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Monday, December 13, 2010

What made me cry?



2:38 p.m. Today's project was to drop off a flyer with my hairdresser to post for a pre-wrapped gift sale of Mary Kay products, and then go on with Steve to Winco to shop for some necessities.
Until our rent check comes in from Wyoming, provisions are pretty thin here at home, to say the least! Steve has gotten a little sick of oatmeal for breakfast, so one goal on this cash-only shopping trip was to get him some cereal. We have milk already. I also needed just a cup of sugar, but figured I'd have to buy a pound of it. Eggs, batteries and dog food rounded out the list. We prayed as we walked in for special bargains!
Just as we were headed for the baking aisle, the Lord pointed me to the bulk bins. Duh!! So I scooped up sugar for about 69 cents, a pound of generic honey nut oat cereal for $1.79, and 10 lbs of dog food that looks amazingly like the IAMs I'll buy later this week, for 33 cents a pound. Score! On to get cheap eggs, Blue Bonnet tub margarine for Heidi and Steve, and then I paid half the normal price for my fave Italian Sweet Cream coffee creamer. 4 Duracell batteries were the biggest single expenditure at $3.48, but we had none, and I'll want my camera for the gathering of the family for brother-in-law Larry's memorial tomorrow. $13.92 out the door, praise the Lord! Still have money for gas to travel to Anaheim and back.
As we walked from the margarine area to the coffee aisle, I began to tear up as I looked at Steve, complacently walking along beside me, responding to my deliberately cheerful comments, but not really talking, just nodding his head. I just was overcome suddenly, that he would even be with me in a grocery store in the middle of the day--he would have been at work 5-6 days a week the first 27 years of our marriage! Yet I don't see any grudging or discontentment during our errands--he enjoys getting away from the house and yards for a bit.
Also, we finally seem to have hit a "happy medium" walking pace in stores, between my speeding, full-focus forced march and his lagging several feet behind with me stopping and waiting for him to catch up. It's not a slow "browsing" speed, but it's not racing, either! So yes, people with Alzheimer's can still learn--at least Steve can. I held his hand with mine on the cart at one point for a few seconds, just as a reminder, and he kept up just fine from there.
Another sad impression came over me while we were at the bulk bins: a young couple carefully measuring out their food, what looked like baking ingredients. Again, it just struck me that the young man was out of work, but blessed with a thrifty wife. I then noticed several other such couples, some maybe in their forties, all of the guys well into the career decades of life. I managed to contain myself from weeping out loud until I got into the parking lot--I actually had heart palpitations.
"There just are no jobs--ablebodied men with nothing to do...it's just so sad," I cried to Steve. I prayed that God would find work for the husbands and fathers of our county, that they might enjoy the dignity of once again supporting their families.
Not wanting my melancholy mood to affect Steve, we focused on finding cheap gas for tomorrow's trip to the O.C., found a new shortcut to the Old 215 freeway, and headed home for a big bowl of honey nut oats for Steve, and a spinach and butter lettuce salad, with bacon and homemade Ranch dressing, for me. Steve checked his suit for tomorrow's service and is now out walking the dogs; I'll be making some cookies for a cookie exchange later, and packing up Christmas china and glasses for the table I'm hosting at the Widows' Might dinner Thursday. Best of all, our Steven is driving down from Fresno tomorrow to join us at the celebration of his Uncle Larry's life.
I found comfort today for the pain in my heart in Psalm 116:5-7:
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.
Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
Even in these hard times, the LORD is dealing most bountifully with His people!

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