was odd because Steve never gets sick. Even the ratio of colds we suffer is 1 for him: 3 for me in any given year. He's my healthy hubby! I praise the Lord for his fitness and active lifestyle. (And he did recover by late afternoon!)

Daddy said, "Well, it looks like Steve won't be playing checkers today," and started to put the pieces he'd carefully placed in position on the board back into the box. I said, "Wait! I'll play you!" This was a case of "fools rush in where angels fear to tread," for sure. I couldn't even remember the rules of the game we played so often as kids. Checkers, chess, Chinese checkers, all kinds of card games--that's how we occupied ourselves as kids in the 50's and 60's. For me, the quintessential nerd, games had to be squeezed in between violin practice and chapters of books!

As we began our game, Daddy kept up a running commentary as to each of our moves, and had his strategy all set. I, on the other hand, was just moving one "man" at a time, very bad strategy, as was proven by his having a "king" within minutes. I vaguely moved a few men around the board, and jumped one or two of his pieces, but it was a rout!

I should have taken to heart Jesus' words about advance planning strategy in Luke 14:31,

What king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else when he is a long way off, sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace.

Probably would have been better to surrender to Daddy ahead of time!

There is such an extreme contrast between my very sharp 83-year-old dad and Larry passing away at 58 from Alzheimer's lesions on his brain. My dad's intellectual acumen could even be compared with Steve's, with no remembrance of what we did or said moments before, also due to Alzheimer's. But no matter what diseases we endure in this fallen world, God has a plan of salvation from all of them--heaven forevermore with Jesus. And He has provided grace for today to come through the most grievous trials with our testimony intact and peace in our hearts.

Jesus told Paul in II Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

Strengthen our family this week, Lord, and pour out your grace upon us!

The glimmer of recognition

9:11 p.m. Today's project was to visit Steve's brother Larry, who is dying in a Tustin residential care facility, of complications of Alzheimer's. I know Steve was nervous about seeing him in a bedridden state, but I told him that we won't have another chance. Larry is receiving no further medical intervention, but is expected to survive for another few days. He is coherent and knows his loved ones, but is now lying on his bed unable to move or speak. He also hasn't eaten anything for four days. He's shutting down.

During the last year Larry has expressed his readiness to go home to be with the Lord, because the struggle has just been too hard. He also doesn't want his wife and grown sons to suffer the strain of his care. That's how Larry is--loving and devoted to his family at all times, grateful that others care so much for him, whether friends or family members.

Ironically, it was Larry who stayed home with his mom to care for their dad in his decade-long battle with Alzheimer's. Steve, the younger of the two brothers, had already moved as a single guy out to Riverside to purchase a home, and their older sisters Sharon and Linda had married and moved out years before. Steve and I were married three years and had had Kriss and Heidi before their dad died of pneumonia.

Larry reminds me just now of the older brother in "It's a Wonderful Life," (Jimmy Stewart) who sacrificed his personal dreams for the rest of his siblings to live out theirs, helping his mom. Larry sacrificed, even postponing marriage, but with a joyful heart, full of the Lord's love for his family. It's hard to recall even a cross word from Larry!

I remember how Steve's family welcomed my little son Sean when the two of us married, and the great presents Larry would buy him, and his other nephews as well. He had a good career as a finish carpenter, making elegant furniture for custom homes. He was with a family-owned company for many years, until the day they had to let him go for not remembering what to do. We were heartbroken for him and Michaele and the boys.The long trial of loss began., and continues today.

Steve and Larry are only 3 years apart, and grew up sharing a room in their modest home in Old Town Orange, California. Their dad trained them in mechanical, hands-on work, whether cars, plastic injection molding machines, or woodwork. They both are craftsmen of integrity and skill.

Larry broke down and wept a few years ago when Steve began exhibiting symptoms of Alzheimer's. And Steve has been hurting for his brother through each phase of disability and life limitation.

But there was no mistaking the glimmer of recognition in Larry's watery, faded blue eyes today when he saw Steve's face! He was happy to see him, glad that we came. We prayed for him, hugged him and kissed him goodbye. His image on that bed is one I'll not soon forget.

