but Steve's growing confusion, lack of focus and attentiveness have made it clear that the time has come to make arrangements for what you could describe as "companionship care" for him.
I'm looking for twice a week, four-hour shifts with a licensed, bonded and trained caregiver who could be with Steve when I need to go out, keeping him directed and involved in activities he already loves: gardening, working with tools to make small repairs around the house, landscaping, and caring for our dogs. As physically fit as he is, he likes to keep moving and active. I've contacted our long-term care insurance provider, GE Capital, to start a claim, and will be arranging details with the BrightStar Riverside agency soon.
I'll utilize the time for writing, women's ministry and Bible study, not to mention running the household, helping with Heidi's wedding, making business/pension arrangements and paying bills without interruption. Whereas just a month ago, Steve needed just a bit of guidance and reminders to get started on projects that would keep him constructively occupied for most of the day, and even work on self-initiated projects as well, he now stops to ask me what to do next throughout the day, and needs me to repeat it several times. That now includes simple tasks like preparing a sandwich for lunch. I prepare notes and a schedule grid, and give very specific directions (former teacher here!) but his processing is slowing down. We both end up wasting precious time looking for his lost tools (which I have no idea where they would have been stored to begin with), and even hunting for misplaced household items I need.
A person trained in Alzheimers care who can take part in Steve's hobbies would bring him a much-needed sense of prioritizing and order without getting frustrated, like a spouse or adult child would. That's because we remember him as he really is deep down inside, and are having to learn new and unnatural strategies for communication and conversation. Incidentally, the devastating character of the information we give Steve has no effect on whether he can remember it, I've discovered. I found it shocking to be asked several times who we were going to see in the hospital, for example, when the patient is our 4 year-old great-nephew with a cancerous tumor in his stomach, little Cody Ashton.
Most of us tend to remember horrendous information much more readily than every day matters. Not so with Alzheimers! Every concept is up for grabs in the lottery of memorability. I generally have a peace about Steve, and we have a wonderful relationship as husband and wife, even if the leadership role has had to be reversed. We have hobbies we enjoy together, like gardening and fitness walking, travel, using our Disneyland passes and entertaining; we attend church and Bible studies as well. But I also know my hyper, multi-tasking , utterly logical and orderly personality well enough to arrange for help, rather than try to "be Super Woman" and become increasingly irritated with Steve for the mix-ups he causes and has no control over!
Steve needn't lack activities or attention because I have a critically busy two weeks ahead,
and he could definitely use the companionship of a helper who can enjoy his interests with him.
I am simultaneously helping our youngest with his college bills, editing my book on a deadline, arranging Heidi's engagement party details and decorations, and planning to assemble a digital wedding album for Kriss and Marisela's first anniversary gift. Oh yes, I need to assemble a breakfast casserole for our Bible study's last get-together brunch in the morning!
God knows all of these matters and responsibilities, and He knows me better than I know myself!
As David said in Psalm 139: 1-3,
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
I would strongly advise anyone who foresees taking on a caregiving role to first honestly assess your strengths and weaknesses--and ascertain at what point you will begin to need help!
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