Latest decision point on the Royal Road

2:36 p.m. Today's project for the start of my day was to figure out what time it was! After setting all of my clocks back one hour last night, then noticing that my cellphone hadn't seemed to change even though it was after 12 a.m. when I went to bed, I figured that the computer would change on its own, ditto the cellphone, and we were good for our Sunday morning drive to church. 

But somehow, the clocks were reading an hour earlier than my cellphone and computer, hmmm. Okay, Steve and I would either be on time for the 9:45 service, or get there an hour early and find something to do across the freeway at the Super Walmart.

It was quite odd, after a very rough morning that included toast being thrown onto the floor and other sad incidents, to find the clock in the car set on the correct time. I hadn't changed it, and even though the Jeep is pretty up-to-date, its clock doesn't change itself. So I tuned away from our Christian music station to LA's KNX News Radio to get the final verdict on the correct time. "9:40," the announcer said. "We're good," I said to an unfazed Steve, who was just enjoying staring out the windshield as usual.  I have to admire his unfailing trust in my judgment!

Wish I could trust the Lord as much, or at least consistently! So often, the Holy Spirit has to tap me on the shoulder and remind me, "I'm in this for You! You aren't the one doing this. This is My work!" I love to quote to myself (and should quote it more often) what God told the people through Moses during the wilderness journey:

The LORD your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, Deuteronomy 1:30a.

I was still a bit puzzled until Pastor Mark gave the congregation the reminder to set our clocks back one hour NEXT SUNDAY! Oh well, looks like I have some clocks to take down and put back up next week.

Church was difficult today, and that's putting it mildly. Singing went fine, but Steve was completely out of it during the sermon. Like every week, I put his NKJV Chuck Smith Bible open to the right page, on his lap, and then find the passage in my New Living  Translation which I enjoy following along in. Normally, Steve keeps his Bible on his own lap, but as his head kept falling down in sleep, his knees would spread out and the open Bible would head toward the floor! Sadly, we were sitting on the aisle not very far back, so I can only hope Pastor John couldn't see our constant shifting around. So now both heavy Bibles were on my lap while Steve clasped his hands together for his nap. This was so stressful and very distracting from a great message. Praise the Lord that He has gifted me with good concentration!

As Steve fell more heavily asleep, he began leaning over on me, and he is too heavy  for me to support in addition to the Bibles. So I quietly rubbed his arm, and when that didn't work, lightly poked him with a pen in his forearm so he would wake up without jerking. My neck and back were very grateful when it was time to stand up for final worship.

Today's experience helped finalize my decision to ask Pastor to come over and minister to Steve because his condition is worsening so rapidly. But what sealed it was our walk back to the Jeep, during which Steve kept pulling away from my hand and would have walked into both a pillar and a wall if I hadn't stopped and tugged him over toward me. I stopped us and talked to him about safe walking, and asked whether or not he wanted to hold my hand and walk closely together (like we've done for our 30 years of marriage).  He moved the Bibles he was carrying from the hand away from me, to the hand nearest me, so I guess he wanted to try it on his own. He began to wander off the curb. So I took his hand again, and we made it to the car. I unlocked it and opened his door to show him where to get in without calling out or drawing attention to him. We were parked with a planter to the right that was between us and the driveway.

Steve walked past the open passenger door and the planter, and directly into the "in" driveway! It's only the Lord's grace that kept a car from turning into the driveway at that point.

So now, in addition to getting Steve's blood panel done next week, and seeing the neurologist sooner than we might have, I have to figure out what kind of help I need on Sunday morning and whom to ask, or accept the fact that Steve may not be able to attend church at some   point if I cannot manage him any longer by myself.  I did email our pastor and he will be looking at coming over to visit with Steve, one-on-one, to encourage him while he can still comprehend the conversation.  

But just as the Lord tells me on so many other matters, He is going before me, and already has Steve's and my future laid out on the Royal Road to heaven!