As I work with Steve to stay healthy, active, and to continue learning, I am provided with both encouragement and discouragement, but always loving companionship. Our marriage is for life and eternity!

As my sister-in-law Michaele demonstrates, God's plan for marriage is "until death do us part."

Just when you think you've had enough...

8:27 p.m. Today's project was to take our grandsons their Christmas presents after church, but due to a miscommunication, we missed them and came on home. Their mom told me that they'll all be up here before Christmas, so that'll work.

As Steve and I pulled up at the house we couldn't help but be thrilled with the briliant reds, yellow and oranges of our Chinese Elms, so I took a few pictures before the Santa Ana winds get a chance to come in after the rain and blow the leaves right off the trees like last fall! A new Mary Kay customer came by and purchased some product, so I am grateful for that, too.

The other project I had on the docket was to assemble my Christmas village on the hutch in the dining room. We brought down boxes with a large church, a home, and a toy shop, and then the smaller buildings, trees and people. I laid down the fluffy white sparkly batting for a snowy ground and laid out my village. In the background are three pen and ink drawings I bought on the street in London--the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and Big Ben viewed from the Thames. (I was there with Calvary Chapel Moreno Valley on missions trips to Wales and England in 2003 and 2004). So I guess it is an English Christmas village! How grateful I am to have served the Lord, witnessing to young and old in a post-Christian civilization!

Isaiah 60:2b-3 speaks of the Gentiles coming to know the Lord God of Israel and be drawn to Zion. "The LORD will arise over you, and His glory shall be seen upon you. The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising." Much of this prophecy has been fulfilled in Jesus Christ, but many more nations need to be reached!

With the village project completed, I turned my attention to making a rich turkey soup with homegrown green beans and peppers, fresh carrots, onions, and pure drippings from our Thanksgiving turkey (now that we're ready to eat turkey again! We've been eating taco meat this week.) I added 3 cups water to the crockpot, peppercorns, Lawry's seasoned salt, a bay leaf, poultry seasoning and paprika. I'll add potatoes tomorrow.

Before Steve and I left for Home Fellowship, I had some difficult text messages from a friend, and really have been searching my heart, asking the Lord to "see if there be any wicked way in me" (Psalm 139:24a) and still am praying to that effect. But, it was time to leave, albeit late, but Steve and I drove despite the delay caused by the conversation.

It was lightly raining, but we took the 60 freeway east at our usual 60-65 mph. Suddenly, I saw a large mound in front of me in the carpool lane, and thought, "I'm going to run into a giant boulder!" Unbelievably, it was a Christmas tree on its stand! So I swerved moderately and came to a gradual stop in the center divider lane. A young man in a truck pulled to a stop in front of me to see how we were; he then checked the car stopped way behind us. All three of us had hit the tree--those two had hit it head-on; I had clipped the stand. But praise God, we were all right! I called 911, waited awhile, called the Home Fellowship host to have the group pray, texted my kids, and then drove on to the Reyes' house. I have some minor bumper damage, and Steve will need to tape the front passenger light fixture back on, but, aside from a hurting neck and back, we're fine! Thank the Lord for a sturdy Jeep and good tires!

I was encouraged by a text message from our second son Kriss and his wife Marisela, that they love us and were praying for us--it really lifted me up! Of course, the great fellowship, meal and time in God's Word made it a fine evening, a real slice of heaven for now. God obviously has more for Steve and me down here on earth! In II Corinthians 12:3-4 Paul talks about going to Paradise, and returning to life on earth after being dead from a stoning outside of Lystra (Acts 14:19-20).

Once I'm gone into the Presence of God, I think I'll want to stay, won't you?

But the enemy is ever active to thwart our plans to do good. Steve and I are planning to visit his dying brother Larry tomorrow morning, to read him some Bible verses and pray with him. May the Lord give us journey's mercy and good driving weather!

A brighter-than -bright light came through the door to wrap up our day of blessing--our married daughter Heather, to see how we were feeling and to find out about her Uncle Larry. She put up our "Angel Wall" in the kitchen and enjoyed some soup to ease her cold. She had been to Long Beach this morning and taken pictures for Kriss and Marisela's Christmas cards. I really enjoyed her interaction with her sister Heidi, especially on the subject of Heidi's upcoming wedding.

All in all, it was a wonderful day, reminding me of this paraphrase of I Corinthians 10:13: "God won't give you more than you can handle!"

Is it very late or very early?

6:41 p.m. Today's project was to go to bed! I was up until 1:30 a.m., unpacking, storing,washing and drying the china, goblets, tableware and napkins that I used for my table at our ladies' Christmas dinner. There were candles and food to put away, storage containers and suitcases to clean and air out as well. I hadn't even gotten home from picking up Steve at Howard's until close to 11 p.m. I thank the Lord that he had a nice evening in their home while Charlotte and I enjoyed our church event.

I spent a few minutes after my bedtime facial routine writing my praise report on our Christmas dinner in the notebook I have kept for that purpose for 23 years. I then read a tiny devotional from my Amish "Simple Life" booklet, and finally hit the sack. Steve was sleeping peacefully with his C-Pap humming along. Finally, good night-or good morning!

Ecclesiastes 5:12 says, "The sleep of a laboring man is sweet, whether he eats little or much," and that was certainly the case for me, as I didn't arise again until 9:25! Except for a dishwasher full of plates, cups and saucers to unload and put away, today was a typical Saturday, with more time for devotions, picking up groceries, RSVPs, and organizing around the house. Since I had the last of my scrambled eggs yesterday, I scrounged up leftover chicken from my Chik -Fil-A spicy chicken sandwich and microwaved it into a delicious breakfast.

While getting the tableware organized, I realized that its storage box was just too broken down to use again. So Steve found some Wel-Bond glue and we managed to glue the lining back in, weighted down with the heavy choke chain we used to get the dogs in order during training. Hours later, the box is standing on end to keep the back cover material glued onto the wood. We'll see what happens. We just might have to pop into an estate sale and see if we can buy a storage box--but not the silverware in it! (Unless it's practically a giveaway). Our prayer is that we won't have to spend ANY money!

I RSVP'd to our niece Tiffany for her little Ruby's 1st birthday party next Saturday. That will be a good opportunity for us to start the conversation about the Kruckenberg side of the family getting together for Christmas Eve. We are happy to drive into Orange--we just want to get together for our traditional dinner, treats and white elephant game! Our grown children feel especially strongly about it--that's their lifelong tradition.

But this year, Steve's brother is in the last stages of life, bedridden with Alzheimer's, unable to eat solid food, and now suffering with a lung infection that could take his life. His wife Michaele, who made the lovely manger scene above, told me today that Larry is being made comfortable, but not getting medication, according to his Do Not Resuscitate order that they decided on years ago. She urged me to get one. But I just asked Steve about it when he came in a while later, and he said that would be the way he wants things as well, if he's out of it and unable to recognize anyone or communicate in any way. I already have his signed Power of Attorney for all medical and financial decisions, and our daughter Heidi is designated to make decisions in case I go first.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to update the will I wrote a few years ago, that I keep upstairs in my bureau. Sometimes I feel like these decisions are early, since Steve is ambulatory, communicating and still fairly capable with guidance and direction; and of course I am healthy and active, already making all the decisions. Or is it too late, in case of an accident?

Rather than feel a sense of condemnation either way, I know that the Lord will lead me in my decisions as He has all along. God's leading has kept Steve as well and alert as he is right now. And more important, I am accountable to my Lord for all of my actions and motivations. My heart is perfectly assured that I will find the guidance I need in the Bible. I love the following passage from Hebrews 4:12-13, KJV:

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the diving asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in His sight; but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

Whether I am frying bacon, placing a Mary Kay order, decorating my house, or planning a visit with my beloved dying brother-in-law, I know that God will be with me, because He says in Psalm 32:8,

I will instruct you and guide you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.

That's a guarantee Steve and I can count on for this life and the one to come!